If You Wish You Didn’t Exist

[SisterWells]

3 minutes ago, ChickenCoop said:

In case anyone clicks and it doesn't work, it's because you need to wait until the video has been approved by administration.  So don't give up. 

Believe me,  I won't. If at first I don't succeed I click again and again and again.

[Aimes]

This is one trick I'll never fall for... I don't click on links usually. 

[Debp]

5 hours ago, Henry_iain said:

I am reminded of two videos that I think everyone should watch (I might post them in the appropriate forum)

One is a video called The Walls of Jericho. It highlights the fact that so many of the heroes in scripture faced seemingly hopeless situations but how God pulled them through. 

I watched the video, Henry, and recommend it.   Always keep our eyes on Jesus, He will get us through it all.   Look to Jesus, not people.

[Marathoner]

The Lord bless you, @Fidei Defensor, and everyone who shared of their testimony and offered encouragement here. "And he who sat on the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful." (Revelation 21:5)

"Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." (Isaiah 43:19)

"For, behold, I create new heavens and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind." (Isaiah 65:17)

There was a time when I was alone in this world with no one to speak on my behalf nor claim me. I despaired of living and longed for an end to my suffering, desiring death above all other things. I was dying but the Spirit of the Lord came in my brokenness, speaking on my behalf and claiming me for His own. The Lord did an impossible thing that day, reversing the disease which ravaged my body and relieving the agony that plagued my soul. The Lord promised to restore everything I had lost just as He did with Job and so He has: I have more mothers, brothers, and sisters than I can possibly number and even though the times we live in seem dark and hopeless, there is rest and peace for our souls.

As the Lord Himself says,

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)

We're in His hand and no matter where we go or where we are, the Son of God is always with us.

[Fidei Defensor]

@Marathoner Praise Jesus! You are a walking miracle! What a testimony of healing and redemption.  

I am so happy The Lord gave you a new family, “God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.” (Paalm 68:6). 

[Mike Mclees]

I finally looked up the definition of eternity. This is what it says .

Eternity is waiting for your sister to come out of the bathroom.  Nothing like humor to brighten up a lousy day. 

[Fidei Defensor]

5 hours ago, Debp said:

I watched the video, Henry, and recommend it.   Always keep our eyes on Jesus, He will get us through it all.   Look to Jesus, not people.

Amen. “I count it all lost but knowing Christ..” (Philippians 3:8). 

[Don19]

I think about this a lot. I have some issues that definitely make me want for my sojourn in this vale of tears to reach its preordained end.

But this is also liberating.

One of the things that's now so different about being a Christian (which I've been since January 2019) is there's no fear of death any longer. When I was an atheist, I dreaded the thought of dying, and saw this life as my one and only life. I tended towards hypochondria. I can be quite OCD in general. I was always fearful of getting a serious disease. One recurrent fear was skin cancer. I might actually be susceptible to this, myself, as I have a very large number of moles, and that's a risk factor. I mean, I just have so many... easily way over 100. I've had 7 moles in total biopsied in the last few years, for showing atypical characteristics. All benign, to date. One of them which I had biopsied in 2017 has grown back a bit wonky, but I don't believe it's melanoma. Maybe childhood exposure also increases the risk. I spent the summers of 2000, 01, and 02 at day camp in the Pine Barrens, five days a week. I don't remember ever once using sunblock. I was told I would get very dark (I'm part Italian).

But such a thing puts a damper on life itself. I enjoy going down the Shore in the summer. I would, of course, do it when I was an atheist. But I tended to be extra vigilant about putting on sunblock, and I'd always sit under a beach umbrella. I absolutely would not sit in the sun, if I could avoid it. And apart from the beach, I would just avoid the sun; I could be obsessive about it. I have a pretty big mole on my neck on the left side, which I've had a long as I can remember, and it always bothered me even if I was in the car and the sun happened to be hitting it. I remember wearing a towel over my neck in the car on the way to and from the Shore in the not-so-distant past just to avoid that.

I just spent pretty much the whole day in Wildwood and North Wildwood today. No church, as it got cancelled. No umbrella - frankly, it's one extra thing to carry, a pain to set up, and then you have to worry if the wind will blow it over. I didn't wear my swimshirt. One less thing to wash. The ocean was really nice! I spent so much time in the ocean today. And it was a beautiful day. I think the air temperature was maybe in the low 80s. It actually felt good sitting in the sun. It actually felt good on my skin, as the gentle breeze made me feel just a little chilly otherwise after getting out of the water. I would have been chilly under an umbrella. Looks like I got plenty of red color today. Hopefully the burns aren't too painful! Lol. It was just a wonderful day outdoors enjoying God's creation!

To me, this is living without fear, as I once had. Hebrews 2:15 really rings true:

And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.

Fear of death is a form of bondage. It's something that I now feel I've overcome! To know that to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I get cancer and die, I know God is in control of that, and is working all things for my good, and I just get to go home early. If I live, I do so in newness of life, as an adopted child of God, eternally secure, in an unbreakable love relationship with my Daddy and Creator. It's a win-win. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way (well, maybe it won't come Monday), but today it does.

[Henry_iain]

This is why feelings are so deceptive. They are not wrong and I think expressing them is important but we must not give in to them or draw conclusions from them. For they change like the wind. I also find I sometimes try to look too far ahead. If our focus remains on Christ, it doesn't matter what we face because his grace will carry us through. Yes, we need to do the things we can to prepare for the future. But we can only do things in the present. Godliness with contentment is great gain  

[Marathoner]

On 7/31/2020 at 2:52 PM, Fidei Defensor said:

@Marathoner Praise Jesus! You are a walking miracle! What a testimony of healing and redemption.  

I am so happy The Lord gave you a new family, “God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.” (Paalm 68:6). 

Amen, my friend. When I look around at the world my heart becomes heavy with sorrow and the days of my affliction return to my remembrance. Infections raged in my body; I was so ill I couldn't keep food down. Even water made me sick to my stomach so I drank it sparingly.

At first I was oblivious to the injuries I sustained on behalf of another. She was alive which was all that mattered to me. I was able to hide it when she came calling, thanking her for wonderful food I wasn't able to eat. She was so kind to look after a drifter and I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth. I waged war against waves of weakness which threatened to overtake me; I would become disoriented, forgetting where I was and what I was doing. I started having dreams which in the beginning were faithful to what we went through but these started changing into nightmares which terrified me to no end. They were horrifying because something was desperately wrong and I couldn't reach her. She perished before my eyes.

I would be freed of their dark grasp when I saw her walking through my door, terror giving way to relief. Yes, she was alive! By this point I understood my predicament: my body was reacting to infectious agents and I was at risk of sepsis. I'm so thankful no one else on Earth witnessed what I thought was my last day in this world... I was so weak standing was a monumental effort. 

I understand what it feels like to wish you never existed. My family turned their backs on me long ago and because I had fled from the Lord when I was a younger man, I believed that He despised me. Christ had every reason to: I was ignorant and incapable of believing that the Lord had chosen a pathetic loser like me. We know the truth, @Fidei Defensor:

Yes, the Lord God chooses the broken, the lowly, and the dispossessed. He confounds the wise and humbles the mighty as it is written, 

The stone which the builders rejected
Has become the chief corner stone.
(Psalm 118:22)

The Lord lifts me up on high and reminds me of His works of which there is no end. He reminds me that I'm not alone... you and many others have become my mothers, brothers, and sisters. Christ is with us always even during these dark times.