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Found 7 results

  1. Omegaman 3.0

    Knowing if we are marriage ready

    Recently a young man asked me how one knows when one is mature enough for marriage. I responded to him, with some thoughts that went beyond his specific question. I am about to include my reply here. I should add though that some of these principles are for men and women both, and can also be considered in other aspect of life in addition to marriage. Also, I would like to add, that before getting married, I think it is wise (in terms of human wisdom, not Biblical revelation) for people to consider carefully the idea of being established as individuals before starting life in marriage. Finances, careers, education, and other skills in living, can go a long way to reducing the stresses that marriages can encounter. When considering marriage, good, Christian pre-marital counseling can be a very good thing. Try not to start off a marriage with financial problems. Learn about another before learning about them in marriage. Be aware that people often put their best foot forward during courtship, only to become lazy in marriage, revealing their true character. Be careful people, this is a life long commitment, and you do not want to make mistakes here. In my country (U.S.A.), it has become common practice to engage in a ritual we call dating. Unfortunately, dating often interferes with learning about one another. We have a tendency to make dating about being entertained in each other's presence. We go to a movie, or a theme park, or a restaurant, things like that. That can be enjoyable, but it typically prevents us from having meaningful communication about things we need to know about each other. I think it would be better, to meet with other people, more often than going out on a date. I suggest that being around people who are more experienced in life, especially people who already have long term, successful marriages. It is not the most enjoyable way to spend time perhaps, but it is a better way to learn about each other and focus on important things, than watching the latest Fast and Furious movie. Group Bible studies and prayer meetings, even getting together with others for fellowship, are better ways to get to know each other. Group situations are better, being together as only a man and a woman, is giving opportunity to temptation. Any time spent kissing, is time spent NOT getting to know one another, and you know once you start down a path, it is hard to turn around. Stay on the true path, do not get side-tracked. Anyway, what I wrote in answer to the question of know when one is mature enough for marriage, was this: That is an excellent question, and I am not sure that I am wise enough to provide a good answer, but I will offer some thoughts. First, if marriage is something you seek to do, as in something you are pursuing as a priority in your life, you may have your priorities wrong. Pleasing God, pursuing His will should be your priority. When I say pursuing His will, I do not mean things, like "where should I live", "where should I work or go to school" or questions like that. One can pursue God's will no matter where one lives or where one works. Paul, as an example, pursued God's will from a Roman jail. Jesus did the will of the Father by dying on the cross. Paul instructs us to expect troubles and persecution and learn to be content in our circumstances. Jesus tells us to take up our cross daily, and to count persecution as something to be joyful about and count as a blessing. So, I think that much of what we are called to, as Christians, has to do with our attitude, and our willingness to serve both God and others. If we pursue worldly pleasures as a priority, it will not be long before we go off track. This can be true even in subtle and harmless, even good things. There is nothing wrong with things like good food, or entertainment, a shiney new car, a wonderful home, the latest smart phone, or even a wife and family. However, when any of these things, distracts us from God, or cause us to split our loyalty or to seek them first over the kingdom of God, they we have allowed them to become idols. Take note that niether Jesus nor Paul ever married. Paul pointed out that there is a danger in being married, in that pleasing our wives, can distract us from our service to the Lord. When you think about it, the world was cursed, because one man, decided to listen to his wife over listening to God. Paul also tells us that it is good stay single, but if a person lacks self-control then they should marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with lust. Of course, it is better to have self control, and I suggest that since self control is part of the nine-fold fruit of the Spirit, that we really have little or no excuse to not have self control. That is part of Christian maturity. I think one way we know that we are ready for marriage, is when we have come to a place where (instead of looking for the right person) we are more concerned with being the right person. Paul gives husbands the instruction to love our wives, as Jesus loves the church, and died for her. To translate that to human action, husband to wife, we are willing to sacrifice for her, and serve her, and most of all love her. The