Blind dating

[Starise]

23 minutes ago, Marathoner said:

If the will and purpose of the Lord is for someone to marry, then that will happen.

I think some of how this happens is a mystery. For me it never "happened" unless I made it happen.

This might be a misconception, or a social norm to think the man always makes the move because I have seen several bold women who might ask a man out on a date. If a woman had asked me I would have wondered if she was the domineering type and probably shied away from her but that's me. I have seem women find creative ways to be 'nice' on a man without being the one to do the asking. He will then know you like him....or not. Wanting to spend time together is probably one of the biggest flags something is going on.

And it's sad, but I have observed parents encourage a union by doing things like inviting the girl friend or boyfriend along with the family to the shore house or on a  family trip. In both cases I seen that the unions didn't take. I think parents should stay out of it and not give the boy (if they have a daughter) too much assurance about ANYTHING until the relationship has blossomed a bit. In my house he didn't get any slack until I thought he earned it, and I was veeeery skeptical of anyone dating my daughter. My 2nd father-in-law extended more grace to me which I never entirely understood because he didn't know me that well. He seemed to really respect me and I him. 

But yeah, I'm getting long winded again, but generally speaking it's usually the man that goes in for the hunt (sorry to put it that way) and if he doesn't give diligence to it he might not come away with anything. If a man isn't bold he had better develop some boldness quick. I don't think many women respect a wussy who has trouble talking. Get in there and go for it, ask. What's the worst that can happen? She says no. Ok. There are what like 10 million more opportunities out there?

If a man doesn't try he won't ever know and he will only have himself to blame if he wanted to get married and have a wife. For some men they might have to be relentless and get used to "no". Maybe a person just isn't marriage material, or maybe it requires a different way of thinking, like maybe asking questions from her perspective. What does SHE want in a relationship and am I a good fit for that?

Edited June 30, 2022 by Starise

[creativemechanic]

11 minutes ago, Marathoner said:

I did. 

You asked for input, my friend. You've getting that so I have to wonder: what, exactly, are you wanting in this topic? For others to agree with you, or to offer their input? I noticed how you misconstrued what I wrote earlier, and I paid it no mind; but in light of how you've misrepresented what another member wrote, this seems to be indicative of something you didn't lay out on the table from the start. 

I don't for a moment believe you intentionally misrepresented my initial contribution, which is the reason why I did reread what I wrote a few minutes ago and dispensed with it. It was off. 

There are some of us who are more than content with our relationship with Jesus Christ, and this isn't without precedent in the scriptures. We don't *need* to date anyone nor seek a wife (or husband). Is that difficult to understand? Perhaps it is for some. I get that. 

Like I wrote in my response to ladypeartree above I haven't attempted to persuade anyone else to do as I do, @creativemechanic. It seems like you're trying to do that, but of course I could be wrong. 

trust me. You really didnt.  You accused me of judging ,when all i did was express disagreement with a statememt people made.  You may want to reread and see if you werent the one doing the judging

[ladypeartree]

actually creativemechanic  I did feel you were judging me and accusing me of trying to be mean  When you have to put " no offense "  in front of a statment it is normally because it can come across as offensive  

Edited June 30, 2022 by ladypeartree

[ladypeartree]

Just so there is no lingering anamosity you can be sure I dont take offense unless I take a gate to go with it   

[missmuffet]

8 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

Hi Peeps

 This is true but then you believe for nearly a decade a person is in Christ and suddenly you can't even recognize that person, they are something else inside, something really ugly and uncaring......

And we warn people when they are slowly but surely walking further & further and further from God and then the time comes they are no longer who they were in Christ..... This leads me to wonder,is this a willful,intentional ,unrepentant hardened heart that results in " what"? Rejection of God merely in the flesh,the guaranteed Seal of Redemption on their spirit saves their sorry wicked soul,if Indwelled by Holy Spirit how could that be.... How could anyone leave a wake of evil behind them if Jesus Abides in them, He must not have been there from the start..... It just makes me want to avoid anyone interested in a relationship( beyond friendship)......I dont seem to know a Christian,you see good fruit bearing for a decade,dont pick it up to eat it though because it looks like a shiny apple, its not- its rotten inside and full of worms!

Sorry,thinking out loud Peeps

Interesting perspective. Or you marry someone because they were so deceptive that they could have won an academy award and then a couple months later after they have hooked you they become a whole different person. You then feel like you want your money back. 

[missmuffet]

11 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

Oh Peep is a NUT like rest of us( I call Muffy " Peeps") .  shes  my long time friend

Peeps comes from my original avatar years ago. It was Bopeep. 

