What would you do if you were me?

[Shabbytia]

Dear All,

I m seeking for answers everywhere and believe God answers me when I seek for help.

I'm posting an issue I'm dealing with right now. I'm married and its been 5 yrs  today.I have a difficult husband who do not have any kind of emotions/feelings .And he dosent know how to express he is very kind person ,good at heart .Many people in our group say I shuld be thankful to God for giving such a good husband.

Today I'm going through much depression and I do not know whom to talk to.We both live like roommates /u can call friends.There is nothing like wife and husband relation.we help each other just like friends.I'm a girl with lots of dreams about marriage like all girls.I;m so talkative,creative and very expressive. The day when my heart ache doubled was when i realised my dreams of marriage /love began to shatter.Everyday Im struggling .Im not understaning to continue this relationship or break .God is not telling me anything.I'm waiting and time is ticking so fast .I'm still a virgin my husband do not have those sexual feelings in him he just is busy in making money and reading books.He is good and helpful but he just dont know  how to treat a wife.Will you believe me if i say he never looked into my eyes one single day i said you are beautiful? or you are my love ? or given a single gift to just see my smile. Many others  in my office including girls  say to me im beautiful and your husband  should be jealous of guys talking to you .But I only know the truth.I'm not boasting that Im beautiful but by God's grace I'm .This is a general mentality of girls right? that husband should praise her,love only her,look at her,and so on.

As days are passing so fast ,sometimes my desires are shooting upto moon and I'm crying silently that why my husband do not think about sex?whats wrong?from 5 yrs I have been tolerating my desires and killing them everyday telling to myself  may be tomarow  he will be okay.Its 5 yrs now and I m still on the same road.I prayed and asked God what should I do .Is there anything in bible what sould a girl do when husband dosent  do his duty and dosnt even treat her as wife  and dosent care that she too has feelings.

I have reached to a point i no longer care for my husband now.The unfullfulled desires inside me are telling me to have an affair and look for somebody .Now tell me what should I do ? should I leave him or should I worship him as my husband,Im 100% clear he canot understand me in anyway .

Before marriage I didnt consult God i was in hurry to get married .Now is God punishing me for a mistake I did in ignorance.God is not a God who punishes his children But he is not saying to me anything ,How many more days  I have to go through this.

What does bible say about this case ?Pls help .

Thanks

 

Edited March 25, 2016 by Shabbytia

[FresnoJoe]

Welcome~!

~

Praying~!

[Jean74]

Praying you will lean on God. As when you do, all else falls into place. Maybe talk to a pastor and Christian friends. Good luck.

[Omegaman 3.0]

4 minutes ago, algots said:

Do you want what God says in His Word? Or what you want to hear?

She said: "What does bible say about this case ?" 

I would answer that question Algots, if you think you have something to say there, in any case, God's word is of more value that opinions we might have.

[Omegaman 3.0]

Yeah, that is true. That is a choice though, sometimes we speak the truth, and take the consequences, or we hold our tongue, and take the alternative consequences.

[Omegaman 3.0]

59 minutes ago, algots said:

It is not only the sex which joins a man and his wife, but the complimenting natures of the genders.

I think that is an excellent point. Physical relationship is only a small part of marriage. I would expect in most marriages, the proportion of time being physical, is probably tiny. Of course there and littler expression, a kiss, a touch of the check, holding of hands, and hearing verbal expressions like "I love you".

These things are of course gratifying, however nice and necessary, are different things. Typically we say things in our vows, like in richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, etc, in other word, we promise to be faithful, taking the good and the bad together. We can make poor and unwise choices when choosing a mate, but . . . they are choices we made, seldom are we forced into them. Choices have consequences. The consequences are not punishment from God, they are of our own doing. In the sense of in sickness and in health, if there was a physical reason why your husband could not meat your expectations, would you be thinking of having affairs or a divorce? I hope not, our commitment is not dependent on the performance of our spouse, our commitment is not just to our spouse, but to God.

I do not see any reason for a divorce here in your story, but if you choose to have an affair, then you have provided a reason for him to divorce you. If you are at all interested in being obedient to God, then I do not think you would want to do anything that might lead to a divorce, which God hates. Christians are promised to have trouble in this life, and called to 'suck it up' and endure it for His sake. By the way, if you were to be divorced, that does not free you to seek what you think you are now missing. Jesus said and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. So, your future husband, if you were to remarry under those conditions, would be committing adultery. Adultery is not committed alone, so think long and hard.

Fairytale dreams of what our marriages will be are not where our focus should be, pleasing our spouses, helping our spouses is what we are called to. Pleasing God, is a higher calling, and if we love Him, we demonstrate that through obedience.

