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  1. He comes in wrath, His garments dipped in blood Isa. 62, 63; Rev. 19 Isaiah Chapter 62:11-12 and 63:1-6 11 Behold, the LORD hath proclaimed unto the end of the world, Say ye to the daughter of Zion, Behold, thy salvation cometh; behold, his reward is with him, and his work before him. 12 And they shall call them, The holy people, The redeemed of the LORD: and thou shalt be called, Sought out, A city not forsaken. 1 Who is this that cometh from Edom, with dyed garments from Bozrah? this that is glorious in his apparel, travelling in the greatness of his strength? I that speak in righteousness, mighty to save. 2 Wherefore art thou red in thine apparel, and thy garments like him that treadeth in the winefat? 3 I have trodden the winepress alone; and of the people there was none with me: for I will tread them in mine anger, and trample them in my fury; and their blood shall be sprinkled upon my garments, and I will stain all my raiment. 4 For the day of vengeance is in mine heart, and the year of my redeemed is come. 5 And I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold: therefore mine own arm brought salvation unto me; and my fury, it upheld me. 6 And I will tread down the people in mine anger, and make them drunk in my fury, and I will bring down their strength to the earth. Revelation 19:7-16 7 For the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.... 8 And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.... 11And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war. 12His eyes were as a flame of fire, and on his head were many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself. 13And he was clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. 14And the armies which were in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean. 15And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. 16And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS. 18 Jul 2019
  2. O Lord, my Lord, my faithful and wonderful counselor. My faith for what I am asking for right now is a faith of which I have always longed. When I was young in the Lord, I used worked up faith, but now I just know. Thank you for stretching my faith. I come to you and ask that you look upon my son Christopher and bless him. He needs you! Heal his wounded heart and convince him of his true worth and value which is only in you. Chris is a treasure and a parents' dream. He works; pays his bills on time; saves his money; cares for others and helps others, and he is so loving, smart, intelligent and handsome. Lord, I see a clear pattern that has developed in Chris' relationships with young women ... 3 in the past 6 years... each one of them damsels in distress, and he became their knight in shining armor. But they were all 3 abusive verbally - screaming - excessive drinking - getting Chris to spend his money on their fun. And yes, in talking to us about it, he confessed his ownership in making relational mistakes - especially what he calls "anger issues" and "low self esteem". Lord, you are there when he talks to us. He is always second-guessing himself - searching for some magic fix that will make the girl love him. He wants so to be loved by a wife, but now it looks like he is somehow a target for young women who see his weakness for being the knight in armor. Chris has been honest and forthcoming with us; talking for hours and trying hard to understand WHY. It breaks my heart. Chris belongs to you, Lord, and he knows You are Lord even if he hasn't talked to you in a while. Lord, you saw what happened when he was 2 years old and I married his dad. His mother didn't come to see him or get him for 4 months. Then she repeatedly abandoned him until he was 14 and she stopped altogether until she found out he was grown and had a good job. Now, 23 years later, time and again, she reaches out to him only to ask for help or money, and he has given her money and tried to help her. The girls Christopher falls for he really tries to rescue - he is trying to win her love and acceptance by getting involved with women who remind him of her. He doesn't know that now, but he will know that and all you reveal to him, Lord Jesus. Lord, your son, Chris told us several times last week and tonight that he "really struggles with low self esteem and anger". He is desperate for a certain kind of love, and he is an amazing catch! But Lord, he is in the wrong pond! Get him to the right pond and throw him in! I speak life into my son's world. I speak as the Lord's ambassador and I bind the enemy from succeeding in his plans to wound my son further. I say what my Lord has said, that He abides in me as I abide in Him, and that the Lord will not dwell in the same house with the enemy! So devil, you have to leave my son and never return. Lord Jesus, fill Chris with the knowledge of your Word again. Replace what the devil has stolen - replace it and make it clear to Chris that You have intervened when he was in despair - that You have been made strong in his weakness. Lord, draw him away from these people he thinks are friends. He hates drugs, and yet drugs and alcohol - partying is their weekend ritual. Chris doesn't belong there! He belongs back in church; meeting Christian people and making friends; joining life groups and finding others he can confide in. Lord, if therapy will help, I ask that Chris make the appointments; that he do the hard work necessary for the renewing of his mind. Be all over this, Lord. You be the Therapist, and let Chris as well as his therapist hear from you. Enlighten Christopher's understanding about grace, redemption, God's faithfulness, sin battles, spiritual battles, and what your Word says about his worth and value. You answered the prayers of other women in the bible. I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 1 Samuel 1:27 He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD! Psalm 113:9 - You gave me Christopher - make me a joyous mother again. I have loved him like he is my own son, and I am his mother. He is a witty and funny guy and makes people laugh all the time. But he has been unhappy for so long now. Remember Lord, Chris was always witnessing to his friends in high school. They were just drawn to him, and he eventually filled up 2 whole pews with young people... the pastor told us Chris had an anointing, and just like that, he bolted and ran. Lord, what is the calling on his life? Why does he travel BESIDE the path that You have laid for him? How did the enemy get Chris so gas-lighted? He hears lies from satan. Satan is a liar and the father of lies. My son is the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus! You are the Healer and the Redeemer! You are God! You are the Word! You created the universe and set every star and planet just right so that mankind can live and thrive on Earth and worship you. You made us in your image. Christopher is like you. Lord, this desperate need for love at any price is the enemy's false version of love, and he has set traps for Chris. Spring those traps before Chris ever gets close to them and instead, let him find your love. Let Chris know you in a deep and intimate way. “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3 His dad and I have planted seeds of love and of your Word into his heart for weeks now as he comes to us for help and advice. When he has been drawn close, Lord, pull him or yank him the rest of the way back into the light! Give Chris a Christian wife who seeks wisdom; a gentle soul with her priorities straight and who will love him with the love of Christ. Let Chris know joy in becoming more and more an example of Christ toward his wife and toward the children he will have. Let his wife illustrate the strength and faithfulness of Christ's bride; the Church. Let them find in each other the many many ways of finding You. Give Chris friends who never tear him down or participate in destructive lifestyles. Change his world! Turn him back - run to him and fall on his face. Kiss him. Celebrate. Bless him. And rejoice, my Lord! Fill his heart and soul and mind with oil of joy for his wounds and mourning; give him your beauty for his ashes. Teach your precious Christopher how to abide in peace - even through all his struggles. In Jesus' name, I pray AMEN.
