Blind dating

[creativemechanic]

5 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

Hey all,its funny - I just read the pages I missed to catch up & I love how there are such serious comments with good advice ,beautiful testimonies and then total ridiculously silly comments in between..... Its a big mix of love,compassion,sympathy,joy,sadness,laughter,understanding,wisdom ,humor,kindness,fellowship ...it brings me back to wonderful memories of my big  Italian Sunday family gatherings

Talk about " blind dates"- ha! My ancestors set up their children's marraigrs( fixed/ arranged marriage)_ It was customary in Sicily.So my grandmother was promised to a pretty well off fellow in America & she was sent here on  ship ( Olga was the name of the boat) to marry a man she never met,she was a teenager.....She was a stunningly beautiful young lady with quite a mind of her own

There was a handsome young Sicilian man who was a passenger on the Olga, he caught a glimpse of my grandmother and was taken by her beauty,he had to meet her

The young man was my grandfather- they fell madly in love on the journey to America and he asked her to marry him! Grandmother said" yes"..... She used to brag about her beauty(she was terribly vain) She would say" Because I'm so beautiful it cost him( my grandpa) a fortune to have me as his wife- lol

They had to pay the fiancée's family double what they paid my grandmothers parents for the betrothal promise plus my grandfather had to negotiate with her parents for their blessings blessings( more money!)...& they were together until my grandpa passed away,they had 6 kids,dozens of grandkids ( they named their first born " Olga")

Anyway,speaking of " blind dates"- love is blind,they say and because of " love" which I'd say they fell in "lust"- they broke every rule in the book( Book of Sicilians?)caused a lot of chaos for 2 families and had a tumultuous relationship for decades...... I often wonder if arranged marriages are so bad, they seem to stay together,become friends & learn to love each other in most cases I've heard of... The falling in " love" stuff I'm not so sure about anymore

From a Christian point of view I'm all confused these days,tbh- maybe I'm not supposed to get it,just meant to be by myself with the Lord

With love in Christ, Kwik

 

there are 2 sides to every story. People like to romaticizie things without pointing out the other ends  How many of such matchups work like that. Often, marriagaes are arranged for  financial convenience, sometimes little girls get bethrothed to  men who are already adults when they are now born etc.People say muslims do arranged marriages and they work out, but  they dont point out how fast muslims also divorce

[Starise]

OK so I was trying to carry quotes across several pages and lost them all. It has worked for me before.

I'm just going to comment in a more abbreviated way.

When you go through something like a spouse's adultery ( multiple personal encounters with different people)), especially after 20 years with them that you thought was going to be the rest of your life, after having children with them, it takes the "funny" right out of it. I can appreciate trying to make this light hearted and I even chuckled at a few of the comments, but trust me when I say it's one of the worst forms of hell here on this earth you will ever go through as a spouse to someone like that. I don't think many of you have any real idea how it feels to have built up total trust with someone only to find them unfaithful, giving them the opportunity to make things right. Sometimes I feel like I gave far more slack than she deserved in attempting to go to counseling and see what the problems were so we could correct them. For me, the biggest one the first time was trying to find a way not to remember what had happened because every time I thought about it I was angry and hurt. 

Things only got worse from there because she continued that behavior over time and had to be caught at it. She wasn't upset about what she had done. She was upset she had been discovered....again. So I digress. None of this is particularly funny to me and I am attempting to help anyone looking for a mate to know what NOT to look for. Maybe I shouldn't care  Go out there and get bitten, learn the hard way.

@debrakay Yes I was an "Irish Musician". They have video of me playing my fiddle in the bar and I once went into bars on a fairly regular basis as a believer because that's where the music was. I had to with hold some of my knee jerk responses to your mentioning bars because I didn't want to offend someone who met their mate in a bar. I realize bars are more of a family culture in some countries and even areas of the US. It's really a secular church fellowship in some places minus the church part. I don't think God is any more or less in a bar than anywhere else so far as His omnipresence is concerned, so even though I got that little slam there are also implications to bars. I would hope we all know that. My father was an alcoholic and I seen bars get him into trouble more than once. Not only with alcohol but with women too, so for me to suggest it's a good way for a Christian person to meet another good christian person is not something I would EVER recommend. We all know what alcohol does to some people. They let their guard down and do things they would not normally do and alcohol is the focus of a bar. 'Hopefully' now as a more mature woman you see what I'm saying.

