i cant get over my step dads death

[Ella]

i am having a hard time at the moment been thinking about my step dad who died 6 years ago he took his own life i  cant seem to get over his death  i blame myself  i think because i have mental health problems i should  have known  he died and i cant have him back 

i feel angry at him  and angry at God  but i keep going to church  i love Jesus  i sometimes wished that my step dad knew Jesus  he didnt have a faith   my heart hurts thinking about him  normally by now when i feel like this i self injure  i cant cope with the feels but my husband  hides the things i can use to self injure with  and locks up all the medication in the house  if i had money id  be drunk or i would have gotten high but am trying to stay clean for my marriage  for my husband and  friends i am really struggling  am having problems with my body av been getting bad pains in my legs when i go up stairs  luckly i live on the ground floor because i had problems like this before but i got told it was because of my weight  the pains are back but my weight is lower than it  was  when i moved in here and that was 10 years ago am trying to exercise  with it and it hurt a lot  its not exercise  that is doing it  and i feel tired all the time  unsure what is going on   

 

[Guest Butero]

1 hour ago, Ella said:

i am having a hard time at the moment been thinking about my step dad who died 6 years ago he took his own life i  cant seem to get over his death  i blame myself  i think because i have mental health problems i should  have known  he died and i cant have him back 

i feel angry at him  and angry at God  but i keep going to church  i love Jesus  i sometimes wished that my step dad knew Jesus  he didnt have a faith   my heart hurts thinking about him  normally by now when i feel like this i self injure  i cant cope with the feels but my husband  hides the things i can use to self injure with  and locks up all the medication in the house  if i had money id  be drunk or i would have gotten high but am trying to stay clean for my marriage  for my husband and  friends i am really struggling  am having problems with my body av been getting bad pains in my legs when i go up stairs  luckly i live on the ground floor because i had problems like this before but i got told it was because of my weight  the pains are back but my weight is lower than it  was  when i moved in here and that was 10 years ago am trying to exercise  with it and it hurt a lot  its not exercise  that is doing it  and i feel tired all the time  unsure what is going on   

 

It is hard to know what to say to you to make you feel better.  I think you know on the inside you are not responsible for his death.  There is no need to be angry with him.  He is having to live with the consequences of his decision.  Alcohol only numbs the pain.  It doesn't solve anything.  Harming your own body won't bring him back, and won't change anything.  Given what you have said, I think the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself for whatever part, real or imagined, you played in his death.  Tell God how you feel. 

Something I did one time that helped me cope with bad feelings towards someone who had died was I had a conversation with them.  It wasn't real, and I knew that, but it was to help with the healing process.  I told them every hurt feeling I had about things they had done, and in the end, I forgave them.  As strange as this sounds, it really helped.  All those bad feelings are gone.  I just had things I needed to say that were unresolved.  Try it.  That is a lot better than alcohol to mask the pain and hurting yourself.  It might even work.  I had to do this several times before everything was resolved, but I am telling you the truth, I feel nothing but good feelings about that person today, and hope to see them in heaven one day.  

God bless you sister, and I hope you get to feeling better soon.  If you ever want to talk, feel free to pm me.  Also remember there are lots of good people in the Worthy Chat Rooms much of the time.  

[Ella]

6 hours ago, Butero said:

It is hard to know what to say to you to make you feel better.  I think you know on the inside you are not responsible for his death.  There is no need to be angry with him.  He is having to live with the consequences of his decision.  Alcohol only numbs the pain.  It doesn't solve anything.  Harming your own body won't bring him back, and won't change anything.  Given what you have said, I think the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself for whatever part, real or imagined, you played in his death.  Tell God how you feel. 

Something I did one time that helped me cope with bad feelings towards someone who had died was I had a conversation with them.  It wasn't real, and I knew that, but it was to help with the healing process.  I told them every hurt feeling I had about things they had done, and in the end, I forgave them.  As strange as this sounds, it really helped.  All those bad feelings are gone.  I just had things I needed to say that were unresolved.  Try it.  That is a lot better than alcohol to mask the pain and hurting yourself.  It might even work.  I had to do this several times before everything was resolved, but I am telling you the truth, I feel nothing but good feelings about that person today, and hope to see them in heaven one day.  

God bless you sister, and I hope you get to feeling better soon.  If you ever want to talk, feel free to pm me.  Also remember there are lots of good people in the Worthy Chat Rooms much of the time.  

