Lonely Christian

[TechEnthusiast]

One of the main reasons that I write this is for other people who are struggling with loneliness. There is at least another person out there who understands what your going through. I have found over the years that if you have no car, money, or family. You will largely be left alone except for perhaps holidays. Church isn't really good at giving a home for single poorer people. Generally the excuses are I have a job and a family I have no time. Another one is nobody spends any time with anyone else because everyone is busy. You will get a lot of your never alone God is always with you. You may even get you have made peoples love your idol. I don't think others understand that being close to other Christians is very important. This means wayy more than 15 minutes on Sunday after the service. They don't get that its hard to grow without real and true community. I think a lot of well meaning people just want to have it all in this life. They think that just because they don't pursue millions of dollars or fame that that means that they aren't pursuing this life. Yet they spend almost 0 time with people who can't give anything to them. The real reason why singles don't go to church is there is seriously not a home for them there. There won't be many invitations to come over and hang out after church. There won't be many come hang out with us during the week. I am not saying this to depress anyone and I truly hope that you and I find a place where professing Christians will truly be our family. Don't be surprised if you encounter this. Also, don't give up God. The story of the poor man Lazarus used to really terrify me, but now it is a reminder that yes God does love me(and you)even if the church won't make us a part of their family.

[Sower]

44 minutes ago, TechEnthusiast said:

The real reason why singles don't go to church is there is seriously not a home for them there.

When each of our children reached the teenage, young adult age, with our blessing, they began going to a larger bible church that had many other young adults, with much more  young adult activities then our small church. (Doing things and activities their age group were interested in, not like us old fogies) My oldest daughter met her future husband at their church outreach and ministry to local communities. My son also met his future bride through their friends of multi church groups that would hang out together. 
For myself I have found, to have friends, I have to be friendly. It's really easy, after that first step.

[TechEnthusiast]

I go to church btw. I will say with a reasonable degree of certainty that if you are poor it is many times harder than what your saying. People expect a lot more than they even know. Often there is literally nothing you can do to get people to include you. I know that you might want to think better of people who go to church but Ill tell you its not that way. if your car was taken and your money and your vocational and social skills were all taken and then you moved I promise you it would feel impossible to find people to connect with. I know that people want to think highly of people who go to church. They are gigantic sinners that are clean on the outside.

Edited October 9, 2018 by TechEnthusiast

[walla299]

10 minutes ago, TechEnthusiast said:

 if your car was taken and your money and your vocational and social skills were all taken and then you moved I promise you it would feel impossible to find people to connect with. I know that people want to think highly of people who go to church. They are gigantic sinners that are clean on the outside.

God is sovereign. If we're in a situation its because He is using for His purposes in our life - whether we like it, agree with it, or not.

I spent many years with no car in an area that requires one if you want a decent paying job. I survived by riding the bus and working nights so I could get to work and back. Did lots of over time too because it didn't pay enough, but it was all that was available. The Lord used some difficult circumstances to show me a few things in the process. Part of that is if you can't find fellowship at a given church on Sunday or during the week (if schedule allows) then you probably need to pray and start looking at other churches. While that was going on a brother recommended getting involved in some volunteer work even if it wasn't church related, so I gave it a try.

I discovered there are lots of potential "mission fields" out the local area. I started with some nearby recovery meetings (because I'm a drug addict that Jesus cleaned up) and found some other believers at several. We made connections with others and found a few places we could all get to on the bus/mountain bike. We made our own community. There's also time at the local rescue mission. I've had people tell me the only reason they'll listen to me talk about Christ is because they see at meetings or the mission on a regular basis. That was a bit of a shock at first, until I realized they were looking for something real - because you get lied to a lot on the street. Someone who's real will stick out like a sore thumb (in a good way.)

This stuff didn't happen overnight. It took years of showing up, but God has His own schedule.

[TechEnthusiast]

thats cool ?. I am happy that that worked out for ya :D. I am also happy that there are people that you can tell about Jesus.

[Wayne222]

The church should love poor single christians like they love the lord.

[walla299]

4 hours ago, Wayne222 said:

The church should love poor single christians like they love the lord.

You're right. They should, but often they get ignored. It's no fun when you're the one who always needs a ride to some fellowship gathering at a restaurant, etc. and don't have the money either. It makes the yuppies uncomfortable. You get treated differently - because you're "different" from everyone else, and because its a reminder of what might happen to them if they miss a few too many paychecks. I get it that most have their families and all that, and that's to be expected, but these days no room is made for singles at many churches. There are exceptions to that, so its not a blanket statement. This seems to be a problem mainly in the US as I haven't really seen it all that much in other countries I've lived and worked in. The church I go to is small, but they do teach the Bible as the Word of God - but there's no hope of finding a wife there for me. I'm the only single person, except for a few of the recovery guys that come with me on occasion. That's not a complaint, that just the way things are - especially in an era when everyone seems to be absorbed in their phones/tablets/media devices.

Edited October 10, 2018 by walla299
Fixed some words. (Autocorrect is evil!) :)

[JTC]

On 10/8/2018 at 10:46 PM, TechEnthusiast said:

One of the main reasons that I write this is for other people who are struggling with loneliness. There is at least another person out there who understands what your going through. I have found over the years that if you have no car, money, or family. You will largely be left alone except for perhaps holidays. Church isn't really good at giving a home for single poorer people. Generally the excuses are I have a job and a family I have no time. Another one is nobody spends any time with anyone else because everyone is busy. You will get a lot of your never alone God is always with you. You may even get you have made peoples love your idol. I don't think others understand that being close to other Christians is very important. This means wayy more than 15 minutes on Sunday after the service. They don't get that its hard to grow without real and true community. I think a lot of well meaning people just want to have it all in this life. They think that just because they don't pursue millions of dollars or fame that that means that they aren't pursuing this life. Yet they spend almost 0 time with people who can't give anything to them. The real reason why singles don't go to church is there is seriously not a home for them there. There won't be many invitations to come over and hang out after church. There won't be many come hang out with us during the week. I am not saying this to depress anyone and I truly hope that you and I find a place where professing Christians will truly be our family. Don't be surprised if you encounter this. Also, don't give up God. The story of the poor man Lazarus used to really terrify me, but now it is a reminder that yes God does love me(and you)even if the church won't make us a part of their family.

I'm in the same boat as you. I wish we were in the same town.

[TechEnthusiast]

6 hours ago, JTC said:

I'm in the same boat as you. I wish we were in the same town.

me to0 man me too.  Even though I can't be there in real life. If you ever need someone to listen, I will do my best. 

[TechEnthusiast]

Why do church people not invite people to their houses? I remeber thinking it was because I was different than I was told no one hangs out with anyone else for months at a time?

The thing is that people who have family have a measure of company even if its not perfect. They don't seem to even get that there are so many people who desperately need company.

It is so very painful. personally i don't even ask for money or anything(apart from a ride). This is very confusing to me. How is this anything even sort of close to the new testament. They 

sold all they had and put it in a pool(not asking for this). They won't even spend some time with me. How is this Christian? I hear that its different other places, but I wonder. The reason is is American Christanity has 

spread quite a lot.