Marriage and submission

[Apetini]

Hey there!!

 

First of all, thanks for taking my questions, I deeply appreciate it!

 

So my question is regarding some issues I’m having with my wife. We are both Christians, and we get along most of the time. The issues extend from our belief in certain things.

 

As a man in ministry I believe that if I listen to music that doesn’t glorify God than I’ll be swept away into sin. My wife does not hold that sentiment. She says she listens to the message and if it isn’t bad, she will listen to it. She listens to things like a day to remember, my chemical romance, and other hard rock bands. I get so frustrated because I feel like she doesn’t care how I feel, although she says she does. 

 

Am I wrong for asking her to not listen to certain music as the head of the home spiritually, or should I just leave it alone and ask the Holy Spirit to teach her and change her heart? This is one of a few issues that are all similar in nature. So I guess my question is how to handle issues like this. Do I expect her to change for me, or am I overstepping my authority?

 

I am teachable and humble enough to know I have no idea what I’m doing sometimes and this is one of those times.

 

Thank you for your help in advanced!

Edited January 27, 2018 by Apetini

[missmuffet]

34 minutes ago, Apetini said:

Hey there!!

 

First of all, thanks for taking my questions, I deeply appreciate it!

 

So my question is regarding some issues I’m having with my wife. We are both Christians, and we get along most of the time. The issues extend from our belief in certain things.

 

As a man in ministry I believe that if I listen to music that doesn’t glorify God than I’ll be swept away into sin. My wife does not hold that sentiment. She says she listens to the message and if it isn’t bad, she will listen to it. She listens to things like a day to remember, my chemical romance, and other hard rock bands. I get so frustrated because I feel like she doesn’t care how I feel, although she says she does. 

 

Am I wrong for asking her to not listen to certain music as the head of the home spiritually, or should I just leave it alone and ask the Holy Spirit to pray for her? This is one of a few issues that are all similar in nature. So I guess my question is how to handle issues like this. Do I expect her to change for me, or am I overstepping my authority?

 

I am teachable and humble enough to know I have no idea what I’m doing sometimes and this is one of those times.

 

Thank you for your help in advanced!

If you listen to music that does not glorify God you are grasping our secular world. All you need to do is tell your wife your concerns and be honest and pray for her. Don't nag her. Be a Godly example to your wife.

[Tristen]

Submission is an act of free-will - so whether or how she submits is an issue between her and God. It is not your responsibility to enforce. Both your wife and yourself have to work out your own salvations before God. We each have to figure out, in concert with God, how much of the world we expose ourself to.

I don't think you should take it personally (it may be your current lesson-in-God to not take such things personally). It may also be a subconscious test of your wife to see if you accept her regardless of the disagreement (I've noticed women sometimes do that - no offence).

You should also consider the possibility you are being overly dogmatic about your position. Maybe God would have you a bit more exposed to the world for some future ministry endeavour, or maybe it will be of future use to your wife in her ministry. I'm not saying this is necessarily the case, but I think it wise to consider the possibility that we may be the one who needs correction. God gives us spouses to help us in the way that He thinks we need help, not just to help us in whatever way we think they should.

From the perspective of someone who is not married, I don't consider this to be a battle worth fighting - unless she puts you in a situation of doing something against your conscience (i.e. makes you listen to her music).

[Justin Adams]

A very tricky question. It is far deeper than it seems. It has to do with the Garden of Eden and subsequent events as prophesied by the Lord God.

Since the man is supposed to be the head of the family, it does not follow that everyone will agree with that. In God's economy there is always structure and a pecking order. It is the way He does things. Most do not like that idea since the feel they are 'free' from constraints.

To be a leader, you have to lead. Does not mean the followers will 'follow' you though. There is nothing people like to do more than strain at the boundaries. Watch how sheep strain at the fence after the blade of grass 'on the other side'. It is in our nature to rebel. We do it sometimes unconsciously - but we always do it regardless.

We are fallen, and though saved and in the process of continual salvation (being saved) we mess up and really just cannot do what we know we must. So as one human to another, the best thing to do in your situation is to forget any offences and instead, attempt to not be an offense to your God.

It is your God that you serve. He has a very clever way of giving you the desires of your heart if you seek Him with all your heart.

[Neighbor]

8 hours ago, Apetini said:

Hey there!!

 

First of all, thanks for taking my questions, I deeply appreciate it!

 

So my question is regarding some issues I’m having with my wife. We are both Christians, and we get along most of the time. The issues extend from our belief in certain things.