  3. Hello, I am in a very serious situation right now and I have no idea what to do about it. I have 9 days to move out of my trailer. I am on disability and only make $847 per month and I am already down to $400 being left in my account. Also, my utilities are in my ex-roommate's name and he moved out Monday so I my power, gas, and Internet can be shut off any time now. I have contacted every agency and apartment complex that I can find and I am getting no support and no help. I am a loner and I'm agoraphobic, severely social phobic, have bad panic and anxiety attacks and do not associate with anyone, really. All I have are 2 of my 4 adult daughters and they are not much help. My youngest is going through things. My 24 year old is stung out on drugs. My 25 year old is in jail and my oldest is in another city. I do not really associate with my mother because of things she's done to me and allowed to happen to me in the past. She is no support whatsoever. I have no one and nothing out here. I used to have my grandparents but they both died and now I am all alone. I have a man but he is in prison. I have 2 old male cats that I love very much and they are my life, but other than my cats, talking to my man on the phone and email, and God...I have no one. For some reason I am not getting anywhere. I have applied for all types of assistance and I am getting no help. I am on disability and am bipolar with psychotic episodes and have PTSD, borderline personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, anti-social personality disorder, and schizotypal personality disorder. I have only been out of my house a handfull of times since November of 2009 and I have not driven a car since then either. I am not on my psychiatric meds right now because I had issues with my mental health care provider and plan on suing them. I can't go to a shelter because they are wanting me to put my cats in the animal shelter and I refuse to do that. That would kill my cats and me. My roommate was a 53 year old guy named Greg and he was very abusive, violent, and he spent his time harassing me, invading my privacy, threatening me, stealing from me, and trying to intimidate me. He caused a lot of problems around here for me and my kids and now I have to move out by the 18th of this month. He is a very bad person and he is on the run right now. There is a warrant out on him. He has 9 felonies and he's on probation for battery and has violated probation twice already. He had something going with the lady that works in the office here at the trailer court and she tampered with our lease and made it look like my daughter's name was never on it, he lied and got a protective order on her and got her kicked out of here, and that lady also wrote him a bogus letter stating that my daughter was banned from here. They had NO grounds. All she did was call the cops on my roommate 6 times because he was a threat. The cops kept telling us there was nothing they could do. I got tired of it and complained about that lady to the owner and the next thing I know I am getting a letter stating they are quitting my lease. I am only on here as an occupant. The utilities are in my ex-roommate's name. I am about to be sitting here with no power, nowhere to go, no support, no money, and on and on it goes. I simply do not know what else I can do. I owe the electric company $350, the gas company $65, and the Internet companies money. I have an eviction on my record and I have bad credit due to student loans. My eviction was really not my fault. I lived in my apartment for 5 years and was never late on my rent then new management came in and jacked the rent up really high and I couldn't afford it. I got evicted back in March of 2017 and I have been bouncing around from place to place since. I need a place of my own and to get my bills straightened out and I need people to help me get my life back on track. I have prayed and prayed about this and am getting no results. I need someone to pray for me that God will direct me to the people and resources I need that can help me. I am at my wits end and have nowhere left to turn.
  4. This entire blog was spawned from a sermon entitled, What about Jacob? Or, can a man find healing in a woman? To make this brief, I did not understand, nor was I able to track with what the pastor said, as he tried to prove his point about Jacob. Sorry, I can't really see it but I am enjoying the study, as usual. As we finished part one of our look at Jacob, the grand deception was complete. Do you think Rebekah and Jacob gleefully danced around the campfire that night as they celebrated how well they pulled it off? Hardly, for Esau, as you will see, has every intention of killing Jacob once Isaac is dead. Notice how there is no concern on the part of Esau for how this will affect his mother. And, all this evokes another question, is it possible for Esau to regain his birthright? I don't think so, at least not in God's eyes. Cheating not only Esau but your father as well, you would think that Jacob would be gone already, but only minutes from now Issac calls Jacob before him and commands him to not a wife from the same cluster of women that Esau had chosen from. Isaac directs Jacob to Laban, Rebekah's brother. Maybe, Isaac knows full well what kind of man Laban can be considering the backhanded maneuver Rebekah has just pulled on Isaac. With that said, let's continue on. I mentioned in the previous post, that Esau did not take this selling of the birthright serious. If he had Wouldn't it seem logical to say something to Isaac? Wouldn't Isaac have known? Why would Esau bother to respond Isaac as though there was not a problem? “As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, when Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau his brother came in from his hunting.” Jacob logically only has seconds to get out of Esau's presence, and, his fathers. Genesis 27:30-37 ESV As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, when Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau his brother came in from his hunting. He also prepared delicious food and brought it to his father. And he said to his father, "Let my father arise and eat of his son's game, that you may bless me." His father Isaac said to him, "Who are you?" He answered, "I am your son, your firstborn, Esau." Then Isaac trembled very violently and said, "Who was it then that hunted game and brought it to me, and I ate it all before you came, and I have blessed him? Yes, and he shall be blessed." As soon as Esau heard the words of his father, he cried out with an exceedingly great and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me, even me also, O my father!" But he said, "Your brother came deceitfully, and he has taken away your blessing." Esau said, "Is he not rightly named Jacob? For he has cheated me these two times. He took away my birthright, and behold, now he has taken away my blessing." Then he said, "Have you not reserved a blessing for me?" Isaac answered and said to Esau, "Behold, I have made him lord over you, and all his brothers I have given to him for servants, and with grain and wine I have sustained him. What then can I do for you, my son?" The deception is pulled off, and now you would think that Jacob has to flee, an exile. And Esau is the reason. Genesis 27:38-41 NASB Esau said to his father, "Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father." So Esau lifted his voice and wept. 39) Then, Isaac, his father answered and said to him, "Behold, away from the fertility of the earth shall be your dwelling, And away from the dew of heaven from above. 40) "By your sword, you shall live, And your brother you shall serve; But it shall come about when you become restless, That you will break his yoke from your neck." 41) So Esau bore a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him; and Esau said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." So Rebekah calls Jacob in once again. Genesis 27:42-45 NASB Now when the words of her elder son Esau were reported to Rebekah, she sent and called her younger son Jacob, and said to him, "Behold your brother Esau is consoling himself concerning you by planning to kill you. 43) "Now, therefore, my son, obey my voice, and arise, flee to Haran, to my brother Laban! 