Do you forgive easily?

[Starise]

I can go both ways here. Catch me on a bad day and I struggle with the flesh to immediately forgive. Other days it's instant. If I look at the time spans from offense to foregiveness it's usually all played out in short duration for me either way. 

What probably plauges me more are the things I needed foregiveness for. A word spoken out out of place in a moment of anger begs foregivness sometimes. I don't do that often and feel bad when I do. Even if my feelings were justified I feel bad for the way I handled it and will often ask foregivness which probably empowers the agressor even more. I'm one of those steam cooker people who will let something that annoys me go on for a long time, instead of dealing with it immediately because I don't want to hurt feelings, then when my cooker blows up my methods of dealing with it sometimes are not the most constructive. 

 

[Dennis1209]

You are so correct; not forgiving someone can be a cancer that eats us up physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

However, as humans, I think sometimes forgiveness takes time and time to heal and forgive. I will cite a personal example, but it is nothing compared to those innocent people who were intentionally murdered, disabled for life by a drunk driver, etc.

My daughter had a boyfriend not many years ago who beat her up with his fists, constantly abused her, and started stalking her. My daughter and wife talked about it on the phone, trying to hide it from me. Shortly after, my wife decided it was wrong to hide it from me and told me everything. They knew my temper and what I was capable of in anger.

I contemplated what I would do to him when I drove 250 miles tracking him down and wondered if I would be eligible for bail under the circumstances. Fortunately, my wife calmed me down, some common sense kicked in, and I was not going down the path of him or me. I made it known that if he ever comes down here again or seeks to see me again, game on. I know:

Romans 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

At that time, I was still backslidden. I did not forgive him until November 2016, when I sincerely repented. It was a great weight lifted from me.

I think few, or in my case anyway, can instantly forgive without time to let God’s word sink in.

[farouk]

3 hours ago, Renskedejonge said:

I forgive because I have to. When I can't I chose to and let God do it, but I'm not as dumb anymore as I used to be. If they put a knife in your back and don't say sorry it's often because they're not sorry and if you then forgive forget ladida lets be friends again and then they do it again and you're totally surprised, no I don't do that anymore. If someone is not sorry I forgive anyway but I also stay away and protect my kids.

@Renskedejonge I think also it's a matter of looking to the cross of Christ (Hebrews 12.2) and remembering how He endured it for us, that puts our matters into perspective in relation to others.

[RdJ]

1 hour ago, farouk said:

@Renskedejonge I think also it's a matter of looking to the cross of Christ (Hebrews 12.2) and remembering how He endured it for us, that puts our matters into perspective in relation to others.

If they did something really terrible to me I just think: well I don't want em to go to hell, so I might as well simply forgive them.

[Starise]

Foregivness is one of those invisible intangable things in the physical world. It can be easy to hide unforgiveness until it begins to eat us up inside.

We can say we forgave, even make a presentable very convincing external effort for years. The things in the past that have bugged me were the times I thought I was not considered or overlooked, so I might secretly harbor something against the person I thought was responsible for it. I would tell myself I had forgiven and forgotten, when in reality it was still buried deep down creating bitterness in my soul. I would tell myself, " Oh it was just a little thing, and I shouldn't be letting this knaw at me", but sometimes it didn't happen right away that all was well, so I needed to keep pushing that little self made demon back down and hope he would just die.

To this day I have to keep my focus in the right places when I look at certain people or I really will remember how much I didn't like them, often because they seem to be repeating the same narcisstic behavior that causes them to put themselves above anyone else, TBH that sort of thing is probably a natural trait in many people. They just don't think, they don't consider. It's about them or their buds, and frankly I hate that, but it's the way the world often spins. The way I have dealt with it is to lower my expectations and not make anything about me. " That's just so and so being what they are". Might be a useless pile of  self absorbed *ahem*, stuff, but that's who they are. I just stay away from them and do my thing since we don't concern one another.

Life is too short to carry that stuff around, and if the offender is a repeat offender, just stay away from them and don't make matters worse by gossiping , a form of camoflauged hate, passive aggression.

If you happen to be stuck working right alongside such an individual, pray, and try to find things you like about them. Nice shirt.

 

[RdJ]

45 minutes ago, Starise said:

Nice shirt.

[RdJ]

57 minutes ago, Starise said:

To this day I have to keep my focus in the right places when I look at certain people or I really will remember how much I didn't like them, often because they seem to be repeating the same narcisstic behavior that causes them to put themselves above anyone else, TBH that sort of thing is probably a natural trait in many people.

I did notice that those with narcissistic traits didn't have the greatest upbringing, which makes it easier to forgive. My mom was always sweet. They were abused as kids.

[farouk]

20 minutes ago, Renskedejonge said:

I did notice that those with narcissistic traits didn't have the greatest upbringing, which makes it easier to forgive. My mom was always sweet. They were abused as kids.

@Renskedejonge God bless your mother, indeed. Good to learn practically how to move on, and look above and with prayer and the Scriptures not dwell on the offences received, right?

[RdJ]

5 minutes ago, farouk said:

@Renskedejonge God bless your mother, indeed. Good to learn practically how to move on, and look above and with prayer and the Scriptures not dwell on the offences received, right?

When she worked in an old ppl's home as a receptionist she'd always come half an hour early and read the Bible and pray there in a room alone. Once she had just done that, came out of the room to go work and a guy who worked there was mad at her and just hit her and she was just like: forgive and bless. Later she lead him to the Lord and found him a good church.

[farouk]

7 minutes ago, Renskedejonge said:

When she worked in an old ppl's home as a receptionist she'd always come half an hour early and read the Bible and pray there in a room alone. Once she had just done that, came out of the room to go work and a guy who worked there was mad at her and just hit her and she was just like: forgive and bless. Later she lead him to the Lord and found him a good church.

@Renskedejonge You have an amazingly patient and exemplary mom!