You can't help who you fall in love with.....(really?)

[RGR]

I suppose this is a frequent saying, but I've heard a coworker use it quite redundantly. I've heard it from her several times "well, you can't help who you fall in love with." Of course, she has also made it a point of saying that it doesn't always mean you should act on those feelings.

I have to disagree. I think this goes into the following of the emotions over common sense. Yes, there are emotions in love and we will feel emotion for someone we're attracted to, but I don't buy into the "we can't help who we love" stuff. I've actually heard it used by gay/lesbian people to justify their lifestyle. What think ye?

[autumn8484]

I suppose this is a frequent saying, but I've heard a coworker use it quite redundantly. I've heard it from her several times "well, you can't help who you fall in love with." Of course, she has also made it a point of saying that it doesn't always mean you should act on those feelings.

I have to disagree. I think this goes into the following of the emotions over common sense. Yes, there are emotions in love and we will feel emotion for someone we're attracted to, but I don't buy into the "we can't help who we love" stuff. I've actually heard it used by gay/lesbian people to justify their lifestyle. What think ye?

i think its kinda true... you can help who you have feeling for bc some times love and feelings are without reason... how ever it takes alot more then love or feelings alone to be with someone.... loving someone is a feeling but being with that person is a choice... if you see your self starting to get feelings for someone you know is a bad choice you should back off b4 it gets out of your controll

[Guest Butero]

Boy, that is a tough question. I think I would have to agree with your co-worker, but at the same time, we can avoid placing ourselves in the positon to "fall in love" with someone we shouldn't. I mean, if we hang out too much with someone of the opposite sex, we are asking for trouble. There is always the possibility it could lead to feelings of love for that person. I have heard homosexuals use that as an excuse for their behavior, but "falling in love" is no excuse for sexual immorality. I honestlydon't seehow a person can helphow they feel? I would be interested in the opinion ofothers?

[Guest HIS girl]

One probably has little control over Physical Attraction but I think falling in love with someone is totally different...

You can be physically attracted to a person without knowing that in actual fact compatabilty in other areas would be - zero....

I think this is the downfall of many married folk who end up having extra - marital affairs...they have no control over the actual attraction AND then they follow through with that initial attraction...

But physical attraction and love is poles apart... physical attraction is NOT a good indicator for genuine love.

[anitarose]

Well, I can only speak from my own experience.

I dated my ex husband for 2 years before we got married, and in that 2 years I had absolutely no clue whatsoever about his sexual preference (for those who aren't aware, my ex was gay). None. I admit that I felt like I had fallen in love with him...and thought he felt the same about me.

After the wedding when I found out that he was "bisexual" (his admission), it felt like someone suckerpunched me. I wasn't sure what to do or say after he admitted it. He gave me the option to divorce him then, but God spoke to my heart and told me to stay; there would be a chance later to leave.

Now I have to really really guard my heart because I tend to get "attached" to people; I don't say "fall in love" because that phrase totally terrifies me now because of my experience with my ex. There's a part of me that wants to run a background check or two on men who are interested in me; there's another part that doesn't really even want to get involved with any one any more because of my wounded and broken heart.

It's going to take a very very special man to get through the defenses to my heart. Someone I can trust. Someone who has proven that I can trust them. But until then...it's tread softly and start carrying a huge stick...

a.

[Guest HIS girl]

Well, I can only speak from my own experience.

I dated my ex husband for 2 years before we got married, and in that 2 years I had absolutely no clue whatsoever about his sexual preference (for those who aren't aware, my ex was gay). None. I admit that I felt like I had fallen in love with him...and thought he felt the same about me.

After the wedding when I found out that he was "bisexual" (his admission), it felt like someone suckerpunched me. I wasn't sure what to do or say after he admitted it. He gave me the option to divorce him then, but God spoke to my heart and told me to stay; there would be a chance later to leave.

Now I have to really really guard my heart because I tend to get "attached" to people; I don't say "fall in love" because that phrase totally terrifies me now because of my experience with my ex. There's a part of me that wants to run a background check or two on men who are interested in me; there's another part that doesn't really even want to get involved with any one any more because of my wounded and broken heart.

It's going to take a very very special man to get through the defenses to my heart. Someone I can trust. Someone who has proven that I can trust them. But until then...it's tread softly and start carrying a huge stick...

a.

I'm so sorry this happened to you anitarose :emot-hug:

[Guest LadyC]

people say it so often that the majority of society has come to believe it's true. but you're right, it's not. love is a verb. an action. a choice. we may not be able to help who we're attracted to, and we may struggle to control our desires around those people, but we can certainly choose to love or not to love.

by the same token, those same people think you can't help who you fall OUT of love with, too. but that's not true either.

[JCISGD]

Our thoughts produce our feelings, so while its true our feelings are real they can also be changed. We can change our preferences which changes our feelings. This is why we are commanded to love all, as our refusal to love others is only refusal to change our thoughts about them.

Those that dont love God have wrong thoughts about Him, but those of us who know Him as He really is find it natural to love Him and even to worship His splendor and majesty.

When we were young there were foods we liked and did not like, but later after getting new understanding of them, these are sometimes reversed.

So if we highly value a character trait in a person we will also irresistably be attracted to them, and so there is some truth in the saying, with the cavet that we can choose different values.

[Matthitjah]

Brother Ronald,

She sounds kinda immature.

Peace,

Dave

[other one]

The word love is about the most diverse word in our language and is probably the most abused.

One would need to define "Love" to really comment on this thread. Personally one of those definations of love I would say that I love everyone. Well just about everyone to be totally truthful

If you're speaking of the special love between two people that have joined together as one, I would say that takes time to develope and grow. I would say though that the first time I laid eyes on my wife, I was so struck with something that I had no control over at all....... it wasn't lust though she was as beautiful as any fairytail princes there was just something that told me were were meant to be soulmates and I was so attracted to her that I couldn't help myseof....... but it took a few years of marriage for us to develope the real love that a copule comes to after they've been one for a while. That kind of love takes a lot of attention and work to plant and grow and care for or it will die....... it's not only that you can help who you fall in that kind of love with, you both have to make it happen and guard it and build on it constanty or it will die.