44) "Stay with him a few days, until your brother's fury subsides, 45) until your brother's anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?" But Jacob still hasn't left. To make matters worse, we now learn of Esau's wives and what grief they are causing Rebekah. Genesis 27:45 NASB until your brother's anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?" In response to Rebekah, Issac calls Jacob in once more. Genesis 28:1-5 NASB So Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and charged him, and said to him, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. 2) "Arise, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel your mother's father; and from there take to yourself a wife from the daughters of Laban your mother's brother. 3) "May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples. 4) "May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham." 5) Then Isaac sent Jacob away, and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau. While Isaac's command is that he get a wife from Laban's daughters, we don't see anything that tells us he knows what he is looking for. Jacob, in a sense, stumbles upon Rachel, and she is a vision of how a girl should look. He wants her and is willing to work for her to get her. There is an irony here in that Rachel, is not an accident by any means, for Laban, her father is Jacob's uncle. (Consider: If Rebekah knew how to be devious it only makes sense that Laban, Rachel's father, would also know how to be underhanded.) Jacob makes no effort to negotiate for her but tells Laban that he will work seven years for her. (That timeframe may be significant on several levels. Seven is the number of perfection, redemption, and a theme that recurs throughout scripture.) It may be essential to consider Rachel's age at this time. I doubt he would have pursued her if he did not think she was old enough to marry. “Joseph married at about age 30 (Gen_41:45). This was old by Egyptian standards, since most males were still only boys when they married. Yet it is clear that a boy had to be not only sexually mature but also able to provide for his wife and thus settled in his occupation before he married. Girls seem to have married between about twelve and fourteen. They did not have to wait until established in a career. Some royal marriages, occurring for dynastic or other political reasons, took place when the individuals were very young. For example, Tutankhamen died at the age of eighteen or nineteen after a nine-year reign and marriage, so he must have been nine or ten when married.” NELSON'S Bible Manners & Customs, How the People of the Bible Really Lived, Howard F. Vos, THOMAS NELSON PUBLISHERS Jacob does not do what many desperate men would do, and rape her, he waits the seven years. He then goes to Laban and demands that she be given to him for he has paid for her. Laban deceives Jacob just as Jacob had deceived Esau and gave him Leah. Laban makes a statement here, in response to Jacob's shock and disappointment, that I never noticed before. And Laban answered It is not done thus in our country, to give the younger before the elder. Genesis 29:26 Brenton) As that particular pastor exclaimed: "this had to cut Jacob like a knife, as this is precisely what Jacob and his mother had done to Esau.” And, Uncle Laban may well have been told of it. If not, it is amazing how the Holy Spirit puts words in your mouth. According to the pastor, the premise behind all this is that Jacob, a broken man, (I am not so sure he could understand that for a long time,) pursues Rachel, the vision of perfection, in hopes that she would heal him and make him a better man. I am not sure I see all that, but it makes sense, as most men do just that. While the hope of finding something that calms the inward brokenness he feels may be going on in the back of his mind, it is not directly noted in scripture; many things aren't, and yet the more in-depth answers and subjects are there if we pursue them. One of the things that I see in scripture is that God is in control, regardless of how lousy the circumstances seem to be. The pastor said, “that God gives us examples of people who are messed up so that we can know what not to do.” If that theory is correct, then why would God tell Israel, explicitly, not to learn from the surrounding nations, for the surrounding nations were doing everything wrong, worshiping idols, and sacrificing their children to gods. While I might argue that learning from my neighbor how to work with Iron could be a necessity that would allow a civilization to create water pipes. However, there is often a hazard in close associations, especially with those not so grounded, as it can cause us to be drawn away by the deviant and those used by Satan. Along with that, I have had several acquaintances that claimed to be Christians. One, it turns out, was in a men's home (the men's home is somewhat irrelevant except that you can make an obvious assumption - and that is that the person from the home has had some mighty struggles in the past.) While the leadership of the men's home had mandated church services and Bible studies they had to attend, they could not seem to get the world out of this brother. He, in a short period, took a job on the night crew, and I rarely saw him after that. His reattachment to the world seemed to grow and he left the group home he was a part of. You shall make no covenant with them or with their gods. They shall not dwell in your land, lest they make you sin against Me; for if you serve their gods, it will surely be a snare to you. (Exodus 23:32-33 AMP) And you shall consume all the peoples whom the Lord your God will give over to you; your eye shall not pity them, neither shall you serve their gods, for that would be a snare to you. (Deuteronomy 7:16 AMP) You didn't merely live by their ways and act according to their disgusting practices, but in a very short time, you acted more corruptly than they in all your ways. (Ezekiel 16:47 CJB) Is it the person becoming the snare? Perhaps, but what we do know is that Satan will deceive you through any means possible. In some cases, it might be an innocent but attractive looking woman. Yes, Jacob's life is one huge psychodrama. He is a liar, a cheat, and a general a mess; he does not even seem to slow down all those years later when he meets Esau again. But there is a method to God's madness. God seems to use broken people; he even seeks them out. He seems to find pleasure in lifting them up and healing them. On the plus side, our savior is a descendant of the line from Jacob. My point: That no matter how messed up the narrative, or, our story is, we can and should glean as much as we can from each one, for it is God's story. Sure, you think it is all yours, but it is never anything less than God's plan, you merely get to be a part of it. "For I know what plans I have in mind for you,' says Adonai, plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future. " (Jeremiah 29:11 CJB)
  5. I have a hidden berserker in me. Sure, I have righteous anger sometimes. But the way I react and express my feelings comes out scary, mean and can cause a scene. Lately I have prayed on the spot about it. This calms and grounds me effectively. The prayer starts off in an angry tone then improves, having and humbling and disciplining effect. Talking things out with trusted people helps too. I cannot always employ these strategies and could use more suggestions. Then again, I get angry at things I should not. I am in the wrong. It does not even occur to me to use the above strategies then. I am too caught up in my own selfish moment. I pray after the fact. I try to apologize to the people involved afterwards. I only do it again eventually. I seem to have a long fuse but an overblown powder keg. I even get mad at myself. I beat myself up over all sorts of things. I believe it to be a form of self abuse. My theory is I would rather take things out on myself than others. I might become indignant rather than address whatever the issue is. My anger symptoms must have a rooted cause that I am avoiding or not even aware of. All of the above is frustrating, annoying and troublesome. I will start to pray about this. One specific request I have been making of God recently is for Him to take control of my emotions. Identifying this problem and wanting to change is a good sign and start, I figure. Any and all advice, scripture, prayers, comments or constructive criticism is appreciated. God bless you, GregoryB 8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. - Psalm 37:8 New International Version (NIV)
