Problems with my sister

[Kgill99]

Ok. I am a new member here, and I really need some advice. I am a Christian and I have a pretty close relationship with God. I'm having trouble knowing what God wants me to do in the situation I am in. I have 2 sisters, both older than me. My oldest sister is annoying and I have trouble getting along with her occaisionally, but she isn't overly bad or abusive. My middle sister, however, has caused so much drama and pain and upset to all of us for the past 5 or so years. She moved out because she got mad at our mother over something stupid and left to live at their dad's house. I have a different dad than them. She got really into alcohol and drugs and almost died in a bathtub. Then she decided she was Christian and went to church every Sunday and acted all proper after she quit the drugs. That only lasted a few months however, and she was only doing it to get approval from her dads side of the family. Well she worked with a bunch of rather, well, sleazy people and had all this casual sex and all these boyfriends and does all these absolutely terrible things and still acts like she's such a good Christian.  I'm not saying I don't sin and I don't do bad things. None of us are worthy of gods gift.  But the bible clearly says that if you talk the talk you should walk the walk and she doesn't even TRY. She has become rather abusive towards our mother verbally, and even hit her Sunday when she told her to quit arguing with her boyfriend in the store in the phone because we were getting uncomfortable. She punched my mom in the chest and my mom has a bad back so her back went out from the twisting motion. I wanted so badly to hurt her for doing that to our mother. Livid doesn't even begin to describe it. I managed to turn the other cheek and not hit her, but I'm now struggling with how we should handle her. I love her, she's my sister, but it just isn't healthy for us to be around her. God says to show mercy to those who don't deserve it, and I want to, but I also need to put my foot down and give her an ultimatum. Either she straightens up and quits dating trashy men and abusing our mom, or she isn't welcome anymore. Is this too harsh? Would that be unmerciful?

[wingnut-]

I think we always have to speak the truth to people, but I would suggest attempting to do it in a loving manner or you may find yourself permanently alienated from your sister.  If you truly care about her then look for a way to guide her in the right direction, if you come on too strong or abrasive you will most likely have the opposite effect.  I can certainly understand your disapproval, especially in regards to your mother's well being.  Will be praying that the Lord provides you with the right words to say and that this situation is resolved.

God bless

[Willa]

I have to agree that God wants us to turn the other cheek, yet He doesn't want us to be doormats either.  

It is your mom's place to take charge of the situation.  She should tell her as much as she loves her daughter, she needs to respect her mom's directives.  Assaulting her is not acceptable, and she will be charged in court should it happen again, and a restraining order will be issued.  

She doesn't answer to you for what she has done.  She answers to her mom and to God.  So your hands are clean so far.  Now you need to forgive her as does your mom.  Forgiving does not mean it is OK to do what she has done.   It just means like you said, that none of us is perfect and we all need God's grace, so we can't afford to hold it against her.  But it will not be tolerated in the future.  She may even need medical help or counseling to work through her issues.  

I understand your grief over your sister.  We all have family members like that.  I pray for them continually.  

[Kgill99]

2 hours ago, Willa said:

I have to agree that God wants us to turn the other cheek, yet He doesn't want us to be doormats either.  

It is your mom's place to take charge of the situation.  She should tell her as much as she loves her daughter, she needs to respect her mom's directives.  Assaulting her is not acceptable, and she will be charged in court should it happen again, and a restraining order will be issued.  

She doesn't answer to you for what she has done.  She answers to her mom and to God.  So your hands are clean so far.  Now you need to forgive her as does your mom.  Forgiving does not mean it is OK to do what she has done.   It just means like you said, that none of us is perfect and we all need God's grace, so we can't afford to hold it against her.  But it will not be tolerated in the future.  She may even need medical help or counseling to work through her issues.  

I understand your grief over your sister.  We all have family members like that.  I pray for them continually.  

I know it's definitely my mom's place to handle it and yes, god's too. The only issue I have is that she's treated all of us like garbage for so long and I feel like if she has enough gall to hit our mother over absolutely nothing, I'm afraid she's gonna start hitting me too. And I know we are to turn the other cheek but if she starts beating on me I will defend myself. She's mean to all of us, I just never expected her to cross the line of hitting. I know darn well she needs medication and therapy but she won't go and she vehemently refuses to take medicine. All 3 of us have issues. I take my pills and have come a long way from how awful I used to behave as a kid. She won't take anything no matter how hard we try to explain that it will help her feel better and think better. 

I told our mom I feel like she does all this awful stuff to us and never gets consequences. She never has to face the repercussions of her actions and if she does she won't tell you she cares. I used to be so close to her. Now she's like a monster that I don't even know and all I can do is ask God to handle it...

[Anonymous Aristotle]

Karrie? Is this you? 

 

Seriously. I had a situation like this with my sister. 

In the end being we both grew up tomboys, we decided to toss the bibles aside, as we called it, and beat the tar feathers off each other. 

Karrie?
Honestly. 

 

Anyway, we were raised in a warriors family. Dad was special forces, mom was a Marine but trained in the D. for years prior and starting from the time she could throw a kick. 

If you're not my sister, and I'm amazed to read your OP, what worked for us was one day when our brother left the family as he called it because he found himself as a "gay male", yeah, other thread, she and I arrived at his house to pack his things and send them on to his new home in Michigan. 

We ended up in the backyard, beating the tar feathers off each other. While screaming at the top of our lungs all that crap we buried inside us. 

Worked wonders. She'd joined a church before, I didn't believe it, she didn't believe me when I said I'd found God. And we duked it out. 

So there's that. 

This turn the other cheek stuff wasn't meant to tell you when someone smacks the spit out of your mouth, offer them a chance to let you spit more turning your face for another punch. Who does that? God sure didn't. Read the OT. 

It means, walk away. If you can. If you can't fight! You would not let someone stand there and throw crap, literal crap, on a church you attend would you? So don't stand and let someone throw a punch. 
But sometimes , getting it all out that way helps among family. 

 

That's my offering. 

[Kgill99]

XD No my name is not karrie. Thanks for the advice. I definitely agree that sometimes we have to get a little rough to get all our feelings out but at the same time I didn't want it to come to that. I think I'll wait and see if she comes back around. We will tell her how we've all been feeling and if she gets mad she gets mad, we can't stop her. Honestly duking it out might help like you said, but I won't resort to that unless she does something to warrant it. 

[BK1110]

As others have said, not retaliating to show God's love doesn't mean you have to constantly open yourself up to attack. It sounds like you've been making every effort for years and to no avail. You don't have to give up, but you must realize that it's God and the Holy Spirit who actually change a person's heart. It might be time to let go; let her know you still love her and aren't abandoning her, but that she needs to be the one to make changes if she wants to be regularly involved with you. Let her know that, once she's ready for that, you'll be there with nothing but forgiveness and open arms. And pray daily for God to do His will in her heart.

[enoob57]

This holding of the ground stuff is earthy first birth agenda... God has called us to stand in faith of that which is not verified by sight!

Hebrews 11:1 (KJV)

[11:1] Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

[2] For by it the elders obtained a good report.

[3] Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.

When the heart begins the journey of transformation from 1st born to that of the second birth it is all Bible->s/Spirit->Col 3_all  ... now the flesh will not be happy with any of this because it is excluded to importance of any kind ... it may be simply said: why invest in a life of that which passes away when you do not
Colossians 3:23 (KJV)  [23] And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

God, our Lord, has told us it would be hard so why shrink away from it when there is no other way... Love, Steven