What to do about a conflict with a neighbor?

[cp.loveshellokitty]

Ok. So I will admit off the bat that I signed up today because I am in need of advice. I am also in the beginning of my journey to know Christ, which is what brought me here to ask my question. However, I have to say I am beginning to see that the Lord DOES work in mysterious ways. After just skimming through a few of the topics, I can already see how positive the community is here! I feel like I am in the right place for once! : )

So, my question is regarding my neighbors. My husband and I moved in to our duplex a few months ago and were pleased to find out the couple we share a wall with are Christians. While we had spoken with them briefly a few times, they were not perhaps as friendly and outgoing as we had hoped, but we decided we still wanted to get to know them better. We approached them a few weeks after moving in with some fresh goat milk as a gift. To our surprise they invited us in. We ended up staying most of the day, listening to the husband, Logan, preach the Bible to us. We had a lovely time, and were excited and grateful. We continued to be friendly with them, but were not invited over again. We decided not to put too much thought into it as sometimes 'life' just happens. A month passed, when Logan came to our door and said that "God had inspired him to loan us one if their air conditioners" (we had two weeks of over 100* weather). We politely declined as we felt uncomfortable with the idea, although we very much appreciated the gesture. He left and then came back WITH the air conditioner and FORCED it on my husband! So we decided he must have felt strongly enough about that we didn't argue with the man. A few weeks later, he mentioned they needed it back and of course we said it was no problem and thanked him for letting us use it. Less than twenty minutes after giving it back he was at our door saying he didn't know what we had done to it, that it smelled if perfume (which his wife is allergic) and it couldn't be used. Now, neither of us touched it. He actually installed it in our bedroom. I also do not wear or own perfume. We don't have or use candles, incence, room spray....nothing. So, I really do not understand at all. We told him the same, but profusely apologized anyways and offered to replace it. He refused the idea and said if we did he would lose all respect for us if we did. The icing on the cake was that a few days later Logan taped a note to our fence stating that after four days of washing the air conditioner with baking soda and airing it out, it smelled fine. No apology. I am so crushed and hurt I now do not even feel comfortable in my own home. It just doesn't seem very 'Christian's to me.....Any ideas? What should I do/say? How should I handle this as the Christian I want to be? How can I deal with my own hurt/insult?

[Guest]

Praying~!

[thomas t]

Hi hello kitty lover,

 

In my opinion, it's best to stay away from him. He said he would "lose all respect" if you did something natural. What does that mean? Is that a threat? We don't know....

 

Thomas

[matthew m king]

hello dear sister, i can relate to being let down by  someone while being enthusiastic to know them and to follow the Lords command! do not worry,god is already looking out for you! A song i know says we are scarred with indifference and let me remind you to not trade wrong for wrong but good instead. continue to pray for your neighbor . christ can change his attitude toward others and maybe he struggles with that.It is good that you were able to spend some time with them and that you guys were thankful for that! as long as you are here you must shine your light toward men so they may see your goodworks and glorify you father who is in heaven! it works in gods time,but he will leave noone friendless who desires a neighborly friendship he is the greatest friend to you and your neighbor and will work things out by His understanding and by His heart!Your neighbor must grow as all christians must grow and learn ,may christ's better will be done! if we accept eachothers forgiveness ,the forgiveness that is a gift from god we find blessing and forgetfulness of whatever wrong but we must be patient sometimes it takes time for us to allow christ to remove the stony places from our hearts! good luck however christ moves it is great to know his love and that we belong to him and that we can always look to him for anything! thank you for listening!      in christ,your brothers and sisters are praying for you ,sincerly,matthew

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[cozmoe]

 

Matthew 18:21-23  21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants

 

Hello cp, I wouldn't do or say anymore , forgive them , pray for them , take it to God's word and have him show you how he would have you respond , Even well meaning christian's will offend , knowingly or not , were fallible human beings and we need to show grace , I sometimes don't take it at face value at the time , consider that there may be something going on in their lives that you don't know that may have them heated for the moment , you want to make sure not putting yourself in the position to judge and that can happen without you even thinking you are , I'll keep you in prayer .