  6. Acts 16:16-18 Once when we were going to the place of prayer, we were met by a female slave who had a spirit by which she predicted the future. She earned a great deal of money for her owners by fortune-telling. She followed Paul and the rest of us, shouting, “These men are servants of the Most High God, who are telling you the way to be saved.” She kept this up for many days. Finally Paul became so annoyed that he turned around and said to the spirit, “In the name of Jesus Christ I command you to come out of her!” At that moment the spirit left her. A few things stood out to me about the above passage: 1)The first is that the fortune teller, even though she was correct in claiming that Paul and the others were servants of God, had an evil/demonic spirit inside of her. Paul commanded that to come out of her to which the spirit left. It was an evil/demonic spirit inside the fortune teller since it had to be cast out. I’ve heard some professing Christians say it’s no big deal to go to a fortune teller, have tarot cards read, attend seances, etc. and look at is as a fun thing to do. I think it’s very clear here that we should not delve into that, and that it is attached to the evil/demonic spiritual world. 2) The second was in verse 18 where it said, “Finally Paul became so annoyed…” Basically annoyed means angry and irritated. Anger usually is a sin, and irritation is lacking patience, which also is a sin. I don’t think there’s any indication in here that Paul was wrong though for doing that, similar to when Jesus overturned the tables in the temple. Matthew 21:12 Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. You have to be pretty angry to overturn tables, yet we know Jesus was without sin. Then in Ephesians 4:26 it says, “Be angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” So that also indicates that we can be angry just not let that anger cause us to sin, and deal with it quickly. So my understanding is, that there are some things (the ones that go against God, are so evil, etc.) that will cause us to be angry, but being angry is not the sin.
  7. God, please keep me at bay from temptation. I sacrificed most to raise my dogs and satan tempts me by making me feel hate, anger and rage towards my dogs for not knowing any better. I want not to feel this way nor do I wish to gnash teeth. Please allow me to shrug it off and move on my way. I know ye have suffered 4 days to be tempted by Satan in the mountains. If this is part of my trial to see if I can handle this on my own and walk with meekness and gentleness just as you did, then by all means do not a thing and allow your will be casted through me and shew satan off by my own measure of strength. In the father, the son and holy spirit, Amen.
  8. I awoken because I felt something bad was or is happening/happened and my dog was peeing after he pooped on the motels carpet. At that moment; feelings in which go against my very being started come forth and afterwards I had mourned in remorsed & prayed. I came on my phone to see if the wifi was on to write a testimony unto you all of Satans works. He tried to tempt me into temptation. Be weary Brothren & Sistren in these trial days. He tests us all and sees all before it happens and waits to see our results. STAND FIRM AND RAISE YOUR HAND TO SATAN AND CAST HIM OUT INTO THE COLD COMING WINTER WITH LOVE, PATIENCE, AND KINDNESS WITH BLIND FAITH IN OUR LORD & SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST, AMEN!
  9. This is a long post, one in which I've given a LOT of thought. Somehow or another, I believe suicide is my destiny. I don't know how or when, but it is inevitable. There's two elements that lead me to this conclusion, both mentally and spiritually. I've always been fairly melancholy; there's always been a deep void or a sense of emptiness. Metaphorically, there's always a dark haze within my consciousness (think Batman's Gotham). I am not now nor have I ever been abused by family, lover, or church. There are friends/family that love me and I'm sure would miss me. Life has its wonderful and beautiful moments. As I speak now, the golden Sun and the autumn rustling wind and aroma outside is wonderful! Yet, it all pales to the void within. In the last decade, I've tried to push past this by seeking purpose, something to be passionate about, and even wealth. So far, to no avail. My business endeavors have failed, cannot find anything to be passionate about, and certainly no purpose. Just, nothing, emptiness. As I get older, my family will be dying off; after a failed relationship I do not have the time nor patience for marrying. As early as age 15, I thought about the mudaneness of life. What is life? You go to work most of the week, come home attempting to savor the few free hours, and on off-days you catch up what you couldn't accomplish the rest of the week, only to repeat the same cycle over and over. For what? To keep the cycle going? Why do it? Suicide is the most logical answer, 18 years later even. Ecclesiastes touches on this very issue, of course, the point being life is nothing without God. However, that is not working out either. As Christians, when we accept Jesus as Lord & Savior, to save us from sin and to give us eternal life, we should gradually be becoming more "like Him", the relationship should become more of a living (maybe even obvious) reality, and our desire should be growing for Him. Frankly, I don't see that as the case with me. When searching my heart, I inevitably see it as self-centered, not really desiring God, and certainly not as a Living Reality. The efforts I have made to have a relationship with God, there seems to be no reciprocation, despite prayers to change my heart/desires, lead me in a meaningful direction, and to make the relationship more of a meaningful reality. Faith has never come easy for me to begin with. Underneath it all (and I'm not proud of it), part of me resents God for not only my creation, but ALL of Creation. Considering God is totally self-sufficient (does not need us), knowing full-well that most of mankind would not choose Him (even if it is by man's own free-will) and most likely suffer for eternity. That may be justice, but how does having that foreknowledge and moving forward with it anyway make for a God of love? Eternal fate aside, even the tamer "God grows us through suffering" line of reasoning, why have us endure it when God was perfectly content without us? It is quite hard to love a Being in that vein, even if He did offer to redeem us. Yes, I may accept His gift of salvation, but why create me in the first place? What's more, at my birth there was the chance I would not be born; my mother had a vision assuring her I would be born and healthy. So, obviously "God formed me in the womb" knowing the state of my future and had ample opportunity not to move forward with me. Why did He do it?? The only thing that has prevented me actually "fulfilling my destiny" is the fear of the afterlife as a result. Theologians can debate on whether or not there's a Biblical basis for suicide as a ticket to Hell or not, but that is immaterial here. Given my take on things above, personally, I wish for non-existence (suicide at the soul level). Unfortunately, I know it's not that easy. Christ is not going to redeem us only to end in non-existence, at the same time, I know the alternative is somehow worse. God will not allow non-existence without payment for sin in this life. So, either way, I lose! This fact only compounds my harsh feelings towards God and about life! I'm sure some here will probably say I was never saved or born again. For those that do think that, perhaps I've hardened my heart past the point of no return? The angst of living, the thought of it going on decades more, it almost makes me want to "weep and gnash teeth" here and now. I want to be redeemed by God, but at the same time I absolutely resent Him! Perhaps, I want redemption from existence itself more. In the end, I don't really know the response I seek in posting this. I know no responses will advocate suicide. Though, the thought of non-existence is absolutely euphoric! Counseling will not help, as I would be shut away in an institution or be doped up on meds and slapped with an outrageous bill to add insult to injury. Not sure if it is possible to see life any other way in a fully conscious and rational way! I welcome feedback in any case; thank you all.
