You can't help who you fall in love with.....(really?)

[Smalcald]

Well romantic love between a man and a women is not based only on physical appearance it is beyond feelings. True love takes time quite a bit of time together to really know the other person, how could it be any other way, how could you romantically love someone you don't know?

There is no such thing as love at first sight; there is lust at first sight, there is infatuation at first sight, but not love. So who we choose to spend our time with will end up being who we end up loving.

I do think we can be very strongly attracted to people who we don't know, but this is not love.

[sheya joie]

It is for very good reason that the Bible says:

Prov 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

'Keep' means 'guard' - like a fortress! Guard your heart carefully, and don't just give it away lightly.

[Littlelambseativy]

i just wonder how much of today's 'love' is without realizing it 'lust'. The movies, the TV shows that I no longer watch but revert to any 'old' series or movie. It is teaching all of us (loosely put) that one lays eyes on someone and they hop inot bed or if they do not they can not keep their hands off one another. There is something tobe said about chaperones and getting to know one another. And no I am not that old or from a time where that was done.

Another thing - it is too easy to divorce today. Perhaps too easy to marry and then divorce. Perhaps if they had to go to school to learn just how difficult it is to get and stay married and Live together that would change.

[Guest]

I suppose this is a frequent saying, but I've heard a coworker use it quite redundantly. I've heard it from her several times "well, you can't help who you fall in love with." Of course, she has also made it a point of saying that it doesn't always mean you should act on those feelings.

I have to disagree. I think this goes into the following of the emotions over common sense. Yes, there are emotions in love and we will feel emotion for someone we're attracted to, but I don't buy into the "we can't help who we love" stuff. I've actually heard it used by gay/lesbian people to justify their lifestyle. What think ye?

I had a roommate who said this very thing about his ex-wife. The woman would show up, take him for everything he had (then try to rip me off). She did this twice before I moved out and lived in the back of my pickup for six months (peace & quiet at last!! ) . . . He allowed the drama and manipulation to take place in the name of "love" and claimed you don't control who "fall in love with."

It's simply not true. Spend the time to build a relationship with with someone and love will follow. God keeps our hearts also, so depending on the Lord and using good sense will allow a person to avoid the "love" that is probably just lust. Having the good sense to realize someone is using you is also a good idea.

[oldzimm]

Wow! this is a tougher question then it first seems. I think "Love" is a term that is used loosely and it shouldn't be. Somebody could say I love pizza, but what they really mean is they like the taste of pizza. Can you imagine somebody carrying a pizza around, just to be with it and protecting it at all cost because they love it. "Nothing comes between me and my pizza"

OK, OK now seriously I do think we can't help who we fall in "love" with and there is a difference of being in love with somebody or being attracted to somebody. Before we are born God has selected who our mate will be and I truly believe that. I can picture this guy meeting this girl somewhere on the street, God reaching down slapping him on the back of the head and saying "say something to her knucklehead, that is the mate I chose for you". (yes sometime men need a little help in these matters.)

Attraction is a different animal, we choose are friends by some sort of attraction, the same interest like sports, work, hobbies, etc. Attraction can be a dangerous animal if we become attracted to somebody of the opposite sex and let it turn into lust, so choose your friends wisely, specially if they are of the opposite sex.

Well that is my opinion of this topic, now I'm feeling hungry for pizza .

[mizzdy]

I do think we can 'help' who we fall in love with, its the lust part we seem to have problems with. Physical attraction is what 'brings' people together but thats a emotional reaction and whether we think so or not emotional and heart reactions are different, at least I see it that way. In some ways I see God using pharoahs reactions as emotional, reacting to whats happening at the moment and I do kinda seeing God wanting him to make a decision based not on emotions but on the heart of the matter. By hardening the heart pharoah was unable to make concrete decisions to do what was right even after seeing the plaques. We meet someone and soon enough we think we might be in love, sometimes we are reacting to situations or possiblities and not with some basic facts of it all, there was a reason God set up courtship or a waiting period between betrothed and marriage. None of seem to do that anymore allowing time for the relationship to grow and mature, so I do think we can 'help' who we fall in love with cuz if its real love people can wait and see if its real and lasting. And as some of us know some kinds of love is not always good for us. Just my nickels worth of thoughts.