 

As a man in ministry I believe that if I listen to music that doesn’t glorify God than I’ll be swept away into sin. My wife does not hold that sentiment. She says she listens to the message and if it isn’t bad, she will listen to it. She listens to things like a day to remember, my chemical romance, and other hard rock bands. I get so frustrated because I feel like she doesn’t care how I feel, although she says she does. 

 

Am I wrong for asking her to not listen to certain music as the head of the home spiritually, or should I just leave it alone and ask the Holy Spirit to teach her and change her heart? This is one of a few issues that are all similar in nature. So I guess my question is how to handle issues like this. Do I expect her to change for me, or am I overstepping my authority?

 

I am teachable and humble enough to know I have no idea what I’m doing sometimes and this is one of those times.

 

Thank you for your help in advanced!

 Hi and welcome.

What does it mean to be " a man in ministry"?  Are you an elder (overseer)? If so what does your Bible tell you is the qualification of an overseer regarding  his wife? Also, what is the requirement of  the wife of an overseer?

Our Bible is rather direct in giving qualifications for the office of Elder and also in the telling to the wife of an elder of her responsibilities too.

 

Seems to me  that you both have some reading praying, thinking, asking of God and perhaps even repentance, plus turning to each other to do.

Or, perhaps you just do not have the qualification to carry the title Elder or Overseer and should not think of yourself as one, nor try to be one over others. That is a possibility too. It may be a blessing to learn that now, rather than continue on thinking yourself to be a man in ministry if you do not possess the qualifications.

 

 

Now, my own bride tells me "that is harsh", that perhaps I could just advise you to buy your's a head set. See I'm not an elder don't have the qualifications, and my wife is thus relieved of the responsibilities of an Elder's wife too. Perhaps for us a blessing. LOL

[frienduff thaylorde]

3 hours ago, Neighbor said:

 Hi and welcome.

What does it mean to be " a man in ministry"?  Are you an elder (overseer)? If so what does your Bible tell you is the qualification of an overseer regarding  his wife? Also, what is the requirement of  the wife of an overseer?

Our Bible is rather direct in giving qualifications for the office of Elder and also in the telling to the wife of an elder of her responsibilities too.

 

Seems to me  that you both have some reading praying, thinking, asking of God and perhaps even repentance, plus turning to each other to do.

Or, perhaps you just do not have the qualification to carry the title Elder or Overseer and should not think of yourself as one, nor try to be one over others. That is a possibility too. It may be a blessing to learn that now, rather than continue on thinking yourself to be a man in ministry if you do not possess the qualifications.

 

 

Now, my own bride tells me "that is harsh", that perhaps I could just advise you to buy your's a head set. See I'm not an elder don't have the qualifications, and my wife is thus relieved of the responsibilities of an Elder's wife too. Perhaps for us a blessing. LOL

the requirement of a man to his wife is As Christ to the church.     He gave himself for it , he corrected and set the example.

This wife should NOT be listening to that music .    And if he LOVES HER ,   get grave and seious .    

My advice is to sit her down and together spend time reading from the bible and spend time n prayer.

When Christ truly resides in us,  all things that don't glorify God become empty to us and things which honor him , edify us to do so.

a whole new heart.   My advice is she needs to start over and get focused on Christ and His sayings ASAP fast .

[GandalfTheWise]

17 hours ago, Apetini said:

So my question is regarding some issues I’m having with my wife. We are both Christians, and we get along most of the time. The issues extend from our belief in certain things.

...

 This is one of a few issues that are all similar in nature. So I guess my question is how to handle issues like this. Do I expect her to change for me, or am I overstepping my authority?

We cannot make other people holy by forcing them to change their actions.  Holiness is a result of being changed from the inside.  A facade of holiness is all we get from following particular rules.  There are times forcing change can mitigate damage (e.g. substance abuse, gambling) and should be considered. But overall, when we make it about behavior rather than internal spiritual change, things often head toward arguments and strife.  When we make it about better behavior resulting from growing spiritually, we get into a mode of promoting spiritual growth instead of arguing whose rules are right. 

Something to consider is if your main motivation is her spiritual wellbeing or being embarrassed about her behavior.  You do not want to get into a mode where she just listens to music you don't like when you are not around.  Getting into a mode of having "around spouse" behavior and "not around spouse" behavior is not a good long term habit to get into.