  10. Anger, on its own, is neither sinful nor virtuous. The concept of anger could be a little vague to Christians because the Bible teaches us to not act on rage, yet shows multiple incidences of angry, Godly characters—even Jesus. This is because anger is a tool, not a smith. The person inflicted with anger could either choose to take rightful action or vengeful action. What we see in Matthew 21:12 is a depiction of Jesus’ righteous anger. Out of their extreme disregard for God, the people in the temple took advantage of their captive audience and turned the temple into a greedy marketplace. Out of righteous anger, Jesus drove them out and overturned the tables and chairs of the various salesmen. To better define the term, “righteous anger” is simply heightened sadness and disappointment at a tragic or ungodly event, such as terrorism, blasphemy, and causes of extreme poverty. As Christians, it is okay to be angry because of injustice. Feeling angry is not “bad.” What you choose to do with the anger will determine its effect. If you’re angry because of jealously, entitlement, or other insecurities, be sure to not turn your anger into a weapon. That’s when it becomes sinful. Take a look at these 10 relevant passages on the topic of anger to help you make the right decisions in the heat of the moment: 1. Ephesians 4:26-27 – “And don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” 2. Ephesians 4:31 – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.” 3. Proverbs 29:11 – “Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.” 4. James 1:9 – “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” 5. Colossians 3:8 – “But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language.” 6. Proverbs 16:32 – “Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.” 7. Psalm 37:8 – “Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper--it only leads to harm.” 8. Proverbs 14:29 – “People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.” 9. Proverbs 15:1 – “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” 10. Romans 12:19 – “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD.” From these scriptures, it is clear that God does not want us to act sinful out of anger at all, but rather leave the vengeance to Him. Although it is extremely difficult to keep our cool when there are so many injustices going on, refrain from using your anger as a weapon to destroy. Instead, find peace in the comfort of God’s promise to make things right for you. Written by Girl&TheWord
  11. How to control the anger when you come to know that the person whom you trusted the most have betrayed you ? It's not just the one , so many .. Also how to overcome paranoidism after these bitter experiences ?
  12. I don't know if anyone has experienced a situation such as this. I wasn't sure where to put this post so I am posting it under prayer requests. I had to change physicians due to my long time doctor's office did not participate in my new medical insurance plan. I was with this particular office for 20 plus years of my life and having to start over with a new doctor much younger than myself and not knowing the real me other than what questions I had to answer on their forms has been difficult. Trust is hard to build especially when it comes to your health care. I wished, my long time physician took this plan, but things don't always work out the way we want them to. This NEW physician apparently refuses to speak to her patients when they call her office. This was a first for me, I've always had access to all my physicians, either by leaving a message and the physician returned my call. I do have multiple medical issues and this doctor was fully aware of them. She requested that I seek out two other doctors to address my needs. I had been unable to locate physicians within my particular plan and needed two prescriptions refilled. This physician NEVER instructed me at my last visit that she WOULD NOT refill any scripts for me if I didn't find two other doctors. I had "ALWAYS" received the same medications from my prior Primary Care Physician with no problems. Long story short...this New physicians office had a non medical person call me back, yell at me stating I FAILED to find a doctor for this, I failed to find a doctor for that when I always had the medication prescribed by my former Internist prior to this doctor. I was being "BLAMED" for not getting these specialists to prescribe medications that any doctor could and have filled for decades! I was insulted and felt the behavior of staff and the refusal of this physician to NOT talk to me directly inappropriate. Has anyone experienced bad treatment from a doctors office and the refusal of the doctor to talk to you? I ask for prayers in finding a NEW physician that will listen to me, talk to me and act in a professional manner. I was so upset and angry earlier yesterday afternoon when I found out that "according" to them. It's all my fault. Had the doctor told me she didn't want to treat me during my last visit, I would have searched for someone who would treat my illnesses. I ask for PRAYERS that I will be able to find a new physician that will help me instead of hurt me more. I feel like their office and the physician owes me an apology for their behavior. I didn't know where to post this, but so needed to talk about my experience. What would you do? It's hard to forgive those that blame you and tell you that I was the ONE who failed!!! Thank you~~~
  13. Hello. I am not sure I am even asking a question, as just feeling down and out and maybe hoping to connect with some good-minded and good-souled people out there. I'm a Christian by faith but admit I have fallen away from my faith in the past several years. I grew up in a very heavy-handed religiousity-ladden home, entirely from my mom's side, where it was in hindsight a really cultist mindset that manipulated people based on fear of hell. There was very little encouraging, uplifting spirituality that was at all centered on Christ's teaching. I mentioned this only because I broke away from that late in life, the constant anticipation of God's eminent wrath about to unpredicatbly decend upon me following me. For me, now older, I want that God I knew as a child. The one you felt and knew was real when you just woke up and breathed or went outside and saw the sky. Existence itself is enough testiment to a deeply spiritual nature that is an unheard song and praise of God. But life has a way of eroding that feeling, and I realized as I've gotten older, I take much for granted now. But this has recently been challenged by the fact my mother has terminal cancer and literally on her death bed. My sister and I have been the primary caregivers of my mom, fighting the system to get her what she needs in terms of medicare. My father, who is now old