Huge fight with my wife

[RigMedic]

What does the bible say about fighting between spouses? I just had a big argument with my wife. She made me really mad by saying something that was untrue about me, and I called her out on her attitude as of late and how much I have been sacrificing for her. I yelled at her. I feel like crap now, im sad and depressed. She just took our kids out to go eat with some family, she barely said two words to me. When she gets back it will be really late, then we will have a 5 hour drive back home. This was supposed to have been a vacation and has been nothing but a disaster so far.

I cant help but cry as I write this, I feel like she may just not come home, just to hurt me. I felt like I was seeing my son for the last time as she carried him to the car. Im sorry I yelled, but why do I have to bite my tongue all the time and never say how I feel? Why is it that when I get mad I'm a horrible person but its ok for her to lose it at the drop of a hat. What I said was the truth, so why do I feel so bad right now?

[joi]

I am so sorry this has happened.

I pray that God will give you grace to get this matter resolved and that the two of you

can actually end your vacation in a happy manner.

Ephesians 4

26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

27 Neither give place to the devil.

[nebula]

We can be right and wrong at the same time. Right perception, wrong delivery.

If both of you think/feel it is your right to get angry and yell or let lose, then both of you need healing in your lives. That kind of reaction is a self-defense mechanism. Both of you were reacting out of perceived threat/hurt. The trick is to acknowledge this to yourselves and to each other, and commit yourselves to not only forgive but to help each other discover the root causes and help each other towards healing. A real counselor could probably explain this better, but that's the best I can do to offer you insight into this.

I don't know if she would receive an apology for your outburst, but that is a start, if possible.

Deep prayers for inner healing, the life of the Father breath into your lives and your marriage. In Jesus' name.

[Seriousseeker]

Nebula spoke some good advice ---I am a retired family counselor. It is hard to be humble, but if you confessed you are sorry to have been so harsh and offensive, even though you felt you were speaking rightly, it might soften her heart. Maybe she would also admit to some failure. If you both cannot confess failure and sorrow and show affection, then you will probably need to seek a Christian counselor. I don't recommend you "let bygones be bygones", for this will cause a distrust between you, and this problem will likely surface again.

- Seriousseeker

[jodetoad]

Sorry you are going through this. The ones we love most can hurt us the most.

I looked up "argue", and except for a bunch of stuff in Job, only found this:

Mark 8:11: The Pharisees came and began to argue with him, seeking from him a sign from heaven to test him.

Mark 8:12: And he sighed deeply in his spirit and said, Why does this generation seek a sign? Truly, I say to you, no sign will be given to this generation.

Looked up "fight", and there was lots about wars and battles. But also this:

James 3:18: And the fruit that consists of righteousness is planted in peace among those who make peace.

James 4:1: Where do the conflicts and where do the quarrels among you come from? Is it not from this, from your passions that battle inside you?

James 4:2: You desire and you do not have; you murder and envy and you cannot obtain; you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask;

James 4:3: you ask and do not receive because you ask wrongly, so you can spend it on your passions.

James 4:4: Adulterers, do you not know that friendship with the world means hostility toward God? So whoever decides to be the world's friend makes himself God's enemy.

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Both have something to say, don't know if they will help...

[RigMedic]

Well I have apologized, we are talking now. Things are slightly better, perhaps I should just give it time.

[nebula]

Glad to hear. And it's OK to have come for prayer.

Continued prayers

[Fez]

Well I have apologized, we are talking now. Things are slightly better, perhaps I should just give it time.

Don't just apologize. Forgive.

If you can truly do that you are going to see an amazing change in your situation.

It is why the bible tells us that we are to forgive before God can forgive us.

Forgiveness does not mean that you forgive so that the person can continue doing the same thing to you over and over. It means that I forgive you, and I will never bring the issue up again, I won't even think about it. This is one of the most difficult things we are called to do.

But when we do, the fruits it bears are amazing!

[~Shalhevet~]

My advice would be to let your emotions settle and then write her a nice letter telling her how you feel. Keep it a very gentle nonaccusatory tone. There are always two sides to a fight. And with marriage, I think it's very important to communicate and work out your differences. After you resolve the dispute, ask yourself how you could have handled it differently. Learn from this. God bless!

[Littlelambseativy]

No two people see things the same way. Try as you might it does not happen. Different experiences in life whether growing up or the family life make for differing attitudes. The way her father treated her mother or mother treated her father have shaped her thinking and yours. We always want to be right ! There are times when you know you are right and it is easier to say nothing.. Love as God loves us. He is always right even though we think we are. Forgive and ask God to change both of your hearts.