Dating while you are separated, not divorced

[Ddavid from NC]

In contemporary society in states that require a separation period of up to a year, people even Christians begin dating before the divorce is final. Is this wrong? Is it indeed adultery or unfaithfulness? Should these participants be confronted? Is this a church discipline issue? Or is this a matter of personal conscience? What about if the participant is a church leader?

[zaidenmom]

IMO it is wrong to date until the divorce is final. You never know what GOD can do in our lives if we soften our heart and give it all to HIM.

zaidenmom

[Winniesue]

I would have to agree with what is already written here. I feel that you take a vow before God, and that vow is legally binding, until the any divorce is finalized. I would have to say that if my huband and I seperated, it would still hurt just as bad, if he chose to date someone else. I think if a divorce is final, then and only then should one consider dating a new person.

[tah]

What is God speaking in the situation???

If someone needs to know there you have the answer...

My opinion? ...it would just be another opinion.

[Hunterpoet]

IMO it is wrong to date until the divorce is final. You never know what GOD can do in our lives if we soften our heart and give it all to HIM.

zaidenmom

Years ago, I would have jumped right in and said, I agree, and so on and so forth.

But I think the situation does matter.

Ideally, divorce would never happen. But it happens, so we must deal with it.

Some people are abandoned by their spouse, and why should they be made to waste another year of their life on someone who couldn't care less? Human beings are not God. They do not live forever, and they do not have an infinite capacity for forgiveness or enduring abuse, whether physical, verbal, or otherwise.

How can obedience to G-ds word and teachings be considered a waste, whether it be one day or one year, time is irrelevent. We are only responsible for our actions, and the actions and attitude of another does not give us leave to commit sin.

[Guest LadyC]

IMO it is wrong to date until the divorce is final. You never know what GOD can do in our lives if we soften our heart and give it all to HIM.

zaidenmom

Years ago, I would have jumped right in and said, I agree, and so on and so forth.

But I think the situation does matter.

Ideally, divorce would never happen. But it happens, so we must deal with it.

Some people are abandoned by their spouse, and why should they be made to waste another year of their life on someone who couldn't care less? Human beings are not God. They do not live forever, and they do not have an infinite capacity for forgiveness or enduring abuse, whether physical, verbal, or otherwise.

waste of time??? wow.

ya know, maybe the happy divorcee would be much happier if he/she spent that time drawing closer to God rather than to another potential mate. especially since a rebound relationship would most likely draw them even further from God. it's all about priorities... and putting God first and foremost is NEVER a waste. HE is the only one who can truly care for us unconditionally, who can heal our broken hearts, who can restore to wholeness.

[Matthitjah]

Grace to you,

Actually the Word of God is pretty clear about this subject.

I would have to agree with the others sentiments here that seeking after God's will and Obedience to His Word is never a waste of time. After all we have all of eternity.

Peace,

Dave

[artsylady]

How long does a divorce take in the USA? I was thinking 6 months. Even secular psychologists will tell people to wait a year after divorce. The process of separation and the trials of divorce are also very trying. We need God and a strong Christian support network in these circumstances. And we need time afterward to heal, otherwise we just bring baggage into a new relationship.

As someone else also said, the unbelieving spouse may also return.

[Guest Biblicist]

In contemporary society in states that require a separation period of up to a year, people even Christians begin dating before the divorce is final. Is this wrong? Is it indeed adultery or unfaithfulness? Should these participants be confronted? Is this a church discipline issue? Or is this a matter of personal conscience? What about if the participant is a church leader?

Dating other people or each other. I'd say if they had been dating each other from the beginning, separation and divorce would not have been necessary...

When Harry Met Sally

Harry: "She wants a trial separation. She just wants to try it, she says, but we can still date, like this is supposed to cussion the blow. I mean I got married so I could stop dating. So I don't see where, 'We can still date', is any big incentive, since the last thing you wanna do is date your wife, who's supposed to love you."

[Guest LadyC]

whysoblind, if your spouse has abandoned you, that is all the more reason to draw close to God and allow HIM to be your "husband".

even in the Bible, there was a specific procedure that signified the legal dissolvement of a marriage... even though at one point that was as simple as a man slapping his sandal on the ground while saying three times "i divorce you"... that is specifically mentioned in the bible because it WAS the law of the land at that time. thus, i'm not defining adultery by the government's definition, but by God's. after all, He says to submit to the authority and laws of the land we live in.

i've been divorced. my marriage was one that some might classify as abusive. i dated during the time of our separation. but ya know what? it certainly didn't make me happy. why? because rebound relationships only cause more pain the majority of time. and sorry, but like it or not, a rebound relationship is not going to be godly if it tempts one to sin sexually (and dating usually does), or if you are still married.

yes, we should be drawing closer to God in every aspect of our lives regardless of circumstances. but that tends not to happen all the time for any of us. and in particular tends not to happen when we are emotionally devestated by one person, and seeking to feel emotionally healed through another relationship. the ONLY restorative relationship we can possibly have is through Christ.

and so why do i say this and contrast it with drawing closer to God? because i've been there. i've walked in those shoes. i was a single mother for ten years following my divorce. and before i was given a new husband by God, i had to learn to rely on HIM to be a 'husband' to me, and a father to my children. i had to learn to seek comfort in HIS arms before my heart could be sufficiently healed that my emotional baggage didn't come with me into the arms of another human.

so like it or not, you're view of this is not biblical.