deceptions

[jackie d]

Two weeks ago I posted in prayer requests.."help me" nothing more. And the prayers came and I am here today to testify to you all what can happen to even the most sincere heart seeking our Father.

I fell into the hands of a man who exuded everything that I would want to be myself and even have as a husband. These are the things that he showed me. And I wanted to believe so badly that this Christian man was as good as he seemed...but the thing I left out was remembering to read the fine print.

This man took my love for the Lord and literally used it against me to control me. It started out as showing me that he could be my teacher...after all 20 some yrs of reading and studying and hearing from the Lord he must be capable of showing me the things I didn't understand myself about Christ and my walk with Him, right? Well after a while I found myself thinking, feeling and even talking like him. As one person pointed out they thought that I was this man just using a different name...that is how much I had left myself behind.

This man convinced me that I must leave my family and friends (few of them that I had) because they did not denounce how they behaved and their walk with Christ. And even though he never came out and said it, I knew that if I did not do these things he would leave...there was always that underlying unspoken threat. He had told me about his own family and how he has left them all, except his daughter, because they did not live in the manner he felt that they should. And right or wrong he believed what he had done was what he was supposed to do so he did it. He had told me that he will have nothing to do with people who tolerate their families not living strictly by these standards. Very legalistic and very condemning.

I must say that in these past months of having this man in my life I lost-at the time-ground that I had gained in my walk yet was enlightened to how very dangerous some people can be to our faith.

I did many things that I am not proud of because of the things this man was teaching me. Cruel words to those who did not see things the way I did. Unrelenting in my words to get people to see how wrong they are. Now, there are many things that he said to me that I truly already believe, I will not waiver on those things...but I must bend to kindness and patience when stating the things I believe with all of my heart..thus exhibiting the Fruits of the Spirit. In my actions I too became legalistic and condemning. I too attempted to manipulate people with fear instead of simply speaking the truth in a manner that never offends...a trait I AM very capable of.

The last and final stage of this relationship is when he took my love, that I had so freely given and threw it out the window like a used rag and betrayed my heart. Through many tears and bouts of anger, I have reached a place of acceptance and sought forgiveness by the Lord for my actions and words that caused others and myself pain.

I have written this not to excuse my behaviors that harmed people here but to ask for forgiveness for my treatment of my brothers and sisters. I do not put responsibility on the shoulders of this man for my behavior but simply to explain what had taken over inside of me that made me seem to be another person to you all.

So, with all of this said....I ask forgiveness of each and everyone of you whom I have offended and hurt in any way during this trial of my life. The love I have for the Lord is great and the love I have for my brothers and sisters in Christ is also great...it shames me to realize that I have taken the love that I have and the love you all have and made it difficult because of what I had allowed to happen in my mind.

Blessings to you all

[terter]

Don't think our paths have crossed on this website but it takes "A LOT" to apologize even over the internet. I admire you for having the courage to be humble.

[shepherdsgrace]

Jackie I feel the LORD has granted you a grace filled deliverance. You obviously have been in dangerous territory that would have changed your entire future. But the Lord has turned it to your good. You have become aware and have learned. May you be encouraged and thankful to no longer to be in such bondage. Our God is faithful!

[jackie d]

Jackie I feel the LORD has granted you a grace filled deliverance. You obviously have been in dangerous territory that would have changed your entire future. But the Lord has turned it to your good. You have become aware and have learned. May you be encouraged and thankful to no longer to be in such bondage. Our God is faithful!

I fear shepherdsgrace had I not constantly called on the Lord to keep me that I would have fallen away..there were many black and bleak days during this time that lasted over 6 months. Plenty of damage was done, but as our Lord is faithful, He will restore the years that the moth has eaten.

[Jorge S]

Hi Jackie

I thank the Lord for rescuing you and I thank you for allowing Him to do so. You have suffered the cruelest of experiences and the deepest of betrayals. If you were not a Christian you would be under drugs in a mental institution, probably after a suicidal attempt, or bitter and revengeful, carrying an unbearable level of hurt and sadness for the rest of your life.

But Our Lord is loyal, just and truthful. He reached down and lifted you up. He cleansed you and made you stand again. What a marvelous Lord we have! What a power of regeneration He offers to all who trust in Him! I was touched by the Holy Spirit while reading your post as a confirmation that your testimony is sincere and that you are up and well. Be blessed, sister.

Praise Him! Blessed Be His Name for All Eternity!

[Openly Curious]

Glad to have you with us here jackie and to hear the testimony that our God is faithful to us in times of trouble. many loving blessings to you

oc

[Northern lass]

The Lord bless and keep you Jackie. I feel He will use this dreadful experience to His glory, indeed He is already doing so.

[jamie]

Psalm 37:23-24

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD,

And He delights in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;

For the LORD upholds him with His hand...

Some of the greatest people in biblical history took a hard fall, Jackie ...and we are no different. God takes our mistakes and turns them into stepping stones of growth and new life.

[Guest lovinghim4ever]

What a great and tender post.

What a humbleness I sensed while reading it.

Though I don't feel you owe ME an apology I do offer my forgiveness.

I admire your tenacity and will keep you in my prayers.

Please, keep your eyes on God!

[jackie d]

I cannot begin to tell everyone how difficult it was to send this man on his way. I don't have many friends and I never date..have no irons in the fire so to speak. And how he used that against me. Never have I known such pain.

But you know I praised the Lord even in the most difficult moments. And the best thing that I could have done for my relationship with God is to tell this man that I was moving on and returning to my first love, God. Then I prayed and sought forgiveness from Him who created me.

Now, I can only lean on Him..my heart hurts daily but the pain is easing. It is healing.

Thank you all so much for your support and love

In Him