[MorningGlory]

Hello, cp, and welcome to Worthy.  These people seem a little odd to me; my advice is to simply give them a wide berth.  They accused you falsely and the 'lose all respect' comment was just plain strange.  They may very well be the type of people who always have to have some kind of drama going with someone; if this is the case, they will never be your friends.  They are NO ONE'S friends.  Don't be 'crushed' over the actions of other people.  Move on to other friends. 

[OneLight]

Welcome.  I moved this thread to General Discussion.

[Guest Butero]

There are all types of people in this world, and you are dealing with (for no better way to say it) a bit of an oddball.  I don't think he meant to hurt your feelings, but he is just the type of person that will say whatever is on his mind.  I am too in many ways, but I can't imagine saying something like that to you after having forced you to use an air conditioner you didn't want to borrow in the first place? 

 

This is one of the toughest situations I have encountered, because I don't think the guy meant to hurt you, and he is probably not a bad person at heart?  He did loan you an air conditioner when he thought you needed one.  You can't go back and undo the fact you tried to make friends with them, and spent time with them in the past.  I suppose if it were me, I would brush the comments aside, because you know you didn't cause any odor in his air conditioner, and even if you had, he forced it on you.  You didn't beg him to borrow it.  I wouldn't have even offered to buy him a new one under those circumstances.  I would be friendly in waving or saying hello in passing, but I would avoid spending time with them.  If they were insisting that I come over for a visit, I might do so on occasion, but as little as possible.  The biggest thing is, don't let their actions bother you.  I know that is easier said than done, but try to remember that they don't even realize they are doing anything wrong, and if you called them on their behavior, they seem like the type that would get defensive, and you would have more problems with them than you do now? 

 

Personally, I think this situation will resolve itself if you just put it behind you and only have minimal contact with them.  Be friendly.  Act as though everything is fine.  Don't be shocked if that air conditioner story comes up again, with him telling you in person how he got rid of the dreadful odor.  As crazy as this may sound, I think in his own way he looks at it as though he is telling you something to make you feel better, so you won't have to worry about it, like you have nothing better to do? 

 

Welcome to WB, and I hope this works itself out?  I honestly believe it will if you keep your cool, and don't let the hurt feelings cause you to say something you will regret later. 

[Guest Butero]

I was getting myself some coffee, and something occurred to me, but I am not sure if you would want to do it?  You said the guy's wife is allergic to perfume, so if you never want to be invited over again, just start wearing heavy amounts of perfume.  The only reason I would be reluctant to suggest that is you told them you don't use any, so they might think you were lying, but you could always say it was a gift.  Your husband could buy it for you, so you would be telling the truth.  Just something to consider if it becomes necessary?

[Willa]

I am one of those persons who is extremely sensitive to fragrences. People who don't have the problem haven't a clue. Severe asthma is crippling in itself. But everything has a fragrence these days. Laundry soap and fabric softeners are some of the worst, let alone those in carpet shampoos. All of those may have been in your bedroom. Most people are desensitized to them and are unaware of them.

Our children try to not cause me a problem but often I can still smell stuff on them. They used to have air freshners in their car and it gets into the fabric so that it clings to their clothing after they leave the car. It triggers an asthma attack that can last for several days.

I don't believe your neighbors are trying to cause you a problem but are just trying to find out what might have caused it. That is what we are doing right now. I hate it when I can't have my own grand children in the house and I don't want to hurt them. It is a terrible place to be in. We loaned an expensive vacuum to them once and afterwards had to wash it inside and out as well as change 2 expensive hepa filters. For a while we didn't know if we would be able to use it again. It is upsetting. We didn't blame them but were upset with the thought of needing to replace an expensive vacuum. We didn't even consider that there might be a problem. I am sure this is what is going on with your neighbors and that they had no intention of offending you; and they probably are not even be aware that they did.

Please don't be offended but have compassion on your neighbors. They aren't trying to offend you. Perhaps you can visit in the back yard if you are not wearing suntan lotion or hand lotion or a shampoo or hair spray with a fragrence. (Do you see what I mean?) We had to change churches twice as fragrences from bathroom air freshners as well as those that people wear caused me to no longer able to worship there. It is a horrible handicap. But being able to breathe is pure survival. I take 4 different inhalers for it daily.