problem with modern, western men, is that we have come to think of love as having warm, fuzzy, pleasurable feelings about someone. This is very distorted. Love is about serving others, sacrificing for others, seeking the well being of others. As much as it appeals to our flesh to live with a woman and enjoy the benefits of marriage, it is more loving to seek her well being, doing what is best for her instead of cooperating with her in fulfilling mutual pleasure. I believe grounded Christian women, and grounded Christian men, recognize that men have been assigned the role of being the spiritual leader of the couple. That is not something that we hold over our spouse, as some sort of boss or authority, it about being wise, caring, and wanting the best for her, and nurturing her relationship with God. A functional couple is not spending all of their lives, gazing into each others eyes, it is looking outward (and upward), in the same direction. I think also, that we not only need to seek being the right person for our spouse, we should seek a spouse that is right for us. They do not need to be perfect, and certainly things like appearance are extremely low on the priority list. People who are of good character, who both love the Lord first over all, are great candidates for each other. That can take a lot of patience, but to settle for too little, will lead to the people in a relationship, dragging each other down when they should be pulling in the same direction. A couple like that can accomplish a lot for the kingdom of God, and will have a very fulfilling relationship if they can manage to maintain that focus. Take some time to familiarize yourself with 1 Cor, chapter 7, and 1 Cor, chapter 13. Meanwhile, I shall pray for you, and suggest that you not be to shy, to ask others to do so as well.
  2. My girlfriend is coming up to visit me and she is obviously staying in my house (I still live with my parents since I'm in college). Can we share a bed when we know we're not going to be having sex? We have already said that is off the table and we know we're saving ourselves for marriage.
  3. Hello, I want for advice. I am really interested into finding Christian wife for entire life and do not even know where to look. I try local dating sites, not even sure if it is OK at all, not so serious place where all entertain each other with soft erotic. No success from them either. So I ask from those married happily mainly for advice. Where I should look for her? Or maybe I do not have to search actively like that at all and wait for God timing?
  4. I am 21. I never had a boyfriend before. My parents have always overprotected me by not letting me have any contact with the opposite sex. I spent so long without guys contact that I spent 4 years in depression thinking that I was lesbian because I had feelings for some girls in high school and never fell for a guy before. My family wasn't here for me and I tried to kill myself several times. But now that I am in college, I met some guys and I started to have crushes and realized that its a different feeling and that I am not actually gay. During this moment that I started to talk to guys, my mom started to become closer and ask a lot of questions about my guy friends. But I realized that whenever I liked someone and wanted to give them a chance, she always found a reason why and told me that I like guys too much, I am promiscuous and all. 5 months ago I met this christian african guy who really likes me. He's too years younger than me. 19 and I am 21. I would like to give him a chance and when I told my mom she started to srceam at me with anger all the time, she came to the point of beating me up over that and told me that If I accept to be his girlfriend that he won't be welcomed at home. But this guy is like my bestfriend, I got mad after this last fight which happens a couple days ago, than I said yes to the guy. My mom says that she doesn't like him because he's african and he's lazy (because he likes to play and go out all the time and take few classes with not that good grades) ) and he doesn't have a job yet. I like him because he's a christians with good manners, he's willing to wait for marriage to have sex, is playful, don't smoke or drink, makes me happy, really likes me plus he said that he will look for a job and applied for more classes. At my college we need to work in other to gain practice hours before we able to graduate. So I am 2 years in advanced because I work at school better and faster. Even though he started only 1 semester after me. My dad was killed last year so my mom would like to remarry and live her life, so she told me that she won't be able to keep me here for too long and I have to get married fast with 3-4 years and have kids and that this christian guy won't be able to marry me that soon so I should find someone else. My mom makes my life impossible since and keeps on treating to kick me out of the house. WHO SHOULD I CHOOSE!? WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT WOULD BE A CHRISTIAN WAY OF SOLVING THIS ISSUE? SHOULD I MOVE OUT AND GET A STUDIO SINCE I JUST GOT A JOB AND STAY WITH HIM? OR SHOULD I LIVE HIM AFTER A WEEK RELATIONSHIP AND LIVE WITH MY MOM? PLEASE HELP ANYONE! I am feeling so depressed from this situation.
  5. creativemechanic