himself but still works is and has been utterly uselsss. We grew up in a very abusive household with him, cursing, screaming, and debasing my mother. It was mostly emotional and psychological abuse, but there was a brief period when he was drinking and became physically abusive with my mom. I was no older than 5 when I remember he assaulted my mom, a God-fearing woman, who was very subdued in many ways, but had enough with him and threw a small but heavy clock radio at him and went after him with a hammer, threatening him if he ever put his hand on her, she'd have him arrested and thrown out. The police came and even though my father was bleeding badly from his back fromt he radio cutting him, they were going to arrest him for battery. He pleaded and my mother intervened on his behalf. He was not arrested and swore he'd change. But of course he never did. My mother got caught up into a horrible cult of "Christians" that were lead more by fear of eternal damnation than of celebrating the existence of God's creation. For our part, me and my sister kept away as far as possible from our dad, but I was his primary target, often slapped, and had glass cups and items hurled at me. I know its pathetic being an adult man and still carrying this unresolved anger from my childhood, but now when I see my father and he opens his mouth to us and curses, all those childhood memories come flooding into my mind. I wish I could turn it off. I still remember the large glass tropicana half gallon bottle filled with water being hurled at me, when I awoke in the middle of a hot summer night after my father came home drunk and was cursing my mother in the kitchen. I went to her defense telling him to leaver her alone. I narrowly got away from the exploding pieces of glass that flew by me when the bottle smashed against the doorway. Then there was the hot coffee he threw at my face when a young teenager when I dared to stand up to him. But that was nothing compared to the horrible things, deeply sexually degrading things, he would say to us. My mom was called everything under the sun, and soon her own spirit was eroded by this man. She fell away from her own belief of God at one time, which deeply bothered me. My sister was called horrible things, and I was called terrible things. He became increasingly phsyically abusive with me until at around 15, I had enough. He grabbed me around the neck and was choking me. I flung his hangs off of me and hurled him through the bathroom door. He went careeming inside the bathroom and literally through the glass partitioners of the tub. I was initially genuinely scared for his safety. I walked in, finding him dazed but otherwise alright. I remember that day like yesterday. I stood there over him and looked down at him and told him that I was not a small kid anymore and that if he came to me again, I would beat him and let everyone he knew know just what he was and doing and how they'd know he was a coward and still got himself handed by his own kid. He knew after that that he could not physically intimidate me, but his mouth became more of his weapon. I guess I never forgave my father, a person I see as a pathetic, unedcuated, stupid fool who is merely a male and a not a real man. Coward. Narcissist. Emotional parasite. Charlatan. These are the words that come to mind when I think of him. He use to wish my mother cancer and hope she would end up in a wheelchair. Both of these happened. I hate the man. God forgive me, but I cannot help but feel it should be him with the fate he wished on my mom and not her. But now he has become even more pathetic. He's been completely reliant upon my mom and us for everything. He cannot--nor ever has--coped with life's difficulties, even the slightest ones, which he would take out on us like the coward fool he is. But my sister and I have showed him patience and he has been genuinely stricken with guilt for the things he said to my mom, even asking my sister if he "did this." Now that my mother's condition has worsen, he's become worse in temperment, and his old foul-mouth ways have returned with a vengence. A couple days ago, I was visiting him and he began taking out his anxieties on me and when I told him to calm down he cursed and called me names , I became instantly hotheaded, and told him to shut his mouth and called him ungrateful that should be suffering the fate he wished on my mom. Again he called me the same thing and I warned him I would slapped his mouth if he said it again. He did with a smile, and I slapped him hard across the face to where he cried. And I admit, I didn't feel the slightest bad about it. But of course that is not true. I was for that moment, ever vile disgusting thing that pathetic old fool before me was and is. And I gave into it and ashamed of it. I don't want to be anything like that poor excuse of manhood, including his irrational, self-projecting denials and turn-arounds. I did wrong, and it getting angry and physical made me not only feel weak but weak-minded. I should be above that--and better than him. I wasn't. When my mom dies, I will not have anything more to do with this little man and could care less for him. I am left now as an adult still feeling like that defenseless kid growing up with this pathetic monster. It's so pathetic. I have no fear of him now but just deep disgust and anger. And I don't know how to get rid of it--and want to badly. I ask God to help me with this. I love my family, and for the life of me, I would rather die than ever say a tenth of the horrible things to any of my love ones that this man has said to us. Growing up with this man made me feel oddly abandoned even though he was physically present in our lifes, emotional and spiritually robbed of our childhoods in many ways, and feeling unloved and unworthy. Even though now an adult, I can articulate and intellectually understand these emotional sources rationally, I am still left dealing with them, as is my sister. I guess, now after this long email, I just needed to write it out. I apologize for its length and rambling nature, but I see too I'm asking for prayers to any good God fearing people out there. There is still that child in me that remembers well the God of his youth and even now as an adult, there are days when I awake and breath in that first conscious breath of air that I have that same joyful contemplation of God's presence, or when I come home late and see the night time sky, I know God is all around. It is a deep, unshakable feeling of profound conenction. But I am still dealing with much unresolved anger and even hate. And I don't want these things in my heart. I want to be a good man. A loving man. A kind man. A genlte man. A strong man, emotionally, pyschologically, and spiritually. A God-fearing man. Please pray for me and my family. God bless.