Like Algots just modeled, I am not willing to tell you what you want to hear, but what I think God wants you to hear. My recommendation, is to realize that you cannot change your husband, but God can, so pray fervently for him. Be the best wife you can be.

[seraph]

Rushing into anything without consulting God can bring consequences... we often make poor decisions based on emotions, circumstances, misinformation, etc. The consequences can not just be dismissed when it's a decision that you are to commit to for the rest of you life and you can't just 'change your mind.' Maybe the state of your marital relationship is the consequence of choosing someone that God did not choose for you so you are incompatible, and/or maybe this is a time to endure until God can change things in both your hearts. It's a bit useless at this point to wonder if 'he's the ONE' or dream of someone else because as husband and wife, you are one.

Perhaps you are 'not hearing' from God because He has already told you what to do, or not to do, regarding divorce and adultery in His Word. Like has already been stated, God hates divorce... divorce is not permitted for having different expectations/dreams and adultery is never permitted. Something to keep in mind, inciting him to divorce you is still going against God's Word.

Nothing is impossible... so I would keep praying for your relationship... regardless if things change or not, be who God has called you to be - as a wife and an individual. I understand it hurts to not have that affirmation from the one who is supposed to cherish you, but if he's not capable or willing to give it at this point, take comfort in how God sees you. More important than if your outward appearance moves him, focus on your inward self and being the wife God wants you to be... perhaps a good example will inspire him, but if not, still be who God calls you to be. I am praying for you and your husband.

[Ezra]

On 25/03/2016 at 4:13 AM, Shabbytia said:

What does bible say about this case

The Bible says that:

1. We need to be wise in all our decisions, and that God can and will provide wisdom to those who ask.

2. We need to put Christ first, others second, and ourselves third.

3. We need to go to spiritual counsellors for counsel.

4. We need to treat marriage as a monogamous, lifelong commitment.

Before you make any unwise decisions and regret them, you need to sit down with mature Christian pastors and/or elders and bring you situation before them (assuming you are in fellowship in a church).

 

 

[kwikphilly]

Blessings Shabbytia......

       I'm so sorry for your situation & I don't mbean any disrespect or to offend you but it sounds like you did get yourself into this mess,again,,,,I'm so sorry     I hope I can encourage you by somethings I will say,my Hope is in Christ Jesus,Praise the Lord!

      First off,you said it yourself ,,,,,you did not ask Gods direction or guidance with this man & I don't really know why you married him in the first place?But really,in Gods Word, & this will probably open a whole big can of worms & maybe some controversy but I;m going to say it anyway,,,,,,,how can you be married when the two have not been made one flesh?Personally,as a Christian I believe you do have to respect authorities & adhere to(abide by,obey) the Laws of the Land so I am assuming you obtained a marriage  license & then a marriage certificate,,,,,,,I do not see why you cannot reverse your bad decision(if God was not in it in the first place?..........)

Quote

Like a divorce, an annulment is a court proceeding that ends a marriage. However, unlike a divorce, an annulment treats a marriage as though it never happened.

An annulment is more likely to be granted when there are no children and assets or debts to divide.

 Please understand what I am saying,,,,,,and if anyone can show me a Scripture where someone has to "perform" some ritual over 2 people to "marry them" or specific "vows" that must be said ,,,,,etc etc,,,,,And I know the rebuttal ......

Quote

King James Bible
He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

The way I receive these things are,,,,,,(In the beginning God put 2 of His Children together & they came together as one flesh,the coming together as one is the marriage union) they should never part because they have been Blessed as ONE,,,,,,,,,I do believe the union is also Spiritual,the hearts,as in the Betrothal that God has for us(thats another Topic really)

Please ,don't allow the enemy in,do not listen to the spirit of depression,it is not of God ,,,,,,,God brings Peace,the Prince of Peace,the Comforter,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I know it is a sad time but do not let depression overtake you,,,,,,,,I am not telling to get this marriage annulled nor am I telling you to stay with this man (It is not for me to say,,,,,it is between you & God   Is this man a Christian?I do not think he ,,,,,doesn't sound that way

Shabbytia,you do need support(pastor,elders,church mothers or womens support ministry from church,,,,,,,while you are going through this time,This time I would advise you to communicate closely with God in prayer,supplications & in through His Word     I would not make one single move without clear instruction from God & let His Will be done

I'm going to try to give you a "brief" story of my own & I hope it helps,,,,,,,,I was married to a man that was a good husband & pretended to be a Christian and it seemed he was backsliding,he got meaner & meaner,,,,,,I prayed & prayed & he got further & further from God & turned into a nightmare of a husband,,,,,,,,I heard "nothing" from God but kept praying,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Now here's the thing,I was praying for his relationship with God to be restored & to save the marriage(the desires of my heart),,,,,,,In desparation I fell to my knees one night & prayed a different prayer,I said this,,,,,,"Father,I don't know what to do,I cannot hear Your Voice,I don't know if the desires of my heart is what You would have them to be,I need to know Your Will BUT PLEASE,,,,,make Your answer as bright & clear as a neon sign b ecause I know You must be telling me what I do not want to hear"     Sister,I woke up the next morning to getting my nose & ribs broken and during the attack(without provocation or reason,not even a word )I fell to the ground & had Perfect Peace,I knew Gods Loving Arms were around me & He would not allow that man to kill me!!!!!!!!! Could my answer be any clearer?

