Fulfilling biblical male and female roles

[nebula]

Well... I have to express extremely strong disapproval and disagreement with the author of that post. The notion that women would go around trying to be cheerful to make men happy makes me a little ill.

I can appreciate that thought - I still struggle with chronic depression issues. But I understand where the author is coming from in that it does no good for a marriage to have a sour-puss for a wife.

For what it is worth, though, I did consider editing those points out because its not good to hide your struggles, fears, and pains from your husband.

The idea that I would want, or any other man would want, a 'cheerleader' in a wife disturbs me. It's like the very worst of the 50s in a list.

How is it 50's for a woman to encourage and stand behind her man, build him up, make him feel like her top dog?

Why would you want a wife who does not do this? I mean, what alternative would you prefer? Nagging, criticizing, rejecting your decisions? Or not caring?

Being a "cheerleader" does not mean she's a mindless bimbo. But do you not want your wife to build you up? To make you feel like a stud?

If that offends you personally nebula, I apologize profusely- in truth I have a lot of respect for your thoughts. But, I did want to be honest, and it was hard to do that without being blunt about my reaction.

No, it does not offend me.

I am just highly puzzled that you do not believe men and women are different and have different needs.

(After all, have you ever see men flock together to the bathroom?)

[nebula]

thanks, nebula, .

I want my wife to be honest with me. If I do something dumb, or something sub-par, I don't want her feeling like she has to be pretend like I'm awesome. I don't want that at all. I want to know what her honest opinions are. I don't want someone fawning over me. Just thinking about that is unpleasant.

True. But don't you want to be her to regard you as her number one man?

[Guest Butero]

If a wife is not willing to follow her husband's lead, what kind of love is this to the man?

Apparently men can love women without submitting to them right? So I would suspect that she could love him and not submit to him. I can think of a lot of happy couples in which I would not identify submission either way occurring, but I don't suspect a lack of love for that. I find the concepts in this sort of stuff peculiar (wives submitting etc) to be honest, just from a personal point of view. Just to clarify in saying that, I am not commenting on the verses or making a theological pronouncement, only my personal reaction.

A friend posted this on FB, so I don't know the source. But I want to share it because in it's expression it shows the difference in how men and women need to be treated in marriage:

To my girls: Marry a man whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, he is not hard to please.

1. Admire him,

2. Cheer him on and

3. Show gratitude, and he will fall over himself trying to please you.

4. Smile often,

5. Speak well of him always, and

6. Do whatever necessary to try and maintain a pleasant mood about you so that it transfers to your home, making it a place where he and your children love to be.

7. You’ll have bad days of course, crying days even, and that’s when you go to your bedroom, kneel on the floor and (beg) ASK the Lord to carry you. Then get up, get a fresh perspective (crayons will come off the wall), and try again.

8. Above all else, make a home.

To my boys: Marry a woman whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, she may be hard to please only if you don’t know “the secret”. What is that? I’m glad you asked. The secret to pleasing your wife is:

1. To make her feel safe and

2. Treasured.

You may have to move out of your comfort zone to do this at times. She won’t always readily translate the oil change to love, though it means that.

But let me give you a “secret question”–a question you need to ask her often. It’s not just in the asking, though. Be sure to focus your eyes on hers, maybe even touch her shoulder or face, and then ask: “What’s on your mind these days? “ And then be ready to listen. She wants you to draw her out. She will perceive this as your protection over the matters of her heart.

1. Tenderness,

2. Listening,

3. Protection. That’s what she wants.

Well... I have to express extremely strong disapproval and disagreement with the author of that post. The notion that women would go around trying to be cheerful to make men happy makes me a little ill. The idea that I would want, or any other man would want, a 'cheerleader' in a wife disturbs me. It's like the very worst of the 50s in a list. If that offends you personally nebula, I apologize profusely- in truth I have a lot of respect for your thoughts. But, I did want to be honest, and it was hard to do that without being blunt about my reaction.

I hope you get or have a wife that is the exact opposite of everything on that list, so you will be happy. As for me, I like the way the family structure was in the 50s, and think that the list is great. To each his own.

[Sevenseas]

Being a "cheerleader" does not mean she's a mindless bimbo. But do you not want your wife to build you up? To make you feel like a stud?

I'm with Barry on this one... a stud? sorry for interrupting...guess I've seen too many horses

I guess my dad really messed me up when he told me I could think for myself....I'm a terrible actor

ps: I'll say too...please don't be offended...I don't mean it that way...I have a different view on things from time to time

[gdemoss]

Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

The husband is Christ in the home. The wife is as the church which is his body. The relationships ought be the same.

In light of this, I think Nebula's contribution to be rather close to that which ought to be expected. I know that I failed miserably in keeping this in mind and my own marriage has suffered greatly for it. The worst thing a man can do in his home is come to realize that he is supposed to be treated like Christ, then come to expect it from his wife and children.

