Renouncing Christianity

[Kabowd]

I just thought I should probably make it public that I'm renouncing Christianity, so that there's no confusion or misunderstanding. I do want to make it clear that I'm not renouncing Christ, but I just want nothing to do with the form of Christianity that I've experienced thus far in my walk. I'm not exactly sure how to go about it, as I've never done this before. All I know is that I just can't handle the pain anymore. I'd rather be among the unbelievers, the so called "lost" than with those who profess the name of a God they don't reflect. Because when you let your guard down, assuming you're safe, you're blindsided and wounded deeper than you would've ever been had you been in the "world" where you would've been expecting it (so we're taught). I thought about other religions, but I've studied enough to know that the gospel is true and I can't deny that. But at the same time, I know no other religion that so blatantly contradicts it's own professions. Honestly, I'd like nothing more than to just go be with the Lord. I have family there, and I know I'd be at peace. But so far, God hasn't answered my prayers to die. So I'm here. Though it doesn't make many people very happy, I still exist. I'm just trying to figure out a way to exist, have peace and avoid the pain. I feel like I'm strapped into a roller-coaster that I know will last about 40-50 more years and there's no escape. I can't get off, so I have to figure out how to hold on and just make it through with as little dizziness, headaches and vomitting as possible.

I'd really appreciate it if people wouldn't post to criticize me or ridicule me. In case you can't tell, I'm in a very fragile emotional state right now. At the same time, I don't want pity either. I guess the reason I'm posting this is so that everyone knows where I stand, and to get some advice on how I should go about doing this. If there's anyone else who has been in my shoes or understands what I'm saying, I'd like to hear how you've handled it. Maybe I should join another board or something. I really don't know. How does a person go about serving and loving God, and yet protect themselves from being wounded by His people?

[jamie]

Turn your eyes toward Jesus, people will let you down every time. When you stand before God it will be only Him and you. You will be the only one there giving account for the way you lived your life, it won't be anyone elses responsibility.

Not eveyone out there who names the name "christian" will be saved, but God always has a people reserved for Himself. Just not as many as we might think.

[Guest LadyC]

reading what you wrote, it sounds to me like you're rejecting RELIGION, not christianity...

christianity is a personal relationship with Christ. you've stated that you're not renouncing Christ, or your faith in Him, but only the "form" of christianity you've experienced. sounds like it's the religion you're giving up on... and more power to ya. God wasn't a big fan of religion either.

keep focused on Jesus, tess... never give up your faith. i believe that you will find the happiness you're searching for once He is all you rely upon

[nebula]

I know what you are going through. Those of us who have grown-up Christian have to go through a time of experiencing what life apart from Jesus is like in order for us to truly grasp the mercy of God in light of our own humaness. At least, this is what I learned from my time of walking through darkness, somewhat along the lines of what you are going through.

Teh only reason I stuck with Jesus, as much as I wanted to turn away from Him and His religion, was just - where else would I go? Like you, I couldn't not believe in Him. It's just everything else that didn't come together.

How did I get throug it?

The best "friend" I could find was the Psalms. Somewhere in there, I could find passages that completely expressed how I felt. I used these as prayers.

"How long will You forget, O Lord?

Will You hide Your face from me forever?"

Psalm 13

It may take a while for you to find peace. It did for me. I say that not to discourage you, but to help you not feel like you are lost and hopeless.

Remember how Joseph was left in prison for so many years?

A friend from college described these as "desert experiences." We go through times where our strength is dried up, our soul is as thirsty as the parched ground. Tears are our food. The enemy toys with us: "Where is your God?"

But one day (oK, not a specific time, but a growing development), I began to find the beauty of the desert. I learned to find the watering holes. I learned how to find food. I found that the desert wasn't such a frightening place after all.

It took time, heartache, struggle. But I managed!

One of the best helps I was given came from a friend I only get to see once a year or so is a book called Arena by Karen Hancock. It's a Christian fantasy novel. But in there the main character learns to recognize the presence of God, and through her experience in the fantasy realm, I was able to recognize His presence in my own life. Once I learned that His presence is there, and that I can feel myself connected to Him, then I was finally able to believe that it's all right.

I don't know if it would help you the same, but I thought I'd mention it anway.

And if it means anything, I'm weary of what Christians have made of Christianity, too. Some of these debates we engage in here are very disheartening. Why is it that more people are worried about which denomination is "right" more than jsut living the Gospel? And church . . . ? Too much of a program to be any value to my spirit. Church makes me weary. Maybe some day I can find some Christian fellowship that has broken free of the routine and truly is focused on the pursuit of God and the ministry to others. Maybe?

Praying for you, Tess! You can make it through this, and your faith will be better for it. I know it's hard, so hard. And I wish my words could make the pain go away. But the only way you can get through this is to find the river of life flowing from your own soul. Just don't give up, OK?

Jesus bless you!

