The divorce and remarriage question

[givennewname]

I'm not sure my stance is accurately represented in the list of options. On a purely biblical level, the only reason for remarriage would be for a non-believing spouse to leave (and that assumes that you were a non-believer when you first got married and then converted). Jesus comments in Matthew 5 about adultery are quite often misunderstood by many Christians (and non-Christians, for that matter). They read "everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32) and think that it's ok to divorce your wife if they commit adultery (but it's not ok to divorce if your spouse is abusive, of course).

This particular verse, I think, points to the fact that if a woman (or man) is maritally unfaithful, then they have then committed adultery. But if you divorce someone you are also making them commit adultery. So the only way that you can avoid causing someone to be an adulterer if you divorce them is if they already are an adulterer, in which case nothing's changed. Too many people use this verse the wrong way.

Onto the question of whether a Christian can remarry if divorced, the most correct answer is, "no". It is adultery to be married to one person and then to marry a completely separate person. If a Christian was considering remarriage and asked my opinion, I would counsel against it. However, once they are remarried (if they remarry), then they should not then divorce again since that would be yet another sin. And they most definitely should not split up and get back together with their original partners (that is most definitely a biblical no-no). It's all quite muddled and difficult - sin always is.

The question as to whether a divorced/remarried person can be considered "Christian" is yet another issue. For this, I think only God can know for certain, and it depends on whether the person knew that what they were doing was wrong, and/or whether they had truly repented of that. I cannot point fingers and say a person is saved or not - it is not my place to Judge. Something for God to work out between them and him. It all comes down to what's in the heart.

This is what I think the Bible says about the matter. hope it helps

~ PA

Dear Brother PA,

I think the scripture Matt 5:32 is quoted wrongly. This is from the American Standard version:

Mat 5:32 but I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery.

King James version:

Mat 5:32 But1161 I1473 say3004 unto you,5213 That3754 whosoever3739, 302 shall put away630 his848 wife,1135 saving for3924 the cause3056 of fornication,4202 causeth4160 her846 to commit adultery:3429 and2532 whosoever3739, 1437 shall marry1060 her that is divorced630 committeth adultery.3429

Both versions say that excepy for the reason of fornication and not adultery; ie the bride was not a virgin entering into the marriage, all other grounds for divorce is not valid. The reason is rthat the marriage contract is not valid, which is the ground that Joseph could have divorced Mary legally because she is found to be with child.

G4202

πορνεία

porneia

Thayer Definition:

1) illicit sexual intercourse

1a) adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc.

1b) sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18

1c) sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mar_10:11,Mar_10:12

1Co 7:11 (but should she depart, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband); and that the husband leave not his wife.

1Co 7:12 But to the rest say I, not the Lord: If any brother hath an unbelieving wife, and she is content to dwell with him, let him not leave her.

1Co 7:13 And the woman that hath an unbelieving husband, and he is content to dwell with her, let her not leave her husband.

1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the brother: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

1Co 7:15 Yet if the unbelieving departeth, let him depart: the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us in peace

Based on 1Cor 7:15 if the unbeliever partner abandons the believer, then a divorce is allowed.

[Xan]

I'm not sure my stance is accurately represented in the list of options. On a purely biblical level, the only reason for remarriage would be for a non-believing spouse to leave (and that assumes that you were a non-believer when you first got married and then converted). Jesus comments in Matthew 5 about adultery are quite often misunderstood by many Christians (and non-Christians, for that matter). They read "everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32) and think that it's ok to divorce your wife if they commit adultery (but it's not ok to divorce if your spouse is abusive, of course).

This particular verse, I think, points to the fact that if a woman (or man) is maritally unfaithful, then they have then committed adultery. But if you divorce someone you are also making them commit adultery. So the only way that you can avoid causing someone to be an adulterer if you divorce them is if they already are an adulterer, in which case nothing's changed. Too many people use this verse the wrong way.

Onto the question of whether a Christian can remarry if divorced, the most correct answer is, "no". It is adultery to be married to one person and then to marry a completely separate person. If a Christian was considering remarriage and asked my opinion, I would counsel against it. However, once they are remarried (if they remarry), then they should not then divorce again since that would be yet another sin. And they most definitely should not split up and get back together with their original partners (that is most definitely a biblical no-no). It's all quite muddled and difficult - sin always is.

