Jessicat86 Posted May 20, 2020 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 3 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/20/2020 Status: Offline Share Posted May 20, 2020 Hi everyone. Really needing some advice on what to do about my nephew. I live with my parents and my sister and my nephew who is almost four. My sister and nephew have lived with us since he was 17 months old. So he's grown up around mostly adults but he has gone to preschool the past couple years. We all have different parenting styles in the house and we've not all been consistent in disciplining or correcting him . And he's extremely emotional and conflicted like his mom. Recently he told my mom (his grandma) whom he loves very much "I want you to be sick" out of the blue, nothing leading up to it, nothing to make him upset just matter of factly. Now my mom's response was to calmly ask him why but of course he didn't answer. I know the tendency is to just say he's young but there have been other things that just make this worrisome. When he was frustrated he would point his finger at us like a gun and make the shooting sound. Now we have got him to stop doing that at least. It seems like he struggles with anxiety, he does not want to be wrong and will argue with a brick wall. I'm just wondering if he needs some kind of emotional therapy because I just don't see this as normal 4-year-old behavior. What would anybody do in this situation to keep it from getting worse? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debp Posted May 21, 2020 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 52 Topic Count: 1,020 Topics Per Day: 0.15 Content Count: 12,314 Content Per Day: 1.80 Reputation: 16,368 Days Won: 92 Joined: 07/19/2005 Status: Online Share Posted May 21, 2020 16 hours ago, Jessicat86 said: Hi everyone. Really needing some advice on what to do about my nephew. I live with my parents and my sister and my nephew who is almost four. My sister and nephew have lived with us since he was 17 months old. So he's grown up around mostly adults but he has gone to preschool the past couple years. We all have different parenting styles in the house and we've not all been consistent in disciplining or correcting him . And he's extremely emotional and conflicted like his mom. Recently he told my mom (his grandma) whom he loves very much "I want you to be sick" out of the blue, nothing leading up to it, nothing to make him upset just matter of factly. Now my mom's response was to calmly ask him why but of course he didn't answer. I know the tendency is to just say he's young but there have been other things that just make this worrisome. When he was frustrated he would point his finger at us like a gun and make the shooting sound. Now we have got him to stop doing that at least. It seems like he struggles with anxiety, he does not want to be wrong and will argue with a brick wall. I'm just wondering if he needs some kind of emotional therapy because I just don't see this as normal 4-year-old behavior. What would anybody do in this situation to keep it from getting worse? The next time he says or does something like you described above, maybe say something that might help him to feel some compassion. If he says he wants you sick...maybe say "Well I don't want you to be sick because I love you.  Do you love me?" About the gun thing, as DDisconnect mentioned, is he watching shows or games with guns? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOrangeCat Posted May 21, 2020 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 57 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,405 Content Per Day: 0.27 Reputation: 1,825 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/24/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted May 21, 2020 2 hours ago, Debp said: If he says he wants you sick...maybe say "Well I don't want you to be sick because I love you.  Do you love me?" About the gun thing, as DDisconnect mentioned, is he watching shows or games with guns? This seems like a really solid idea. So far as the rest goes any child needs consistency in their discipline. It's really important. I think all of us can remember being kids and one of our parents was less stern than the other and we'd use that to our advantage, or try to. 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessicat86 Posted May 21, 2020 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 3 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/20/2020 Status: Offline Author Share Posted May 21, 2020 He doesn't watch shows with guns however, my dad hunts so he's fascinated by all that. My mom said she did mention to him that she doesn't want him sick because she loves him. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted May 21, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 539 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 32,782 Content Per Day: 5.03 Reputation: 23,463 Days Won: 223 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Online Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted May 21, 2020 Schools here banned guns for play, kids made them from lego or fingers ..it is wired into our dna to be aggressors ( from out hunting days when it was kill animals to eat or die ) I don't know of many ( if any ) child that hasn't played good guys/bad guys cops /robbers cowboys/Indians at some stage of their life and not many go on to be murderous phycos I am told by my mother ( who still at the age of 90 finds it hilarious ) that as a very young child one of my grandmothers asked