how do you feel about close friends not attending a wedding or a funeral?

[Equippers]

a while back i had someone from mine extended family passed on.

he "had" this close friend who is a pastor who I also got to know well years. though i would not say we are friends or i have any respect for him.

that said, the friendship between this pastor and the family member is genuine and real. and i do believe this pastor cared about the family member.

he was on holiday with his family, and when he heard the news, he did not bother to fly home to pay his last respect or say goodbye

here is the thing, this pastor is not rich, but he definitely got enough resources to buy a one way ticket home to attend the funeral

and no, the holiday was not about a special occassion, it is not a wedding anniversary, it is not to celebrate one of his daughter impending wedding or anything like that.

but recently i heard a sermon of his and this pastor eyes watered up and kept talking about how he loved the family member like a brother

i just feel like, love is more than talk, if you LOVED him, than SHOW SOME RESPECT. DON'T JUST CONTINUE YOUR HOLIDAY THAN COME HOME AND GIVE A SOB STORY.

but then again, i remember years ago i chose not attend this woman's wedding.

i thought she was not a beautiful person on the inside at all and did not want all the negative energy to rub off on me.

she apparently got offended and never spoke to me again.

maybe in her mined she came up with all these storylines like one of those Korean melodramas and believed we were close friends....

if that is the case, then i understand why she would be so incredibly offended.

i definitely think that people has right to be offended by a close friends not attending a wedding unless they have a good reason and unable to attend.

 

 

 

[ayin jade]

There are many ways to pay respect. The pastor did not have to cut short his vacation in order to attend a funeral in order to pay respect. 

John 7:24 Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”

You shouldnt judge the motives or the heart of those folks based on outward appearances. 

[Equippers]

4 minutes ago, ayin jade said:

There are many ways to pay respect. The pastor did not have to cut short his vacation in order to attend a funeral in order to pay respect. 

John 7:24 Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”

You shouldnt judge the motives or the heart of those folks based on outward appearances. 

well, you and i don't even know each other, we haven't even met.

so how do you know mine motive is to judge?

Edited May 15, 2018 by Equippers

[ayin jade]

1 hour ago, Equippers said:

a while back i had someone from mine extended family passed on.

he "had" this close friend who is a pastor who I also got to know well years. though i would not say we are friends or i have any respect for him.

that said, the friendship between this pastor and the family member is genuine and real. and i do believe this pastor cared about the family member.

he was on holiday with his family, and when he heard the news, he did not bother to fly home to pay his last respect or say goodbye

here is the thing, this pastor is not rich, but he definitely got enough resources to buy a one way ticket home to attend the funeral

and no, the holiday was not about a special occassion, it is not a wedding anniversary, it is not to celebrate one of his daughter impending wedding or anything like that.

but recently i heard a sermon of his and this pastor eyes watered up and kept talking about how he loved the family member like a brother

i just feel like, love is more than talk, if you LOVED him, than SHOW SOME RESPECT. DON'T JUST CONTINUE YOUR HOLIDAY THAN COME HOME AND GIVE A SOB STORY.

 

 

 

56 minutes ago, Equippers said:

well, you and i don't even know each other, we haven't even met.

so how do you know mine motive is to judge?

In the first quoted post, isnt that what you were doing? You judged him for not attending the funeral. 

[Guest Butero]

I can only speak for myself, as someone that once had to fly across country to attend the funeral of a family member.  That is not an easy thing to do, and is very expensive.  I would cut the man some slack.  I could understand what you are saying if he was at home and just chose to skip the funeral, but to expect him to jump on a plane and fly back is a bit unreasonable to me.  Just the cost alone would create problems, and you can't assume he could afford it.  Nobody knows how much money somebody else really has.  

 

[Neighbor]

Hi,

Regardless of circumstances in either situation, just who is carrying a burden over them today?

Developing a keen sense for slights is just that a burden that wears on the heart. It just doesn't matter a wit what happened nor when. Let it go, put on a happy countenance and go about proclaiming the wonder of the gospel of our Lord and savior.

Should it be that you still feel bad about not attending a wedding, then say so to God. Ask Him what to do about that now. And if the answer seems to be apologize for not attending a wedding then share that you feel bad to this day about it and give a nice surprise anniversary gift to the wedded couple.

But please do not share your sense of having slighted someone, by balancing flaws, finding someone else, a pastor who in your opinion did something similar , and then try to balance that all out to feel justified in some manner. Instead let it go, be appreciative that the pastor bothered to mention your extended family member at any  time.

Why you could perhaps get over your own sense of being slighted by sending that pastor a note saying thanks for your mention of my family member, I miss him too. It was nice to hear his name mentioned, thanks.