The question as to whether a divorced/remarried person can be considered "Christian" is yet another issue. For this, I think only God can know for certain, and it depends on whether the person knew that what they were doing was wrong, and/or whether they had truly repented of that. I cannot point fingers and say a person is saved or not - it is not my place to Judge. Something for God to work out between them and him. It all comes down to what's in the heart.

This is what I think the Bible says about the matter. hope it helps

~ PA

Dear Brother PA,

I think the scripture Matt 5:32 is quoted wrongly. This is from the American Standard version:

Mat 5:32 but I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery.

King James version:

Mat 5:32 But1161 I1473 say3004 unto you,5213 That3754 whosoever3739, 302 shall put away630 his848 wife,1135 saving for3924 the cause3056 of fornication,4202 causeth4160 her846 to commit adultery:3429 and2532 whosoever3739, 1437 shall marry1060 her that is divorced630 committeth adultery.3429

Both versions say that excepy for the reason of fornication and not adultery; ie the bride was not a virgin entering into the marriage, all other grounds for divorce is not valid. The reason is rthat the marriage contract is not valid, which is the ground that Joseph could have divorced Mary legally because she is found to be with child.

G4202

πορνεία

porneia

Thayer Definition:

1) illicit sexual intercourse

1a) adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc.

1b) sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18

1c) sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mar_10:11,Mar_10:12

1Co 7:11 (but should she depart, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband); and that the husband leave not his wife.

1Co 7:12 But to the rest say I, not the Lord: If any brother hath an unbelieving wife, and she is content to dwell with him, let him not leave her.

1Co 7:13 And the woman that hath an unbelieving husband, and he is content to dwell with her, let her not leave her husband.

1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the brother: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

1Co 7:15 Yet if the unbelieving departeth, let him depart: the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us in peace

Based on 1Cor 7:15 if the unbeliever partner abandons the believer, then a divorce is allowed.

You have quoted the Matthew 5 passage well. It does say "put away" (kick out, abandon, seperate) and not "divorce" as so many other versions say. Divorce is an end. It is final and complete; that means there is nothing holding one spouse to another. It is not adultry to get married if there is nothing beholding one to a former spouse. Yet, if one got married while merely "put away" (or what it is called now- "seperated") then it is obviously adultry.

[Bold Believer]

What is unlawful intercourse within a marriage?

Oh boy...how can I tell you this answer without getting myself banned or chastened or putting images into your mind which might cause you to stumble.

"Unlawful" intercourse would be a TYPE of sexual conduct committed between two partners which God would consider unclean. I don't think I need to list it, that would be stepping over a boundary I don't want to cross. I would say though, that even if both partners agreed to do such an act or acts, they'd still be sinning.

This is between married partners mind you. I think as adults that you can figure out what I mean without a list?

On to other things. Like defrauding. Boy, there is a sin that is not touched on much if at all. Defrauding is the act of failing to give one's partner their due in marriage. When people are married, they have an obligation to meet one another's desire for intimacy. Continual failure to do so for no good reason (illness, monthly time, advanced pregnancy, mutual agreed prayer time, or doctor's orders) is defrauding.

There is an old adage that says that if a partner is not getting what they need at home, they will seek it elsewhere. This may be a saying of men, but it is certainly true. How many marriages have been wrecked because one partner or the other failed to meet the physical desire of the other, and in utter frustration, that partner committed sin over it? "Not tonight honey, I have a headache" is neither funny NOR is it right when it becomes a continual occurrence. It's worse than being cheated on. The defrauded partner gets relegated to the status of dog or cat. Expected to be there for you, but get none of their desires taken care of. This sin is committed by women far more than men, but men do it too. It's a marriage wrecker. No self-respecting man will allow himself to be cuckolded for very long. By defrauding your partner, you cause them to sin. You'd best think long and hard about that and rectify the situation.

Now, Ezekiel, I have a question for you, or more precisely, a hypothetical.

"Sheik Abdul" we'll call him, is a Muslim who comes to America and then becomes a Christian. He has fourteen wives, fifty or so children, and is a good father and a faithful man. Which of his wives should he divorce now that he's a Christian?

