Where are the real men?

[systemstrike_7]

Marnie, I'm going to have to say that the reason you can't find a good man, is because there is a bad shortage of them lately.

I am a male, and while I consider myself a man, I often look at myself and find that I'm not as "manly" as I think I should be.

Society today has taken a chunk out of manhood. We are encouraged to settle down, be polite and "gentlemenly". Yes being polite is all well and good, but I do not believe that we should be little poodles with bows in our hair.

I think the church does this as much as anybody does. The church encourages men to be "good christian men". But what is that? So far as I can tell, none of us are "good". I think God has a plan for us, and He ultimately knows how to keep us happy. Shouldn't we leave it up to Him? But no, we bow down to the church again and again, handing over every piece of our broken dignity.

And I'm not saying this thinking myself as a "manly-man", but as a failure. I need to find my heart just like most men do.

I would like to take this oppurtunity to encourage everyone to read these books:

(For Men) Wild at Heart- John Elderedge

(For Women) Captivating- John Elderedge (and his wife I believe)

I don't always agree with everything he has to say, but found it very helpful and interesting. His book will at least make you re-examine your life, and I think all of us need to do that every once in a while.

[quieth3art]

Marnie,

Having become unexpectedly single again 3 years ago after being married for 22 years, entering the dating scene was a major culture shock for me. Every date forced me to refine my criteria more tightly. Stating "Christian" as the number one criteria was not enough. That just brought men out of the woodwork who went to church a couple of times in their lives who continued to live a carnal lifestyle. I can not tell you the number of men who tried to tell me that the bible was meant for people who lived in the time when it was written, but not for us now. One of them was a Sunday school teacher.

I have finally reached the point where I have stopped actively looking. That does not mean that I have made myself unavailable. I have refined my criteria to only a few very selective things, at the very top of which is that he must be a man of God, living a full Christian lifestyle. For myself, I have asked God to work His will in my life. The only place I will meet a man now is at the grocery store, Wal-Mart, church or online. If God wills a man into my life, he's going to have to find me in one of those places. I imagine the questions I could ask a man over a head of lettuce!

Seek God first, then seek His will for your life. And, most important to remember if He does send you a mate, KEEP seeking God and His will for your life first.

I saw a cute quote in a profile once: "Everyone has baggage; some just pack their's better than others."

[buckthesystem]

Where are the real men?

I have your answer at long last, Marnie!!!!

Real men!!!

Same men, different setting

Real men carry shotguns!

Real men can sing and like the Cardinals!

I like the last one, but I think I will pass on the other three.

[buckthesystem]

What is a real man? I guess the answer is different to all of us. I think a real man is one who can mix concrete and hammer in nails properly and understands how a sewerage system works and how electrical things work and can fix them if they break down. Not a lot else matters (though there's is bound to be something I've not included, that is obvious).

My husband has rather old fashioned ideas to make for sensible suggestions so I asked my 21 year old son what a real man was, he said: "one who can work properly on our logging crew and moons the company helicopter with the others, when we are at the top of a hill". Well, I guess that wasn't quite the answer I was looking for.

I was talking to the woman who works at the local butchers, and told her I was wanted some meat for my son's barbeque on his birthday. She knew him as the "logging crew" always went to that shop early in the morning (the shop doubles as a bakery) to get their breakfast. She said "Oh for that lot, I'd just give them a pile of raw meat and they'll be happy with that". Then the young guy who is the apprentice butcher appeared flexing his muscles and said "yeah, real men eat raw meat". But I guess that is not the answer anyone is looking for either.

Marnie you can just than God that you weren't born 20 years later. I think the men of a few generations to come are going to be utterly confused and "scared of their own shadow". The way the education department is busy taking away playgrounds "in case children get hurt" and society is ending all sorts of activities and "wimping down" everything, we will be lucky to even be "real people" let alone "real men".

[Bolts]

Marnie Honey,

Don't sweat it girlfriend

Jesus is a hard act to follow. If he's been in your life for just one week, one month or one year

- he's too much man for any man to compete against

So important for our men in christ to be christlike and the woman to fit the bill as well

[elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid]

Dear Marnie,

Trust in The Lord with your whole heart.

Pray for that man , he is out there someplace and may be blessed by your prayers.

Ask God how to pray for him and what to pray.

Please don't ever just plain settle.

The Lord can bless you with the one who is the one you just can't live without and want to be with all the time.

The one you will fall in love with over and over again all of your lifetime.

He can bless you to meet in His Timing.

All things are possible with Christ.

He knows more what we need than we do.

Once you find him, it is interesting how we find it then really important to be the right person for the one we love.

So, I would also suggest praying that the Lord lead you how to be ready to be the wife you are meant to be.

Also, once you do think you have the right one; give it the test of time, no rushing into it and the Holy Spirit will lead you.

I do trust The Lord in all of this.

Knowing someone so well that you do know their best qualities and their worst and knowing you can live with that about them.

Someone who will pray with you and mean it.

May The Lord bless you , Marnie,

elkie

[Bolts]

IF you want a biblical man I'm availble. But we have to be able to except each other were we are at no matter what are issue and work them out as we come to them.

ummm .... do they have bibles on mars??? :P

[anitarose]

we can't be happy with men if we're not happy with ourselves....so we can't be blaming all the ills of the world on so called "unreal men".....

I know that's the case for me....and I know that somewhere, there is a man out there looking for me...(that's almost a frightening thought, now that I think about it...) and someday (hopefully before it's too late) we will meet when God brings us together....and we will be happy...

