how to cope with a past..

[Figure of eighty]

For me my past ( intimiate) past is kind of eating away at me. It makes me uncomfortable and extremely insecure.

Though it may not be as bad as the norm its still enough to affect me. This is one of the main reasons I don't really 

go to church because I feel I stick out like a sore thumb, no one treats me different--everyone is cordial but it's just me in my own head judging myself amongst others. I also try to pursue higher education in hopes my degrees can cover up my mistakes or atleast soften the blow.

 

I really do wish i could erase what I did but I can't-- so how do you deal with it?

Edited August 8, 2019 by Figure of eighty

[ayin jade]

Grow as a believer and remember that He forgave you, so its time to forgive yourself of your past and let it go. 

All of us have pasts that we wish we could get rid of, not gone through, had never done .... if we were perfect then we would not need Jesus. 

Perhaps you would do well to get a mentor in church. Someone who could help you feel better about yourself and grow in Christ. Make sure its a female though since you are female.

[Figure of eighty]

1 hour ago, ayin jade said:

Grow as a believer and remember that He forgave you, so its time to forgive yourself of your past and let it go. 

All of us have pasts that we wish we could get rid of, not gone through, had never done .... if we were perfect then we would not need Jesus. 

Perhaps you would do well to get a mentor in church. Someone who could help you feel better about yourself and grow in Christ. Make sure its a female though since you are female.

Ive been considering going elsewhere church wise. I keep hearing church should be tight knit.. But the one i go to is large...after church they all just talk amongst themselves or go home. 

They dont have mentors either.. 

 

I think i should probably get a christian counselor. In church youre just a number.. 

 

I have yet to go to a church where I didnt feel lonely. They preach an amazing word but thats it. 

 

 

[HAZARD]

2 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

For me my past ( intimiate) past is kind of eating away at me. It makes me uncomfortable and extremely insecure.

Though it may not be as bad as the norm its still enough to affect me. This is one of the main reasons I don't really 

go to church because I feel I stick out like a sore thumb, no one treats me different--everyone is cordial but it's just me in my own head judging myself amongst others. I also try to pursue higher education in hopes my degrees can cover up my mistakes or atleast soften the blow.

 

I really do wish i could erase what I did but I can't-- so how do you deal with it?

If you have repented of your past to God in Jesus name, you have been forgiven. Its the Devil who wants to tear you away from God by reminding you of your past and causing you to brood over your past. Don't let him do this.

When ever these thoughts enter your mind, resist them in the Name of Jesus and thank God for forgiving you of all the sins you may have committed since reaching the age of reason until this very moment, and happily get on with your life.

James 4:7, Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 

[BeauJangles]

2 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

For me my past ( intimiate) past is kind of eating away at me. It makes me uncomfortable and extremely insecure. 

I really do wish i could erase what I did but I can't-- so how do you deal with it?

It's understandable when we have a past that's a bit spotty, sometimes it seems to loom over our heads a lot of the time. But the Lord wants us to overlook it, and understands that we can't necessarily forget it. One thing that's helpful, is to try to see ourselves as Jesus does. He has a fatherly heart, who forgives us continually. In the same instance, He also has a motherly kind of instinct, who nurtures us lovingly and forever. Some might find it difficult to comprehend that concept, but perhaps this sheds a little light on our Saviour's heart. 

Matthew 27:37  O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!  KJV 

Edited August 8, 2019 by BeauJangles

[AnOrangeCat]

35 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

Ive been considering going elsewhere church wise. I keep hearing church should be tight knit.. But the one i go to is large...after church they all just talk amongst themselves or go home. 

They dont have mentors either.. 

 

I think i should probably get a christian counselor. In church youre just a number.. 

 

I have yet to go to a church where I didnt feel lonely. They preach an amazing word but thats it. 

You're not really alone in that. Speaking as an introvert I often felt isolated in church, and some of that was completely on me. That said I do feel like a lot of churches can be impersonal, which is really unfortunate. To me churches are a place for believers to worship God, receive spiritual instruction, to give and receive support, and promote the spread of the Gospel. If a church is lacking in any of those areas then it's best to find one that does meet your needs or supplement what you get with another source. Small Bible study groups can feel more personal and interactive, if you can find one.

[Willa]

Before you leave, since they have good sermons, it might help to ask the pastor if there is  a woman's group, or if there are other small groups that meet during the week.  Often these small groups are great for mentoring and they can be very compassionate and supportive when they realize that you are earnestly seeking God.  

[BeauJangles]

3 minutes ago, AnOrangeCat said:

To me churches are a place for believers to worship God, receive spiritual instruction, to give and receive support, and promote the spread of the Gospel.

Extremely well stated, but so very few churches fulfill each of them well. Most are lacking in one or more of these qualities. 

[JohnD]

2 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

For me my past ( intimiate) past is kind of eating away at me. It makes me uncomfortable and extremely insecure.

Though it may not be as bad as the norm its still enough to affect me. This is one of the main reasons I don't really 

go to church because I feel I stick out like a sore thumb, no one treats me different--everyone is cordial but it's just me in my own head judging myself amongst others. I also try to pursue higher education in hopes my degrees can cover up my mistakes or atleast soften the blow.

 

I really do wish i could erase what I did but I can't-- so how do you deal with it?

The same way everyone deals with it (including those you are worried about judging you), for we all have past sins we find hard to forgive ourselves for...

Give it to God and trust him that he can take care of it.

You'll drive yourself insane trying to carry these kinds of burdens on your own.

Anyone would.

[enoob57]

3 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

For me my past ( intimiate) past is kind of eating away at me. It makes me uncomfortable and extremely insecure.

Though it may not be as bad as the norm its still enough to affect me. This is one of the main reasons I don't really 

go to church because I feel I stick out like a sore thumb, no one treats me different--everyone is cordial but it's just me in my own head judging myself amongst others. I also try to pursue higher education in hopes my degrees can cover up my mistakes or atleast soften the blow.

 

I really do wish i could erase what I did but I can't-- so how do you deal with it?

It's a bad place to be in you are ignoring God Who says

Col 2:11-15

11 In whom also ye are circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, in putting off the body of the sins of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ:

12 Buried with him in baptism, wherein also ye are risen with him through the faith of the operation of God, who hath raised him from the dead.

13 And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses;

14 Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross;

15 And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it.
KJV