Dating a non Christian :) Dilemma

[irishbeast]

So,

I have been on a few Christian dating sites and met a few lasses. The two recently were an absolute nightmare. Honestly it was beggars belief. Once was a pathological liar and the other was the rudest person I have ever met!

Anyway, I needed a cleaner at short notice a few days ago and so went on a local Facebook page and voila a lass came. Nice lass and to say we hit it off is a bit of an understatement! Was quite bizarre. We've seen each other every day since actually. She's really fun and I feel so at ease with her. It's quite something.

However,

She likes to party and is no stranger to substances. She does however also work for a company who deal with harm reduction from drugs at dance events which blew my mind a bit. Reason being that I just finished writing my book about substance abuse. So it was almost perfect timing and something I had been praying about. 

So she likes to party and is not a Christian. She knows that I am serious about my faith and church life but isn't bothered at all, seems an unlikely match up in some wats but in other ways it feels strangely right.

From scripture I'm thinking about 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers"

I'm a bit torn here and could do with some advice. Have any of you dated/married a non believer? I would love some input

Thanks!

 

 

 

[Vine Abider]

53 minutes ago, irishbeast said:

So,

I have been on a few Christian dating sites and met a few lasses. The two recently were an absolute nightmare. Honestly it was beggars belief. Once was a pathological liar and the other was the rudest person I have ever met!

Anyway, I needed a cleaner at short notice a few days ago and so went on a local Facebook page and voila a lass came. Nice lass and to say we hit it off is a bit of an understatement! Was quite bizarre. We've seen each other every day since actually. She's really fun and I feel so at ease with her. It's quite something.

However,

She likes to party and is no stranger to substances. She does however also work for a company who deal with harm reduction from drugs at dance events which blew my mind a bit. Reason being that I just finished writing my book about substance abuse. So it was almost perfect timing and something I had been praying about. 

So she likes to party and is not a Christian. She knows that I am serious about my faith and church life but isn't bothered at all, seems an unlikely match up in some wats but in other ways it feels strangely right.

From scripture I'm thinking about 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers"

I'm a bit torn here and could do with some advice. Have any of you dated/married a non believer? I would love some input

Thanks!

 

 

 

I have experience here.  I wasn't actively following the Lord at a point . . . I'll just say it's best not to get entangled with an unbeliever no matter how right it seems - no eternal profit in it.  With a short term relationship, the flesh may get a thrill and some satisfaction, but ultimately it's quite potentially damaging, to say the least.  There are real good reasons the Lord admonishes us not to! (not to mention the substance abuse thing)

I'd encourage you to pray something like, "Lord, you know I am really tempted here by the thought of a relationship with this woman. But there are distinct warning signs here and in Your word. Speak to me and show me clearly Your will in this and keep me from a damaging situation."

[Debp]

45 minutes ago, irishbeast said:

So,

I have been on a few Christian dating sites and met a few lasses. The two recently were an absolute nightmare. Honestly it was beggars belief. Once was a pathological liar and the other was the rudest person I have ever met!

Anyway, I needed a cleaner at short notice a few days ago and so went on a local Facebook page and voila a lass came. Nice lass and to say we hit it off is a bit of an understatement! Was quite bizarre. We've seen each other every day since actually. She's really fun and I feel so at ease with her. It's quite something.

However,

She likes to party and is no stranger to substances. She does however also work for a company who deal with harm reduction from drugs at dance events which blew my mind a bit. Reason being that I just finished writing my book about substance abuse. So it was almost perfect timing and something I had been praying about. 

So she likes to party and is not a Christian. She knows that I am serious about my faith and church life but isn't bothered at all, seems an unlikely match up in some wats but in other ways it feels strangely right.

From scripture I'm thinking about 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers"

I'm a bit torn here and could do with some advice. Have any of you dated/married a non believer? I would love some input

Thanks!

 

 

 

I advise someone to not even begin dating an unbeliever as it usually leads to no good and a lot of suffering in the end.   (Besides the Word of God warning us not to do that.).   The unbeliever usually pulls the believer downward or else causes the believer much suffering.

Have you asked this gal what her relationship with Jesus is?   Would she be willing to go to church with you to hear the Bible preached?   Is she willing to have prayer with you?  If she is not interested in spiritual things at all, then it is best to let her go.

[ayin jade]

This is something I know well from personal experience @irishbeast

I was not a believer when a Christian man asked me out to bible study on a date. During those couple of hours, he figured out that although I believed in God (a sort of generic god), I did not believe in Jesus and was not saved. 

He told me  what the bible said about being unequally yoked and promptly dumped me. 

Ug

I got saved that night. Not because I wanted to see him again (he was about to see about being a missionary with wycliff), but because I humbly approached the Lord and asked Him if He wanted me to believe in Jesus. After that whirlwind change in me, it was clear I was now saved. 

I worked with that guy in a hospital so I saw him again. A couple of months later, after speaking to church members about me, he decided that as a believer, I was "safe" to date.

He is now eating an apple, in my home, married for (gotta do math) 35 yrs this july.

[ayin jade]

My advice...

No "missionary" dating where you hope she will get saved. It is dishonest if she expects marriage and you cant marry an unbeliever.

Just be honest and tell her what the bible says and what you believe. Invite her to church. If it is His will, she will get saved.

