Dating while you are separated, not divorced

[OneLight]

Let's see what God has to say.

Matthew 5:31-32

Furthermore it has been said,

[Guest LadyC]

i was afraid that this would spiral into the "can you ever remarry" debate. onelight, your argument is sound on the first topic, but it sure leaves some important information out on the second issue. like the passage that says if one is bound (by marriage) seek not to be loosed (divorced), and that if one is loosed (divorced) seek not to marry, BUT AND IF you marry, you have not sinned, anymore than a virgin who marries has. it also excludes christians who have been "loosed" from the passage that says it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

God alone brought my second husband into my life. it is unfortunate that my husband has drifted so far from God at times that it has nearly destroyed what God brought together, but i praise God anyway, through the good and the bad, that He brought mark to me.... and that He made it as unmistakably clear that He alone orchestrated it just as He made it unmistakably clear who isaac was to marry.

anyway, that's a whole 'nuther debate. the one at hand is dating while not yet divorced. and that is something we can agree on. it shouldn't be done. period. whysoblind seems to forget, even the appearance of wrongdoing is to be avoided.

[Guest Biblicist]

I don't understand how people can move on so quickly?

If something happened and my marriage fell apart. I'd wait for him to come back, constantly in prayer for that day. There is no other man than the man God created for me, and he only created one.

[artsylady]

If there's some reason to think that the other person might return, that is not the same situation as any of these

guy/gal jumped ship and left/decided he/she was gay/became a budhist monk and swore off sex, etc

We may believe we know the future but God can always change things.

Even if I had a friend whose husband had run off with another woman and she felt she didn't ever want him back, I'd still advise her to wait until after the divorce was final to begin dating.

I suppose in the man runs off and disappears for 3 years it might be different, but you'd mentioned a year. What's a year anyway? When we consider eternity, a year is a blip. People should spend at LEAST a year finding comfort in God when a marriage disolves.

Regarding abandonment of 3 years, then again, what if by all accounts it looks like the guy's run off and he's actually been abducted. Oh my. I'm getting off topic.

[OneLight]

i was afraid that this would spiral into the "can you ever remarry" debate. onelight, your argument is sound on the first topic, but it sure leaves some important information out on the second issue. like the passage that says if one is bound (by marriage) seek not to be loosed (divorced), and that if one is loosed (divorced) seek not to marry, BUT AND IF you marry, you have not sinned, anymore than a virgin who marries has. it also excludes christians who have been "loosed" from the passage that says it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

God alone brought my second husband into my life. it is unfortunate that my husband has drifted so far from God at times that it has nearly destroyed what God brought together, but i praise God anyway, through the good and the bad, that He brought mark to me.... and that He made it as unmistakably clear that He alone orchestrated it just as He made it unmistakably clear who isaac was to marry.

anyway, that's a whole 'nuther debate. the one at hand is dating while not yet divorced. and that is something we can agree on. it shouldn't be done. period. whysoblind seems to forget, even the appearance of wrongdoing is to be avoided.

By no means do I want to hijack this thread, but I have to wonder why someone would be looking for another relationship if it was not with the intension to remarry at sometime in the future. Otherwise, it would only be a friendship. If I am wrong, then I apologize for misunderstanding the topic.

[ayin jade]

In contemporary society in states that require a separation period of up to a year, people even Christians begin dating before the divorce is final. Is this wrong?

Yes its wrong.

Is it indeed adultery or unfaithfulness?

Yes.

Should these participants be confronted?

Yes.

Is this a church discipline issue?

Yes

Or is this a matter of personal conscience?

No

What about if the participant is a church leader?

Then the person isnt fit to be leader. The person is in unrepentent sin. A leader who dates someone else while seperated from a spouse? Wow, I would fear for that church.

[ayin jade]

In addition, not everyone divorces for biblical reasons. Not everyone should even be dating after a divorce. The bible is clear on the grounds for divorce. Divorce for any other reason doesnt give someone the freedom to date again.

[Marnie]

Jade is right.

And from a psychological point of view, the longer you have been married, the longer you NEED to be single AFTER the final decree is granted before you begin to think about dating. One year minimum is the rule of thumb. You are still married even if you are separated, there's no way around that.

[artsylady]

QUOTE

What about if the participant is a church leader?

I didn't even notice this question until Ayin Jade's post.

Yikes.

Hello???

[Guest Biblicist]

There is no other man than the man God created for me, and he only created one.

That is a happy sentiment, but it is not strictly Biblical.

Not to be heartless or hurt your feelings, but it is necessary to ask this for the purpose of this discussion.

What if your husband died?

What if he abandoned you?

I'm sure Abraham said, "There is no woman for me but Sarah..." but then stuff happens, he and Sarah lose heart, SArah convinces him to marry the servant Hagar (A woman would have to be pretty desperate for a child to order her husband to sleep with another woman). Anyway, even after all this, Abraham married other women after Sarah's death.

Then take Ruth, since I mentioned her before already. I'm sure she felt the same way about her first husband. "There's no man for me but one." But stuff happens. Real world hits. Hubby died. Mother-in-law talks her through this kinsman redeemer tradition, and next thing you know she's married again to a guy she never even heard of two days before...

So personal emotional outbursts such as "There's only one for me", while noble and heartwarming, are not a proper guide for what is right and acceptable in extra-ordinary situations such as death or abandonment or other such things.

Remember the Castaway movie? I don't remember the character's names, but the protagnonist' fiance thought he was dead, and so she married someone else. What was she supposed to do? Wait forever? Spend here life looking for him?

How can you question me? I said nothing about death. I said if my marriage fell apart, no matter what the circimstances, I'd pray daily, continually if need be, for him to come back. That is God's will.

My grandfather died when my mother, the youngest of 5, was 6 years old. Grama's family helped her support her children and she never remarried. She was totally committed to my grandfather, why can't people be like that anymore?

My statement was strictly meant from my own perspective. It's not God's law, nor is it something I expect for everyone. I never even said it was Biblical. It's simply the way I feel. It's not a "personal emotional outburst" [which was rude of you to say] it's FACT.There is no other man for me. That's why we have made a pact not to die without each other. He promised!