    is this christianlike

    something i noticed which was pretty amusing. But do you think a man would be right or christianlike to have this opinion
  6. HI everyone! I just need some insight and advice. I'm an 18 year old, who is currently enrolled in Bible College. I used to struggle a lot with self esteem when I was younger, I had a lot of issues concerning the way I look, and my body. Now, I can surely say that I have built up a lot of self-confidence, and I know now that I'm pretty stinkin' beautiful... well, I feel that way only until I run into a guy that I really really like, then I start to question myself a bit. Anyways, there's a new guy on campus, I've met him once earlier this year, at a school event (my school has lots of different campuses around the globe) and shortly after our brief meeting (it wasn't even a "meet" more than it was just us standing in the same room together) he followed me on a couple of social media platforms. He ended up moving to my campus, and we both live on site. I see him nearly every day, and we have spent a lot of time together (not alone, usually with the same group of friends) I've gotten some impressions that he may like me, from little things like... Him scoping me out of a crowd of about 10 other people, who he is pretty good friends with, and asking me to hold his ipad for him because he "trusts me"... like, I'm pretty sure he trusts most of the other people in the crowd (his best friend and fellow worship pastor was beside him)... why me? He loves to tease others, but when he teases me, it's different... he usually smiles the whole time, and even apologizes right after, even though he knows that I like it. A big thing that shows me the potential that he likes me though, is our eye contact. There will be times where we'll be with a group of friends, and we'll both just look at each other and keep eye contact for around 4-6 seconds, and I'm usually the one to cut it off, because I get nervous, I know that eye contact is a really big deal... but I don't know if I'm over thinking it... I just feel kind of bummed though because there is more of a possibility that he DOESN'T like me in that way, than he does. some reasons being that he's pretty out of my league, appearance-wise (he's very good looking, with a great smile and sweet blue eyes and nice blonde hair) and I'm kind of intimidated by WHO he is (his dad is a very well known pastor, who comes out on tv and all of that, plus, he's pretty much in charge of the school) and for himself, he just has this crazy awesome anointing on him. and lastly, he's said numerous times, he dates African Americans (the first time he said it, when I first met him he said he "ONLY" dates African Americans, while all the other times, he left out the "only" part) ... I'm hispanic... I kind of just went on a little rant, cuz I really feel like I needed it, lol... I just need someone to care enough to write a little something for me ANYTHING. please? thanks, God bless!
  7. I need some advice I am a (male) Christian teenager, and I have a really close, dear friend, who is a female. We spend a lot of time together and know each other really well, BUT both of us are totally against dating! Even so, everybody believes that we are, consequently freaking out both of our parents. Although we are not dating we see the possibility of it much, much later in life. Now my question is what should I/we do to stop people from thinking that we are dating. But it is also not as simple as that, we are close; during a ruff time of my life I tried to kill myself, she saved me and is the only one, to this day, to know of it! Because of that we both have an immense trust and Christianly love for each other. We meet every other week (at the coffee shop) to pray, read our Bibles, and talk. So in recap its a mess... you may not see why stopping a rumor (and our parents from freaking out) is so important, but once a rumor starts, if not stopped, it snowballs into something ugly! I try not to worry, however, about my reputation (what Man sees of me), but instead my character (what God knows of me), then let God handle my reputation. I would also ask advice from our youth leaders, but they would just say that we are dating (which we are not!). Anyways sorry for the long post, but its really been bothering me... Any good, Spirit lead, Christian advice??? P.S. We spend much more time together then that, generally week days 6-61/2 hours (mainly school), and on week ends 3-31/2 hours. I only mentioned the coffee shop, because that's what people get tripped up on the most. ~Jayme