Legalistic past makes church hard nowadays!!

[jasil]

I won't write a book, but maybe someone here has some insight or experience in the realm of legalistic churches/cults. I grew up quasi religious mandatory church periodically and then catholic schools. Like many I partied and acted crazy in my teen years with all the regrets that behavior brings.

 

I was really searching by 21 after living a life fulfilling only worldly desires I craved more real meaning in life. I prayed the only way I knew how by saying Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be prayers (catholic ones for those that aren't familiar}! Shortly after I as invited to a church by some young men who promised it would be different from anything I had ever seen, and he as right as I soon found out.

 

It was multi cultural, white, black, asian, young, old, very upbeat, and everyone was participating. The messages were bold and convicting and I felt as if this was it this was my calling and what I had been searching for, a purpose for being here.  After rigorous studies and subsequential baptism I was a member and believed the doctrine 100%. From all night prayer chains, to not working on Sunday, evangelizing with 100 people a week, street corner preaching, bible studies with strangers, making disciples, my whole life was "church" based. I would say God based, but there was so much expectation which led the the church's demise I'll use "church" instead. Of course I thought it was all God's work at this time, but looking back I see it differently. A true 10% gross income tithe and one time yearly church planting tithe of 23 times your weekly. No cursing, no dating out of church, no un chapperoned dates, no cigarettes, no alcohol 1 drink limit, constant keeping in check of ommissionary and commissionary sins and 100% participation by all members. I could go on and on

 

This church was the ICOC and it has scarred me for life!  I finally left after 9 years and have had a really hard time with faith and especially going to a church. I've been to 4 in 8 years and they all seem so watered down because my past experience was so strict and legalistic.

 

I've been struggling for so long it's really aggravating any advice on how to get past this? My main issues or the hypocrisy I see in normal churches, the lack of accountability, and then doctrine (I struggle with every piece what is 100% correct) and that all stems from my past.

 

Thanks for the help, advice, and prayers. Going to church tomorrow so

Edited December 1, 2013 by jasil

[other one]

We share some of the same experiences.  I looked for 20+ years for a church that taught what I considered 100% truth, and decided that wasn't possible for one day while listening to most of the new testament on cd I realized that some of the letters Paul was writing to the churches was due to some of the things the churches were doing and teaching even back then.   So I went back to a church that we had attended before even though we probably will never be members we go there to worship largely because the people there love each other so.  They extend that Love to us even though we don't agree with everything the church calls doctrine.

 

We are pleased with the decision and have been for several years.  That would be a Nazarene church.   You might check it out.    We've been to several as we moved over the years and they were all basically the same.

[Fez]

My church life makes it hard to answer post like yours, mainly because my experience has always been exactly the opposite. I attend a small church of about 60 families and most people who visit or come on a regular basis all say the same thing. There is a feeling of love and peace and fellowship amongst us that they have seldom seen.

We are a family, and like any family occasionally disagree, but we always resolve the problem with grace and move on.

The bottom line is that if the Holy Spirit is not present in all of the church's workings, it will eventually fail. I have seen this many times around us with other churches.

[Willa]

The church you were in does not sound like a cult. In fact on the surface it sounds very good. The problem is that you did those things because others told you to and not because God put a desire in your heart to do them.

Each church must be weighed on its own merit, mine or others. Normally the Nazarene church might be a good choice, but the one in our are has become a very liberal church that does not adhere to Christian doctirine like the Trinity. My own church is extremely good and has excellent Bible teaching, but again not all of my denomination are the best, either. You should pray and ask God to take you where He wants you.

[missmuffet]

http://churchrelevance.com/qa-list-of-all-christian-denominations-and-their-beliefs/

 

Here is a good website and what the different religions believe.

[jasil]

@Willimina and others thank you!

[LadyKay]

The church you were in does not sound like a cult. In fact on the surface it sounds very good. The problem is that you did those things because others told you to and not because God put a desire in your heart to do them.

Each church must be weighed on its own merit, mine or others. Normally the Nazarene church might be a good choice, but the one in our are has become a very liberal church that does not adhere to Christian doctirine like the Trinity. My own church is extremely good and has excellent Bible teaching, but again not all of my denomination are the best, either. You should pray and ask God to take you where He wants you.

Sorry to go off topic for a sec. But I find what you say about your local Nazarene church upsetting. I have gone to the Nazarene church my whole life, and they have always believed in the Trinity. As my understanding It is part of the church doctrine. So to hear that a branch of the church no longer adheres to the teaching of the Trinity tells me something has gone wrong somehow. I would like to learn more about this, please PM me if you like.

Again sorry to go off topic.

[GoldenEagle]

<snip>

 

This church was the ICOC and it has scarred me for life!  I finally left after 9 years and have had a really hard time with faith and especially going to a church. I've been to 4 in 8 years and they all seem so watered down because my past experience was so strict and legalistic.

 

I've been struggling for so long it's really aggravating any advice on how to get past this? My main issues or the hypocrisy I see in normal churches, the lack of accountability, and then doctrine (I struggle with every piece what is 100% correct) and that all stems from my past.

 

Thanks for the help, advice, and prayers. Going to church tomorrow so

Welcome to the forums jasil.

 

You are not alone. Praying for you to find a Gospel preaching, Christ-centered, grace-filled local church where you can grow in your walk with Christ and other Believers.

How did the visit to a new church go this week?

I read up on the ICOC here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Churches_of_Christ

God bless,

GE

[Guest Butero]

The one thing I am having the most trouble understanding is how this church experience scarred you for life?  It sounds like a great deal was expected of church members, but it doesn't seem like this would damage anyone, but I realize you probably just hit the highlights? 

 

My experience is that most of the churches today have gone so out of their way to flee from the legalism label, they have let down all standards.  That is why I have had trouble finding a church.  There needs to be something in between a church that requires all your church did and the anything goes churches of today.  I believe they exist, but are just hard to find.  A lot of the things you described taking place at your church sounded good, but not as a requirement to be saved. 

[sweethomeliving]

It has been my experience that many, if not most believers don't fully accept that they are 100% saved by the works of Jesus and not by their own works.

 

When this is the case, they use biblical instruction on holiness as a standard of whether or not they are saved rather than as a lifestyle to foster after being saved as they were intended. Anyone who questions their own salvation, wonders if they are "good enough" for heaven or considers themselves in need of improvement before they can be totally accepted by God picks up on the legalistic attitudes of others who also doubt the validity of their salvation and uses these as a justification for their own doubts.

 

Churches can become legalistic in culture this way, despite holding to doctrines and teachings on grace.

 

I also have seen how people with little inner strength and self-esteem see others as more "spiritual" than themselves and feel that they need to do what they do in order to be accepted. It's often difficult for people to seperate acceptance by people from acceptance by God.

 

Most churches can be a wonderful place for fellowship and growth if we can only see through this trap and once-and-for-all believe what the Scriptures plainly state about our acceptance by God through faith in Christ.