What advice should Christians give to atheists in love relationships?

[ohso]

I have a lot of friends who are atheists and they come to me for advice often. They know I am a Christian, although a new believer. So, I have no idea what advice to give them. For example, my friend is fornicating with her boyfriend. They are both atheists. They have relationship problems. I don't know should I say to her to leave that relationship or to fight for it? If they were Christians in a marriage I would advise them to pray to God to help the save their marriage. But since they don't believe, what is the right advice to give? Should I have double standards for Christians and non Christians friends?

I pray for both of them to come to Jesus, but I can't ofcourse make them believe, although I share my faith, it's no use so it seems. Really, what should I say to my atheist friend? To leave her man and find another better man who will probably be atheist as her again? Or should I say to her to find a Christian man after she miraculously becomes a Christian too? What kind of helpful advice is that, she won't listen to it. Or should she stay with this man and hope they both somehow become born again one day? She is asking me what to do and I have no right words. I don't want to condemn them. 

I'm so sorry, but can someone please clear my confusion? Thank you. God bless. 

[Tzephanyahu]

Shalom @ohso,

May Yahweh bless you for your kind heart towards your friends. It is heart warming to hear you have concern for them and wanting act wisely. 

I think the advice that I will give won't necessarily be what you want to hear though... 

If you're not sure on what to advise then I suggest to not advise anything at all.

Sometimes the Christian that "always has advice" can be a bad witness, especially if what is advised falls flat, as it wasn't spoken of human origin and not in wisdom of the Spirit. 

I think what is more important is that you lending a listening ear and a non-judgemental heart to your friend, which I'm sure you are doing already.  Be quick to listen but slow to give advice.  It's okay to tell them "I'm not sure what the best thing to do is" rather than try to fake it. 

Being a Christian doesn't mean we always should have answers.  This belongs to those who are specifically gifted by the Spirit in that way, but there are many other gifts. 

But again, non-judgemental, kind and patient listening in love will speak in volumes to your friend over any kind of "Godly advice".  And, if you listen long enough and hold your tongue back from saying what you think a "Christian" should say - the Lord may give you wisdom on the matter suddenly.  When that happens you will know the advice is good and sound, and you won't second guess it. 

In summary - show your peace and love, wait for wisdom, and let your friend know you are there for them. 

Continue in prayer, as you are doing, as this may be your gift.  Ask Him each day for Wisdom and He will reward you in due time - 100%.

Love & Shalom 

[Behold]

33 minutes ago, ohso said:

I have a lot of friends who are atheists and they come to me for advice often. They know I am a Christian, although a new believer. So, I have no idea what advice to give them. For example, my friend is fornicating with her boyfriend. They are both atheists. They have relationship problems. I don't know should I say to her to leave that relationship or to fight for it? If they were Christians in a marriage I would advise them to pray to God to help the save their marriage. But since they don't believe, what is the right advice to give? Should I have double standards for Christians and non Christians friends?

I pray for both of them to come to Jesus, but I can't ofcourse make them believe, although I share my faith, it's no use so it seems. Really, what should I say to my atheist friend? To leave her man and find another better man who will probably be atheist as her again? Or should I say to her to find a Christian man after she miraculously becomes a Christian too? What kind of helpful advice is that, she won't listen to it. Or should she stay with this man and hope they both somehow become born again one day? She is asking me what to do and I have no right words. I don't want to condemn them. 

I'm so sorry, but can someone please clear my confusion? Thank you. God bless. 

 

There are no happy relationships that are not based on Jesus.

And you can't tell a non-believer to go and find a believer      Thats incredible that you think you could ....   Listen, you dont mix light and dark.  You can't mix oil and water.   You cant put a square in a round hole.

So, if you want to tell 2 atheists how to find happiness, then tell them to trust in Christ today, by faith.   ... Otherwise......... good luck with that as they are only going to be found, as all non believers are found....sort of living in the ditch of life.   They mostly exist to work, sleep, eat, fornicate, text,  and worry.