*looks around the place where she lives* man I gotta lot of work to do here....*shakes head*

Anita & Chikachu

[Guest lnj]

I've been contemplating marriage. The problem is, I just don't see a lot of real men. In another thread I was poked fun at because of some of the things I am looking for in a mate. The general feeling is that my sights are set too high; that I will never find my "ideal man" because he doesn't exist. I've been thinking about this, and while I know he is out there (I also believe in Bigfoot and the Nessie, mind you), he sure is hard to spot. What I mean is this: At 33, it is almost impossible to find a compatible male my age. What I generally find is this:

*guys my age are already divorced with children and lots of baggage;

*guys my age are still "finding themselves," whatever that means;

*guys my age who are single are likely gay or still living at home in their parents basement;

*too many guys my age are still tied to their mother's apron strings;

*guys my age are still playing and replaying the big game in highschool;

*guys my age are more interested in X Boxes than in cultivating a relationship;

*guys my age want the sex but don't want the exertion of building a life together;

*a lot of guys my age are so ego-centric they spend more time in front of a mirror than I do;

*what is it with this whole "sensitivity" thing? Sympathy and crying...far too common in men today;

*manners, politeness, and all those old-fashioned gentlemanly qualities seem to end with men in their late 40's

Now, I put this in the General Discussion area because Lord knows I am not looking for advice! What I am wondering is this: What the heck is it that you guys in your 30's are looking for out of life? Not in a mate, understand, but what is important to you, as a mid 30's American male? Now, when it comes to women and relationships, do intelligent women frighten or intimidate you? Are you put off by an ambitious, talented, opinionated, some would say attractive woman? Is cooking and darning socks important to you? Are you worried about hitting 40 and being single? Is height and weight in a woman important to you?

You think getting into a woman's head is difficult, you men are impossible to understand. So guys, now is your chance to step up to the plate and tell us women what goes on inside your head when it comes to the issues of life and relationships, cause, frankly, I am tired of trying to figure y'all out! Let's discuss.

Marnie, Your window of opportunity is not wide and at 33 it gets smaller and smaller by the minute and you are right, guys' your age do have a wife and kids and baggage, but baggage comes with young guys too...dare I say, even Christian guys!!

But there is HOPE!! Baggage comes with everyone and a guy who is ready to love,cherish,respect you and romance you is out there but you really DO have to search through the jungle of men. With Gods guidance, He will bring THE MAN into your orbit.LNJ

[Marnie]

Hey you guys, thanks for all your interesting responses. Much of what has been written has confirmed some things I have been wondering about for a long time. First, to Buck and the others who warned me not to drop my standards; don't worry, I won't. I may be looking for Mr Right, but I am not so desperate as to settle for Mr Goodenough. Second, I love children but I can't have any of my own, so that kind of baggage is actually OK with me. By baggage I think I was meaning psychological baggage from a previous marriage. Although...the whole teenager thing....don't think I am ready for instant teenagers!

Now, some of your observations deserve comment.

Ray, you are funny and sincere, but your comment: Finding themselves mean midlife crisis at 30 something if there still single its normal is what I would like you elaborate on. I frankly don't buy the whole "midlife crisis" thing, but I may be thinking of something different. I would like to know what you mean by that. Let me give you clue, though Ray, those magazines are dead wrong, and Will and Grace is so far from reality it's shameful; women to NOT want to married to another woman (that is, a man who behaves like a woman). And, why are you reading women's magazines?

Rustyangel and Chica, your "advice" on marrying an older man is exactly what my dad says. I know there is some merit to that, and really, age is not really a factor for me. I often joke about being too much woman for one man to handle, but the truth is I have always had a real admiration for men (and just people in general) who are determined and thoughtful, ambitious, goal-oriented, successful in life and mature. Maturity is not necessarily related to age, but often it is, and it seems to me that men in their 40's have more of those inner qualities.

Ronald, you are special guy with a tough row to hoe, but you always make me smile. Any man who thinks Barney Fife is a man's man is, dare I say, a real catch! You are wise to have your mom's help with your kids; she did a fine job with her son. Your observations on the sexual side of marriage is dead on, as well. Not only are you funny and self deprecating, but you are also wise and practical. I'm tempted to say, "Meet me at the Three Bells Wedding Chapel" in Vegas, but it's my turn to offer some advice: You need to be single for a while, maybe a year or more. But, I will make bargain with you: You pray for me, I will pray for you and the Lord will deliver what we both need. And, oh yeah, when are you gonna update your blog?

Reconditioned, I don't know your story, you likely don't know mine, but it sounds like we have both been hurt, albeit in different ways. You are right, the Lord is all any of us really need. But, I don't know about you, there are times when I need a hand to hold mine. As I grow, and in particular as the Lord continues to restore my mind and emotions, I am coming to the realization that when G-d said, "It is not good for man to be alone," He wasn't just referring to Adam.

Anitarose, I don't even want to go where you've been! G-d bless your heart!

Child of I am, your comments spoke the most to me, and it's not because you said this: I don't think that I'm telling you anything that you don't already know. You seem to have an understanding of the problem I, and apparently other single women are having today. This comment spoke volumes: don't forget she's to bring in the extra bacon too, as well as raise the children. I see this a lot, even in the church. Husband and wife both working, yet the wife is a provider, a cleaner, a babysitter, etc. I was brought up to believe that the woman raises the kids, and man provides. I refuse to believe that it takes two incomes to survive in America. I am living proof it takes one. And if I can do it, given what some would consider my limitations, any man can, as well.

Again, to all of you, thank you for your responses. This has been a fascinating discussion for me. It's great to be a part of the family G-d, where we can disagree on a variety of issues, but then come together like this and help each other out with the real issues of life.