[Guest Butero]

Being a "cheerleader" does not mean she's a mindless bimbo. But do you not want your wife to build you up? To make you feel like a stud?

I'm with Barry on this one... a stud? sorry for interrupting...guess I've seen too many horses

I guess my dad really messed me up when he told me I could think for myself....I'm a terrible actor

ps: I'll say too...please don't be offended...I don't mean it that way...I have a different view on things from time to time

When I read the comments made by Baryonoctet, I was having a hard time believing any man would say what he did? It actually made me think of an opinion you would give. I don't fully disagree with him on the idea that women shouldn't have to hide their feelings, and always be cheerful. Part of marriage is being able to confide in one another, so I had no problem with any of that, but when he went further and attacked the 50s, and the way things were back then, I couldn't let it go. If my wife is down, I am more than happy to discuss her feelings with her. At the same time, I don't want someone who is going to be a critic. I get enough of that mess in the world. She doesn't appreciate it if I do that to her either. I have also noticed that Baryonoctet doesn't even come into agreement with scripture with regard to Biblical submission. He acknowledged what scripture said, but seemed to have a personal problem with it?

I figure, if he wants a wife that goes around criticizing him, I hope that is exactly what he gets. If that makes him happy, more power to him. I am sure his wife would love it if he was critical of her, rather than being someone who is supportive of her.

It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Proverbs 21:9

The word brawling is from the Hebrew word medan, and it means discord, strife.

Someone who had really good teachings on marriage is the couple in Arkansas with the 18 kids.

[wingnut-]

Lol I don't think he endorsed a hostile wife, just one that is open and honest with him, personally I agree with him. Why does the opposite of what you prefer have to be the extreme?

[Guest Butero]

Lol I don't think he endorsed a hostile wife, just one that is open and honest with him, personally I agree with him. Why does the opposite of what you prefer have to be the extreme?

I took it as an assault on the traditional family, as it existed in the 1950s. That goes beyond just wanting honesty in marriage. I am great with honesty, so long as it isn't non-stop criticism.

[Guest Butero]

Being a "cheerleader" does not mean she's a mindless bimbo. But do you not want your wife to build you up? To make you feel like a stud?

I'm with Barry on this one... a stud? sorry for interrupting...guess I've seen too many horses

I guess my dad really messed me up when he told me I could think for myself....I'm a terrible actor

ps: I'll say too...please don't be offended...I don't mean it that way...I have a different view on things from time to time

When I read the comments made by Baryonoctet, I was having a hard time believing any man would say what he did? It actually made me think of an opinion you would give. I don't fully disagree with him on the idea that women shouldn't have to hide their feelings, and always be cheerful. Part of marriage is being able to confide in one another, so I had no problem with any of that, but when he went further and attacked the 50s, and the way things were back then, I couldn't let it go. If my wife is down, I am more than happy to discuss her feelings with her. At the same time, I don't want someone who is going to be a critic. I get enough of that mess in the world. She doesn't appreciate it if I do that to her either. I have also noticed that Baryonoctet doesn't even come into agreement with scripture with regard to Biblical submission. He acknowledged what scripture said, but seemed to have a personal problem with it?

I figure, if he wants a wife that goes around criticizing him, I hope that is exactly what he gets. If that makes him happy, more power to him. I am sure his wife would love it if he was critical of her, rather than being someone who is supportive of her.

It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Proverbs 21:9

The word brawling is from the Hebrew word medan, and it means discord, strife.

Someone who had really good teachings on marriage is the couple in Arkansas with the 18 kids.

I don't know why you think my commentary entails that we go around criticizing each other all day. I am blessed to have a very nice wife. One thing that I have liked about her, since the beginning, is her genuineness. If she really thinks something is the case, she won't pretend that she thinks otherwise, that doesn't mean she is rude about it. And the upside about that is that she doesn't play games, either. In all truth, in all the time we've been together, I can't think of a single instance that I would tag as 'nagging'. What I want, what I have always liked in relationships, be they with gfs or friends, is for the other person to be able to be themselves. That's fundamentally why I dislike these lists.

That is good, but what did you mean by "worst of the 50s?" A lot of people attack the family as portrayed in that decade, but it was much better than the way things are today.

[wingnut-]

Lol I don't think he endorsed a hostile wife, just one that is open and honest with him, personally I agree with him. Why does the opposite of what you prefer have to be the extreme?

I took it as an assault on the traditional family, as it existed in the 1950s. That goes beyond just wanting honesty in marriage. I am great with honesty, so long as it isn't non-stop criticism.

Well I agree non-stop criticism is not fun, my former marriage went right along those lines. I'm not sure where you got the idea he was assaulting traditional marriage simply by saying he didn't want a cheerleader, but I suppose we all interpret comments differently. When I think of a cheerleader in the traditional sense, my first thought is how annoying it would be to find myself confined to a small space with one, I hope Pom-poms aren't included