  14. Hi, I wanted to post this in the prayer requests section, but as a newbie I found that I'm not able to post there, so here it is. This is long but I would appreciate anyone who reads and prays, as its a longtime ongoing situation which has affected many and I can't stand it anymore. There are these two guys who are absolutely deluded in thinking God has chosen either of them for me as my life partner. They are always posting prayer requests online, calling me their gf, wife, fiancee, even a divorced woman or a single mother (I'm NONE of these things). They attach all sorts of untrue disorders to my name, even say horrendous things like that I was sexually abused or that I'm with an abusive guy (all untrue). They wanna bring me down to their level. They daily beg Christians on prayer sites for God to fix me up with them, writing lies about me and even my future spouse. It makes my blood boil. For all I know they might even be on this site, spreading their false stories here. These losers and their lies negatively affect my walk with God. The anger their actions cause also interferes with my prayer life. On numerous occasions, it has led to disastrous events and heartache for both me and others during times when I was to be spiritually focused and pray. These two are supposedly Christians, but for the last 12 years or more (even after becoming saved) they have continually told lies, and massive ones at that. Several years ago, one even lied to me through their sibling that he had died, in order to see my reaction. If not God, for that very reason alone I could've despised the pack of them for life, let alone like them! They have told many other such similar huge lies in the past, yet I still gave them a number of chances as brothers/friends, purely out of sisterly affection (which I no longer have), and then 'cause of our God-given spiritual connection (which I want to break), and then simply for God. The only reason I haven't entirely broken off connection w/ them till recently was, first, God placing them under my spiritual care (reaching out to them before they were saved), then second, He gave them as spiritual brothers in my life. But instead of thanking God for this mercy alone (the kindness I was willing to show and forgiveness I was willing to give), they actually have the nerve to presume they can be my future husband. I have told them over and over that they're not - even if it were naturally my own choice I would never pick them. On top of that, God has already revealed His choice for me, and spoken clearly a number of times, the most recent time being the most clearest for me. While He had spoken to me regarding my future spouse in the past, I had not been entirely sure due to something I couldn't accept between us. But a few weeks ago, He made it even clearer for me whom He has chosen for me (which is NEITHER of the idiots). Now I know it 100%. However, not only do the two losers not respect my preference or even GOD'S WILL, they think they can beg their way into anything and any relationship they want. They want God to FORCE me to love them, regardless of how they say otherwise (that is basically the case, since it is impossible for me to like them and I have communicated this to them a dozens of times). They think they have some sort of special claims on me. I say: By what right?! They think this simply 'cause I once lavished all my attention and affection (much of it was confused w/ sympathy, apart from God's love) on them, almost a decade ago. And this as a Christian sister more than anything. That was 'cause God put it in my heart to reach out to them spiritually (just as He did for me w/ many others), and I was trying to help them. I did go overboard in doing this, but it was largely due to the lies they told. They took on someone else's identity. They were virtually always pretending to die the next day. They had so many, many tragedies in their life. As someone who cared for their spiritual welfare and lives, and with my passion for reaching the lost and helping lost teens, of course I would easily be led astray into excessive feelings and actions. I would never have had those if they had been truthful. So whatever the feelings I temporarily once had and their exact nature, the source of them wasn't right. Most of all, if I had known back then what shameless liars and complete fools they are, of course I wouldn't have wanted them even as friends. Apart from God, I would hate their guts for life. Furthermore, after declaring I'd break all ties w/ them (due to some other lies and juvenile behaviour of theirs), I have never given them ANY signs of encouragement or hope for the last 7 years or so. I did nothing to mislead them. We haven't even had much contact (they not once contacted me on their own; I did 'cause God led me to, at times, mostly for spiritual reasons). Yet all along they have built on their hope of winning my love and obtaining me. It's unbelievably pathetic and sick. After all the destruction their lies and immature behaviour caused in my life and other ppl related, they have the AUDACITY to think I can like, even love, them. This is what I can't stand the most of all. As Christians they continually tell lies, never repent (if they truly did, they wouldn't tell lies), tell more lies, make up stories which are insulting to me (and my future husband by association), and when I get rightly angry, they think I'm overreacting. They think I'm in the wrong, not them. So many Christians pray for them, believing the lies in their daily prayer requests and other posts online. They post these like everywhere! After telling them off countless times, I gave up and tried ignoring them (which was hard knowing what they do behind my back). But they did this even in the places I go to (where I discovered many years ago and was going to first) and kept on doing this disgusting thing even in my sight! Knowing at times that I was reading, and at other times that I could be. That's another reason I totally dislike them. They refuse to grant me even my smallest request or respect even my smallest wish. Yet claim to "love" me. It's disgusting. They're like, in a sense: "I don't care about your feelings, wishes, or even thoughts of me. I only care about my own. Whether you like and want it or not, I want what I think I must have. So regardless of anything else, I'm gonna beg God till He gives you to me. If necessary, I must be happy at the cost of your unhappiness. But I assure you, despite all this, I totally love you and am in love with you" ! Hell will freeze over before I like either of the them in my life. Esp. w/ one of them, I'd rather take a bullet to my brain. They're the dumbest jerks I've ever met. I truly wish them gone from my life, but unfortunately God has given these stupid guys as spiritual brothers (which is the ONLY kind of relationship He's meant for us). This is such a pain. They are such a pain, that I wish for God to remove. Please pray God would teach them a lesson. They totally need it. They refuse to see how their deceitful words and actions are ruining their own lives and have caused much ruin in others' (incl. mine). They refuse to take responsibility by confessing and speaking the truth and trying to make amends. At the very least, not lying anymore. They continue with their unacceptable behaviour, yet hope and ask for many blessings from God (!). Not even just little but asks for MUCH. Apparently, any Bible teaching they've had is lost on them. They clearly dont know that regardless of how much they ask, God won't bless them when they're asking out of selfishness, greed, disobedience, and great sin in their life. I'd call it a big sin which leads to real death for others (ppl in and out of my life, incl. an old friend), and so much suffering and heartache for myself and others related. Moreover, which continually arouses anger in me, putting a stumbling block in my path and creates disturbance in my life. Though lying isn't their only sin. I've explained this spiritual truth to them, but as with anything else I say which is not to their liking - they won't listen. They only wanna hear what they wanna hear. They're such stubborn stupid pigs (- I've never said this to anyone else in my life). They need to know that God takes their sins seriously. That God means business, and that He won't let them get away with this always. In fact, He's not even now, with nothing going right for esp. one of them. They continue to live in sin, esp. with the sin of lying (not just sometimes like others - as Christians, these guys do all the time!) yet expect God to help and bless. And when He doesnt, when things continually get tough, they're apt to blame Him. Esp. one of the them. He does nothing but beg God. Then when God doesn't improve his situation and grants