Hurt by a "Brother" in Christ. Makes it hard to go to church

[Isaiah 6:8]

I have been very wounded by a "brother" in my church. He was my employer at the time as well. He has almost a complete split personallity. At work, he is a person that you would never guess, save by his in your face "Christian T-shirts". With out going into all the dirt, one of the things he is at work is a bully. He bully's his employees, he yells and screams and belittles and threatens. I quit do to this behavior amongst other things. After I quit the bullying did not stop for weeks after. He left me some very cruel, hurtful and even threatening voice mails on my phone, to the point I even considered getting a restraining order on him. He even cut me off in traffic and flipped me a sign of some sort. He went out of his way to cut me off, and then slowed down over all just to messed with Me.

He still goes to my church. He puts on a really good show, worshiping loud and in front. I did talk to my pastor about this and the pastor did remove him from all forms of leadership in the church. He still goes.

Here is my problem, quite honestly I was afraid of him for my physical well being. My pastor said if he ever pulled another stunt like that he would deal with that. I am finally after several months (this occurred in August) and I have only been to church on Sunday morning twice. The initial reason was fear. The other reason was I know what he is really like. I am usually fine with people having issues, and not being perfect in church, this does not bother me. What bothers me is this. He pretends very loudly and boisterously to be perfect. He talks down people who have issues, as does his wife. (they drove my nieces mom away with that. Told her how much sin she was in because she had a kid out of wedlock) Takes scripture wildly out of context, and if confronted on any issue turns it around to make you the bad guy, or that its not his fault his dad mistreated him. This holier then thou, hypocritical attitude makes it hard for me to even look at the guy, also knowing he is gunning for me to have a "talk" with me on how much I have sinned, and how much of a "spineless jellyfish" -his words- I am. Its even caused me to think about moving out of town. like to another country all together.

I have talked to him one on one before about his behavior. He apologizes to my face, then turns it around how bad I am, and then goes on doing it.

I am still in ministry in my youth group, and I get fed a bit but thats where I pour out.

Help.

-Isaiah-

Edited January 26, 2010 by Isaiah 6:8

[MorningGlory]

Maybe I've missed something, not sure, but why is that you think this fool has any power over you? You don't have to see him, talk to him or put up with him in any way. If he leaves you threatening VMs or e-mails, take them to the police. If he cuts you off in traffic, dig up witnesses and go to the police. People can't just harass or threaten you; there are laws against it. Tell him flatly to jump off the edge of the world and leave you alone or else. He will continue to bully you as long as you let him.

[EricH]

Over the next few weeks our pastor is sharing messages on forgiveness and reconciliation. I can post the links if you would like

[OneLight]

Realize that fear is not of the Lord and if you give into it, you are allowing the one bringing the fear to rule over He who gives the fruits of the Spirit. I know that this is easier said then done, but go no matter what. Those whom you are leading need you. God gave you this position for a purpose. Since the pastor knows and understands, all you need to do is continue in what you are called to do and rely on the Lord to convict them of the wrong they are doing. You can ignore him, and his wife if need be. Trust in Him!

[Isaiah 6:8]

Thank you all. The fear is pretty much gone, its the hard to see him there. I don't know why but just seeing him pretending hurts.

[MorningGlory]

Thank you all. The fear is pretty much gone, its the hard to see him there. I don't know why but just seeing him pretending hurts.

It would hurt me as well to see such hypocrisy in church, Isaiah. All you can do about THAT situation is pray for God to change his heart. But please don't let him keep you from church, where you want to be, or the devil wins.

[wyguy]

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:21-23)

[georgedrw81]

]or else. He will continue to bully you as long as you let him.

Look him in the eyes and tell him to leave you alone. Forgive him in your prayers.Pray.

Blessings

[JCISGD]

hi Isaiah, Jesus had all the Angels at His command, but chose to show humility unto death.

A soft answer turns away wrath and heaps coals on your enemies head. You are the apple of Gods eye whoever touches you angers God, and He will always bring justice as long as you forgive and leave it for Him to judge.

I have seen this multiple times, its not just a nice platitude. Ive had two bosses yelling in my face, but i said nothing and went to them later and spoke softly admitting my fault and acknowledging God was using them to correct me. Both did complete 180 % turns and one went through a divorce soon after and i met him again several years later and is a good friend.

God is testing you through this mans hypocrisy, beware lest you be found a hypocrite too.

[Fez]

I know the feeling Isaiah, and have been in a similar situation before. Bully's need to be confronted, as hard as that is to do, but they also need to be forgiven - also a hard thing to do.

From what I have seen, you write well. One solution is to write this person a letter, setting out your concerns. Then sit on the letter for a day or so. Rewrite it. The first draft will have stuff in it that you may want to rethink... To write in haste is fatal (refer some worthy posts!). Then copy the letter, and hand one to him and one to your pastor. Don't mail it, give them both hard copies.

Then sit back and wait. He will react with anger, and denial, but he cannot allege you said things in the letter that you did not. You will have a witness to what you wrote.

But write the letter as Jesus would want you to, with grace and dignity, but spell everything out in no uncertain terms. This is why I say rewrite or edit it a day or so later. Pray about your reply before writing or editing.

Sometimes people like him will not, cannot, listen, but they have to if you write.

And if you need help with writing it, and here I mean so that you are sure your reply carries grace, I am here to assist you to tell you if you are being to harsh, or unforgiving in your writing if you need me. You can pm me a draft if you so feel.

Writing stuff down is often such a release for me, it gets it all out of my system, and I have written hundreds of letters and prayers, that no one except myself have ever read....

Blessings