Edited June 30, 2022 by Starise

[Starise]

4 hours ago, ladypeartree said:

being " single " is a HUGE blessing ... I left my husband at the age of 27 with my 4 children. He put me into hospital with several broken bones   and threats to kill me and disapear with the children . He had cheated on me within a year of marriage and had a child with the other woman , then cheated several times afterwith others ,hit me often and locked me into the house as he was convinced I would cheat on him ( projecting his guilt onto me )   He hated me going to church as he honestly believed if he gave money to " the church " that was all that was needed (poor man )  I have been single ever since and have had no wish to ever remarry even though I havent seen him since that day apart from the court for our divorce when he told the judge he just gave ea few back handers to keep me in line .

He died several years ago from  what I was told ( he was 15 years older than me and my children found out via social media as he didnt want to keep in touch with them THANK YOU LORD )  but I still have no regrets about staying single  So never worry about finding a partner you have the best partner in your life with Christ 

Wow.

After all of that no wonder you never remarried. I don't think I would either. So glad you are at a place in your life where you feel content being single! You have quite an amazing family regardless!

[kwikphilly]

1 hour ago, creativemechanic said:

there are 2 sides to every story. People like to romaticizie things without pointing out the other ends  How many of such matchups work like that. Often, marriagaes are arranged for  financial convenience, sometimes little girls get bethrothed to  men who are already adults when they are now born etc.People say muslims do arranged marriages and they work out, but  they dont point out how fast muslims also divorce

Well sure but I was really only thinking about my own people..... Italy, maybe I should have mentioned that- lol....my people ,much like the Jews main reason was bloodline.... I should really speak only for the Sicilians because they even frown upon us mixing with Italians- lol.  Funny? Probably sounds really weird but from my own experiences ,turnd out its very simple and uncomplicated to be with an Italian man( of course Christian goes without saying for me- first & foremost)

And fellas from other backgrounds just seem to be raised differently than we are,dont have the same traditions& are hard to relate to( for myself)... People come n go throughout our lives ,I dunno dunno much.... As I said,was just thinking

[creativemechanic]

6 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

Agreed and He Pronises so much more than a lifetime commitment, marriage to Him is for Eternity!!!

 

6 hours ago, ladypeartree said:

being " single " is a HUGE blessing ... I left my husband at the age of 27 with my 4 children. He put me into hospital with several broken bones   and threats to kill me and disapear with the children . He had cheated on me within a year of marriage and had a child with the other woman , then cheated several times afterwith others ,hit me often and locked me into the house as he was convinced I would cheat on him ( projecting his guilt onto me )   He hated me going to church as he honestly believed if he gave money to " the church " that was all that was needed (poor man )  I have been single ever since and have had no wish to ever remarry even though I havent seen him since that day apart from the court for our divorce when he told the judge he just gave ea few back handers to keep me in line .

He died several years ago from  what I was told ( he was 15 years older than me and my children found out via social media as he didnt want to keep in touch with them THANK YOU LORD )  but I still have no regrets about staying single  So never worry about finding a partner you have the best partner in your life with Christ 

 No offense to you but   I personally HATE  to hear people try to  equate these 2 together. A relationship with God and a human relationship are 2 different  entities  each with its own benefits. As far as I know, the   Bible never makes them  out to be the same.People need to stop trying to say 1 can replace the other. Some  people can live alone and be completely fulfilled  with their relatiopnship with God and theres nothing wrong with that. But people need to stop acting like you shouldnt want to be married because you have Jesus.

God is invisible, inaudible and intangible, so there are plenty of things in a marriage that you wont get from your relationship with God-  physical company, emotional support, sex etc and the bible in various verses speaks on the merits of these things.

Saying things like that can be very insensitive to people who want to get married because it makes it seem like they shouldnt want something the Bible says is good.

