Hurt by a "Brother" in Christ. Makes it hard to go to church

[CRAZY_4_JESUS]

I have been very wounded by a "brother" in my church. He was my employer at the time as well. He has almost a complete split personallity. At work, he is a person that you would never guess, save by his in your face "Christian T-shirts". With out going into all the dirt, one of the things he is at work is a bully. He bully's his employees, he yells and screams and belittles and threatens. I quit do to this behavior amongst other things. After I quit the bullying did not stop for weeks after. He left me some very cruel, hurtful and even threatening voice mails on my phone, to the point I even considered getting a restraining order on him. He even cut me off in traffic and flipped me a sign of some sort. He went out of his way to cut me off, and then slowed down over all just to messed with Me.

He still goes to my church. He puts on a really good show, worshiping loud and in front. I did talk to my pastor about this and the pastor did remove him from all forms of leadership in the church. He still goes.

Here is my problem, quite honestly I was afraid of him for my physical well being. My pastor said if he ever pulled another stunt like that he would deal with that. I am finally after several months (this occurred in August) and I have only been to church on Sunday morning twice. The initial reason was fear. The other reason was I know what he is really like. I am usually fine with people having issues, and not being perfect in church, this does not bother me. What bothers me is this. He pretends very loudly and boisterously to be perfect. He talks down people who have issues, as does his wife. (they drove my nieces mom away with that. Told her how much sin she was in because she had a kid out of wedlock) Takes scripture wildly out of context, and if confronted on any issue turns it around to make you the bad guy, or that its not his fault his dad mistreated him. This holier then thou, hypocritical attitude makes it hard for me to even look at the guy, also knowing he is gunning for me to have a "talk" with me on how much I have sinned, and how much of a "spineless jellyfish" -his words- I am. Its even caused me to think about moving out of town. like to another country all together.

I have talked to him one on one before about his behavior. He apologizes to my face, then turns it around how bad I am, and then goes on doing it.

I am still in ministry in my youth group, and I get fed a bit but thats where I pour out.

Help.

-Isaiah-

Hi, and God bless. you mentioned quiet a few times ( directly and indirectly) that you do indeed feel this person can do or will attempt to cause you physical harm. Regardless of religion i think you should prayerfully consider contacting the authorities possibly the police about it. Just because a person goes to church and acts real nice doesnt nessesarily qualify him to be a " good" person and in very- repeat- very rare cases such people can even turn out to be psycopaths- something which should be reported as soon as possible. Having said this i'll keep you in prayer and that person in prayer too. Peace and take care.

[other one]

I have been very wounded by a "brother" in my church. He was my employer at the time as well. He has almost a complete split personallity. At work, he is a person that you would never guess, save by his in your face "Christian T-shirts". With out going into all the dirt, one of the things he is at work is a bully. He bully's his employees, he yells and screams and belittles and threatens. I quit do to this behavior amongst other things. After I quit the bullying did not stop for weeks after. He left me some very cruel, hurtful and even threatening voice mails on my phone, to the point I even considered getting a restraining order on him. He even cut me off in traffic and flipped me a sign of some sort. He went out of his way to cut me off, and then slowed down over all just to messed with Me.

He still goes to my church. He puts on a really good show, worshiping loud and in front. I did talk to my pastor about this and the pastor did remove him from all forms of leadership in the church. He still goes.

Here is my problem, quite honestly I was afraid of him for my physical well being. My pastor said if he ever pulled another stunt like that he would deal with that. I am finally after several months (this occurred in August) and I have only been to church on Sunday morning twice. The initial reason was fear. The other reason was I know what he is really like. I am usually fine with people having issues, and not being perfect in church, this does not bother me. What bothers me is this. He pretends very loudly and boisterously to be perfect. He talks down people who have issues, as does his wife. (they drove my nieces mom away with that. Told her how much sin she was in because she had a kid out of wedlock) Takes scripture wildly out of context, and if confronted on any issue turns it around to make you the bad guy, or that its not his fault his dad mistreated him. This holier then thou, hypocritical attitude makes it hard for me to even look at the guy, also knowing he is gunning for me to have a "talk" with me on how much I have sinned, and how much of a "spineless jellyfish" -his words- I am. Its even caused me to think about moving out of town. like to another country all together.