Butero thank you for replying to me , i think i need to talk to him say what i need to say to him know he was very ill at the time he wasn't in his right mind  he left the house in the middle of the night  went into the city and jumped from a bridge  same bridge i got to go over to get into town  seeing there every day hurt  he left the house while everyone was sleeping  and in the next day  he wasn't there  we found out he went missing  by the time the police where called it was too late a girl found him under the bridge  at the time my mum was fighting cancer she got better but know is cold and bitter  she is now cancer free  but hates being alive with out him 

I have never had counselling about my dads death  i see my pastor every month as an appointment but i also see him at my groups i go to and he is around all the time so i can talk to him he is a great support and is also a friend   

it will be 6 years in September  my dad birthday is in July he is always on my mind  and in my heart , since my dads death i have tried to kill myself a few times one being at a train station  where i had to fight with myself from going on the tracks  thankfully i managed to talk myself out of it  but i nearly did it  i see a psych every 3 months and my dr every month  i think  you right i need to talk to him say what i need to say with him  get it all out 

thank you so much for replying to my post 

 

 

 

[Marilyn C]

Hi Ella,

The pain you feel would be so intense, and it might seem that if you don`t feel that pain then you are not showing you love that person. However feelings come and go and are not the measure of our love for someone. Our love is shown by how we help others. Everyone on this earth will experience pain of some kind because the world is damaged. That is why (and you know) Jesus came to save us. He takes us through this destructive world. 

I suggest you reach out to hurting children, and then you can share the pain, (as Jesus did) and you will come through.

praying, Marilyn.  

[secretopossumcabal]

We're NOT supposed to get over loved ones dying, and THANK GOD for that.

I don't want to live in the world where we could just get on with our lives as if nothing happened. Embrace the pain, let it hurt, let it hurt like heck. 

With time, we learn to manage the pain. Though I don't know what God has in plan for suicides, or those that don't believe in him. They say hell is seperation from God, but perhaps one day in the next life he will have a chance to come back to you, we don't really know what God plans are in that case but do know that he loves his creation, but I don't know what God plans for those that choose separation, God can't force people to come to him because that is the opposite of love and a detestable thing.  

But just continue to take on the seasons and manage the pain -- don't let the pain go away, it is not supposed to. The more love, the more hurt -- that is a good thing. 

[SisterActs2]

Hi Ella

I have told you previously that you can come and cry out for help and we will point the way to Jesus for you, and pray for you my dear sister.  I have read the other members' posts and cannot add anything more - but please know that if one part of the body hurts, the other parts hurt with them.  The body of Christ here is with you and we love you as our sister in Christ Ella.  We will pray and cry to God for you.  Just know that; and go to Jesus as often as you can and tell Him everything that's on your heart and about the pain you feel.  He understands.

[Guest Butero]

6 hours ago, Ella said:

Butero thank you for replying to me , i think i need to talk to him say what i need to say to him know he was very ill at the time he wasn't in his right mind  he left the house in the middle of the night  went into the city and jumped from a bridge  same bridge i got to go over to get into town  seeing there every day hurt  he left the house while everyone was sleeping  and in the next day  he wasn't there  we found out he went missing  by the time the police where called it was too late a girl found him under the bridge  at the time my mum was fighting cancer she got better but know is cold and bitter  she is now cancer free  but hates being alive with out him 

I have never had counselling about my dads death  i see my pastor every month as an appointment but i also see him at my groups i go to and he is around all the time so i can talk to him he is a great support and is also a friend   

it will be 6 years in September  my dad birthday is in July he is always on my mind  and in my heart , since my dads death i have tried to kill myself a few times one being at a train station  where i had to fight with myself from going on the tracks  thankfully i managed to talk myself out of it  but i nearly did it  i see a psych every 3 months and my dr every month  i think  you right i need to talk to him say what i need to say with him  get it all out 

thank you so much for replying to my post 

 

 

 

You are very welcome, and if you just need someone to talk to, feel free to pm me and I will get back to you as soon as I can.  The Lord bless you, and I am glad you didn't take your own life.  There is no reason you can't have a wonderful future ahead of you.  

[BK1110]

God bless you Ella! Do you regularly attend church? Do you have Christian friends you can be with and be supported and uplifted by? Counseling with a good pastor might help as well!