Its CHRSIT in us who elevates us to  a better life, the life of Holiness and Peace and HOPE.    Unbelievers can never have this, as it does not exist with out God and Christ.  Unbelievers have no HOPE....NO HOPE AT ALL.

So, in case your friends continue to deny the Truth, and exist in a limbo of unbelief and spiritual poverty and fear and hopelessness, you can tell them what i tell everyone who asks me about "how to be happy with her", "how to be happy with him".

I tell them a simple fact.

If you want to try to be happy with the one you are with, then find out what it is they hate, these things, and dont ever do those.   And, find out what they love, these few things,  and do them as much as possible.

Thats the general rule that will help most relationships find some good times and a lot less war.

Edited January 17, 2020 by Behold

[lovethelord]

ohso,

You can only do your best with the wisdom given to you from the Spirit. I would listen well to whatever your friend’s are asking and stay on the subject without bringing God and religion into it. If they ask you about God then take advantage of the opportunity to share your faith with them.  Trust the Spirit to guide you. Be kind and try not to be judgmental in your replies to your friends. You must already be doing something right, since they continue to seek your advice.

 

[missmuffet]

2 hours ago, ohso said:

I have a lot of friends who are atheists and they come to me for advice often. They know I am a Christian, although a new believer. So, I have no idea what advice to give them. For example, my friend is fornicating with her boyfriend. They are both atheists. They have relationship problems. I don't know should I say to her to leave that relationship or to fight for it? If they were Christians in a marriage I would advise them to pray to God to help the save their marriage. But since they don't believe, what is the right advice to give? Should I have double standards for Christians and non Christians friends?

I pray for both of them to come to Jesus, but I can't ofcourse make them believe, although I share my faith, it's no use so it seems. Really, what should I say to my atheist friend? To leave her man and find another better man who will probably be atheist as her again? Or should I say to her to find a Christian man after she miraculously becomes a Christian too? What kind of helpful advice is that, she won't listen to it. Or should she stay with this man and hope they both somehow become born again one day? She is asking me what to do and I have no right words. I don't want to condemn them. 

I'm so sorry, but can someone please clear my confusion? Thank you. God bless. 

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Then pray for them. 

[LonerAndy]

On 1/17/2020 at 11:11 AM, ohso said:

I have a lot of friends who are atheists and they come to me for advice often. They know I am a Christian, although a new believer. So, I have no idea what advice to give them. For example, my friend is fornicating with her boyfriend. They are both atheists. They have relationship problems. I don't know should I say to her to leave that relationship or to fight for it? If they were Christians in a marriage I would advise them to pray to God to help the save their marriage. But since they don't believe, what is the right advice to give? Should I have double standards for Christians and non Christians friends?

I pray for both of them to come to Jesus, but I can't ofcourse make them believe, although I share my faith, it's no use so it seems. Really, what should I say to my atheist friend? To leave her man and find another better man who will probably be atheist as her again? Or should I say to her to find a Christian man after she miraculously becomes a Christian too? What kind of helpful advice is that, she won't listen to it. Or should she stay with this man and hope they both somehow become born again one day? She is asking me what to do and I have no right words. I don't want to condemn them. 

I'm so sorry, but can someone please clear my confusion? Thank you. God bless. 

So I've been there, and done that.

Getting into relationship advice with pagan friends (pagan is not an insult, just a general term for non-Christian people), with pagan friends is risky, because they have none of the concepts of right and wrong that all of us who grew up in the faith, or have been in the faith for a long time, take for granted.

The whole book of Jonah, is about G-d caring about a people who were utterly ignorant of right and wrong.   The last verse says "And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left?"  They can't tell their right, from their left.   They don't know what they are doing.

So we can't go around preaching at people that this is right, and this is wrong, because they have no idea what we're talking about.   And "the Bible says..." isn't going to mean anything to people who don't believe the Bible.

Now I know you know this already, that's why your here asking the question.

