I think I am beyond saving?

[SJS]

Hi

I committed the same sin again today, the same ones since I was a teenager and now I am 42. I plead with God to rescue me and you would not believe the battle I have had this week in my head with the devil and God. I felt God working more this week than ever which was refreshing as it was not something I had felt before- but the neurological pathway ( devils pathway )that I have created over 30 years almost takes control. I am noticing more ad more that I no the battle is on and within in the last week God won a lot but this morning he didn’t. In the moment I definitely feel like Paul. I agree it is wrong but do it anyway. I thought I was going to win this week something felt different inside and in my thoughts but I stuffed it all up again. Immediately I punched myself in the face 3 times. My sin has consumed me for so Long most of my memories are based on the sin. Which makes me feel worse then easier to think I already destined to hell so might as well just do it. I scream whilst driving at my self, line up trees with my car and run knifes down my wrists. Suicide feels like it is the only option at times. I have four kids and a wife but if they knew me like I know me man…. 
I am worried that my repentance means little to God now. As I fall back in pretty quick. Am I Esau?

Am I beyond salvation? I very much feel like I am. Why can’t I stop even though is want too. I have a deep feeling based on some of the deep thinking about my sun and the consciousness of the battle within that failing today is the last straw for God.

I want to change my life. I have asked god for last 12 years to take this problem for me but no avail.

I need something to happen soon to Change my trajectory as I am concerned about what I will do next

[chirpy]

You are worth the save :-)  You are Loved very much and God is there for you.

Change is not always a fast process, it takes time, but more importantly,  it is God working in us that allows us to change, when we force it, it becomes an internal conflict.

Knowing a behavior or attitude is a sin is a big part of the process.  Recognizing sin, is a first step in dealing with it.  

We are all sinners, none of us is without blemish, you are not alone.

Acknowledging that a sin is capturing you with it’s temptations, it’s pulling force is described in Romans 7:15-25
The answer is - Gods grace will be sufficient for you.  If your heart is truly repentant and you desire to change, it will come from the spirit, not from you wishing it.  

 Put your mind on Godly things, not on the world…. Read the book of Galation's in the bible for more info on filling the mind with spiritual things and not fleshly.  And be patient, spend time with God, talk to Him, tell Him your struggles He is listening and does care.

Find people who also love the Lord and share with them, seek their input, comfort and strength.  Join  a bible study,  spend time reading the Bible - ask questions and look up answers in the Bible.  

What you put in is what will come out…. you have to fill your life with Him so He can begin to show in your life.  God will not give up on you, do not give up on yourself.

 

[other one]

Sounds like you are listening to Satan more than you are listening to God.

Start reading the bible every day for at least an hour and see what happens.

[BornAgain490]

God is for you, not against you. When you are a child of God, He will chastise you for your sins.  The fact that you are remorseful, regretful, and repentant is evidence that God is working in you.  Continue to cry out to God for increased faith, strengthened repentance, and the filling of the Spirit. Then, when you are tempted, remember that it is the accuser Satan which tempts, but God provides an escape from every temptation.  Also remember that there is no temptation too strong that you,, being in Christ, are not able to resist. I pray God our Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26).  Amen amen. 

[Who me]

17 hours ago, SJS said:

committed the same sin again today, the same ones since I was a teenager

17 hours ago, SJS said:

have asked god for last 12 years to take this problem for me but no avail

Only a Christian worries about committing  sin( s ). Non Christian are unconcerned about them.

Something else to think about.

                                          God has not put a limit  on how many time he will forgive us.

1 john1: says ' If we confess our sins he ( God ) is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. '

You have to continue your life  struggling against temptation and when you fail, turn to God in repentance.

Please read 1Cor 10:. 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation[c] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[e] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Note what it says. You are not suffering unusual temptations and if you 2ant there is always a way out.

The catch is you have to want and do what is needed to escape, whether that is turning 5he computer off, putting the book down,, leaving the company your with or doing something else.

 

God is with you, he values your repentance and he will help you but you are the one who turns the switch, leaves those people etc There are no miraculous  interventions to stop us sinning.

 

Last thing, please talk to someone about your self harming.

That is not normal and you need help with that.

 

[missmuffet]

19 hours ago, SJS said:

Hi

I committed the same sin again today, the same ones since I was a teenager and now I am 42. I plead with God to rescue me and you would not believe the battle I have had this week in my head with the devil and God. I felt God working more this week than ever which was refreshing as it was not something I had felt before- but the neurological pathway ( devils pathway )that I have created over 30 years almost takes control. I am noticing more ad more that I no the battle is on and within in the last week God won a lot but this morning he didn’t. In the moment I definitely feel like Paul. I agree it is wrong but do it anyway. I thought I was going to win this week something felt different inside and in my thoughts but I stuffed it all up again. Immediately I punched myself in the face 3 times. My sin has consumed me for so Long most of my memories are based on the sin. Which makes me feel worse then easier to think I already destined to hell so might as well just do it. I scream whilst driving at my self, line up trees with my car and run knifes down my wrists. Suicide feels like it is the only option at times. I have four kids and a wife but if they knew me like I know me man…. 
I am worried that my repentance means little to God now. As I fall back in pretty quick. Am I Esau?

