Where am I going wrong?

[Logostician]

I'm not going to say that you are doing anything wrong, but I'm wondering if you're calling on Jesus to help you.  Lay it at his feet to help you.  Praying will also ease your mind.  Right now you seem overwhelmed.  You always have one friend that will never leave you or forsake you.  He is your help.  Talk to him.

In your day to day struggle, I suggest learning how to drive a car.  It's not hard to learn.  Get a driver's license.  Look for another job.  You could even look for one close to where you live, where you could walk or ride a bike to work.  Once you have a little money and a driver's license, you can get a serviceable used car that works for about $1000.  It may not be pretty but it just needs to run.

They key is to get in the game rather than staying in a helpless state.  But do it with Jesus.  Seek out other friends as well for help.  I had a second car that I just gave to someone I worked with who didn't have one.  Anything is possible, especially with Jesus.

[Figure of eighty]

On 2/15/2021 at 10:25 AM, Who me said:

 

And what is going to happen when your brother or father crashes it or gets a ticket?

 

If your mumis happy to pay for repairs, deal with parking tickets etc why should you.

Either she accepts the car is for her and your use or you pull out and stop making payments.

 

If your mum has included them on the insurance she, as the adult needs to lay down the rules as to who has priority in using the car. That it is always returned clean and with at least the same amount of petrol in it.

 

In my opion your best option is to find somewhere to live and move out.

he'll buy me a new car. Even if he doesnt want to. To be honest im just pooling my money and just waiting  to see if my mom will pay it off like she said she would if she doesnt then I'll buy a beater  and from there idk maybe live in a hotel or a shabby studio but idk it worries me bc i have a baby. But it's only 500 a month but i'd have to worry about mold ect.. Still I don't think I would mind it.

[Figure of eighty]

On 2/16/2021 at 4:28 AM, Logostician said:

I'm not going to say that you are doing anything wrong, but I'm wondering if you're calling on Jesus to help you.  Lay it at his feet to help you.  Praying will also ease your mind.  Right now you seem overwhelmed.  You always have one friend that will never leave you or forsake you.  He is your help.  Talk to him.

In your day to day struggle, I suggest learning how to drive a car.  It's not hard to learn.  Get a driver's license.  Look for another job.  You could even look for one close to where you live, where you could walk or ride a bike to work.  Once you have a little money and a driver's license, you can get a serviceable used car that works for about $1000.  It may not be pretty but it just needs to run.

They key is to get in the game rather than staying in a helpless state.  But do it with Jesus.  Seek out other friends as well for help.  I had a second car that I just gave to someone I worked with who didn't have one.  Anything is possible, especially with Jesus.

I already have my license, was going to pay for lessons to help me learn. For some reason I don't make friends easily no matter how friendl y I am it never works out. I feel even when Im happy or talkative a deep sadness seeps from me also when i was working a girl I talked to she was in the same situation as I was if not worse. Her car was wrecked and she Lyfed to work as well.

[Figure of eighty]

On 2/15/2021 at 10:12 AM, Regenerated-Adult said:

Perhaps you aren't going wrong at all?  If there are things you think you might be doing wrong, face them honestly and try to overcome them.  Otherwise, it sounds to me as if your family is being deliberately mean to you for no particular reasons.  And you have written in the past that you deal with mental issues, so obviously that complicates things a lot.  It's not your fault that you have to deal with those issues, so don't beat yourself up about that.  If you feel yourself feeling anger or even hatred towards your parents, stop.  That won't help anything.  If there are arguments in the home, try to refrain from speaking out harshly even if you feel you have been unjustly treated, and try to get away for the moment so that tensions settle down a bit.  When people are angry they aren't reasoning fully.  