My point and suggestion is please consider being pro active in getting past your own burden, shake it off, don't let the evil one, nor your own mind, weight you down. Get back to a happier countenance and praise God for it. It is hard to sing He Lives He lives Christ lives today while carrying the burden  of small slights around. Hard to participate in the Lord's supper that way too. So please for your own well being bury the slights and put a grave marker on them, and move on having finalized that issue.

Just my thoughts for whatever they might be worth-

[Still Alive]

3 hours ago, Equippers said:

a while back i had someone from mine extended family passed on.

he "had" this close friend who is a pastor who I also got to know well years. though i would not say we are friends or i have any respect for him.

that said, the friendship between this pastor and the family member is genuine and real. and i do believe this pastor cared about the family member.

he was on holiday with his family, and when he heard the news, he did not bother to fly home to pay his last respect or say goodbye

here is the thing, this pastor is not rich, but he definitely got enough resources to buy a one way ticket home to attend the funeral

and no, the holiday was not about a special occassion, it is not a wedding anniversary, it is not to celebrate one of his daughter impending wedding or anything like that.

but recently i heard a sermon of his and this pastor eyes watered up and kept talking about how he loved the family member like a brother

i just feel like, love is more than talk, if you LOVED him, than SHOW SOME RESPECT. DON'T JUST CONTINUE YOUR HOLIDAY THAN COME HOME AND GIVE A SOB STORY.

but then again, i remember years ago i chose not attend this woman's wedding.

i thought she was not a beautiful person on the inside at all and did not want all the negative energy to rub off on me.

she apparently got offended and never spoke to me again.

maybe in her mined she came up with all these storylines like one of those Korean melodramas and believed we were close friends....

if that is the case, then i understand why she would be so incredibly offended.

i definitely think that people has right to be offended by a close friends not attending a wedding unless they have a good reason and unable to attend.

 

 

 

Nope. I don't care who attends a wedding or a funeral. And I would not expect even a close friend to leave their vacation for my funeral. That is unreasonable. The dead don't care. They are dead.

The older I get, the harder it is for me to be offended by others. They live their life and I live mine. I can't expect them to have the exact same values as me. That is not reasonable.

Life's too short to get offended every time someone does not meet your particular expectations of how things should be done. You'll be a much more happy and joyous person if you stop judging what others do regarding "non-sin" issues. Heck, even sin issues. Let Jesus deal with it.

[Adstar]

3 hours ago, Equippers said:

a while back i had someone from mine extended family passed on.

he "had" this close friend who is a pastor who I also got to know well years. though i would not say we are friends or i have any respect for him.

that said, the friendship between this pastor and the family member is genuine and real. and i do believe this pastor cared about the family member.

he was on holiday with his family, and when he heard the news, he did not bother to fly home to pay his last respect or say goodbye

here is the thing, this pastor is not rich, but he definitely got enough resources to buy a one way ticket home to attend the funeral

and no, the holiday was not about a special occassion, it is not a wedding anniversary, it is not to celebrate one of his daughter impending wedding or anything like that.

but recently i heard a sermon of his and this pastor eyes watered up and kept talking about how he loved the family member like a brother

i just feel like, love is more than talk, if you LOVED him, than SHOW SOME RESPECT. DON'T JUST CONTINUE YOUR HOLIDAY THAN COME HOME AND GIVE A SOB STORY.

but then again, i remember years ago i chose not attend this woman's wedding.

i thought she was not a beautiful person on the inside at all and did not want all the negative energy to rub off on me.

she apparently got offended and never spoke to me again.

maybe in her mined she came up with all these storylines like one of those Korean melodramas and believed we were close friends....

if that is the case, then i understand why she would be so incredibly offended.

i definitely think that people has right to be offended by a close friends not attending a wedding unless they have a good reason and unable to attend.

 

 

 

I think slowly fuming for years over such issues hurts the offended one far more then the one who is the focus of the offense..

The thing to do is to give it all over the the LORD Jesus Christ and allow Him to deal with the situation as He deems fit..

Anger is like a weight on your shoulders.. Lugging it around for years is just toxic to all concerned..

It is a heavy debilitating burden..

[enoob57]

One of the areas God changes in the heart when He enters is where to place importance ... it is to be formed from His Word and not of the darkness of lies in this world...

Matt 8:21-22

21 And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father.

22 But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead.
KJV
This would seem cold if not born again unto a living hope... but the lump of dirt that once held the soul is but a lump of dirt! The unique aspect of Life is that it entails The Lord and The Lord only all else is smoke and mirrors to detract from that reality...

[Sower]

There just might have been a reason.