[alex_31]

It may be that actual love is much more a decision and committment, rather than a feeling or impulse.

[mike2]

I think that if we look at 1Cor 13 and see the description of love we will see that love requires an effort.

Anyone that has been married or in a relationship for more than a couple of years knows that the stimulation of the initial attraction starts to subside. In fact there are times in relationships where you don't much like that person for some reason but the love that you are working on (see1Cor 13) sustains the relationship. The result is a deeper and stronger relationship and true love that is reciprocated.

I think a tired parent with teenagers going through puberty knows exactly what I mean.

Now liking some one, I don't think we have any control over that. For some reason we either like them or we don't.

We can love someone we don't like, we can love someone we don't know, especially in the context of these verses. How else can we step out into the world as the Lord calls us?

I don't know what to believe when I met my wife, whether it was love or an extreme case of like that turned into love as a result of getting to know her and the work of 1Cor 13 started having its effect.

I do believe that if one is married and looks to something exramarital, that it is based on carnal desire and it would be lust simply because somehow the work of loving their spouse has stopped and love is not present. We love because He first loved us (1John 4:19) the love we share is coming from God. i would question that in an extramarital affair or even that of the co-worker that seems to "fall in love" every month.

mike2

[Guest SDGS]

Well romantic love between a man and a women is not based only on physical appearance it is beyond feelings. True love takes time quite a bit of time together to really know the other person, how could it be any other way, how could you romantically love someone you don't know?

There is no such thing as love at first sight; there is lust at first sight, there is infatuation at first sight, but not love. So who we choose to spend our time with will end up being who we end up loving.

I do think we can be very strongly attracted to people who we don't know, but this is not love.

I respectfully disagree. There most certainly is love at first sight. Not for all, but it happens. I came home from college for the summer after my freshman year. I took a job, and that is where I met my (now ex) husband. He was sitting at a table talking to someone and I knew the second I looked at him, and he did as well, as our eyes met. It was a love so full and wonderful, and it certainly was not lust. We were inseparable, and married three months later. He was my soul mate.

After he left 20 years later, I never dated again nor had any desire to do so. He left for reasons known only to him, but I thank God for the 20 years he and I had together. It was love at first sight and we both knew it. No, we did not "act in lust", we did not become intimate until after we were married.

No, I don't believe one can "control" who they fall in love with. One may think they can control who they fall in love with, but one cannot control if that person falls in love with you.

I really do feel disturbed by what seems to be christians obsessed with gay folks. They somehow make it all about sex, which simply isn't true. I likely will never go to church because I find the hatred of gays to be something I cannot condone, and joining a church means I condone that hatred.

What has a gay person done to any of you, on a personal level? I believe churches have every right to refuse to marry a gay couple, but beyond that, it becomes a witch hunt. Love is good, and I believe that we all were created by God, as we are, and that includes all people.

[JCISGD]

I really do feel disturbed by what seems to be christians obsessed with gay folks. They somehow make it all about sex, which simply isn't true. I likely will never go to church because I find the hatred of gays to be something I cannot condone, and joining a church means I condone that hatred.

What has a gay person done to any of you, on a personal level? I believe churches have every right to refuse to marry a gay couple, but beyond that, it becomes a witch hunt. Love is good, and I believe that we all were created by God, as we are, and that includes all people.

hi SDGS, i dont think any true christian hates gays or anyone for that matter, but its naieve to think the private actions of others do not affect all of us. If we do or dont pray we are affecting the world. Homosexuals equally affect the world by giving themselves up to their impulses rather than obeying God.

Even if they do not all practice buggery, they all affect the young minds around them and will answer to God for that. Jesus has said if anyone stumbles a child they are better off dead. Because we are moral beings all our descisions have a moral component and we must give account for all of them.