[Marilyn C]

On ‎27‎/‎01‎/‎2018 at 5:07 PM, Apetini said:

 

As a man in ministry I believe that if I listen to music that doesn’t glorify God than I’ll be swept away into sin. My wife does not hold that sentiment. She says she listens to the message and if it isn’t bad, she will listen to it. She listens to things like a day to remember, my chemical romance, and other hard rock bands. I get so frustrated because I feel like she doesn’t care how I feel, although she says she does. 

 

Thank you for your help in advanced!

Hi Apetini,

mmm my thoughts (woman`s perspective) is that you listen to some of the music she likes and ask her what she likes about it. This will show that you actual care to step over your preconceived ideas and see/hear from her side. She is a different person from you, (as if you did`t realise that) and we all need to appreciate & KNOW that the other person (whom we love) will step over themselves and at least try and understand WHY we/she likes something.

So called Christian music is often very sensual, or in error doctrinally, or really just a money making venture. Some is good. However music is God given and just maybe there is something uplifting in what you both will hear. So I would suggest that when (or if) you listen to some music with your wife, first, make sure you say something encouraging, something you find good, even if its just the intro, or strings, or whatever....and later perhaps ask her about something you hear that is not so encouraging.

have a go, Marilyn.

Ooo just looked up `my chemical romance` on utube and hope its not what I saw. Does your wife know the pictures to go with that group? Hope its something else, otherwise you may both need to look at the words carefully.

I just read your question to my hubby and he says that you should be careful not to base your thoughts on fear.  `I`ll be swept away into sin.` And out of fear comes control, and that will only drive her away, (or anyone else we may try to control). It is the Holy Spirit who convicts and changes.

[Heleadethme]

On 1/27/2018 at 1:07 AM, Apetini said:

Hey there!!

 

First of all, thanks for taking my questions, I deeply appreciate it!

 

So my question is regarding some issues I’m having with my wife. We are both Christians, and we get along most of the time. The issues extend from our belief in certain things.

 

As a man in ministry I believe that if I listen to music that doesn’t glorify God than I’ll be swept away into sin. My wife does not hold that sentiment. She says she listens to the message and if it isn’t bad, she will listen to it. She listens to things like a day to remember, my chemical romance, and other hard rock bands. I get so frustrated because I feel like she doesn’t care how I feel, although she says she does. 

 

Am I wrong for asking her to not listen to certain music as the head of the home spiritually, or should I just leave it alone and ask the Holy Spirit to teach her and change her heart? This is one of a few issues that are all similar in nature. So I guess my question is how to handle issues like this. Do I expect her to change for me, or am I overstepping my authority?

 

I am teachable and humble enough to know I have no idea what I’m doing sometimes and this is one of those times.

 

Thank you for your help in advanced!

Very often our marriage can be the tailor-made cross that we carry to crucify our own flesh, in some ways at least. Your title here hints that maybe you are wondering if your wife needs to submit to you on the issue of the music that she listens to.......and/or maybe you are wondering if submission means that a husband is supposed to lord it over his wife.  It can be hard to know sometimes where to draw the line between leading by example and word, or at one extreme, micro-managing and controlling the life of another.  The truth is, a person can only grow and be conformed to the image and likeness of Christ by their own free will.   It sounds like she is either not saved or is just not mature in the Lord.......or maybe she likes the music because of a nostalgic connection, it reminds her of her youth, or a particularly happy period of her life, maybe it was even an escape from trauma or sadness in her home life, etc.  If so it might be helpful for prayer, to understand if there is some particular reason why she likes that music.  As priest in the home, you can love your wife sacrificially, as this is how Christ loved the church.......be long suffering but lead by example, wash her with the washing of the word, and intercede for her, and give her time to grow.   And see if maybe there are some areas where you need to grow as well, knowing that you both are humbly growing together.  I think the hardest thing about married life is learning not to make it about me and my needs but about the other's.....selfishness and self interest can take a long time to die out.  All the best to you both.....and keep seeking the Lord.

[Willa]

Amplified Version really helped me with this issue.

1Pe 3:1  IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,

1Pe 3:2  When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].

When I realized it was my job to adapt myself to my husband, to fill in where he lacked and in that way be a helpmeet to him, it really helped my attitude.  And in the amplification of reverence, words like appreciate, admire, be deeply devoted to and enjoy helped me to really understand how a wife should express love for her husband.  

However, these things are not hard to do when he treated me the way the Bible teaches as well.  It was much harder to do before he was saved, but God changed him into a godly husband.  We also prayed together in conversational prayer each night, and interceded for friends and family, with him leading us.