Can YOU Forgive, EVEN IF You CAN'T Forget?

[Lanakila]

Thanks for the word of wisdom, wisdom. (that sounds funny) My Dad is a believer and I think that that is alot of why the unforgiveness creeps in. I think as a believer he should desire to be more a part of my life and his grandchildren's too. But, my Dad also has a messed up past (he was physically abused by his father) and just isn't a good communicator. I know this, and when I am being reasonable can accept it. Its just that I live a long ways away and He never ever calls, he misses my childrens birthdays and just overall doesn't seem too interested in what is going on in my life. He is involved in my sister's life and her children's though. But, my stepmom babysits her children everyday and they are around. I am not jealous really, because I know even though my sister sees him, he still is a poor communicator even with her. When I see him he acts like he is so very interested, but it seems phoney because of the lack of contact when I am away.  I really do do all the contacting in this. I have prayed about this, and am forgiving most of the time, it just gets to me I guess.

Anyhow, this is just the problem I have and you are right, I need to keep up the contact, cause he won't be around forever.

[Guest GloryaRose]

:inlove:

Actually I think there are going to be some people in our lives that we are not going to be able to love.

....SOME PEOPLE WE must wrestle to forgive...

....And some wounds that we must not forget....

[WISDOM]

Please be honest, not philosophical with your response!

[Guest C.D. Light]

I think forgiveness consists of quit holding a grudge. But no we dont totally forget, short of having a lobotomy, lol.

But when we recall it, we dont feel grudgeful anymore, and just move on.

Every Friday in grade school we used to erase and then wash the blackboards clean, fresh and ready for monday morning.

Thats kinda what we need to do with those who have done us wrong.

I also get away from that person, because it helps not to have the reminder in front of you. Im also good at just blocking things out; out of sight, out of mind.

cd

[WISDOM]

Every Friday in grade school we used to erase and then wash the blackboards clean, fresh and ready for monday morning.

Thats kinda what we need to do with those who have done us wrong.

Great analogy CD!!  Excellent comparison

I never quite looked at it like that before!

[HisMindinme]

Lana....that's a tough one. You hit a nerve because I went through a similar situation with my dad. Problem was I didn't understand why until years later. I'd blame him for my failures and taken all the credit for my successes. When I gave my life to CHRIST, GOD opened my eyes to a side of my dad I had never looked at. The battle he had with alcohol. His struggles with it was a form of escapism for him from the pressures and responsibilities of both fatherhood and being a husband.

He was never at any of my games (baseball) as a child, and only one football game that I can remember. But I didn't put into prospective the fact that he was working two (and sometimes three) jobs to keep clothes on my back, food on the plate I ate out of, a warm bed for me to sleep in at night. None of these things crossed my thoughts until the HOLY SPIRIT opened the doors of my mind to them. I hated my dad before this. But once I was married and had my wife and I had our first son, he (my son) became the "icebreaker" for my dad and I. It was the first time my fatrher and I had become close in 13 yrs. He held my son at age 9 mos and to see the twinkle in my dad's eye just melted all the ice around my heart.

I embranced my dad and told him I loved him for the first time in 13 yrs at that point. My mom's eyes were full of tears as were ours. For the first time I appreciated all my dad ever did for me and how much he struggled with the alcohol. This is really tough for me to write.

The reason is I left to go back overseas in Guantanamo Bay Cuba. Six weeks later my dad died of a massage heart attack. It tore through me for a long time, Lana...a long time. But I forgave here before it happened, and I even shared the Gospel with him before I left to go back overseas. I left him with some gospel tracts and prayed for him. One of my greatest desires is to know if he made it to Heaven.

Time waits for no one. I've learned that the people we hold dearest to our hearts, whom we may have some adversity with need to be dealt with while there is still hope. Do what YOU have to do with your dad.

Perhaps it will make the matter more manageable to understand how each Christian (e.g. born again of the indwelling Spirit) has TWO sets of thoughts in our head and heart.

Set One: Thoughts stemming from and based or formed upon the mechanics of our chemistry, genetics and the passions or appetites of them. This includes demonically seeded reasoning and logic based on the lusts or desires of the flesh.

Set Two: Thoughts stemming from and born of our union with the Spirit of God. These are principle-derived rather than passion-borne.

The confusion we face in this duality is not knowing how to properly discern between the two sets. Moreover, there is the reality that demon inspired and flesh-born thinking likes to make itself up in religious clothing. Thus, there is an active strategy working to deceive us from within.

Our first step to resolving forgiveness is to see this duality and the mechanics of how each side works. Once we see this mechanism, we can then rightfully discern the source of our thoughts and attending emotions and place them in proper perspective.

You "cannot forget" because your flesh is looking for places to take hold of you again in passions, lusts and desires. A lack of forgiveness -- or rather -- a justification of "I will never forgive because I cannot forget" is simply a flesh-generated demon-seeded thought to keep you entrenched deeply in feeding the passions and lusts of your flesh by continually dwelling in and on the injustices of life, ignoring our own arrogant guilt and acting as though we are a self-righteous victim in all.

When you start to see the mechanics of the unforgiveness side and the sheer fact that the body will continue to dredge up the thoughts in an attempt to drag you back into passions Vs principled forgiveness, then you can begin to manage the matter from the view point of the Spirit of God with righteous discernment.

[OneLight]

I have to ask if you do realize that this thread has not been replied to in about 10 years? I have to give you credit. This is the oldest revived thread I have seen to date.

[HisMindinme]

I have to ask if you do realize that this thread has not been replied to in about 10 years? I have to give you credit. This is the oldest revived thread I have seen to date.

It popped up in the right-hand sidebar of the main window for the site. I read the entry and decided to comment. I didn't know that comments were restricted to "recent only". Perhaps we ought to only comment on recent scripture rather than that really really OLD stuff from 2,000 years ago or more. (just kidding)

[ayin jade]

Its a very good thread.

You can forgive anything, with the Lord.

An example. Someone in my city was a pastor and he delivered newspapers to earn money. One morning, someone hit him as he was picking up newspapers and took off. The pastor died instantly or almost instantly. As this hit the news, with a description of the fleeing car, the family of the pastor came out and publicly forgave the man who killed their husband and father. I still tear up at the grace of that family. The love of Christ shines through.

One of the hardest things I had to do was forgive a serial rapist/ killer who attacked a member of my family. Its not easy but it can be done. Forgiveness isnt something you may automatically feel. For me, this took a commitment and much prayer in order to forgive.

[nebula]

It's just odd to see, that's all.

Especially when the OP hasn't been on the board in years!