Will this end?

[Thysia]

Some of you may know me... the dumbhead starting this subject time after time... but i just don't know how to get out of this.

Starting this topic i hope someone knows the answer.

Few years ago i got home, being very depressed. Doctor told me i had a burnout. Things at work and private things were to much for me. I couldn;t handle it anymore. had lots of physical problems too like heart and breathing stuff. they found out i got asthma, some infections.. and some more.

my relationship with God wasn't there... i hated myself for being in this position (actually i always have hated myself) and i was looking at satanical sites to punish myself. Not feeling worthy enough to have God on my side. Things changed a little....

I got on this board and i let God into my life (at least... that's what i thought). Maybe i have Him in my life... but this is not it.

Some weeks ago a female at my church had a testimony. She told she always believed there was a God. She did many things for church and raised her children with the christian believe. But she felt she was missing something, a personal relationship with Him. She witnessed that she still was sitting on the throne... that she couldn't step off to let Jesus sit on that throne... she also explained why she couldn't... there was somethign she needed to get rid of first.

That testimony made me emotional.

I know i need God on my throne.. and i know He's the answer... and i might get that advice of you aswell.

But struggling now for so long. what is keeping me from complete surrender and what is it not being able to have joy in my life and peace... i don't know.

I need advice... shall i just step out of this world? no.. i;m to chicken for that and that's not the answer... shall i let Go of God? no.. that's not what i want. Shall i go on like this? no.. makes me backslide more and more... shall i kneel and ask God? sure... but already did that so many times... shall i read the bible and find answers in there? did that too... must be blind...

Am i just a moron that i don't understand??

When i'm in chat here.. many folks talk that easy, like if it's a piece of cookie to have such a relationship with God.. and they make me doubt even more about myself. What the heck am i doing wrong... what

I so wished i was like Mark Hall from casting crowns, and many others... fully committed to God. Working for Him, being a witness for Him, using their talents God gave them, crying cause they love God so much, crying cause of His mercy, loving others cause they have the Love of God in them.

Grandpa told me once when i was asking why it was like talkint to a wall when praying, that God was thinking the same. That God is talking to a wall when He talks to me aswell.

God doens;t need me.. i know that. I wished someone could break my walls, maybe need to be beat up to change...

can't go on like this much longer.

Will this end? and how??

[Guest]

[terter]

You're so important to the Lord - He knows when you get up for the day and when you retire. He knows the hairs on your head (the count constantly changes).

Everyone's walk with the Lord is different. Everyone has struggles. It's best not to judge ourselves by what we think others have achieved. We can all aid each other in our walk though.

Renew your mind by replacing your thoughts with what God's Word says. For example, when the thought comes that praying is like saying it to a wall - immediately bring to your mind one of the scriptures that says God hears every prayer you say. That's something that we can thank Him for.

"How to Hear from God in a Noisy World" & "Purpose Driven Life" both books helped me.

You have a purpose.

[Redefine_Me]

I will be praying for you.

One thing I want to say is that God DOES need you. You are his only mission! Jesus gave his life for your own personal salvation. He died for us all, but one thing to keep in mind when thinking about the relationship God wants with you is that Jesus died for us all, but he would have also died just for you - if you had been the only one. He loves you so much.

[Fraught]

Psalm 42:5

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him For the help of His presence.

Psalm 130:5

I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.

you are not alone thysia. i and many others have gone thru this or something similar. sometimes it is not a matter of how we feel but our simple decision to hold on to God no matter what - to seek, believe, persevere and hope.

Romans 15:4

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Hebrews 11:6

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.

Romans 2:7

He will give eternal life to those who keep on doing good, seeking after the glory and honor and immortality that God offers.

[Leonard]

I know you will not believe it, but the struggle you are going through right now IS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT STEP FOR YOUR SPIRITUAL GROWTH. You are being guided by God through this, so you can be strengthened by your trial.

PLEASE: Read "The Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross

[kari21]

I truly believe there is no "perfect" Christian life. I'm sure those people you mentioned have their share of problems as well.

For me...somedays I'm on "fire," and others I'm just blaaaah!

I don't read the Bible every single day...but I do think about God and talk to Him daily. I love my church, but on some Sundays all I want to do is sleep in.

I think that you might just be trying too hard. Sometimes, you just need to be still. Rest in your assurance that you are saved, and you are loved by God. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I used to compare myself and my walk to these "super Christians" that I admired, and it drove me NUTS! At closer inspection, they weren't so "super" and I wasn't so "lame."

We are growing in Christ....and we will grow here until we die. Then we will continue to grow and learn in the life to come. We will never reach an end to our learning.

God loves you in whatever stage of life you are in. Rest in His arms...he understands you more than any other. He is your Father, your daddy. Talk to him in the same manner you would speak to your best friend. You don't need the "thee's" and "thou's"...just yack away. He loves to listen.