     I believe that if God is not talking then that is His answer"Be still I know I am God" or "Wait on the Lord,,,,," and usually He is talking but we are not hearing Him,,,,,,,,,,,,ask Him to change the desires of your heart if they are not His Will,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I'm praying for you,,,,,,God is NOT punishing you & He is with you,His Plans & Purpose of Your Calling and His Will are all Perfect,just because you didn't seek Him before & made a hasty decision without Him does not mean He would ever leave you ,forsake you & not get you through any mess you may make,,,,,,believe me,He is always with us & He works all things good for those that love Him ,,,,,,Trust Him,ask Him,be patient for as long as it takes,you already learned the consequence we cause & God allows when we do what we "think,want,feel" ,,,,,,,,,,

                                                                                                              With love-in Christ,Kwik 

[disciplehelovestoo]

On 3/25/2016 at 6:13 AM, Shabbytia said:

Dear All,

I m seeking for answers everywhere and believe God answers me when I seek for help.

I'm posting an issue I'm dealing with right now. I'm married and its been 5 yrs  today.I have a difficult husband who do not have any kind of emotions/feelings .And he dosent know how to express he is very kind person ,good at heart .Many people in our group say I shuld be thankful to God for giving such a good husband.

Today I'm going through much depression and I do not know whom to talk to.We both live like roommates /u can call friends.There is nothing like wife and husband relation.we help each other just like friends.I'm a girl with lots of dreams about marriage like all girls.I;m so talkative,creative and very expressive. The day when my heart ache doubled was when i realised my dreams of marriage /love began to shatter.Everyday Im struggling .Im not understaning to continue this relationship or break .God is not telling me anything.I'm waiting and time is ticking so fast .I'm still a virgin my husband do not have those sexual feelings in him he just is busy in making money and reading books.He is good and helpful but he just dont know  how to treat a wife.Will you believe me if i say he never looked into my eyes one single day i said you are beautiful? or you are my love ? or given a single gift to just see my smile. Many others  in my office including girls  say to me im beautiful and your husband  should be jealous of guys talking to you .But I only know the truth.I'm not boasting that Im beautiful but by God's grace I'm .This is a general mentality of girls right? that husband should praise her,love only her,look at her,and so on.

As days are passing so fast ,sometimes my desires are shooting upto moon and I'm crying silently that why my husband do not think about sex?whats wrong?from 5 yrs I have been tolerating my desires and killing them everyday telling to myself  may be tomarow  he will be okay.Its 5 yrs now and I m still on the same road.I prayed and asked God what should I do .Is there anything in bible what sould a girl do when husband dosent  do his duty and dosnt even treat her as wife  and dosent care that she too has feelings.

I have reached to a point i no longer care for my husband now.The unfullfulled desires inside me are telling me to have an affair and look for somebody .Now tell me what should I do ? should I leave him or should I worship him as my husband,Im 100% clear he canot understand me in anyway .

Before marriage I didnt consult God i was in hurry to get married .Now is God punishing me for a mistake I did in ignorance.God is not a God who punishes his children But he is not saying to me anything ,How many more days  I have to go through this.

What does bible say about this case ?Pls help .

Thanks

 

the bible doesn't say much about marriage; but it does say a lot about selfless love.  the world's love says 'i love you and i need you'; which really means 'i love you for what you do for me - and if you don't do things for me, i won't love you' - this is actually 'i love me'

i'm saying this out of love (whenever i hear someone say that to me, i can be sure i won't like it when i first hear it...)

what would your husband post here in response?  would he say that you never listen to him because you're always expressing your own feelings; or would he say that you always give him a chance to speak his mind without ridiculing him?  would he say that you always complain about him, or that you always speak well of him?  would he say that you help him save to be able to give your future children a good home, or that you spend more than you make?  

go back and look at your post - how much of it is concerned with what's best for him?  you can get a divorce and easily find another husband if you're outwardly attractive, but if you want to have a mate whose focus is on your good, you'll have to be that kind of mate to your husband rather than lament what he isn't doing for you