I have talked to him one on one before about his behavior. He apologizes to my face, then turns it around how bad I am, and then goes on doing it.

I am still in ministry in my youth group, and I get fed a bit but thats where I pour out.

Help.

-Isaiah-

He may well have multiple personalities which could be caused by different things, or he may simply be possessed. Neither of which you should try and deal with unless the Lord directs you to do so. You can read a book called "The Shining Man" and get a small glimps into the multiple personality thing (I've seen it free on the internet), but if he's posessed you need to have the Lord himself tell you to get involved.

In either case, prayer for your safety is in order........

[blazearmstrong]

Just give it time, I'm sure everything will work out fine. I'm sure in time you will learn to forgive each other.

[e lansing]

Isaiah, people here have given you some good advice. Do not be fearful to act! He is just a man! The enemy would have you focus on this person to create fear in you and paralyze you. As others have mention this is not of God. See the fruit of this mess. This is an oppertunity for growth for you. It will require real faith to stand up for yourself and do what is nessesary. Here is a chance for you to trust God with your life. When you go to church an you see him smile and wave and go about your business. If he wants to talk, have someone else with you. The way he is outside of church, for get about it!! Hes Gods problem to fix. If comes to your house call the police if you feel you need to. You may feel fearful when doing the right thing, but when you step out in faith, you will gain confidence in God. I heard it said this way concerning fear. F-false E-evidence A-appearing R-real. You can do it!

God bless

e

[Guest yod]

The real problem is that "church" has not judged itself. If your pastor is aware of this man being abusive to employees or even just arrogant in the public market, it should be addressed by the leadership. Unfortunately no one wants to confront (in love) the problem sheep these days for fear of losing revenue.

This verse is the answer to the situation;

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the assembly; and if he refuses to listen even to the congregation, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

[sheya joie]

Yod posted the verses I was going to mention, which are found in Matt 18, verses 15-17. I'm glad the man was removed from leadership positions in the church.

As you know from the Lord's Prayer, we need to forgive others; in fact, this prayer links our obtaining forgiveness from the Father to our forgiving of those who trespass against us - very important.

May the Lord work out all things according to His perfect will.

[Isaiah 6:8]

I know the feeling Isaiah, and have been in a similar situation before. Bully's need to be confronted, as hard as that is to do, but they also need to be forgiven - also a hard thing to do.

From what I have seen, you write well. One solution is to write this person a letter, setting out your concerns. Then sit on the letter for a day or so. Rewrite it. The first draft will have stuff in it that you may want to rethink... To write in haste is fatal (refer some worthy posts!). Then copy the letter, and hand one to him and one to your pastor. Don't mail it, give them both hard copies.

Then sit back and wait. He will react with anger, and denial, but he cannot allege you said things in the letter that you did not. You will have a witness to what you wrote.

But write the letter as Jesus would want you to, with grace and dignity, but spell everything out in no uncertain terms. This is why I say rewrite or edit it a day or so later. Pray about your reply before writing or editing.

Sometimes people like him will not, cannot, listen, but they have to if you write.

And if you need help with writing it, and here I mean so that you are sure your reply carries grace, I am here to assist you to tell you if you are being to harsh, or unforgiving in your writing if you need me. You can pm me a draft if you so feel.

Writing stuff down is often such a release for me, it gets it all out of my system, and I have written hundreds of letters and prayers, that no one except myself have ever read....

Blessings

Thank you Fez I like this I will do it and bounce my letter off of you. Thank you my friend.

As for the split personality I know where it comes, it comes from drug addiction. So we pray for him to be delivered from that because he has a wife and 3 boys that rely on him. Honestly, not proudly that is what kept me from going out with the information I have, and destroying him.

Thankfully with the help of people here, Jade, Andy, Etc I calmed down and that anger passed.

[Vince53]

Isaiah, I'm new here, and I'm sorry to hear about your problem. Christians often deal with problems by quitting--they leave a ministry and the problem disappears. Unfortunately, so does their Christian service.

I advise you to keep serving God and move on.

[Isaiah 6:8]

Isaiah, I'm new here, and I'm sorry to hear about your problem. Christians often deal with problems by quitting--they leave a ministry and the problem disappears. Unfortunately, so does their Christian service.

I advise you to keep serving God and move on.

I am still in ministry, just not really being able to get in to be fed!

[mead]