If she doesnt become a Christian, believing in Him because she truly believes not because she wants to do it for you, then you really do not have a choice but to cut things off.

[warrior12]

Let me put it this way.  Trials and temptations come in so many forms and ways. Discernment and prayer, seeking the Lord face in what to do in situation like these is  a good thing.   

I will be honest and say, many a times I did not listen, but wanted my own way, not in dating situation, but others and well, got burned. The Older ladies here should have the words of advice and caution that I think would be wise to heed.  

Satan sets his traps in so many diverse ways, that many believers don't think of it as that, but of their own free will.  Oh, just read Mr.Thomas Brooks " precious remedies aginst satan devices " and you can see his clever schemes outlined in so many ways.

I would say too, you must show your born again attributes as you dialogue with that person and then it will be her to choose and not you, if you have really established to follow your faith.  Sometimes the Lord will use situations like these to bring a lost soul home and it can turn out well.

[irishbeast]

4 hours ago, Debp said:

I advise someone to not even begin dating an unbeliever as it usually leads to no good and a lot of suffering in the end.   (Besides the Word of God warning us not to do that.).   The unbeliever usually pulls the believer downward or else causes the believer much suffering.

Have you asked this gal what her relationship with Jesus is?   Would she be willing to go to church with you to hear the Bible preached?   Is she willing to have prayer with you?  If she is not interested in spiritual things at all, then it is best to let her go.

I have yes. She was raised Catholic but hasn't really practiced it for a long time.

 

She did ask me about my faith though and I told her. I have not asked the questions but I would be almost certain she would be willing to pray with me, although I do like doing it alone unless outside of my church family - but I can make an exception. I might make her something to eat one night and start by saying grace.

There's not been so much as a kiss yet as his has been playing on my mind. I'm gonna meet her again more than likely. It would just seem a bit tragic to shut her off for no reason in her eyes and she does seem really nice and caring. I resigned myself to never meeting anyone so its been nice and really really "simple". She doesn't play games or stress me out at all like most women (no offence ladies!)

[irishbeast]

4 hours ago, Debp said:

I advise someone to not even begin dating an unbeliever as it usually leads to no good and a lot of suffering in the end.   (Besides the Word of God warning us not to do that.).   The unbeliever usually pulls the believer downward or else causes the believer much suffering.

Have you asked this gal what her relationship with Jesus is?   Would she be willing to go to church with you to hear the Bible preached?   Is she willing to have prayer with you?  If she is not interested in spiritual things at all, then it is best to let her go.

Maybe - Shes the one making most of the moves but I have just been a gentleman and a friend so far.

 

One the ladies in my church family is married to a non believer and they have been happily married for a long time. Now occassionaly even now she still asks us to pray for him as I suppose it must be playing on her mind that someone she loves is not going to be saved by believing in Christ so we are hoping he may be saved by grace. 

 

I have been praying for her since asking the Lord to reveal himself to her. I will ask my church family to do the same and maybe just hold off things til we have either had a frank discussion or a grand revelation happens!

I did think she would cringe when I mentioned it but she didn't (I had to mention it immediately) and she asks me how Church went etc and told me to have a nice prayer morning this morning. Its 6.30am here and with it being Easter week we are having a morning of prayer in the Pastors house which will be nice and I will ask then again. 

[irishbeast]

2 hours ago, warrior12 said:

Let me put it this way.  Trials and temptations come in so many forms and ways. Discernment and prayer, seeking the Lord face in what to do in situation like these is  a good thing.   

I will be honest and say, many a times I did not listen, but wanted my own way, not in dating situation, but others and well, got burned. The Older ladies here should have the words of advice and caution that I think would be wise to heed.  

Satan sets his traps in so many diverse ways, that many believers don't think of it as that, but of their own free will.  Oh, just read Mr.Thomas Brooks " precious remedies aginst satan devices " and you can see his clever schemes outlined in so many ways.

I would say too, you must show your born again attributes as you dialogue with that person and then it will be her to choose and not you, if you have really established to follow your faith.  Sometimes the Lord will use situations like these to bring a lost soul home and it can turn out well.

Thanks  - that's really helpful

I did wonder initially if it was a curveball from the evil one which is why I have kept my hands off so to speak until I have a bit more clarity on whether this has any substance. I haven't really felt like this before and without being horrible she is not much of a looker, so the fact that I am drawn makes it strange in a nice way. I know its an old cliche but we sat in mine for a few hours having a brew last night and its like I have known her a long time. I can't describe it. I would hate to lose out on something which could be great, but I do constantly mention my faith and she will see things on walls around my flat that will remind her all the time. 

Maybe she will think "Why is he not like the other guys?" and maybe put 2 and 2 together and start asking more questions. I would love nothing more. Christ comes first for me as he will never cause me problems, not that she has but you know what I mena.

Thanks for all the responses, even if i've not replies to all individually there were a few similar points - All useful stuff.

 IB

[Who me]

6 hours ago, irishbeast said:

I'm a bit torn here and could do with some advice

Don't  mix business with pleasure.

She is your employee, keep it like that, be upfront  about what you believe and how you live.

Point out the contradiction  in her life, working for a reduce drug abuse company yet abuses drugs herself. 

 

If you do d3cide to date, then two rules.

No drugs on a date and a regular date is to go to church together.