[Guest Godsearch]

I just thought I should probably make it public that I'm renouncing Christianity, so that there's no confusion or misunderstanding. I do want to make it clear that I'm not renouncing Christ, but I just want nothing to do with the form of Christianity that I've experienced thus far in my walk. I'm not exactly sure how to go about it, as I've never done this before. All I know is that I just can't handle the pain anymore. I'd rather be among the unbelievers, the so called "lost" than with those who profess the name of a God they don't reflect. Because when you let your guard down, assuming you're safe, you're blindsided and wounded deeper than you would've ever been had you been in the "world" where you would've been expecting it (so we're taught). I thought about other religions, but I've studied enough to know that the gospel is true and I can't deny that. But at the same time, I know no other religion that so blatantly contradicts it's own professions. Honestly, I'd like nothing more than to just go be with the Lord. I have family there, and I know I'd be at peace. But so far, God hasn't answered my prayers to die. So I'm here. Though it doesn't make many people very happy, I still exist. I'm just trying to figure out a way to exist, have peace and avoid the pain. I feel like I'm strapped into a roller-coaster that I know will last about 40-50 more years and there's no escape. I can't get off, so I have to figure out how to hold on and just make it through with as little dizziness, headaches and vomitting as possible.

I'd really appreciate it if people wouldn't post to criticize me or ridicule me. In case you can't tell, I'm in a very fragile emotional state right now. At the same time, I don't want pity either. I guess the reason I'm posting this is so that everyone knows where I stand, and to get some advice on how I should go about doing this. If there's anyone else who has been in my shoes or understands what I'm saying, I'd like to hear how you've handled it. Maybe I should join another board or something. I really don't know. How does a person go about serving and loving God, and yet protect themselves from being wounded by His people?

[Guest Godsearch]

Dear tess,

i am sorry to hear, this but at the same time i am realeved. i have felt this way for a long time. i am amazed that i have stuck it out this far.. Oh for the grace of god. i

I have been in and out of christianity for years. i said word for word what you said.. and agree with why you are so upset... What breaks my heart today is that there is nothing we can do about it. The church will always have people messing it about and making it hard for genuine folks to view god positively.

We, humans are fallen creatures we will always be so. Jesus christ has made a way for us to come to the father to have our sins forgiven and to live in him and have our being. the only advice i can suggest is change churches.. find one that is bible beliving loving and active in the commuinty. they do exsist.

I personally have discovered through gritt determination that i want god in my life and i want to walk in the spirit and not in my own strength i promised myself that these "so called christians" were not going to bring negativity and be detrimental about jesus.

It has happend at least 3 times in my exsistance. don't give up don't let satan have you . don't give up on god or the church you need people whether you want to admit you need christians or not. they are our food supply our support. network.

Take care my love, i will be praying for you to have the peace of god..

[angels4u]

Dear Tess,

Jamie is right the only one who will never dissapoint us is Jesus, we can never rely on people like we can on Jesus, and its not a bad thing to give up religion (you called it Christianity) as long as you don't give up on Jesus .

Every church has their own doctrine no Christian is perfect yet and therefore they will dissapoint you, keep in mind the devil knows his time is going to be short so he will try to cause pain and dissapoinment and will try to get your eyes of Jesus.

I'm praying for you girl and keep looking up from where your help comes

Every Christian has to answer before God about their life.

You are responsible for yourself.

Love you girl and I know you love Jesus and He loves you too.

[Marnie]

Tess,

I remember once wanting to die more than anything. Thank G-d, the three times I tried failed. Please, don't give up on the Lord; He won't give up on you, or me. I don't know what happened to you, but it sounds like you've been deeply hurt. I've only been in the Church for a short time, and I have noticed that, sometimes, Christians are so cruel to fellow believers. I don't know if they mean to be; I give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume they're butts. I got a lot of cold stares and people looked at me funny when I was looking for a church to attend, I guess because I didn't fit the "stereotypical" picture of what a Christian woman should look like or act like. It took me a while, but I realized I don't go to Church for anybody but the Lord.

Tess, despite how imperfect the Church is, I would be so much less without it. The Lord saved me, the Lord keeps me, but I thank Him every day for a body of believers that sustains me and encourages me. I am loner--the Queen of loners!--but I cherish my Church family, every one of them, even the nasty old lady with blue hair in the back row that says my skirts are too short, cause I know she would do anything for me, and I would do the same for her.

It sounds like your beef is with the Church, or religion, as somebody else has noted. Please, don't ever confuse G-d with the Church! And Christianity is not a religion. If it's OK, I'll pray for you, that the Lord embraces you, fills you with love and peace and guides you.

[Leonard]

Wish we could sit down and have a talk, little Sister. We'll be praying for you.

[Smalcald]

Hi Tess.

Well unfortunately for you God has blessed you with an intellect, and I think has great plans for your life on this planet and of course in eternity. It will take some time to sort out your calling, but I have no doubt you have one in Christ, you are a good apologist, you know the Word and most of your posts are well thought out and well written, the Church needs people like that.

But in the bible when faced with these things, these challenges many people, including Christ, took some time off, spent some time in prayer and meditation outside of believers and organized congregations. I think that would be okay and healthy, give it a couple of years maybe.

I took about three years and didn't go to church, didn't really fellowship, I simply read and prayed and took it easy, but found that I needed to go back and now it is much easier. But who knows what plans God has in store for you.

Peace to you.