Emotionally Tired of Being a Black Woman

[PersecutedOne88]

Shalom, Darian86. Whew. Reading your post made me misty-eyed because I can relate to you (I am not a Black woman but I have been persecuted too, for many years).

However, I am astounded why a person like you who is seemingly healthy, of sound mind, has wonderful childhood and apparently good education (based on the way you articulate yourself) could delve into excessive self-pity and... great angst. You know, I have a friend who has never finished college because she goes in and out of a mental institution. She has bipolar disorder. Her mother is schizophrenic. However, when she was with me she exuded so much warmth and confidence and exuberance...I was always happy when I was with her. We even held hands while walking.

I also know a woman who was born blind. Worse,she is on dialysis more than once a week...but instead of cursing her miserable fate, she devoted her life singing in the Church. A famous radio station hired her to pray every week for its millions of listeners. 

Many times, I had watched on television how the handicapped (people with no arms and people with no feet) could still manage to earn money for themselves and still wear cheerful smiles on their faces. Cruel people bully them, but they are bravely facing life's battles. They are still here. 

As for you, Darian86, I know and sympathize with what you feel, but please love yourself more. Choose your own battles. God, all-knowing as He is, had equipped humans with COPING MECHANISMS. If you consider all the injustices suffered by your race as your own personal problems, then chances are, you will eventually go crazy. I am so sorry to say that. Please learn to shield yourself from self-defeating thoughts and FOCUS on your blessings. These people who say mean things to you (like "ugly") are presumably people who are not close to you, so why do their opinions matter? These people don't count. Don't allow people to hang clouds over you. Don't let them break your spirit. I had learned early in life that I have this INNER PEACE in me that comes from self-love. It's something in my soul that other people cannot possess. I know YOU have it IN you,too.

COUNT your BLESSINGS everyday, and I do think you have many. The way you presented your ideas is quite impressive to me, and I think you will have a good future in the field of research. I think you're too SMART to commit suicide, and I think you were raised properly, considering the fact that despite having suicidal thoughts and being too consumed by anxiety, you still think of the effect your suicide would have on your loved ones.

Most importantly, please never, ever blame God for creating you Black. We are all made in God's own image and likeness and we are all equal in God's eyes. Jesus GAVE HIS ALL for us. He died for you and me. To receive His help and strength, you need to exercise FAITH in Him, repent, and choose to follow His teachings for the rest of your life...then you will feel the love of God and HE will HELP you ENDURE your trials. As you deepen your relationship with God, you will experience joy, peace, and consolation amidst all the trials. 

 Please read the following Bible verses wherein Jesus comfort the less fortunate:

Jesus looked at His disciples and said, "Happy are you poor, the Kingdom of God is yours! Happy are you who are hungry now, you will be filled! Happy are you who weep now, you will laugh!"

"But how terrible for you who are rich now, you have had your easy life! How terrible for you who are full now, you will go hungry! How terrible for you who laugh now, you will mourn and weep!"

"How terrible when all people speak well of you. Their ancestors said the very same things about the false prophets. "-Luke 6:20-26

"People will come from the east and the west, from the north and the south, and sit down at the feast in the Kingdom of God. Then those who are now last will be first, and those who are now first will be last. " -Luke 13:29-30. By choosing this verse I don't mean that you are "last," although that seems to be your perception, which I think is not correct.

God bless, Darian86. Be strong. 

 

[HisFirst]

Hi Darian 86,

Just wondering if you've ever read or listened to  Harriot Jacobs: "Incidents  in the Life of a Slave Girl" - her life story?

I hugely suggest every woman read this book if you're able

Praying for you.