Moving in with my boyfriend

[Xethea]

48 minutes ago, Dove said:

Dating is good because it allows you to learn about the person before getting married.  Some people put up a very convincing front early on that will soon fall apart when examined over a period of time.

Just set dating aside for now and focus on getting your life together.

I did that without dating. So can anyone tell me any other reason we should date rather than not? I can give you many reasons its unwise to date.

[Figure of eighty]

2 minutes ago, Xethea said:

if you heard the story of how I was led by God to my wife, you'd know it could not have been a coincidence or a chance, it was the will of God that I was destined to marry her. No offense, but its not like meeting someone at a store, fast food place, being neighbors, etc. But much more like a drama movie of a man and woman, led by God to fight for love to be together.

That's beautiful when and if youre supposed to meet someone nothing will stand in the way. it'll just happen.

[Xethea]

47 minutes ago, other one said:

a warning for all you ladies from an old guy that is 71....    if a guy doesn't want to date without sex you should avoid him for if you should decide to marry him, as the excitement of sex wears off he very likely will stray looking for that excitement again with someone else.....    and when you've been married for 10 years or so the excitement almost always wears away slowly.

 

True. Girls tried to act sweet to me and use me for sex to have a baby since theirs died with their ex bf's. I turned all those girls down to save my virginity for my future wife. Then those ladies hated me for not doing it. Men seem to do it much more often publically, but girls seem to keep it between just one guy or two privately.

 

Dating is a huge setup for sex, to kiss, make out, have fun, etc. It becomes too much of a distraction that its mostly deceiving lovely words and touching, that you aren't really learning about their hearts in most situations of dating. I realized, I can just get to know a woman, not date her, ask her to marry me, and bam. That's what I planned, that is what happened.

[Xethea]

3 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

That's beautiful when and if youre supposed to meet someone nothing will stand in the way. it'll just happen.

oh it REALLY stood in the way, in fact, a pastor and deacons even sent my wife across the states to get her away from me and kicked me out of the chapel

[Figure of eighty]

1 minute ago, Xethea said:

oh it REALLY stood in the way, in fact, a pastor and deacons even sent my wife across the states to get her away from me and kicked me out of the chapel

Wow..why? that's just wrong

[Xethea]

54 minutes ago, Dove said:

One can set boundaries when dating.  Limiting physical interactions to hugs and kisses, only meeting in public places, spending a set amount of time together during each week, not staying out together after dark, and so on.

okay, so can you without dating. So what is really the difference? Why is there a need to date if you can do the same things and not date to find the one to marry? What is so important to date that you CANNOT do without dating?

[Xethea]

1 hour ago, Figure of eighty said:

Wow..why? that's just wrong

God told me to go there. but he wouldn't say why. I am a REALLY weird person to the entire world. When you put it all together, there isn't anyone like me in everyway. I'm not a copycat, I'm unique in many ways. Not to brag, but I grew up alone with no influences, no one to copy cat. So I made up my own style and feelings about everything. I don't view things as many others do, from this country and others. So this chapel had traditions to an extent. They say come as you are, so I came in with red contact, tattoos and my poetry to God. That year was the hardest year of my life so I was greatly angry and depressed at many things, believing I had no purpose, but trying to do the Lord's will. I was struggling to have faith there was anything in this world for me. I thought of myself as worthless. I had no friends, but countless enemies. When I went there, rumors quickly went around that I would rape women who were around my age. So they felt very uncomfortable around me. the pastor hated me wearing contacts, they thought I was trying to be a demon. but where in scripture or anywhere besides Hollywood movies do demons have red eyes? I recall God made Lucifer beautiful.

Well, half a year being there, constantly picked on and treated badly, I was going to choose to leave that chapel as I saw they only hate me and I am not getting spiritually fed. I left. and for 2 weeks, I kept hearing God in the spirit, repeating "Go back." In my room alone, I would yell and argue begging God for an explanation why I need to go back to such a place. He just said "Go back." So I cried and was very upset, I couldn't understand. So being depressed I continued to go back and the pastor made me apologize or else I am not welcome. Just 3 months after, they were going to go on another camping trip in October, so it was very cold.

The pastor really didn't want to let me go, but he was trying to forgive me. I was also homeless then, i had seizures as well, so i needed someone to drive me.