And my answer is as follows...

First, try and avoid giving advice.   Unless you can give simple advice that even the pagans can grasp without getting into the Bible.   For example, if he's on drugs... yeah ditch him because he's a druggie.   If he's abusive... yeah get away from abusive people.

But when it comes to simply problems in a relationship, where the answer involves pulling out the Bible and explaining the Christian faith, your pagan friend likely isn't going to want to hear that.

So I tend to just avoid the topic as much as possible.   That does not mean, do not listen.

By all means, listen to your friend.  Be there for her to talk to.   Listen quietly to all the things going on with her.   But if possible, I wouldn't give advice.

Second, if your pagan friends insist on getting advice, I would start with "If it was me..."  answers.

Start by say... "well what I would do, if it was me..." and then answer like that.   And then carefully stick to that type of reply.   This prevents you from stumbling into "you should not do that" type responses, because you are merely answering with what you would do in their position.

So I would imagine an answer that sounds kind of like this....

"Well what I would do, if it was me, is I would likely break off this relationship.   Then I would not get with a man until he was willing to marry me."

Now obviously I'm not you, so you will need to translate this into something that fits what you would say.   But answering like that avoids any chance of you coming across as condemning.

Of course you are likely to get a follow up question, "why?"

And then I would answer it like this...

"well I am a Christian, and we are not allowed to sleep with people we're not married to. So I would find a man to marry, and then move in together".

Again, not saying "you should" or "that's wrong" or anything like that.   Everything in the context of "what I would do is....".

I hope that is helpful.

Lastly....

And this is the part no one likes... it is possible that you could lose this friendship.  You don't know how the other person is going to react.   Meaning you could do everything right, and do everything perfectly, and say exactly what you need to say... and in the end, this other person could decide they don't want to be friends with a Christian, who has all these moral values they hold.

Now don't assume this will be the outcome, but I do want to just say something in case it does.

You have no control over how other people respond to what you say.   I've talked to people about being a Christian, and had them disappear, and I never see them again.  I've also talked to people about being a Christian, and they wanted to hang out with me more than they ever did before.

You don't know how anyone is going to react.   The problem is, people tend to assume that they must have done it wrong.   That is not true.

Remember, G-d created a perfect world, with a perfect life for mankind.   And man turned away from G-d.   G-d did everything perfectly, and man rejected him.   Israel was rescued from Egypt, saved from the army, protected from their enemies, given food from Heaven... and still they rejected G-d, and turned away from him.    He did everything perfectly, and the people he saved rejected him.

So when you say exactly what you should, and do exactly what you should, understand people will sometimes still reject you.

That's life.   Jesus was rejected too.   So I wish you luck, but if it doesn't go well, don't assuming you did something wrong just because it didn't go well.  You might have done exactly what you should.

[Coliseum]

On 1/17/2020 at 11:11 AM, ohso said:

I have a lot of friends who are atheists and they come to me for advice often. They know I am a Christian, although a new believer. So, I have no idea what advice to give them. For example, my friend is fornicating with her boyfriend. They are both atheists. They have relationship problems. I don't know should I say to her to leave that relationship or to fight for it? If they were Christians in a marriage I would advise them to pray to God to help the save their marriage. But since they don't believe, what is the right advice to give? Should I have double standards for Christians and non Christians friends?

I pray for both of them to come to Jesus, but I can't ofcourse make them believe, although I share my faith, it's no use so it seems. Really, what should I say to my atheist friend? To leave her man and find another better man who will probably be atheist as her again? Or should I say to her to find a Christian man after she miraculously becomes a Christian too? What kind of helpful advice is that, she won't listen to it. Or should she stay with this man and hope they both somehow become born again one day? She is asking me what to do and I have no right words. I don't want to condemn them. 

I'm so sorry, but can someone please clear my confusion? Thank you. God bless. 

Hi ohso.

