My parents won’t talk to me anymore because I’m not married.

[Christiangal]

Hi. My parents don’t want to talk to me or see me because I’m not married with kids. I’m almost 40. It just hasn’t happened for me is all but they’re upset and just don’t want to even talk to me. What do you all think of this?  I don’t know what to think of it?  What do you think of them?

I guess my parents think that by distancing themselves it will help force me to go find someone else to fill a void  

 

 Please no cliche pep talk answers.... I’m looking for more of a straightforward opinion. Thanks. 

Edited June 4, 2018 by Christiangal
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[HikerMom]

They sound extremely childish to me.  I am so sorry for you.  You deserve better.

[Blood Bought 1953]

Childish and mean....shame on them

[BK1110]

That's a real shame.

Continue to pray for them. There's not much else you can do. Follow God's will for your life each day; if He leads you to someone, excellent. But if not and you are following Him, they should not have a problem with it.

[Christiangal]

Thanks everyone. I guess my parents think that if they stop talking to me I will sprout wings or get desperate enough to find my own family or something like that. I mean, is that crazy?  Like I mean is that unhealthy or?  Like I really don’t know. I don’t know what’s “normal.”  

[HikerMom]

No it is not normal.  It is the silent treatment.  It is mean and manipulative.  I think you should get some support on setting healthy boundaries with them.  You could visit with a counselor.  Henry Cloud has some awesome books on boundaries.   They are trying to punish or manipulate you.  As someone who has had to cut one parent completely out of my life--nine years ago--I can say that I have a perfect father in heaven even though my earthly father was abusive in many ways.  What is happening to you is emotional abuse plain and simple.  I was able to forgive, but reconciliation for me was a completely different matter.  I didn't want to always be recovering from abuse.  So I chose to cut off all contact and am so much happier to this day.  

I'm not saying that is what you need to do.  But I am saying I would think counseling would help you to see when and how you are being manipulated and help you to have support as you learn to create healthy boundaries for yourself.  Just the fact that you are asking if it is normal makes me think your parents have been violating your boundaries for a long time and you would probably benefit from talking with a Christian counselor.  It might be a blessing from God that you have not married yet.  You might have trouble recognizing who is healthy and who is not.   That is another good reason for counseling.  Sometimes when we have been mistreated then our attractions can be broken.

I am so sorry this has happened to you.  It has nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with THEM.  As BK110 said, pray for them.  And I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you have a father in heaven who loves you so much...

"Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close." Psalm 27:10

your sister in Christ, jen

Edited June 5, 2018 by HikerMom

[Christiangal]

1 hour ago, HikerMom said:

No it is not normal.  It is the silent treatment.  It is mean and manipulative.  I think you should get some support on setting healthy boundaries with them.  You could visit with a counselor.  Henry Cloud has some awesome books on boundaries.   They are trying to punish or manipulate you.  As someone who has had to cut one parent completely out of my life--nine years ago--I can say that I have a perfect father in heaven even though my earthly father was abusive in many ways.  What is happening to you is emotional abuse plain and simple.  I was able to forgive, but reconciliation for me was a completely different matter.  I didn't want to always be recovering from abuse.  So I chose to cut off all contact and am so much happier to this day.  

I'm not saying that is what you need to do.  But I am saying I would think counseling would help you to see when and how you are being manipulated and help you to have support as you learn to create healthy boundaries for yourself.  Just the fact that you are asking if it is normal makes me think your parents have been violating your boundaries for a long time and you would probably benefit from talking with a Christian counselor.  It might be a blessing from God that you have not married yet.  You might have trouble recognizing who is healthy and who is not.   That is another good reason for counseling.  Sometimes when we have been mistreated then our attractions can be broken.

I am so sorry this has happened to you.  It has nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with THEM.  As BK110 said, pray for them.  And I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you have a father in heaven who loves you so much...

"Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close." Psalm 27:10

your sister in Christ, jen

Thank you so much. This is what I was wondering. I mean I thought maybe their intentions were good or that maybe they were in fact giving me tough love that would benefit me somehow. I mean I would LOVE to be in a great relationship but it has never happened for me. And as for kids, I don’t even know how much I want kids. 

 

Everytime ( in the past), when I visited my parents they would seriously tell me that I needed to get married and have kids before I got too old.  My parents won’t even celebrate Thanksgiving with just me. They just act disappointed that I’m single and have made it clear that they will celebrate Thanksgiving when I bring home a husband and baby. 

 

On on my last visit, my Dad sternly told me that I was officially getting too old and I had about one or two more years left to find a husband and I needed to find one. My Mom would just make me promise over and over again that the next time she saw me I’d have a man. 

 

Anyway, now they just don’t talk to me and I have pretty much decided not to talk to them anymore either. I have to admit I feel relief that way. 

[HikerMom]

Christiangal,

My heart is broken for how you've been treated.  You have to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.  I don't regret not having a relationship with my father anymore.  It has brought me to a much healthier place in life.  I did go through a period of severe grieving over it.  But once I was through that, my life improved dramatically.  

Not everyone is meant to marry.  God has a plan for each of us.  Sometimes marriage is a part of it and sometimes not.  

24 minutes ago, Christiangal said:

I have pretty much decided not to talk to them anymore either. I have to admit I feel relief that way.

Forgiveness doesn't always mean reconciliation.  It was explained to me at the time I made my decision that forgiveness requires one person and, reconciliation requires two.  Unfortunately, my father refused to ever take responsibility or get help.   I hope your parents will come to their senses, but if not, God will take care of you!  Your parents are losing their greatest blessing from God...  Praying for you, sister!!  You are loved....

[MorningGlory]

4 hours ago, Christiangal said:

Thanks everyone. I guess my parents think that if they stop talking to me I will sprout wings or get desperate enough to find my own family or something like that. I mean, is that crazy?  Like I mean is that unhealthy or?  Like I really don’t know. I don’t know what’s “normal.”  

I can tell you what ISN'T and that is your parents treating you this way.  You can't change them you can only change how you react to them. Lead your life, lean on God, and trust Him to take you where He would have you go.  I will pray  for your peace with this situation. And welcome to Worthy.  ?

[Christiangal]

56 minutes ago, HikerMom said:

Christiangal,

My heart is broken for how you've been treated.  You have to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.  I don't regret not having a relationship with my father anymore.  It has brought me to a much healthier place in life.  I did go through a period of severe grieving over it.  But once I was through that, my life improved dramatically.  

Not everyone is meant to marry.  God has a plan for each of us.  Sometimes marriage is a part of it and sometimes not.  

Forgiveness doesn't always mean reconciliation.  It was explained to me at the time I made my decision that forgiveness requires one person and, reconciliation requires two.  Unfortunately, my father refused to ever take responsibility or get help.   I hope your parents will come to their senses, but if not, God will take care of you!  Your parents are losing their greatest blessing from God...  Praying for you, sister!!  You are loved....

Thank you so much!