[Anne2]

21 hours ago, Starise said:

You want pictures? Everyone likes to play the judge. I don't owe you anything. Sin is a dirty nasty business and it always has implications. 

Very true.

I guess it was for the best then. Paul states that it is better for some to remain single. Not as many obligations, meaning more freedoms in some areas. One can still have friends and not become that involved. For many this works best. I don't fault anyone either way. The main thing is that you are doing the Lord's will for your life and are happy in it. 

I think it's ironic men and women often meet when they are the least mature and young. Maybe if  wisdom came early fewer would get married  and the world would have a population problem. What I have found over time is that my wife has become my best friend. Maybe not the friend I would have always chosen, but the best friend for me because real friends love us warts and all and they often say and do things that make us uncomfortable for our own good. A true friend does what is best not what we always like the most. I know she won't lie to me or hide anything from me. We are a true team. But yeah...we are all boneheads at one time or another. lol.

Yes God truly is good. I don't really feel compelled to try and convince anyone of anything.

Wait a minute. Didn't I say I was done here?

 

 

 

Married my high school sweetheart. Constantly cheated on me, messed me up for quite a few years. We were only married a year. I just could not tolerate that. Was divorced at nineteen. I thought he was done sowing his wild oats so to speak, otherwise why even bother. I was young and Nieve about such things then. Not judging you at all here, been there.

[Starise]

27 minutes ago, Anne2 said:

Married my high school sweetheart. Constantly cheated on me, messed me up for quite a few years. We were only married a year. I just could not tolerate that. Was divorced at nineteen. I thought he was done sowing his wild oats so to speak, otherwise why even bother. I was young and Nieve about such things then. Not judging you at all here, been there.

Thanks for the not judging.

My upbringing and personal convictions on marriage are such that divorce was never even an option. I was determined to be in it for life. To me, divorce was one of those things only other couples do.  I even dug in on that relationship to the point of it being almost ridiculous that I would continue to pursue it. If she had responded differently we might still be married today. No apparent remorse, no repentant heart, only blame. I suggested counseling. I was willing to look at myself to see what I could improve that might help. Her accusations turned out to be a ploy to make excuses for her behavior. I wasn't the one who requested a divorce, but we get to that point of no return where we know it isn't going to work. That's when I switched over and never looked back. I had to do this for my own sanity. As much as I resented having to do that, I went through with it.

You are fortunate you didn't build up anything long term with him. I was in this for 20 years with two children. I had seen it earlier and thought maybe we could still work it out foolishly continuing to hope for the best. I really believe some people can "splinter" when the emotional stress gets to be too much. I felt myself loosing it and I knew for my mental health I had to break us loose or I was going to be in a mental ward.

[Marathoner]

2 hours ago, Starise said:

I think some of how this happens is a mystery. For me it never "happened" unless I made it happen.

This might be a misconception, or a social norm to think the man always makes the move because I have seen several bold women who might ask a man out on a date. If a woman had asked me I would have wondered if she was the domineering type and probably shied away from her but that's me. I have seem women find creative ways to be 'nice' on a man without being the one to do the asking. He will then know you like him....or not. Wanting to spend time together is probably one of the biggest flags something is going on.

And it's sad, but I have observed parents encourage a union by doing things like inviting the girl friend or boyfriend along with the family to the shore house or on a  family trip. In both cases I seen that the unions didn't take. I think parents should stay out of it and not give the boy (if they have a daughter) too much assurance about ANYTHING until the relationship has blossomed a bit. In my house he didn't get any slack until I thought he earned it, and I was veeeery skeptical of anyone dating my daughter. My 2nd father-in-law extended more grace to me which I never entirely understood because he didn't know me that well. He seemed to really respect me and I him. 

But yeah, I'm getting long winded again, but generally speaking it's usually the man that goes in for the hunt (sorry to put it that way) and if he doesn't give diligence to it he might not come away with anything. If a man isn't bold he had better develop some boldness quick. I don't think many women respect a wussy who has trouble talking. Get in there and go for it, ask. What's the worst that can happen? She says no. Ok. There are what like 10 million more opportunities out there?

If a man doesn't try he won't ever know and he will only have himself to blame if he wanted to get married and have a wife. For some men they might have to be relentless and get used to "no". Maybe a person just isn't marriage material, or maybe it requires a different way of thinking, like maybe asking questions from her perspective. What does SHE want in a relationship and am I a good fit for that?

I'm in agreement that much of this is beyond our grasp, but then that's the nature of the hidden things of God. Unless the Lord sees fit to reveal something to us, we simply don't know about it. 