I was an atheist for twenty years. It was uncommon for an atheist to ask a Christian for advice because by definition, he is unwilling to take advice from a God who indwells the saved man. The atheist is not a saved man. It is not even possible to follow that advice, except perhaps on the outside to make one's reputation look clean. But in the heart, it is anything but.

All one can do is pray and live our own life as a testimony of what Christ has done, and is doing, in us. BTW, we were all like her in one way or another before we were born again. No one can become saved until they realize they are lost, and many times the lost person rejects being told that. 

You said, "I pray for both of them to come to Jesus, but I can't ofcourse make them believe, although I share my faith, it's no use so it seems." That is the right thing to do, and regardless that it may seem no use, God is the only One who can save anyone, not you. So continue doing what you are doing. Water and fertilize the "plant" by your words and deeds, and God will decide whether it grows or not. God bless you in your new walk with Christ.

Edited January 21, 2020 by Coliseum

[Wesley L]

On 1/17/2020 at 5:11 PM, ohso said:

I have a lot of friends who are atheists and they come to me for advice often. They know I am a Christian, although a new believer. So, I have no idea what advice to give them. For example, my friend is fornicating with her boyfriend. They are both atheists. They have relationship problems. I don't know should I say to her to leave that relationship or to fight for it? If they were Christians in a marriage I would advise them to pray to God to help the save their marriage. But since they don't believe, what is the right advice to give? Should I have double standards for Christians and non Christians friends?

I pray for both of them to come to Jesus, but I can't ofcourse make them believe, although I share my faith, it's no use so it seems. Really, what should I say to my atheist friend? To leave her man and find another better man who will probably be atheist as her again? Or should I say to her to find a Christian man after she miraculously becomes a Christian too? What kind of helpful advice is that, she won't listen to it. Or should she stay with this man and hope they both somehow become born again one day? She is asking me what to do and I have no right words. I don't want to condemn them. 

I'm so sorry, but can someone please clear my confusion? Thank you. God bless. 

Hi,

I think you could try to view it this way. They are unbelievers without the Holy Spirit. According to the bible they won't see the truth that you see, even when you tell them.

They are in the flesh. So, what you could do is to take the oppertunity and help them to analize the cause of their relationship problems. Lovingly hearing them out, guiding the conversation. I think all of the time you can boil it back down to sin (selfishness, greed, pride, lying, stealing, adultry and so on) Sin leads to many problems, break of trust. And there would be the opening for sharing the gospel to them.

Non believers try to look for a perfect partner that fits, like a piece of clothing. When it wears out, they just change to another one.
Christians know that they can't find a perfect partner and we know us ourselves are imperfect sinners.
Only Jesus Christ is perfect. So we try to find a partner who is perfect by faith in Christ.

Hope this helps.
God bless!

[Prycejosh1987]

On 1/17/2020 at 4:11 PM, ohso said:

I have a lot of friends who are atheists and they come to me for advice often. They know I am a Christian, although a new believer. So, I have no idea what advice to give them. For example, my friend is fornicating with her boyfriend. They are both atheists. They have relationship problems. I don't know should I say to her to leave that relationship or to fight for it? If they were Christians in a marriage I would advise them to pray to God to help the save their marriage. But since they don't believe, what is the right advice to give? Should I have double standards for Christians and non Christians friends?

I pray for both of them to come to Jesus, but I can't ofcourse make them believe, although I share my faith, it's no use so it seems. Really, what should I say to my atheist friend? To leave her man and find another better man who will probably be atheist as her again? Or should I say to her to find a Christian man after she miraculously becomes a Christian too? What kind of helpful advice is that, she won't listen to it. Or should she stay with this man and hope they both somehow become born again one day? She is asking me what to do and I have no right words. I don't want to condemn them. 

I'm so sorry, but can someone please clear my confusion? Thank you. God bless. 

I relationship has the same rules for believers and non believers, although believers are more likely to be successful in keeping the relationship and staying in it. Just be open and honest always, and dont let the sun go down on a disagreement, is my advice.