Finally: what right does the state have to interfere in marriage between men and women and demand that we be licensed like dogs?

[Smalcald]

Hi Bold Believer,

Yes witholding sex is not scriptural in a marriage. I don't think "defrauding" is mentioned however in scripture. My question to you is what would or more importantly should, a "self respecting" Christian man do if his wife utterly refuses to be intimate?

What are his options as a Christian?

[Smalcald]

Waiting for an answer to this.

[kross]

Let me put this out there for food for thought.

I got divorced. I do not regret getting divorced. I regret getting married.

It was not a mistake getting divorced. It was my mistake getting married. Divorce was the only way to correct a mistake I made. (other than murder, which would have been more exceptable to some)

I did not answer your poll because the word OK tends to add a meaning or conotation that I do not like.

Making a mistake, regardless of what the mistake is, does not condemn anyone to any particular walk in life or situation.

We seem much more willling to an ex drug adict, recovering alcoholic, murderer, sex offender become a pastor of a church than an ex-married person. That's just wrong.

A person who has gone through a divorce doesn't need his fellow brothers and sisters to start dictating moral absolutes instead of grace.

Getting married killed most of my minstry work and put an end to the minister I was. Getting divorced branded me as being of no use to men and their churches. Fortunately, JESUS has never removed my anointing to preach the gospel or my calling to teach and exhort HIS people. HE always gives me work to do.

[stacey c]

Let me put this out there for food for thought.

I got divorced. I do not regret getting divorced. I regret getting married.

It was not a mistake getting divorced. It was my mistake getting married. Divorce was the only way to correct a mistake I made. (other than murder, which would have been more exceptable to some)

I did not answer your poll because the word OK tends to add a meaning or conotation that I do not like.

Making a mistake, regardless of what the mistake is, does not condemn anyone to any particular walk in life or situation.

We seem much more willling to an ex drug adict, recovering alcoholic, murderer, sex offender become a pastor of a church than an ex-married person. That's just wrong.

A person who has gone through a divorce doesn't need his fellow brothers and sisters to start dictating moral absolutes instead of grace.

Getting married killed most of my minstry work and put an end to the minister I was. Getting divorced branded me as being of no use to men and their churches. Fortunately, JESUS has never removed my anointing to preach the gospel or my calling to teach and exhort HIS people. HE always gives me work to do.

Amen kross

I've been reading this thread, but had not posted, but your post hit the nail on the head!

I've known pastor who have been divorced and the chuches make a scandal of it. God can and still does use these men of the cloth.

Only God can judge these hearts, and in all our sinfullness HE still calls us and uses us, and annoints.

You keep doing what God has called you to do!

[EricH]

Not enough choices.

[kross]

Let me put this out there for food for thought.

I got divorced. I do not regret getting divorced. I regret getting married.

It was not a mistake getting divorced. It was my mistake getting married. Divorce was the only way to correct a mistake I made. (other than murder, which would have been more exceptable to some)

I did not answer your poll because the word OK tends to add a meaning or conotation that I do not like.

Making a mistake, regardless of what the mistake is, does not condemn anyone to any particular walk in life or situation.

We seem much more willling to an ex drug adict, recovering alcoholic, murderer, sex offender become a pastor of a church than an ex-married person. That's just wrong.

A person who has gone through a divorce doesn't need his fellow brothers and sisters to start dictating moral absolutes instead of grace.

Getting married killed most of my minstry work and put an end to the minister I was. Getting divorced branded me as being of no use to men and their churches. Fortunately, JESUS has never removed my anointing to preach the gospel or my calling to teach and exhort HIS people. HE always gives me work to do.

Amen kross

I've been reading this thread, but had not posted, but your post hit the nail on the head!

I've known pastor who have been divorced and the chuches make a scandal of it. God can and still does use these men of the cloth.

Only God can judge these hearts, and in all our sinfullness HE still calls us and uses us, and annoints.

You keep doing what God has called you to do!

If I would have murdered my wife, that would have been forgiveable.

[Abigailwc]

Instead of focusing on other people's actions and trying to judge them, focus on Jesus and live by the Spirit. Who are we to label others as guilty and pass judgement? Every thing we do should be done to glorify Him.

1 Corinthians 10:31 - So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

I don't think spending our time judging others is glorifying God.