As for trying, in light of what the Lord revealed to those of us who were involved in what happened, I could try all I wanted to. I did just that for a while and it was a dead end. There comes a point where I accept that there's nothing I can do to convince anyone who doesn't believe. It's not my responsibility. 

I'll say this, brother: the Lord ordains each of us to walk in works which He desires. I think you know already that I don't buy into the notion of determinism, that we're somehow puppets on strings, but then no one really knows the other very well, do we? We don't. A man is responsible to his wife and also to his children if he has any, and so I call this your portion in Christ. Does that make sense? Those things are what God had in store for you in this world so of course when you made the effort, He eventually brought you together with your wonderful wife. I love how the Lord brought you two together!

This isn't to say that it was easy for you. From what you've shared with us, you've had to endure much along the way (and what you've shared is only a drop in the bucket, I'm sure). Ah, but isn't that true for us all? No matter what our portion in the Lord might be, nothing comes easy on this earth. We suffer, toil, stumble at times and even fall flat on our face, but we always rise again. 

I was abandoned, @Starise. I was left for dead. I had no friends... no family... no property... no money nor possessions... all I had was the life in this body. As if that wasn't enough, Lyme disease almost killed me and damaged my brain. I know you're familiar with all of that already, but I only bring it up to deliver a point: that was where the Lord had me. It was precisely where He wanted me to be at the proper time. No one has to believe it but that doesn't make it any less true. I know what I've been through and that's sufficient.

Many of us belong to others in this world: we belong to wives and relatives, children or grandchildren, and the like. We have a responsibility toward them and it's good that we care about that. But I belonged to no one. All I did was survive and the Lord was silent for many years; I was ignorant of how every step I took brought me ever closer to the fulfillment of why our Father drew me to His Son, and why Jesus Christ chose me. Simply put, it was so the power of God might be displayed in me for the sake of others. 

That's why I belonged to no one, and why I lived like a vagabond for so long. It was why Lyme disease almost killed me, and why I suffered brain damage. It was for the sake of a stranger so she would know that nothing is impossible to the Lord whom she had lost faith in. After being treated cruelly by her family and a church, she had turned her back on Jesus Christ. She knew me before I was crushed, and she loved me because I abandoned everything to protect her. She was worth my life many times over and this pleased the Lord, who knew my willingness to cast it aside. Everything I endured up until that moment in time equipped me. 

She witnessed the impossible when the Lord raised me up from ruin before her eyes. Her conceptions of Christ and Christianity were shattered for the Lord gave me to her as a son, when she needed a son the most. She could no longer deny the Lord and the truth that Jesus Christ never once ceased from loving her. He used a worthless vagabond to demonstrate His will not only to her, but to people in the nearby village. They knew that God loved her, too. 

As for my portion? After I discharged my duty faithfully and my adopted mother passed away, everything changed. I'm no longer ignorant. I know that I'm not to marry, brother. In the past, I certainly made the effort like so many do... but it wasn't my place to belong to a wife or a family. No one has to believe me, but that's the truth.  

 

Edited June 30, 2022 by Marathoner
typo

[Anne2]

18 minutes ago, Starise said:

Thanks for the not judging.

My upbringing and personal convictions on marriage are such that divorce was never even an option. I was determined to be in it for life. To me, divorce was one of those things only other couples do.  I even dug in on that relationship to the point of it being almost ridiculous that I would continue to pursue it. If she had responded differently we might still be married today. No apparent remorse, no repentant heart, only blame. I suggested counseling. I was willing to look at myself to see what I could improve that might help. Her accusations turned out to be a ploy to make excuses for her behavior. I wasn't the one who requested a divorce, but we get to that point of no return where we know it isn't going to work. That's when I switched over and never looked back. I had to do this for my own sanity. As much as I resented having to do that, I went through with it.

You are fortunate you didn't build up anything long term with him. I was in this for 20 years with two children. I had seen it earlier and thought maybe we could still work it out foolishly continuing to hope for the best. I really believe some people can "splinter" when the emotional stress gets to be too much. I felt myself loosing it and I knew for my mental health I had to break us loose or I was going to be in a mental ward.

I was in it for the long haul as well. As I said we were high school sweet hearts.

we had been together for three years, since I was 15. I was blindsided. He brought the woman home to our house....in my face type thing. It was because I had no children I got out. I could not think of a future like that. I knew I had to get out of that relationship. What had been in that relationship, was continuing and getting worse more and more. As I said i was young and really quite dumb about this stuff.

But My last husband was a real winner sweetie. Married 32 years. He passed in 2019. But it just took me along time to get over distrust in myself and others along the way.