Am I beyond salvation? I very much feel like I am. Why can’t I stop even though is want too. I have a deep feeling based on some of the deep thinking about my sun and the consciousness of the battle within that failing today is the last straw for God.

I want to change my life. I have asked god for last 12 years to take this problem for me but no avail.

I need something to happen soon to Change my trajectory as I am concerned about what I will do next

No one is hopeless and beyond saving. It all depends on if you want to spend your eternity in heaven or hell.

[Debp]

1 John 1:9

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Also, if you have sincerely believed on the Lord Jesus Christ, you have the imputed righteousness of Christ.   God the Father sees you as righteous through Christ.   Christ has washed your sins away through His precious blood and given you His righteousness.

 

[Gracejj]

Take heart.  Don't give up on yourself. After you sin and Holy Spirit confronts you about it, that means God has not given up on you, so why would you give up on yourself?  When you find yourself in sin, don't hide from God. That's exactly what that little enemy wants you to do.  So pick up your broken self and go straight to God and surrender your nakedness to him and He will clothe you with His love and forgiveness. You never hide from your Father in Heaven, no sin, no falling back is big enough to stop God's merciful embrace.

You yourself is a father to your children,  if one of your children messes up then what would you expect from them regardless? Running away from you and do more wrong things by assuming that now you hate them? or you would expect them to come straight to you and figure things out or to find out a solution for the mess they have made??

If you find yourself going back to the sin again and you might as well want to start running back to your Father in heaven too. Why stop after sin? Take that as an opportunity to go back to God and dont stop going back, don't hide. The more enemy tempts you the more you  bring yourself to God. And show that little enemy how its plan to struck you down actually is bringing you more closer to God.

Everyone fights their own battles, they have to improvise their own way. 

2 Corinthians 12:9  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Romans 8 37-39.

 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

👆You are not saved because of your hold on Christ but His hold on you. Yes, He is holding on to you. 

You stand firm! Be still! Listen to God's voice through prayers and reading & meditating on the word of God. Fill your mind with word of God so there's no room left for word of that little enemy. 

Praying for you.

Shalom!

[Tristen]

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

In the moment I definitely feel like Paul. I agree it is wrong but do it anyway

Repeated frustration with our own shortcomings over time is a typical experience among Christians.

 

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

Immediately I punched myself in the face 3 times

This is pointless religious posturing. Only Jesus can pay the price for our sins - and has done so. To think we can punish ourselves is an offense to His cross.

The only proper reaction to our sin is to go straight to God - to seek His mercy and grace - so we can proceed to walk forwards in His forgiveness.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Any other reaction is a waste both yours and God's time. Don't permit Satan to steal any more of your time. Get right with God and get back on track. Don't make it a weird, self-flatulating, religious thing. You deviated from the path - so get back on the path and keep moving forward.

 

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

Which makes me feel worse

Feeling bad is just another way to try and pay the price for our own sin. 

Our sin is against God. If we confess our sin to God, then God says He has forgiven us. Who are we to disagree with God - and hold on to our sin when Christ paid such a high price to cleanse us?

Reality check: No matter what we do, we will never be able to pay for our own sins. Therefore, after we sin, the most expedient thing to do is to draw a line under it - and get back to life with God.

My impression is that you are giving sin too much power after the fact.

 

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

then easier to think I already destined to hell so might as well just do it

That's the trap - don't fall for it.

Satan tempts us to sin, then makes us feel as though we are not good enough to go to God because we are sinners.

Wherein, we were always sinners - and never good enough to approach God. It was only ever by His grace that we have access to God. Nothing about your most recent sin affects this. It was never about our own personal worthiness.

If you've found Jesus, then you win life - even if you have to struggle with this sin until you go home to be with Him.

Your perspective is off. God wants a relationship with you. He knew very well He was getting a sinner when you first came to Him. And He loved you, and accepted you, and received you. 

 

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

I am worried that my repentance means little to God now. As I fall back in pretty quick.

So long as you keep turning back to God, He will continue to draw near to you.

Forget about being "worried". You don't have a choice, but to trust in His grace.

 

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

Am I beyond salvation?

No.

 

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

I very much feel like I am

Our feelings stem from our corrupted flesh - and therefore cannot be trusted.

 

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

Why can’t I stop even though is want too

Because we are all carrying around a corrupted flesh whose desire is entirely selfish - and diametrically opposed to our spiritual well-being.

And - because only Jesus can set us free. The more effort and time we put in to freeing ourselves, the less opportunity for His grace to sanctify us. 

 

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

I have a deep feeling based on some of the deep thinking about my sun and the consciousness of the battle within that failing today is the last straw for God

Feelings stem from our corrupted flesh - and therefore cannot be trusted.

We instead choose to trust scripture. There is no concept in scripture of a "last straw for God". So long as you are determined to follow Him (despite your failings), He will receive you - and pick you up.

 

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

I want to change my life. I have asked god for last 12 years to take this problem for me but no avail.

Perhaps God desires that you learn to overcome this temptation. 

 

On 12/21/2024 at 12:25 PM, SJS said:

I need something to happen soon to Change my trajectory as I am concerned about what I will do next

"Next", you carry on drawing near to God. And when you stumble, you get up and turn immediately back to God. And you keep doing so, however long it takes, until you overcome, or until He decides it's time to bring you home.