At some point you will have to seriously consider leaving the nest and fending for yourself, which is going to be hard in the beginning.  Better to start early rather than later.  Keep on praying to God.  Have faith in him and talk to him all the time, even if it feels He isn't responding.  You know He exists, and you know He is there for you, just not in ways you might expect or understand at the moment.  He's watching you and does want you to live a good life as far as possible.  But nobody said that this life is easy all the time.  That's unrealistic.  Keep praying, have faith, regularly read the Bible and be realistic about your situation and don't lose hope.  And also think about other people in this world that may be in worse situations than you.  Try to be creative in your thinking and look for solutions to your problems, whatever they may be.  Life is a battle remember.  It's not just a physical battle either but a spiritual one too.  See if you can come up with any ideas that are constructive and set goals you can achieve, don't burden yourself with unrealistic goals and expectations.  Take one thing at a time and work it out, then move onto greater things.  See if, this time next year, you are better off in your imagination.  If things stand still and there is no change, you are going backwards, and life doesn't flow backwards for any of us.  Cling to God, trust what Jesus said about God providing for you since He takes care of the birds and beasts and flowers and you are much more important than those things.  But don't put all your eggs in the happiness basket of this life only, think about eternity too.  Trust God.  He will bring you through if you have faith in Him.  Believe in his promises.  Seek first the Kingdom of God and all will be added unto you.  Remember that first and foremost.  

This is a really beautiful sweet answer. I really REALLY needed this

As for trying to leave the "nest"  I'm very serious about it. I've looked at apartments and toured them, gotten all the information needed, set a date, set money aside but when my child got sick that just ruined everything and my savings went out the window. It was spent on him(my baby) or helping mom. Now that he seems to be better, I say seems bc I don't know for sure--he still has one more visit from Children's hospital but I have to wait until next month bc my dad isnt going to take me down there. That visit is just to monitor his neutropenia and he had a pediatrician appointment today and he's gaining weight good but his height is in the 5th percentile which is below avg. It worries me a bit but then I think I'm short and so is his father but my mom always said when I was small I measured well/avg so idk I always worry about my boy.  

but my goal is this--to move during the summer time around July. I've toured apts and i'll have more than enough money by tax time bc my home isnt a good environment for me right now and they are being mean for no reason. Gotta go because being here is draining my mental health.

Edited February 19, 2021 by Figure of eighty

[Figure of eighty]

On 2/15/2021 at 10:47 AM, AnOrangeCat said:

From all you've posted here in the past I feel like you're largely just a victim of circumstance and your own generosity. Back at the time when you were able to I remember you helped your family out financially, and that was good of you, but later on they effectively stole from you. Clear boundaries need to be drawn and enforced. If you can't enforce them because you don't have the heart for conflict or fear that it'd end up with them making your life miserable to the point that it's not worth it for whatever reason then there's not much to do except hang in there until you can get out.

As for boundaries--I try but it just back fires.I can't enforce hem bc no one cares to listen to me or really respects me. Like I vented to my mom about how i felt wronged and my dad shouldn't use my car because he wouldn't help and she just said-- I'll need my dad more than he'll need me and not to text her anymore. Also Ive had screaming matches with my dad that made my baby cry--for his sake I told myself I'll never do that again. Ever. 

The only clear boundary I can make is just moving out. Im just waiting on my refund and thats it.

Edited February 18, 2021 by Figure of eighty

[Figure of eighty]

Im trying to hang on but Im losing alot of strength and faith. I'm mentally depleted and feel I'm losing it. I don't shower,barely eat buut that's mainly bc I'm chasing my son around. I have to deal with him screaming bloody murder when it comes to. passing stool then dealing with my dad's bs. Its to the point Im praying god has mercy if i off myself due to stress. I feel my life will never change no matter  how hard i try and im trying so hard. 

 

I wished someone cared about me, I just don't why I'm here--I really wish God would just take me. Just losing the will to keep on. 

Edited February 19, 2021 by Figure of eighty

[R. Hartono]

5 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

Im trying to hang on but Im losing alot of strength and faith. I'm mentally depleted and feel I'm losing it. I don't shower,barely eat buut that's mainly bc I'm chasing my son around. I have to deal with him screaming bloody murder when it comes to. passing stool then dealing with my dad's bs. Its to the point Im praying god has mercy if i off myself due to stress. I feel my life will never change no matter  how hard i try and im trying so hard.

