I dont know what to do.

[GodslilRedneck]

This month is really hard and I don't even know how to explain it. Two years ago my 18 year old cousin, Steven, died. It seems to have been Carbon Monoxide posioning but there are so many things that don't add up. I know its time to "get over it," but it is so hard. I got so mad when he died because he had just started to turn his life around and everything was looking up for him. He was happy and full of life. He had started to come back and be part of the family again. He was having a hard time though because we had just lost our grandfather in August, and he didnt handle it well at all. And I was living in Florida during all of this and we had came back when we learned that PaPa had died, and we went back for school and when we came back up for Christmas Steven looked so great and so happy, like his old self again. And when we went back to Florida and everything seemed fine until we got home from school. Dad seemed fine and everything but he said that he had to talk to mom so they went in their bedroom and all the sudden i start hearing mom screaming and hitting the wall "nooo not my steven" and I just thought something bad had happened

to him but then I was like no nothing could have happened to him he's never been hurt no matter how many wrecks he's been in, and when they told me that he had died all I thought was no it cant be it has to be some kind of mistake. But no it wasn't a mistake, he was really gone. i just cried my eyes out but i didnt want to believe it cause Steven was a really big part of my life, he was the one that I wanted to be like. He was the biggest Redneck in the valley! and I wanted to be just like him, I guess that is why it was so hard for me to deal with his death, I know he is Heaven, and I know that it is selfish to want him here but I miss him so much and I want him here...its getting closer to the anniversary of his death on the 11th and

I dont know what to do...it just seems like it is getting harder...I thought it was suppose to be getting easier....

please help

a 16 yr old girl trying to figure it out

[nebula]

Sometimes all you can do is to cry, honey.

Letting go is hard, I know.

But letting go is the only way to achieve peace.

Until then, just let yourself cry.

And imagine yourself on Jesus' lap as you cry.

Let yourself find yourself in Him, and He'll see you through.

He knows pain, too, you know.

[paperflowers]

My heart goes out to you...I lost my mother two years ago. AND IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING ELSE I EVER SAY LISTEN TO THIS.....YOU ARE NOT ON A TIME FRAME FOR GETTING OVER YOUR COUSIN.....DEATH AND GREIF HAVE NO TIME FRAME....just because it has been two years does not mean that you should be over it. Talk your feelings out. I do not know if you know of anyone else that has lost a loved one but someone who has will be someone that will listen. They know first hand what your pain is......now if you know someone who has not lost someone that can be good too but those who have feel your pain much better. Is there a support/grief theraphy group at your church? If not look into the "blue pages" of your city's phone book for a free calling support group. You will really feel better if you can express your feelings. So that you know you can talk without hearing a voice or thinking someone is judging you you may personal message at anytime. I can listen and allow you to have some of the insight i have gained thus far. And another thing....just as i thought i was healing a little more TODAY, I ran into a church memeber that i did not know had lost her mother....and i saw the tears it caused her to have lost her mother a year and a half ago....it brought back fresh memories for me and hurt just a little more because i had met her mother who did not live locally.

Please allow your self to talk and cherish the memories of your cousin.....

[GodslilRedneck]

Thanks you guys...I do express myself on how I feel about my cousin and the sad part is there is a lot of more people that feel the same way, you see we lost 2 18 yr olds on the same day my cousin and another young man from our hs and i was talking to a friend that had grown up with the other young man and it did make it a lot better but I just dread next thursday...and we a do a memorial mud run for my cousin that was his favorite thing to do so we do it annually to keep his spirit alive...thanks again

[paperflowers]

I just looked at where you are from....Charlotte, NC (me)....here so.....you hang in there and let me know if i can help you when you are tired of talking to them......

[Guest godsci]

Dear Godslilredneck,

Very sorry to hear of your loss...

Prayed for you and your family (that God will carry you through this process of grieving, for peace and the joy of Christ)... Will pray again.

You're doing the right thing -- talk to other empathetic Christians about your grief... let yourself cry if you need to... spend time with God... tell him of your grief... of your pain... he can take it and ... when we depend on him, he will carry us through these times of grief...

Grace and Peace to you through Jesus Christ,

John

Edited January 4, 2006 by godsci

[other one]

[Leonard]

May the Lord be of comfort to you and your family. +

[RustyAngeL]

So right. Grief for everyone is different. I don't let go easy. My mom died 15 years ago and my dad 18. There isn't a day that goes by I don't miss them and yes still grieve. Give it all the time you need and do what it takes to get through it.

[mikado5001]

G-d's lil redneck;

I am so sorry about the death in your family. I lost my mother and a beloved aunt within 6 weeks of one another. And grief is painfull. G-d will give comfort to those who mourn. And know this. Grief is something we never really get over. Grief is something we get through. And when we emerge from the dark places into the light. May that light shine bright.