How should I tell him we need to be just friends?

[SweetRain]

I recently met someone and have been dating at a slow pace. Lately I have noticed a few things about him that are not christ-like. So I decided to go ahead and tell him that we should be only friends. Yet what I am struggling is getting myself to do this. Not only do I have a hard time telling him, I tend to have a hard time expressing myself when it comes to disappointing others. I'm trying to make sure I don't wait too long to tell him, but it's really complicated on finding the words to say to him. Any advice?

Thank you.

[Trusting Jesus]

I think that the sooner you tell him the better. I'm sure you can be gentle, and be as honest as you can. Possibly the things that you are concerned with are things he isn't aware of. Just don't be mean.

<>< ><>

Nathele

[Vince53]

When I worked in a paper mill, this problem came up frequently. ALL the men, Christian and non-Christian gave the woman the same advice: just tell him.

[MorningGlory]

When I worked in a paper mill, this problem came up frequently. ALL the men, Christian and non-Christian gave the woman the same advice: just tell him.

Agreed; just tell him in a nice way and let him move on. You can always use the 'it's not you, it's me' spiel....as long as you mean it.

[SweetRain]

I recently met someone and have been dating at a slow pace. Lately I have noticed a few things about him that are not christ-like. So I decided to go ahead and tell him that we should be only friends. Yet what I am struggling is getting myself to do this. Not only do I have a hard time telling him, I tend to have a hard time expressing myself when it comes to disappointing others. I'm trying to make sure I don't wait too long to tell him, but it's really complicated on finding the words to say to him. Any advice?

Thank you.

Well, are we talking about a curse word here and there, a hot temper, likes to drink a beer from time to time or sexual immorality, pornography, idolatry, etc? You get the idea. Going to need a little more detail unless you just are looking for something to call it quits? Not saying that it's what you are doing but if it is, I've been there and being honest with he and yourself is better. I'm a big believer in nobody being perfect but there is a line between being imperfect and flat out deliberately and willfully sinning.

If you don't wish to share for more personal suggestions, just go ahead and say "Hey! I want you to know that I've loved spending time getting to know you these past few months (or however long) but right now, I really need to be single and work on my relationship with the LORD." Pray before you go into it and ask Him to prepare you to respond to the guy's emotions if he expresses any that are difficult to deal with. We all want to be careful not to hurt anyone's feelings but sometimes, we just gotta tell the truth. Going any further to protect someone's heart will only make it harder. It is up to a Christian to guard their own heart anyways. Not saying be rude about it but you get the idea.

It's simple and you aren't lying because after all, you did enjoy yourself from as far as I can tell and heck, we will be working on our relationship with Him for a lifetime. As far as telling him a list of things you don't agree with, I don't have advice on that part. It's not my forte. Will be praying for you

I guess in some ways im a bit nervous about falling in love with him and he ends up to be totally totally wrong for me. He tends to be verbal with his opinions, especially if he knows it will anger someone. And he likes curse ever so often. He said he went to church before back at his home town but wasn't so sure about going to some of the churches in town. Yet he said he would go with me one of these days. so far he hasnt because he had to work on sunday. He does look at a few movies and posters that have nudity in it but when he's around me he doesnt presure me into sexual immorality. lol we havent even kissed yet so I can tell he's atleast not forcing me to do anything. What bothers me mostly is that even though he's not pressuring me to sleep with him, I heard him talking that he wanted to do it with me. so im afraid that I'm going to later on in our relationship, decide to do that because I had trusted him during the whole time. plus he told me that that he once did drugs but hasnt much since three years ago. Im just nervous he may pick up that bad habit again and try to get me to do those drugs too.

[~candice~]

If you have decided that you don't wish to be with this person, then I think the best approach is to be direct, and to have this conversation as soon as you can.

I think think saying "right now I just want to concentrate on my relationship with the Lord" is the right way to go, because it gives him the glimmer of hope that later on, you might be interested again when the timing is right. It's best to be honest (men prefer this!) and say that you don't think there is a future for this relationship.

That's my two cents anyway.

I'm sorry you have to do this, it's never nice to have to break up with someone.

[Miss Elly]

I recently met someone and have been dating at a slow pace. Lately I have noticed a few things about him that are not christ-like. So I decided to go ahead and tell him that we should be only friends. Yet what I am struggling is getting myself to do this. Not only do I have a hard time telling him, I tend to have a hard time expressing myself when it comes to disappointing others. I'm trying to make sure I don't wait too long to tell him, but it's really complicated on finding the words to say to him. Any advice?

Thank you.

Well, are we talking about a curse word here and there, a hot temper, likes to drink a beer from time to time or sexual immorality, pornography, idolatry, etc? You get the idea. Going to need a little more detail unless you just are looking for something to call it quits? Not saying that it's what you are doing but if it is, I've been there and being honest with he and yourself is better. I'm a big believer in nobody being perfect but there is a line between being imperfect and flat out deliberately and willfully sinning.

If you don't wish to share for more personal suggestions, just go ahead and say "Hey! I want you to know that I've loved spending time getting to know you these past few months (or however long) but right now, I really need to be single and work on my relationship with the LORD." Pray before you go into it and ask Him to prepare you to respond to the guy's emotions if he expresses any that are difficult to deal with. We all want to be careful not to hurt anyone's feelings but sometimes, we just gotta tell the truth. Going any further to protect someone's heart will only make it harder. It is up to a Christian to guard their own heart anyways. Not saying be rude about it but you get the idea.

It's simple and you aren't lying because after all, you did enjoy yourself from as far as I can tell and heck, we will be working on our relationship with Him for a lifetime. As far as telling him a list of things you don't agree with, I don't have advice on that part. It's not my forte. Will be praying for you

I guess in some ways im a bit nervous about falling in love with him and he ends up to be totally totally wrong for me. He tends to be verbal with his opinions, especially if he knows it will anger someone. And he likes curse ever so often. He said he went to church before back at his home town but wasn't so sure about going to some of the churches in town. Yet he said he would go with me one of these days. so far he hasnt because he had to work on sunday. He does look at a few movies and posters that have nudity in it but when he's around me he doesnt presure me into sexual immorality. lol we havent even kissed yet so I can tell he's atleast not forcing me to do anything. What bothers me mostly is that even though he's not pressuring me to sleep with him, I heard him talking that he wanted to do it with me. so im afraid that I'm going to later on in our relationship, decide to do that because I had trusted him during the whole time. plus he told me that that he once did drugs but hasnt much since three years ago. Im just nervous he may pick up that bad habit again and try to get me to do those drugs too.

I agree that he should be told. However, you might mention that you are evaluating this relationship in light of your relationship with Jesus Christ Tell him you are unsure if he is the Lord's will for your life. Perhaps you sense that he is not very strong in the Lord, and you sure don't need the temptation of his weaknesses and failings. You can still care for him as a soul that needs prayer, but that does not mean you need to date him. Perhaps the Lord is trying to tell you to dissolve the relationship.

[georgedrw81]

Pray and tell him. My wife used this method and for those who persisted she used to throw things at them from staple machine to chairs or anything that was in her reach.

Blessings

[nebula]

I agree with being direct and honest, but try to find some way to affirm him in the process. I'm not sure how to do this, maybe speak to him of traits that are admirable? Not to gloss over those things that disturb you . . . but if you are looking for a husband who already is a spiritual leader, not one who will "go to church" to make you happy, but one who is pursuing the Lord because He loves the Lord, you should let him know this.

[Fez]

Just tell him.