Marriage difficulties among Christians

[Willow325]

Im not saying its right but forgiveness and till death do us part would stop all remarriage, therefore divorce. Seperation may be necessary for safety or sanity.

Sorry to all those for whom it is too late for this, thats a whole nother issue, and sorry to those who would find this unfair. I am a divorced person and have been single 18 yrs, its not that pleasant at times, but in time its not unbearable either.

Jesus talked about the fact that Moses allowed divorce in his generation because the women were being abused by their husbands. He said their hearts were hardened against their wives. So, divorce was allowed.

My mother and father were divorced. He remarried without any difficulty because he was a man. But my mother, on the other hand, was looked down on as a divorcee. Like she had some kind of disease or something that made her unacceptable in society. Our society used to be very hard on women who were divorced. And usually, when a woman wanted to get out of a marriage, she couldn't. She was stuck. Often times in a loveless marriage to a man who abused her and cheated on her and flaunted his bad behavior.

If Moses had been alive in our generation, I think he would have allowed divorce in certain situations, whether the participants were believers or not.

What God has put together let no man put asunder. Did God put you together with your spouse? Neither my husband nor I were Christians when we married. So, basically, God didn't put us together. We did.

Willow325

[Believer1997]

If you believe the statistics Christians are experiencing the same divorce rate as non-Christians, and some reports including Barna Research say at a higher rate. So, I would like to discuss this with my brothers and sisters in Christ. What is going on? Are Christian more predisposed to relationship issues and pressures? Are we hypocritical in our application of forgiveness and reconciliation? Are we learning anything when we read and study the Bible about relationships? But should the church respond critically or compassionately to the issue? Should we continue disqualify them from future service in the church for a marriage failure?

I too have a problem with this. We as Christians have allowed movies, media, hollywood to tell us how relationships are supposed to work. The roles of man and woman are being attacked everyday in this country. Watch any T.V. show and watch how it degrades men and elevates women. People come to Christ out of the message of love and have no fear of God. Look on some of the posts on this topic. People had to justify their divorce and could not comment on why divorce is so high. Why aren't we as Christians being set apart? I also think the Church has done a poor job in this department.

T.V. scripts are now pretty much offering equal opportunity degradation to both genders.... I don't see too many role models for women that are "elevated" over men. It looks to me like people will do and say anything to get a cheap and usually vulgar laugh. The more dysfunctional the "family" the more popular the t.v. show.

[brothaman]

If you believe the statistics Christians are experiencing the same divorce rate as non-Christians, and some reports including Barna Research say at a higher rate. So, I would like to discuss this with my brothers and sisters in Christ. What is going on? Are Christian more predisposed to relationship issues and pressures? Are we hypocritical in our application of forgiveness and reconciliation? Are we learning anything when we read and study the Bible about relationships? But should the church respond critically or compassionately to the issue? Should we continue disqualify them from future service in the church for a marriage failure?

It is told that some people that say they are Christians and sit in church on Sundays do not have Jesus really in their heart. If you come across a couple in trouble, maybe you can recommend the movie "Fireproof" or the book that is used in the move called The Love Dare. Maybe some couples need remember what being married (under God) means to Him(God). I also think that we need to start telling people (kids,singles,married couples) what it means to be married over and over again and then over again. I think that the church needs to push the issue,pray about it, but should never disqualify them. They are in need of Jesus. Jesus didn't even turned Judas away when he knew what he was going to do.

God bless and much love, brothaman

[Shiloh62]

If you believe the statistics Christians are experiencing the same divorce rate as non-Christians, and some reports including Barna Research say at a higher rate. So, I would like to discuss this with my brothers and sisters in Christ. What is going on? Are Christian more predisposed to relationship issues and pressures? Are we hypocritical in our application of forgiveness and reconciliation? Are we learning anything when we read and study the Bible about relationships? But should the church respond critically or compassionately to the issue? Should we continue disqualify them from future service in the church for a marriage failure?

Last figures I heard were 40% for Christians,and 40% for non-Christians.

[Axxman]

Its because people are hypocrites. People say and believe one thing about divorce around their church friends...but when push comes to shove, very few people really have the heart for commitment that marriage requires. For most people, all they need is an excuse...and all that tough talk about divorce is out the window.

Its our society. Its our churches. Its our community. I mean seriously, who doesn't know a christian divorced couple? Heck, I'm the victim of divorce. There is no penalty. Its just a thing you do when your are tired of commitment to a person.

The whole divorce issue is wrecking my family...and my faith in people in general.

[tjhawks1]

Its our society. Its our churches. Its our community. I mean seriously, who doesn't know a christian divorced couple? Heck, I'm the victim of divorce. There is no penalty. Its just a thing you do when your are tired of commitment to a person.