Better die in difficulty in Jesus than die in difficulty without God.

[Figure of eighty]

11 hours ago, anynmsfmly said:

From experience with mental issues, Often times we can, "manipulate the truth" and-or, Leave out vital details and information that were significant to the problem in what we did in the situation, To contribute to the problem. Maybe your parents want you to be at home with your son ? Maybe your parents want the car to be paid off ? Maybe you have spent too much, As I know I have and they want you to be more responsible with money ?................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I know for sure I need my parents right now, More than they need me. I have a mental illness ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! If I had a son or daughter in the mix, Which I want, But would not have unless I were married and cared for by my husband, I would need them even more and I am not sure even they would be up to that ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I am in a similar situation with a car............................. I have none ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! My mom does not let me use her car, And does not let me use it for frivolous reasons. She does not want to have happen what happened to my car, As to what happens to hers. I used to go several places I did not need to go,

Gained weight because of it, Traveled all over town getting in to things I did not need to be getting involved in, And basically drove my car in to the ground, Way faster than what It may have been drove, Had I been more responsible. I.ow., Now I walk or take the bus. We also got scooters for me to be able to take up sometimes to rent a car.

I understand the struggle, As I have a mental illness as well, And doing things like taking a shower feels like climbing mount everest to me ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !  All of this combine,d, You would think it woudl provide me with some sort of well-being, that maybe I should not have kids,................................. Havin ga baby and working and having a mental illness all at the same time, Makes life very difficult, And I understand why my mom won't let me use her car. Are you sure you are capable of working ? Has your illness made you disabled ? 
I feel like there are things being left out of the story here, And I do so myself. If not I apologize, But I kno wwhat mental illness is like because I have one, And I could have gotten myself in to even more trouble than I did,

But My parents got me involuntarily treated, Which actually saved my life. They got me on medications, And treated, Albeit, Way later than it needed to be, And not in an orderly time, But involuntary treatment saved my life. And it's not just something you can do. Contrary to the belief system that is still in place...............,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Do you ever call your parents by any names ? I can get in my parents face when I am not doing well, Specifically my moms. And it's not her fault. She says what she says, That doesn't give me the right to say anything back. And half the time it is not even as big of a deal as my brain makes it or made it out to be. It's just her being her. She's not perfect, But neither am it. I can only imagine the complication bringing in a son or daughter, And not being married and having the father involved on top of it.

The only reason I am speaking this way, Is because I too have a mental illness, And because there is a baby involved................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, And I haven't read any of your other posts, So I don't know the full story. But, anyone who has any type of mental illness, And a baby, And trying to move out, And trying to work, And trying to deal with not having their own car, Having to share a car........ It's not easy ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I have had to admit my failures with driving my car around too much, therefore shortening it's life span, And I can not just use my mom's car. Only to get blood work done, Or maybe if I want to start a massage package up again, Because I also have fibromyalgia, as well as pain from my medications................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I virtually can't use it for anything else. I have to ride the bus, Or my scooters, Or get myself there.

So, not having your own car and having to get yourself there doesn't seem that abnormal to me.................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

As for the names and stuff, It just sounds like family drama and things fly out of families mouths all the time, It doesn't necessarily mean they don't love you. Most people without a mental illness would be able to handle getting in a medicaid van. If you can't handle getting in to a medicaid van with a baby, It could be medications making your muscles tight. They virtuallly all do. Even if you aren't on medications, It's hard for people. Having a kid is not something that is easy ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! lol, But people have to survive, And havin g any type of physical disabiliiyt {Mental illness is physical}, Makes things twice, if not 10x as hard.

I'm not sure what the problem of sharing a car is. And if you r mom was out of town for work, Then I understand why she wouldn't want a text. I called my dad at work while I washospitalized, And got in severe trouble from that as well. I could have gotten my dad in serious trouble. He is supporting the house the most out of all of us ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

I already have an illness. If I had a kid and an illness, And a single parent, It'd probably kill me. If I didn't kill myself, first. I wish I were joking. I'm not sure that I am. And I am still curious as to where the father is in this. I don't mean to sound harsh,I just feel like there are key details about the story that are being left out, Because I do the same thing. I don't have a car, either. When we get a new car in a couple of years, I don't have the rights to it whenever I want, still. It's not my car. I drove my car too much.

