Afraid I can't be fixed and I'm going to fail

[Figure of eighty]

My thoughts are so bad right now. I feel so tormented. I want to cry bc I feel ashamed and upset I'm struggling mentally. 

I feel weak needing to take meds. 

I feel too ashamed to speak out that idk maybe this is more than anxiety I'm experiencing. I'm afraid of sever mental illness. 

One the 16th of Aug ill know if I make it into my nursing program. I'm so afraid I can't do it or complete it bc of my poor mental health. I want to sob bc I feel burnt out. I'm afraid I just won't make it. 

 

I'm scared. 

 

I have self harm intrusive thoughts and they're high tonight. I wish I could make it go away. 

Edited July 27, 2024 by Figure of eighty

[ladypeartree]

NEEDING HELP WHEN YOU FEEL OVERWHELMED IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF 

I am praying that you can get onto the programme if it is in your best interests but if for some reason you dont then it is NOT the end of the world and you can try again when you are feeling stronger.   If you feel like this about yourself and your mental health issues how would you help others as a nurse when they are in the same position ? 

By dwelling on all the things that could /may go wrong or all the things you feel you have failed in you are driving yourself further down the road in depression . Start making lists of all the blessings you have and find someone to talk to if possible so you dont have to shoulder it all alone 

Will continue to pray for you and your beautiful children 

[Vine Abider]

7 hours ago, ladypeartree said:

NEEDING HELP WHEN YOU FEEL OVERWHELMED IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF 

I am praying that you can get onto the programme if it is in your best interests but if for some reason you dont then it is NOT the end of the world and you can try again when you are feeling stronger.   If you feel like this about yourself and your mental health issues how would you help others as a nurse when they are in the same position ? 

By dwelling on all the things that could /may go wrong or all the things you feel you have failed in you are driving yourself further down the road in depression . Start making lists of all the blessings you have and find someone to talk to if possible so you dont have to shoulder it all alone 

Will continue to pray for you and your beautiful children 

Amen!  And be sure to cry aloud to Him who loves you (it's true) and shed His blood for you!  Speak the name of the Lord Jesus aloud, regardless of your feelings. For instance, declare "JESUS IS LORD!" and "Lord Jesus, I give these thoughts and feelings to you - help me!"  Proclaim, "Jesus is Lord over these things tormenting me and in the name of Jesus BE GONE!"

And yes, seek fellowship with some who really know the Lord.

Remember, "There is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus!"  Romans 8:1

[Jayne]

12 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I feel weak needing to take meds. 

Are you taking your meds?  The last time you were here you said that you were not.  I take a lot of meds and I need anti-depressants really badly.  I've been examined by my regular doctor, my therapist, and a psychiatrist went over  all my meds with me.  I cannot take the anti-depressants NOR any supplemental help because of my epilepsy meds and my blood thinners.

Funny how you feel weak because a doctor prescribed you meds and I feel weak and pathetic because I CAN'T take them.

Guess what.  You ARE weak.  I AM weak.  Everyone is weak.  The Bible says so.  

And God LOVES us IN our weakness.  The Bible says in Psalm 103:14 and Psalm 78:39 that God KNOWS we are just "dust, flesh, and a passing breeze that never returns."

God KNOWS you and I and everyone elseare weak.  He loves us nonetheless.

It takes a while for meds to kick in.  The longer you put them off, the longer you will suffer.  Your doctor needs to discuss this with you.

[Marathoner]

Every word that @Jayne writes above is true, @Figure of eighty. All of us are weak! There is no shame in our weakness at all in Jesus Christ. 

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in distresses, in persecutions, in difficulties, in behalf of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NASB)

I'm only here writing this because of the Lord. I didn't make it by virtue of my own strength, for that failed me a long time ago! 

Edited July 28, 2024 by Marathoner

[Debp]

On 7/26/2024 at 7:43 PM, Figure of eighty said:

My thoughts are so bad right now. I feel so tormented. I want to cry bc I feel ashamed and upset I'm struggling mentally. 

I feel weak needing to take meds. 