The week before the trip, i walked into the sanctuary one morning and out of 200 people, i saw my wife in the pews/long chairs, and she was standing next to a guy her age. I thought she was very beautiful, and it reminded me of the wife i wanted, but i said to myself " no what am i thinking? I've put women behind me and i need to stay fully focused on the Lord's will." At the youth group, i greeted her. not much was said then. When it was time for the trip a week later, the people who were going to take me were an old couple who have both been divorced before, and they are known for helping out there- when i opened the back door to the truck, i saw her again in the back seat to ride the whole 3 hours beside me. i was surprised of the odds that they would take me with her there. As we arrived, i pitched the tent they gave me next to their RV that she stayed in with that couple. There was a bench between the tent and RV. We sat on the bench and spoke night and day, every day on that trip. When the pastor and others noticed, in a sneaky way, they tried to take her away inviting her to do other things. But she wanted to speak to me personally about our lives and desires. My wife tells me at that time, she knew God wanted me to be with her, but i had no clue. I was just being me. On the last night, after worshipping the Lord around a campfire, I began to walk to my tent in the dark, and under the moonlight, she ran up beside me and put her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder. I only knew her for 3 days at that time. The chapel seeing that became furious. The pastor came to rebuke me in the morning with no scripture for his rebuking. We had to ride back in the same vehicle but they wanted us to be silent. A lot more happened than I've said. Once we got back, the husband of the couple hugged me, while his wife glared with hate at me. The next Sunday, they told me "don't you know you are not allowed back in here?" The pastor even came himself to kick me out. So my wife and i had to find ways to contact each other. That couple was taking care of my wife because her own family treated her badly and wouldn't help her get to college or anything. They were high class with money. So they could do it. Her friends picked her up, then me, then we got to hang out some more secretly. I gave her gifts and we talked. Later on a month later, the couple heard we were talking on the phone. Not long after, they made her decide; either she stops talking to me and they pay for her college and let her keep her job and live there in a fancy home, or you keep talking to this homeless, jobless, demonic person and we send you across the states back to your poor, abusive family.

My wife wasn't even my girlfriend, but she chose to be sent across the states. The time before they were going to drive her over there, once again we met in person at her friend's house, and for the first time, i began to realize the Lord wants me to marry her. So not knowing how long we'd be separated, I gave her the most epic kisses I don't think i can ever do again for a farewell.

She was sent away. Later, my grandmother didn't want me to stay homeless in the freezing winter, so her family for once and only once had enough mercy to let me stay and drive me to get a job.

I saved up, found an apartment, paid someone to pick her up with me, we moved in together, set a date to marry and we got married months later. Ever since, she has only made my life better overall.

She was a woman that was even better than the woman i fantasized about marrying, because i never thought such a lovely godly woman existed, and if she did, i didn't think she would want to handle being with me.

 

No dating needed whatsoever. Just hours and hours of talking and the Lord leading us along the way.

Edited February 13, 2019 by Xethea

[SIC]

On 10/22/2018 at 8:14 PM, Figure of eighty said:

I'm nervous bc my friends have tried and it's just going miserable for them. Well one...idk about the other. 

 

I love my bf A LOT. Plus I'd be going for financial reasons...as well as to get a certification. 

I'm also neverouc bc a friend of mine said God would leave me forever if I left. 

 

But home isn't the best environment for me.

I have lived with my ex girlfriend. Both of us are/were Christians. In my experience the boundaries come down one by one when you live in the same house. And before you know it you are committing sexual sin..

It is not impossible but very very hard to stay clean when you live in the same house..

Edited August 12, 2021 by SIC

[Baltika]

1 hour ago, SIC said:

I have lived with my ex girlfriend. Both of us are/were Christians. In my experience the boundaries come down one by one when you live in the same house. And before you know it you are committing sexual sin..

It is not impossible but very very hard to stay clean when you live in the same house..

Absolutely. You are absolutely right. Great Advice my friend

Baltika

[Figure of eighty]

6 hours ago, SIC said:

I have lived with my ex girlfriend. Both of us are/were Christians. In my experience the boundaries come down one by one when you live in the same house. And before you know it you are committing sexual sin..

It is not impossible but very very hard to stay clean when you live in the same house..

Very true. This thread is so old we've broken up. Just updating.