Giving advice without pushing people away

[Widor1]

I have two different friends. Both of these women are separated from their husbands and on the way to divorce, if it hasn't happened already. Both are experiencing very tough times. Both are incredibly vulgar, full of maliciousness at times, and have shown disdain for the gospel. The only difference that I see in them is that one is a professed non Christian with a two year old child, and the other is childless and has said she was a Christian as long as I have known her.

I have known them both for a very long time, even before I was a follower of Christ. I would not say that I am close with them (I began separating myself from people, places, and things that did not seem to include Jesus, and many of my friends fell into that category), although we do chat from time to time. I have spoken to both of them about their separations, trying to be a friend when they seemed to be very lost and down. I am the type of person that does not like conflict. Although I do speak to them about Jesus, the bible, filling the empty hole in our hearts, and having a relationship with God, I seem to be more concerned with pushing them away from Jesus when I give advice. I don't think I hold back my feelings; but maybe because I don't give them blunt advice about what they are doing wrong, and what they should do, I feel like I am missing something. My experiences growing up dealing with Christians included judgement, mocking, blame, and gossip. I never want to come off like that, and I'm very conscious of how I say things to people.

I believe that Jesus is the only way. He is my best friend and love of my life, and I would truly have nothing without Him. I want my friends who are seeking to know this feeling, and I want to be able to express it to them; but if they are not seeking the truth, what is the best way to give advice during their trials? What are good ways to show that your heart is genuine and that you care, but also be firm and address the sin in a non-judging way?

Thank you for taking the time to think about this!

[enoob57]

With the unsaved there is a vast ball of non contiguous thought and reason... its like

everything is in a constant state of no absolutes- hence the understanding of lost!

They are both at a place of loss or major threat to what they have known and are

entering the unknown without that proverbial person with them as support!

As satan has thrown into the minds that the idea of God and His Word we use as

crutches to help us cope with these hardships... after all everything they rely on is

their sensual perceptions of this present world as their all. The battle as always is

to get them to see the reasoning of God's Word as proof outside of ourselves that

God 'IS' and that His Word is the only foundation in this life that we get to keep for-

ever! Love, Steven

[His Ambassador]

The best way to share God with others is to let Him come up in your conversation naturally. Don't use the "finger pointing" approach like "you need to do this" but share what He has done in your life. Going through what they are those women are probably angry and want someone to blame. If they even believe God exists they probably want to blame Him. If you have gone through anything similar to anything they have gone through share how God helped you in that situation.

[Fez]

Be the only bible they see that day. Be the only bible they see whenever they see you. Very often you don't have to talk. Your path, your walk can be the example. You would be surprised how that has an impact. (it did on me, and was one of the defining reasons for my salvation - the example of others)

Show Grace and Love and watch your tongue.

St Francis said something like "Preach the gospel endlessly, when necessary use words".

[His Ambassador]

Be the only bible they see that day. Be the only bible they see whenever they see you. Very often you don't have to talk. Your path, your walk can be the example. You would be surprised how that has an impact. (it did on me, and was one of the defining reasons for my salvation - the example of others)

Show Grace and Love and watch your tongue.

St Francis said something like "Preach the gospel endlessly, when necessary use words".

Excellent advise.

[Selasphorus]

i agree with Fez, your words and actions speak volumes.

2 Timothy 2:24-26 (KJV) ²⁴ And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, ²⁵ In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; ²⁶ And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.

[damo1]

easy said try that with a friend who was a pastor what gets me i want to beat this guy over the head with the bible but its as if i am treading a fine line i try my best not to judge him or do what the other members have done by shunning him from the community he left his wife and two daughters got involved with the youth pastor he thought no one new what he was up to i sort off picked up something was wrong but did not want to get in on the gossip that already was circulating among the members and the elders what got me he put on a whole different face during the Sunday morning service

my self and another guy who did the Emause walk were the only two he trusted his wife really helped me under stand my wife and often talked to me when i needed advice she is a filipina her self she ended up loosing her rights to settle in Australia and has had to face her family and friends fez would know what she has had to deal with

so how do you give advice to a man who refuses to allow god to deal with the damage he has done he is lucky that he did not get hurt by the youth pastors husband do you just continue putting the hand out be their when he rings or as i suggested whack him real hard with the thickest bible

[Fez]

so how do you give advice to a man who refuses to allow god to deal with the damage he has done he is lucky that he did not get hurt by the youth pastors husband do you just continue putting the hand out be their when he rings or as i suggested whack him real hard with the thickest bible

Oh, do you know how many times I have felt like whacking someone over the head with the bible! Jesus, whack, Loves, whack, You! Whack, and one more to get my point across..

But Grace is an amazing thing.

Pray for him, stand on your faith, and even if he refuses to let God deal with the situation, God will anyway.

Pastors fall as hard as anyone else, sometimes harder. We should treat them like anyone else, human and a sinner. We place them in positions of trust, and when they disappoint us we are shocked and outraged. That is a normal reaction to have, but that is where we need to be the example they should have been setting. We should always be the example to anyone around us, pastor, elder, or child.

Their standing matters not.

Our stand does.

[*Zion*]

Be the only bible they see that day. Be the only bible they see whenever they see you. Very often you don't have to talk. Your path, your walk can be the example. You would be surprised how that has an impact. (it did on me, and was one of the defining reasons for my salvation - the example of others)

Show Grace and Love and watch your tongue.

St Francis said something like "Preach the gospel endlessly, when necessary use words".

:thumbsup: God will use us as long as we don't get in His way. Speak when/how He directs. It's the Holy Spirit's job to convict, not ours. Rely on Him, He will do what He promised to do!

Edited January 22, 2013 by *Zion*

[chloe_fantastic]

Just remember. The most important thing is Jesus and salvation. Oftentimes when witnessing, especially when it's to someone I know a little bit about, I tend to get side-tracked with the things going on in their life, with things like the seperations you mentioned. I have to remind myself that these situations, while incredibly important, especially with children involved, are simply a manifestation, a symptom, of a life without Jesus.

Any time I witness I try to rely on the Holy Spirit about what to say and when and how to say it, even praying to myself in my mind during the conversations. At first it surprised me how often I was told to listen, and how often I was told to speak about things not directly connected with the gospel. Now I realize what I was being directed to do was what Fez was talking about, simply being present with them and allowing them to see how I lived out my walk with Christ.

I do believe there's a time to be blunt, but again, it has to be Spirit-led or we'll do more harm than good. In that too remember that if someone really wants to know Jesus, there's nothing you can say that will turn them away.