Is it ok to not visit parents anymore If you don’t want to

[Dennis1209]

I am not qualified or in a position to offer any advice. I did not have an ideal upbringing, and my father and I were always at odds. As a son and leaving on my own at eighteen years old, I infrequently visited, called them, or did for them as often as I should have.

They have been gone many years now. I have sorrows and regrets about my attitude. I wish I could see and talk to them now, but it is too late and forever.

[Who me]

11 hours ago, Dennis1209 said:

I am not qualified or in a position to offer any advice

11 hours ago, Dennis1209 said:

wish I could see and talk to them now, but it is too late and forever.

I think you are very well qualified as you've reminded us all that life is short and that things, deeds etc not said or done cannot be said or done once they have died.

[Neighbor]

On 1/8/2024 at 8:50 AM, Mochayum said:

I have to stay with them for weeks because they are out of state and in order to not be rude I have to watch shows with them.

Hi. No you do not have to stay for weeks. Instead invite them out to a neutral ground event all on you.

Be ready  for the expense if they accept, but if they say they can't then  you have made a generous offer to have some fun time, quality time with them all on you; hard to beat a child's kindness in their making such and offer.

I am now 80. I did not associate with my parents for many decades of their lives, but did take close personal care of them when they needed it. Wish I hadn't so completely failed to  fit them into my life in those middle  years.

May God be blessed by any effort you make to go that extra harder mile.

[~Shalhevet~]

I can relate a lot having grown up in a pretty hostile home environment. My relationship with my parents was never a healthy one. We are commanded to honor and respect them but that doesn’t mean we can’t set healthy boundaries. I still love them but I have a family of my own now and have to set boundaries for them and for my own sanity. 

Edited January 11, 2024 by ~Shalhevet~

[Rockson]

On 1/8/2024 at 8:50 AM, Mochayum said:

Do you think it’s ok to not visit parents anymore. I’m not completely comfortable around them. They always grill me about why I’m not married yet and have no kids. I have to stay with them for weeks because they are out of state and in order to not be rude I have to watch shows with them. That’s all they do is watch shows. My dad gets mad at me if I just stay in my old room which is really all I want to do.

It was difficult growing up with my dad and he’s mellowed out a bit but I still am not completely comfortable around him. There’s always an eggshell I don’t wanna step on so I try to watch myself around him.

anyway, I’m thinking of not visiting them again  is that wrong ?

 

Well I don't know. Hard to say on just what you've put down. I will say this about not wanting to watch shows. Just tell them most of the time you're visiting tell them you don't want to experience the TV thing you're there to visit them. Doesn't mean if you're there for a weekend doesn't mean you can't allow them to watch anything at all but there's always things you can do for an hour or so....go downtown, visit a few places.....but tell them that you really would like at least some of the time to turn the silly thing off. 

[Marathoner]

On 1/8/2024 at 6:50 AM, Mochayum said:

Do you think it’s ok to not visit parents anymore. I’m not completely comfortable around them. They always grill me about why I’m not married yet and have no kids. I have to stay with them for weeks because they are out of state and in order to not be rude I have to watch shows with them. That’s all they do is watch shows. My dad gets mad at me if I just stay in my old room which is really all I want to do.

It was difficult growing up with my dad and he’s mellowed out a bit but I still am not completely comfortable around him. There’s always an eggshell I don’t wanna step on so I try to watch myself around him.

anyway, I’m thinking of not visiting them again  is that wrong ?

 

I didn't notice this topic back when you started it. My apologies for that. 

Having been born into a house where we children were terrorized by our parents, I will offer a perspective of "honor your father and mother" that differs from the norm. How so?

It's simple. I learned that honoring my father and mother had to do with serving them in a time of their need. Therefore, if our parents are ill and need help, don't withhold that from them. I was thousands of miles distant --- and both homeless and penniless --- when my father suffered from dementia and eventually passed away. What was important to him? 

I managed to speak to him on the phone at a time when he was unresponsive and didn't remember who anyone was. When he heard my voice on the phone, my father "returned" for a moment. He recognized my voice and said, "I love you, son." It was a miracle. 

He passed on shortly after that. 

As for my father, he changed during my teens, repenting of the evil he had done to us all and turning into a different man. We grew close by the time I enlisted in the military and escaped that house. He understood and supported my escape. As for my mother? She never changed. She hated me intensely because I resisted her domination and attempts to manipulate me, so I was "dead" to her. I honored her wishes by staying away from her (that was what she wanted). I was thankful because this made it possible for me to eventually recover, heal, and forgive her with the encouragement of the Lord. 

I was grieved, however. I sincerely wanted to help her during the final years of her life, but she wanted nothing to do with me. I would do such a thing gladly, receiving it as an honor from God, but it wasn't going to happen. She hated me until she passed away. 

Ah, but the Lord had something else in store. He eventually brought me to a widow who was abandoned by her children and family... and I was six days younger than her first child, her only son. Her only son was taken away from her after he was born, and when I learned this, I was shaken and astonished. I'm the only son of my mother, and she had abandoned me. It was all too clear that this was what the Lord had in mind for me to do so that I could honor my mother...

She became the mother I never had, and I was the son who had been taken away from her when she was young. The Lord is amazing, so be patient! 

Edited July 3, 2024 by Marathoner