mommommom Posted April 1, 2021 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/22/2016 Status: Offline Share Posted April 1, 2021 Hello, I have started doing some research on my spouses behavior which has led me to believe "narcissism" is the most logic explanation. I know this discovery will be discredited by the narcissist, just because of the nature of character. What can I do to lovingly point out there is a problem? I am being disrespected, put down, hated on etc. Have I maid mistakes in our relationship? Absolutely. Grave ones and I took responsibility and asked God and my spouse for forgiveness. I know God has forgiven me. For my spouse, my mistakes are just more fuel on the ever-burning fire of anger, disapproval and a reason to treat me poorly. Forgiveness does not exist, neither does my marriage. We have 7 children and both "claim" to be Christians. Thank you for your help! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnthebaptist Posted April 1, 2021 Group: Non-Conformist Theology Followers: 6 Topic Count: 118 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 4,361 Content Per Day: 2.31 Reputation: 2,109 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/25/2019 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/03/1953 Share Posted April 1, 2021 1 hour ago, mommommom said: Hello, I have started doing some research on my spouses behavior which has led me to believe "narcissism" is the most logic explanation. I know this discovery will be discredited by the narcissist, just because of the nature of character. What can I do to lovingly point out there is a problem? I am being disrespected, put down, hated on etc. Have I maid mistakes in our relationship? Absolutely. Grave ones and I took responsibility and asked God and my spouse for forgiveness. I know God has forgiven me. For my spouse, my mistakes are just more fuel on the ever-burning fire of anger, disapproval and a reason to treat me poorly. Forgiveness does not exist, neither does my marriage. We have 7 children and both "claim" to be Christians. Thank you for your help! Maybe you should leave him for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted April 1, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.81 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted April 1, 2021 1 hour ago, mommommom said: Hello, I have started doing some research on my spouses behavior which has led me to believe "narcissism" is the most logic explanation. I know this discovery will be discredited by the narcissist, just because of the nature of character. What can I do to lovingly point out there is a problem? I am being disrespected, put down, hated on etc. Have I maid mistakes in our relationship? Absolutely. Grave ones and I took responsibility and asked God and my spouse for forgiveness. I know God has forgiven me. For my spouse, my mistakes are just more fuel on the ever-burning fire of anger, disapproval and a reason to treat me poorly. Forgiveness does not exist, neither does my marriage. We have 7 children and both "claim" to be Christians. Thank you for your help! Was this man a Christian when you married him? Were you a Christian when you married him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leah777 Posted April 1, 2021 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 19 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,393 Content Per Day: 0.72 Reputation: 1,156 Days Won: 1 Joined: 01/09/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted April 1, 2021 You mentioned in previous posts on other thread that your husband used to be a heavy drug user. Maybe see if the use has affected his brain and is causing issues now, a long time later. Can you speak to a doctor? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted April 1, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.81 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted April 1, 2021 Since I don't know the entire situation and details I can pray for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneLight Posted April 1, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 1,294 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 31,762 Content Per Day: 5.23 Reputation: 9,762 Days Won: 115 Joined: 09/14/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted April 1, 2021 1 hour ago, mommommom said: We have 7 children and both "claim" to be Christians. I am afraid I co not follow the quoted statement. Can you please clarify? Who are the "both"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Who me Posted April 1, 2021 Group: Royal Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 17 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,300 Content Per Day: 1.72 Reputation: 1,685 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/27/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted April 1, 2021 1 hour ago, mommommom said: took responsibility and asked God and my spouse for forgiveness. I know God has forgiven me. For my spouse, my mistakes are just more fuel on the ever-burning fire of anger, disapproval and a reason to treat me poorly. Forgiveness does not exist, neither does my marriage. We have 7 children and both "claim" to be Christians May I suggest that you see if you your partner and your pastor/elder could do a Bible study on forgiveness. If not possible are you able to talk with your husband? Ask him for his views on what the Bible says about husbands and wives, what it say about forgiveness? Husbands are to love their wife, in the same way that Jesus loves us, sacrificing everything for us. Wives are merely to obey their husband. Forgiveness is governed by Luke 17:3 we must forgive if there is repentance. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BK1110 Posted April 2, 2021 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 22 Topic Count: 87 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 6,873 Content Per Day: 2.42 Reputation: 9,608 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/18/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1986 Share Posted April 2, 2021 Have you addressed the concerns with him? Told him you feel like he holds grudges against you and is unwilling to forgive you? Pray for him constantly, for starters. Ask him if he will attend marriage counseling from a Bible-believing/teaching pastor or a Christian counselor of some kind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted April 4, 2021 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 0 Topic Count: 905 Topics Per Day: 0.19 Content Count: 9,646 Content Per Day: 2.02 Reputation: 5,832 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted April 4, 2021 On 4/1/2021 at 12:44 PM, mommommom said: Hello, I have started doing some research on my spouses behavior which has led me to believe "narcissism" is the most logic explanation. I know this discovery will be discredited by the narcissist, just because of the nature of character. What can I do to lovingly point out there is a problem? I am being disrespected, put down, hated on etc. Have I maid mistakes in our relationship? Absolutely. Grave ones and I took responsibility and asked God and my spouse for forgiveness. I know God has forgiven me. For my spouse, my mistakes are just more fuel on the ever-burning fire of anger, disapproval and a reason to treat me poorly. Forgiveness does not exist, neither does my marriage. We have 7 children and both "claim" to be Christians. Thank you for your help! Narcissism is a human trait. We all have it to a degree. Me, myself, and I. What's in it for me? Me me my my... I say have a confab with your spouse and voice your concerns and ask what they concerns are about you (we all have them we all give them to others). Tell them that you feel hated disrespected talked down to blamed for everything whatever. Establish boundaries. Have a safe word for an agreed treaty zone / treaty time. That no matter what when the safe word is used both stop the hate the war the self righteous diatribes and go to separate corners to cool off or if you can... in the heat of the moment put on the diplomat hat and rationally reason together as if you were third party bystanders or something and can talk it through. This really works but both have to be truly capable of not diving back into the lava pool of anger and hate. Most arguments and mistreatment of each other is the direct result of selfishness (on both parts but often one more than the other). "I am your spouse, I will not be talked to like that. And I will not talk to you like that." Or "I apologize for talking to you like that." I saw this in the way my departed father did not put up with any bad mouthing of dear mummy. Even when she was wrong. "She is your mother! For another thing she is my wife and no one talks about my wife that way and gets away with it!" He meant it. He'd bust a guy in the chops when they needed it. With us it was always only the belt for discipline or hardheadedness). He always gave us a chance, if we persisted, WHAMMO! You need to establish those boundaries for the both of you and for your 7 children. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted April 4, 2021 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 0 Topic Count: 905 Topics Per Day: 0.19 Content Count: 9,646 Content Per Day: 2.02 Reputation: 5,832 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted April 4, 2021 Oh, and if your spouse doesn't feel they are disrespecting you, ask them if it would be okay if somebody else talked to you like that? I gather you are a woman from your screen name. As your man if he would tolerate another man talking to you (his wife) like that. I'll bet he would be enraged by another man talking to you like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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