me what I wanted for Christmas.. I apparently told her I wanted a gun and when asked why I supposedly told her I had too many grandmothers and wanted to shoot her  I loved my nana till the day she dies so I don't think I was actually being evil there Very young children explore their world both physically and verbally without any real understanding of what consequences go with actions ( how many times have we heard about a child being killed whilst playing with things they shouldn't or friend/siblings that have shot each other )  Children watch tv or films and people /characters get killed then they watch the same film again and the characters are back to life so the consequences don't matter in their minds  I agree with what Deb says about talking to hi about what he says in a loving and calm way but don't dwell on it as it is NOT a sign that he is on his way to a life of crime.  I have 4 children , 2 step children 11 grandchildren and two great grandchildren as well as over a quarter of a century teaching experience and I can count on the fingers of one hand with plenty to spare how many 4 year olds wouldn't argue black is white ...it is how they get to understand things just like making mistakes is . Why get into an argument with them ??? He is learning how to manipulate people around him as ALL children do it is how they learn and survive . If you all cant agree with how to work together why would you expect a 4 year old to understand what rules / behaviour is correct ??? Get the adults he lives with to be consistent and fair and he wont have problems until then he WILL do whatever he can to get what he needs including the need for consistent and fair treatment 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonerAndy Posted May 22, 2020 Group: Senior Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 19 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 693 Content Per Day: 0.42 Reputation: 396 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/28/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted May 22, 2020 On 5/20/2020 at 7:49 AM, Jessicat86 said: Hi everyone. Really needing some advice on what to do about my nephew. I live with my parents and my sister and my nephew who is almost four. My sister and nephew have lived with us since he was 17 months old. So he's grown up around mostly adults but he has gone to preschool the past couple years. We all have different parenting styles in the house and we've not all been consistent in disciplining or correcting him . And he's extremely emotional and conflicted like his mom. Recently he told my mom (his grandma) whom he loves very much "I want you to be sick" out of the blue, nothing leading up to it, nothing to make him upset just matter of factly. Now my mom's response was to calmly ask him why but of course he didn't answer. I know the tendency is to just say he's young but there have been other things that just make this worrisome. When he was frustrated he would point his finger at us like a gun and make the shooting sound. Now we have got him to stop doing that at least. It seems like he struggles with anxiety, he does not want to be wrong and will argue with a brick wall. I'm just wondering if he needs some kind of emotional therapy because I just don't see this as normal 4-year-old behavior. What would anybody do in this situation to keep it from getting worse? Well he needs an adult man, to be a father figure. Flat out, he needs a father. That's what he needs. He also needs structure. Specifically discipline structure. And again, discipline of a father. Having wildly different parenting standards is very difficult on a child, because the rules change depending on who is in the room.  This is where having one mother, and one father, that are together on discipline is vital. Honestly, there is no good answer to your question, because the only good answer is, you have one man, and one woman, and they get married, and they stay married, and they have kids while being married, and they raise the family together. Perhaps you need to find someone at your church who could be a father figure. Take him to play sports, or something. Wiffle Ball or something. It's hard to know what would help. However, I would guess that as long as he stays in an unstable household with 'multiple parenting styles', then things will get worse. That's my guess. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted May 31, 2020 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,242 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 16,657 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted May 31, 2020 On 5/21/2020 at 4:41 AM, ladypeartree said: Get the adults he lives with to be consistent and fair and he wont have problems until then he WILL do whatever he can to get what he needs including the need for consistent and fair treatment 4 year olds mimic parents and older siblings. They need the consistency from all.  This contributes to their security.  Mom' authority  should be respected by all as well.  1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prycejosh1987 Posted July 12, 2020 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,176 Content Per Day: 0.85 Reputation: 126 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/07/2020 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/29/1987 Share Posted July 12, 2020 Even 4 year old children have feelings i suppose, go with the flow and work on it. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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