Having a hard time with my break up

[johnthebaptist]

17 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

Its only been 1 day and i feel really depressed. Im so tempted to drive over to his house and apologize and what not but a part of me knows.. 

 

I did the the right thing as.. 

He would compliment girls infront of me. He told one girl that her hair looked better than mine. 

He drinks and smokes 

I always had to pick him up..but he did pay for dinner whenever we went out and put gas in my car..but still. 

I know i did the right thing but i feel incredibly lonely. I dont have friends i can hangout with to fill this void ( i try to make friends but nothing ever sticks idk why) and my family is broken. Idk i just try to take my baby out places but i feel bad being alone in public.

Like i was going to go to another store to look around but i felt depression hit me and went home. 

 

 

I just feel really alone right now.

You're not alone. Talk to God. The Apostle Paul told us to pray constantly (1 Thess 5:17).

[JohnD]

I won't say the biblical way is binding upon us (from which came chivalry, Victorianism, etc.). But it is the only

blessed way. I cannot claim to have followed this pattern (no sex before marriage) but I know how it would have been 

a far better thing had I observed this. A gift I could have given my Bride (40 years ago).

I realized this is much [deeper] than you intended in the O.P. but it touches on the source of why we often find ourselves

in predicaments like yours.

Affairs of the heart are a many splintered thing...

Secular Koine Greek was a language intended to unite many languages (most of which you had to know local metaphors

to even understand). Stepping in crap, for example, outside of New York City is a bad thing. In the city it's a stroke of luck. 

The Greeks needed to unite the civilized world (which also provided a global language for the New Testament to be written in

to spread the Gospel message of Jesus Christ).

The Greeks had no less than four categories for our one word LOVE.

Agapeo, Phileo, Storge, and Eros.

In descending order of least selfish (Agapeo) to most selfish (Eros).

For years I challenged the notion that Eros was love at all (since pure love true love is not about self at all).

But Eros is love strictly of self and is among the most passionate forms of emotion and idealism). Ergo Eros remains

right where the Greeks put it (in my estimation of the subject). {smile}

Eros is a nasty quagmire of emotional entanglements... often masquerading as the other three categories of love (especially Agapeo).

Eros deceives us into thinking we are truly in love with X-Y- or Z.

It tortures us into believing that person is the only person for us. Or that we will never love again...

more later.

 

   

[JohnD]

Loneliness is a legitimate feeling.

God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone

and he created Eve as his help mate.

Also it is quite normal to grieve the ideal relationship that "could have been..."

at least that's what your emotions tell you... but as your reasoning mind tells you

it was not so ideal... for the reasons you listed and I am sure there are many more you

did not mention.

Time and dogmatic determination not to turn back or go running back are the only way

to get over this.

God be with you with your struggles.

It's a royal pain.

But time and sticking to your guns will heal you.

 

[JohnD]

Just FYI in general... (not pertaining to your former relationship Figure f eighty... I just got on the subject

earlier and wanted to add this warning for us all).

 

Eros (from which the word erotic comes) is a demon love. The deceptive love of self. Which often times deceives

us into believing we are feeling genuine love (Storge, Phileo, and especially Agapeo).

Dare I say? Most folks who "fall for" someone are experiencing Eros (at least in the beginning).

But if that's all that it is... whatever relationship they hope to have is doomed from the start.

For example:

"I would make him/her the best husband/wife..."

Sounds like at least 50/50 love doesn't it?

But let that person step out of line one iota (or turn out not to be the person you want them to be) and

POW!!! All hell breaks loose. Because it never was about them... Eros is all about self.

Eros torments its victims. It is based in fear, insecurity, and its victims usually do not have a moment's peace

when it is in high gear.

And even if you know what Eros is, if it slips in past your guard / defenses... it dogs you even though you know it's not even real.

Someone of the opposite gender I once trusted came at me with almost no clothes on one morning. I got the heck out of there quick.

And it was over. But because I trusted them (lowered my guard around them) it took me over two years to get that Eros crap out of my

head. All the while I knew exactly what Eros was and that it was all false evil deceit. But I was plagued by the feelings.

Lesson learned. Never lower your guard. Never trust anyone except God. Everyone else is evil by nature and can lapse into evil ways

with no warning. That individual and I stay at opposite ends of the city from each other and my Beloved Bride will kick her fanny if she ever

runs into her.  

Eros is to be avoided at all costs!

[JohnD]

Sorry to post so much in your thread... but I am reminded of a conversation I once had with a coworker.

I told him at my Church two women almost got into a smack down over saving seats one Sunday. 

He said, "Sounds like you need to find another Church."

I told him that won't solve the problem. My Wife was one of the women in the fight.

LOL

Some lady was saving seats after the announcement "no more saving seats..." so my Beloved Bride sat in one of the 

seats the lady was guarding for people who never showed up... and...

My Bride is plucky. Her father said she would have made a great attorney. 

One of the reasons I don't get by with anything. LOL

Many's the time I had to hold her back arms wrapped around her waist as her arms and legs flailed at whoever

deserved her wrath. And they deserved it. She always gives people the benefit of the doubt until...

The Lord blessed me with her 40 years ago this past July 4th. 

He can bless you Figure of eighty too.

What I did 40 years ago was stop trying to find Miss Right. I had been the laughingstock of yet another female

man-hater July 3rd and I swore that very night to lead and live my life to the full even if I did it alone... and I met my

Beloved Bride to be the very next day. Hand to God!

So much of our efforts to do and achieve most anything are truly our getting in the way of God who has so much better for us than we could

ever do for ourselves.  

IMHO, we all are doomed to Eros deception rather than Agapeo true love unless the LORD does the matchmaking anyway.

God bless!

Edited August 10, 2020 by JohnD

[Daniel Marsh]

On 8/8/2020 at 4:19 PM, Figure of eighty said:

Its only been 1 day and i feel really depressed. Im so tempted to drive over to his house and apologize and what not but a part of me knows.. 

 

I did the the right thing as.. 

He would compliment girls infront of me. He told one girl that her hair looked better than mine. 

He drinks and smokes 

I always had to pick him up..but he did pay for dinner whenever we went out and put gas in my car..but still. 

I know i did the right thing but i feel incredibly lonely. I dont have friends i can hangout with to fill this void ( i try to make friends but nothing ever sticks idk why) and my family is broken. Idk i just try to take my baby out places but i feel bad being alone in public.

Like i was going to go to another store to look around but i felt depression hit me and went home. 

 

 

I just feel really alone right now.

Super hugger has entered the building,   Big hug.