I feel too ashamed to speak out that idk maybe this is more than anxiety I'm experiencing. I'm afraid of sever mental illness. 

One the 16th of Aug ill know if I make it into my nursing program. I'm so afraid I can't do it or complete it bc of my poor mental health. I want to sob bc I feel burnt out. I'm afraid I just won't make it. 

 

I'm scared. 

 

I have self harm intrusive thoughts and they're high tonight. I wish I could make it go away. 

Everyone gave you good counsel.

Since you mentioned some time back that you are sleep deprived....are you finally getting any more sleep?

Lack of sleep over the course of time will affect the brain very badly.   Learn to take care of your body, the temple of the Holy Spirit.

[Lilybloom]

God helps those who help themselves. Why would taking pills make you feel weak? They're the equipment given to you to fight. You can certainly try going into battle unarmored and unarmed, but you'll fare far better with such things. Do what you can, seeking support if it's needed; it's easy to worry, but remember that the Lord cares for you and your wellbeing.

I'll be wishing you the best, sister.

[Mozart's Starling]

If you take psych meds like I do, as others have mentioned they take time to kick in. Like at least a month of no days missed before you feel their benefits. I'll pray for you.

Edited August 13, 2024 by Mozart's Starling

[farouk]

On 8/11/2024 at 1:19 PM, Lilybloom said:

God helps those who help themselves. Why would taking pills make you feel weak? They're the equipment given to you to fight. You can certainly try going into battle unarmored and unarmed, but you'll fare far better with such things. Do what you can, seeking support if it's needed; it's easy to worry, but remember that the Lord cares for you and your wellbeing.

I'll be wishing you the best, sister.

Hi @Lilybloom I can't give medical advice, but there's also the Armor of Ephesians 6.

[Marathoner]

On 7/26/2024 at 8:43 PM, Figure of eighty said:

My thoughts are so bad right now. I feel so tormented. I want to cry bc I feel ashamed and upset I'm struggling mentally. 

I feel weak needing to take meds. 

I feel too ashamed to speak out that idk maybe this is more than anxiety I'm experiencing. I'm afraid of sever mental illness. 

One the 16th of Aug ill know if I make it into my nursing program. I'm so afraid I can't do it or complete it bc of my poor mental health. I want to sob bc I feel burnt out. I'm afraid I just won't make it. 

 

I'm scared. 

 

I have self harm intrusive thoughts and they're high tonight. I wish I could make it go away. 

One step at a time, my friend. Do you know what I mean by that?

Only focus upon what it is directly in front of you. The Lord does not expect any more (or less) from us. So, when you wake up to a new day, focus upon what you must do next. Do not project into the unknown, a lesson that the Spirit imparted to me a long time ago while I recovered from brain damage. I had come close to death back then, and I could not bear to continue having lost the ability to speak and to concentrate and think clearly. I begged the Lord to let me die, but He refused to honor my petition. All I could see is my ruin, but the Lord declared otherwise.

He promised that not only would I speak and reason again, but that He would restore what I had lost in a measure far exceeding what I had possessed before. I couldn't see nor fathom it, but the Spirit soothed my soul, telling me to focus only upon the here and now. So, that's what I did. After the span of two years passed, I found myself restored in precisely the manner He promised. How did I exceed what I had possessed before?

The Lord taught me the value of silence, something I didn't have before. Silence in the face of hardship... trial... tribulation... and when it seems that all hope is lost. We overcome this affliction by learning how to live with it, @Figure of eighty. Unless the Lord sees fit to remove it from us --- He hasn't done so for me --- then this is our cross to bear and what makes us His overcomers. No measure of words can express the blessing that awaits those who overcome. 

During a depressive cycle, I suffer from the same thoughts that you do. I know what to do: I endure, I press on, and I let the worst of it wash over me. Is it hard? Yes. Agonizing? Absolutely. However, understand this, that the Lord has grace for you. He knows what we face. Rapid cycling is the worst to be sure, and it sounds like what you've been going through. I've been there... let it wash over you. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to scream, then scream into a pillow. Never give up.