I agree with this and people just want to ignore it. Society says it doesn't matter and it's just the way to live. Church doesn't discuss it because they are afraid it will offend people and ruin the numbers that attend their church. It's amazing how people can't see the effect of divorce on society and on our relationship with god.

[Smalcald]

My personal opinion is that much of this is caused by the Evangelical and Protestant Church refusal to get involved with divorce. The fact is divorce is sometimes allowed, sometimes it is not, but if we are Christians why would we go hide under a rock for our divorces then come jumping out in front of the Church for our marriages? Is God not everywhere?

The Church should grant divorces and if a couple does not have a valid granted divorce by a Christian Church they should not be allowed to re-marry as they are still married in the eyes of God and His Church. I also believe Christians should never accept a divorced pastor, regardless of the reason, as it goes against scripture.

We have argued quite a bit on this board about when divorce is okay or not, but the fact is with some minor exceptions everyone agrees divorce IS allowed under certain circumstances, so in those cases the Church should allow the divorce. I don't think we take divorce seriously. We say we would die for Christ, we make that vow, but yet we won't stay in a marriage when it is bad or boring or unhappy, even though we have made a vow to God Himself that we will never divorce?

[Axxman]

i have a problem with the "victim of divorce" term. the word victim is used for someone who has no control over something that happens to them. i know there are times when one spouse is more culpible than the other, but a relationship takes two people. and i think too often we use the "victim" mentality in an attempt to negate us of our responsibilies.

it's a tough call. but i think that as a society (Christians included), we have gotten into the habit of taking the path of least resistance. Christians have also gotten into the habit of melding into society. we do what they do. there are gray colors in my crayon box, but i think we use them way too often!

You may not like the term...but I feel completely victimized by divorce. I didn't ask my wife to sleep with a co-worker. I didn't ask her to divorce me. I'm the guy who's life was ripped apart because my parents (who loved my wife to death) begged me not to give up on her. They told me no matter how much it hurt, no matter how hard it got...to do EVERYTHING I could to save my marriage. I suffered through that divorce...it ruined me for awhile. If it wasn't for my faith in God I don't know how I would have handled it.

Then, my staunchly anti-divorce parents, who used to believe that divorce wasn't an option no matter how hard it got, no matter how much it hurt...are divorcing after 42 yrs of marriage. My family is torn apart. My brother and sister are devastated...even my relationship with them is strained. It is a HUGE upheaval in our family. I didn't ask for this. I don't even know how a person is supposed to prepare for this kind of hurt. The disease of divorce is ruining my family...and I feel victimized by it.

I TOTALLY agree with your description of "taking the path of least resistance." Thats exactly what it is.

[Believer1997]

My personal opinion is that much of this is caused by the Evangelical and Protestant Church refusal to get involved with divorce. The fact is divorce is sometimes allowed, sometimes it is not, but if we are Christians why would we go hide under a rock for our divorces then come jumping out in front of the Church for our marriages? Is God not everywhere?

The Church should grant divorces and if a couple does not have a valid granted divorce by a Christian Church they should not be allowed to re-marry as they are still married in the eyes of God and His Church. I also believe Christians should never accept a divorced pastor, regardless of the reason, as it goes against scripture.

We have argued quite a bit on this board about when divorce is okay or not, but the fact is with some minor exceptions everyone agrees divorce IS allowed under certain circumstances, so in those cases the Church should allow the divorce. I don't think we take divorce seriously. We say we would die for Christ, we make that vow, but yet we won't stay in a marriage when it is bad or boring or unhappy, even though we have made a vow to God Himself that we will never divorce?

We had a wonderful pastor whose wife left him and their young children and went away with another man - should he have been forced to resign as pastor of the church? We were very close to this man - his wife was promiscuous and had a number of affairs previous to leaving him. He stuck by her and even tried to get her to come back. She never did - why should he lose his church?

[Guest LonelyCreston]

If you believe the statistics Christians are experiencing the same divorce rate as non-Christians, and some reports including Barna Research say at a higher rate. So, I would like to discuss this with my brothers and sisters in Christ. What is going on? Are Christian more predisposed to relationship issues and pressures? Are we hypocritical in our application of forgiveness and reconciliation? Are we learning anything when we read and study the Bible about relationships? But should the church respond critically or compassionately to the issue? Should we continue disqualify them from future service in the church for a marriage failure?

Hi There,

On this issue, I have been married for 11 years to a wonderful woman, we are both Christian and on the brink of divorce. I have to say not from my side, but from her. She is in love with another man and says she doesn't love me anymore. We didn't have a great marriage, we had a lot of problems, but I truly love her with all my heart. So I am praying for Godly intervention, so if anybody reads this, please also give a quick prayer.

I will not give up as I believe it is written in the bible that God hates divorce and I believe he will restore our marriage.

Lonely from Creston