[ladypeartree]

Sorry if you feel you are missing something but I can assure you I am not and a lot of abused people would feel the same way  as far as I can see neither of us suggested  people should " not want to get married "    it is all individual choice and just because some want something is not a reason for everyone to want the same thing 

[Starise]

I'm not sure exactly how COVID has changed Gen z so far as dating is concerned. 

The ways people meet have probably changed a lot and will continue to change. Remember scouting girls in the mall men? Malls will soon be a thing of the past. How about the skating rink? I imagine many met in skating rinks. The school sweetheart that goes on to become the girlfriend who then goes on to become the wife. I have heard lots of those kinds of stories.

In a larger city it's probably easier. Lots of young people wandering around everywhere. It's interesting how it happens with the Amish here where I live. They have youth events where they have volleyball games and sometimes 'courtin' comes from that. The couple must be in an open buggy when they are courting. The english have similar closed community things usually through churches and not generally for the 25 plus crowd.

Back in my time we had a few drive in movie theaters. I guess movies are still an option AFTER you meet someone to ask. I have never attempted this because I never shopped until after I was married, but I would think grocery stores might be a nice option.  Don't compliment the melons she bought. nada. I don't recommend that.

I'm thinking women are often shopping more often than men are so the place is crawling with women.  This isn't like buying fruit though and I generally like to know something about a person before I would ever entertain asking them anything. No one wants to stumble into a very nice looking hornets nest. If you choose to poke the nest a little to see what flies out, I guess it's been done.

It might be interesting to see how others have met, but as I say, a lot of this has changed over time. People buy cars and rent houses over the web. I don't see the web as a lazy place to look either for a mate if you know where to look. There are interest groups all over- kayaking, hiking, sky diving. Maybe for some this might present an opportunity.

I have always heard though not to look for your double in another sex. Opposites attract for a reason because they can compliment one another. Two of you might be boring. To be clear, I said opposite not crazy. 

[Marathoner]

40 minutes ago, ladypeartree said:

Sorry if you feel you are missing something but I can assure you I am not and a lot of abused people would feel the same way  as far as I can see neither of us suggested  people should " not want to get married "    it is all individual choice and just because some want something is not a reason for everyone to want the same thing 

As far as I have seen, no one warns others not to get married in this topic. I certainly haven't. What have I said?

If the will and purpose of the Lord is for someone to marry, then that will happen. It doesn't matter where and how a husband and wife meet. Those of us who aren't married have also shared our experience and even our reasons for remaining unattached, so there is a broad range shared in this topic. 

The OP asked for input, so there it is. Whether the OP agrees with what others share is irrelevant. 

[creativemechanic]

7 minutes ago, Marathoner said:

That's your belief, @creativemechanic. One cannot take exception to the position of others, claiming they are thrusting their view upon others, when the complainant is engaging in that very enterprise themselves.  

We get that you believe God lacks a voice and that's your affair. It defines your outlook. However, it would be best for you to refrain from judging others, disparaging their faith in the Lord, all because of your fixation upon this flesh. Not everyone believes as you do. 

You asked for input in the OP. You're receiving it. Is that not sufficient, or are you looking for answers which please you? 

You may want to reread what you just said.

[Marathoner]

3 minutes ago, creativemechanic said:

You may want to reread what you just said.

I did. 

You asked for input, my friend. You've getting that so I have to wonder: what, exactly, are you wanting in this topic? For others to agree with you, or to offer their input? I noticed how you misconstrued what I wrote earlier, and I paid it no mind; but in light of how you've misrepresented what another member wrote, this seems to be indicative of something you didn't lay out on the table from the start. 

I don't for a moment believe you intentionally misrepresented my initial contribution, which is the reason why I did reread what I wrote a few minutes ago and dispensed with it. It was off. 

There are some of us who are more than content with our relationship with Jesus Christ, and this isn't without precedent in the scriptures. We don't *need* to date anyone nor seek a wife (or husband). Is that difficult to understand? Perhaps it is for some. I get that. 

Like I wrote in my response to ladypeartree above I haven't attempted to persuade anyone else to do as I do, @creativemechanic. It seems like you're trying to do that, but of course I could be wrong.