his desires, he rages instead of recognising that his problems are due to his and others' disobedience. He fails to see these as signs of God's displeasure, and that any possibly help God withholds from him (as at this time) is due to his completely wrong spiritual state. They dont even know me yet believe themselve to be in love w/ me. I've explained this to them also. If they knew me, they'd realise that I'd not in a life of a thousand years span would like somebody that hindered me in prayer and so kept me from praying for my friend at a crucial time, which resulted in her suicide (which could have been prevented. God had indicated I pray, but I was in such turmoil and grief, I didn't fully realise this till afterwards). Even if their actions played a large part in unintentionally allowing her death, through the effects of their lies on me - the lies were intentional. And they have not owned up to it to this day. Even after hearing this recently, they still refused to come clean and own their lies. They refuse to give me the truth surrounding the issues and events that had troubled me so, thus leading to failure in prayer and my friend's death. That is just one example of all the harm they caused in my life. Even IF there had been no other reason, this reason ALONE would be enough for me to never be able to accept them as "more than a friend" in this life. As I said, even if it were my choice, apart from God's will, I wouldn't. If not for God, I wouldn't have wanted to accept them even as a friend (which I don't, now), after their continual infuriating behaviour. Yet it isn't just one reason; there's like a hundred reasons why I dislike them. Instead of admitting their wrongs and taking their part of the responsibility, just as I have before God and others, they tried to dump the whole thing on me by accusing me of accusing them. They even labelled me with psychological problems, mental disorders and spiritual issues. They added even more to their lies. For so many reasons, esp. several very strong ones, I don't and don't want to and can't and won't ever like these lying pair in my life. The thought of them as a future spouse is a laugh. They know about the endless anger they've caused me (which affects even my physical health), that they've caused nothing but HARM in my life, yet they dare hope to remain in it and be beside me for life. To cause whose death?! Im so glad, am so so relieved, that God hasnt chosen either of them as my future spouse (despite them hoping and endlessing begging). Or else, I would've wanted to die and would've chosen to become a nun. I would even take my life, if not for hell. If they knew me, they would've given up long before, even before I revealed about my future spouse. Which I did, specially, for their own sake, when I hadn't told neone else - to save them many hours of waste in uselessly begging God (besides another reason of past truths I wanted from them). Much as I loathed them and have many reasons to, I did not want them to waste their life the same way they made me waste mine by lying, and making me pray for things that didnt need prayer at all. Cause it was made up. So I made the exception of telling them, yet they only used this knowledge to insult not only me (as if that's not bad enuf) but also my future spouse too, now, by refusing to acknowledge any possibility of him being God's choice for me. When he IS. And saying unbelievably outrageous things like that my future spouse stole me from them and he ruined my life, etc (NOT true. They dont even know who he is!), when it's THEM who ruined my life. If not for their lies, I wouldn't have made the choices I did, some of which, esp. one of which, led to a great mistake on my future spouse's part and resulted in so much heartache for us these few years. Due to the two liars, we've had an obstacle b/ween us these last few years, esp. 'cause of my idealistic nature. Despite my feelings, it was hard for me to accept him. We went through so much pain 'cause of it. All the pain we went through is largely because of these liars. For THIS reason alone, also, I could hate their guts. And I currently do - since they keep deliberately doing wrong despite knowing how it vexes me. Instead of feeling any rightful shame, they merely rejoice in anything that comes between me and my future spouse. They want me miserable so they can be happy. THEY make me miserable yet they insist on being in my life - and even that not just as a brother or friend but MORE, thus the conclusion. I dont want them even as a brother or friend. They are completely unworthy. They're nothing like a brother. To me, they've been anything but. They're spiritual brothers in name only. It isn't the fact that they dont know me and so, in truth, not loving me that's the matter. I DONT want them to know me and even love me for real. Thank goodness they don't. But they don't believe it themselves. Even apart from God's choice for me, there are several other guys (special brothers) in my life all of whom I'd much prefer to the deceitful pair. THEY, on the other hand, know me and love me as friends (some more) for real. They bring me joy and are my greatest comfort in life, after God. They listen, respect my wishes, and treat me as a sister from God. They are ten times more decent, ten times more honest, ten times more loyal, ten times more spiritually learned and are much closer to my ideals than the liars. The liars, on the contrary, not to mention being far, far from it, don't even know my high ideals. If they knew me, they would know that this is another reason that on its own cancels any possibility of their wish coming true. That is how much they dont know me. They dont know my dreams, my likes and dislikes (they should know it's them), my secret joys and suffering, my troubles, what I value and I love, my good and bad memories, my entire past, my truer personality and character, and my spiritual ability most of all. If they knew the last, they would have accepted my word on the spot, that God has revealed His will to me. Which I have checked with him more than once, and which He has confirmed several times already. On top of insulting me in all other things, incl my relationship with my future spouse, they disbelieve and so insult my spiritual relationship with God also. My good brothers, on the other hand, know all those things about me. They also accept my spiritual authority over them, given by God, as a sister in Christ. They (some of them) are willing to sacrifice for me - instead of hoping that I will make sacrifices for them, unlike some loser who hopes and prays for God to make the girl he (supposedly) likes fall for him and "be willing to make sacrifices for him". Probably hoping she'd want to give up riches and live in rags for him, and suffer not only mentally and emotionally from just "being w/ him" (emphasised cause the very thought of it disgusts even as an ideal) but also physically and financially due to hardship. What irresponsible and despicable thinking, not to mention way of speaking. Ive never heard a more disgusting thing in my life. YOU pray to be able to sacrifice for the one you love, not the other way around! This would be ANOTHER reason enough on its own for me to never accept such a low thinking jerk as anything more in my life. Did I say a hundred reasons? Make that a bazillion. My brothers were and are willing to make sacrifices for me, one even giving up something he loved doing. The idiotic liars, however, were not even willing to do something as simple as telling me the truth about the past (which relates to MY past). 'Cause of what it costs them. Simply this: embarrassment on their part and possible loss of my favour. Well, they totally lost it just by holding back from me the truth that's unquestionably important to me. They lost my favour by trying to save it. They can't make even that one small sacrifice, yet hope for me to make huge ones for them. It would be the sacrifice of my LIFE, if I had to accept one of them as a spouse. These guys are so completely muddled, perverse and shameless. May God have mercy on me and keep these idiots far from my life for the rest of my life. I have been put thru so much suffering 'cause of them and their atrocious lies. Please, pray. (Esp. pray that no more people, related to me or not, would suffer disasters in their lives as a consequence of these two's lies and actions and my reaction to them, i.e. being knocked down spiritually and failing to pray.) .
  15. Read this today and thought it was a good perspective. What are you thoughts? A. How do you avoid becoming angry when you and your spouse disagree? B. What are some practical things that have helped your marriage regarding finanical discussions? God bless, GE
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