Are you sure you are not just having cabin fever, Because you have a baby and are now expected to be at home more ? I am at home more now that I don't have a car, I am pretty much at home all the time. If I had a baby, I would be expected to be at home, too.

So............................... Is it not an option to remain at home until your son is a little bit older, And it is easier for you to get around on your own ? You already have a roof over your head, And your parents are letting you live there and raise your son, Without a father around it sounds like. Are you not able to live at home and not go very many places, While you raise your son, Until he is a bit older and you can have a load taken off of yourself, And maybe then get a job. Is that not an option ?

I understand cabin fever..... But, You have a son. You need to be at home with your son, Especially if he has physical illnesses now as well. I don't see why you can't remain at home, As your parents are allowing you to, Until your son is older. And take care of him from home. That would be the best option it sounds like to me, Until he gets a bit older. And then maybe the car would be paid off by then, But I myself, Don't have free access to a car that is not mine, And I understand that. And are you staying on your medications ? A lot of times people with mental illness get off of their medications. Because of above mentioned side effects, And tightening of muscles, etc. It doesn't feel good to be medicated all the time, Bu t It's even worse if you are not and end up in the hospital. Is there any way you can work this out with your family, And just stay home ? Just stay at home, And raise your son while he is younger, Until you can work out a different option ? I think your family may be wanting you to take responsibility for the new baby in your life, And raise him at home, Before trying to get a job and move out. Not sure, But it sounds like this to me. God bless.

I appreciate your response but I'm not manipulating anything. Ive been kind to my parents so there's no reason for them to treat me the way they have and being with them and just enduring all this is what's making me mental.

[JohnR7]

On 2/11/2021 at 4:43 PM, Figure of eighty said:

Please tell am am I wrong?

Whatever our situation in life God will cause good to come out of it.

Romans 8:28 KJV - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

 

I have had that situation though. My wife does not drive so she was buying her sister a car and her sister was transporting her. The sisters husband was using the car without our permission causing us a lot of excessive repair bills. So we sold the car and now her sister has to pay for her own car. She worked something out with her son now that he is old enough. Her husband divorced her because we were not providing him with a free car anymore. 

 

 

[Regenerated-Adult]

On 2/18/2021 at 9:04 PM, Figure of eighty said:

This is a really beautiful sweet answer. I really REALLY needed this

As for trying to leave the "nest"  I'm very serious about it. I've looked at apartments and toured them, gotten all the information needed, set a date, set money aside but when my child got sick that just ruined everything and my savings went out the window. It was spent on him(my baby) or helping mom. Now that he seems to be better, I say seems bc I don't know for sure--he still has one more visit from Children's hospital but I have to wait until next month bc my dad isnt going to take me down there. That visit is just to monitor his neutropenia and he had a pediatrician appointment today and he's gaining weight good but his height is in the 5th percentile which is below avg. It worries me a bit but then I think I'm short and so is his father but my mom always said when I was small I measured well/avg so idk I always worry about my boy.  

but my goal is this--to move during the summer time around July. I've toured apts and i'll have more than enough money by tax time bc my home isnt a good environment for me right now and they are being mean for no reason. Gotta go because being here is draining my mental health.

Being here isn't draining your mental health though.  No matter where you are, that will drain your mental health.  So there's no point in running away.  And thank for you for telling me that my words were beautiful and sweet.  

Everybody that exists has a challenge of life to face, don't they?  If you had a stable home and income, do you think you would be having shouting matches with your parents?  Wouldn't you want to be free from that?  Is your enthusiasm dead?  Do you suffer from depression?  Sad and low?  Perhaps confused and discombobulated?  Or are you knowledgeable about your reality and environment?  Are you socially astute or socially challenged?  

Suicide is an ideation of the mind that is against God.  You should now ask yourself if you are even born again?  Why would a saved person want to commit suicide?