Dealing with past emotional anger with father

[Kevin1971]

Hello Kevin!!

Welcome to worthy.

there is nothing God can not do,

the Joy of the Lord is our strenght,

devil is a liar,and for this very purpose the Son of God was made manifest,that He might destroy the works of the devil,

You have to forgive your dad,no matter what,

Jesus said,if we did not forgive men there trespasses against us,neither will our heavenly father forgive us,

you have to find a place in your heart and forgive your dad,and also ask him to forgive you,

you need his blessing to move forward in life,

bitternesss is a hinderance,

i know it is not easy,ask God to grant you the grace to forgive and forget,

you will always be in my prayers.

may the good God bless you,as you forgive and forget.

Thank you brother.  I want to be that man and find that forgiveness.  But I also know, he is someone that even if I do find that peace in heart towards, have to keep my distance from at the end.  He is genuinely that toxic a person.  I do not believe that Jesus or God ever intended in finding forgiveness in our hearts (which I feel means housing no malice or hatred) as meaning to have to sit down with those that would bring not only themselves down, but happy to pull you down with them as well.  My dad is such a person.  I've prayed for him all my life and found that his only contribution, literally aside from making monkey, was to shiphon off your spiritual vitality, happiness, and positive outlook.  There might be a problem that upon some reflection can be readily addressed, and with hope and determination and faith, handled.  With my father, it is the end of the world, you are to blame for it, and will be cursed at out of his moronic stupidity of not understaning he is self-projecting his warped fears onto the world and taking it out on those that would otherwise tolerate him and have shown repeatedly a love quite frankly he has repeatedly taken for granted or even oddly dispised.  I love Christ and his teachings.  I am a flawed human being and far from the grace of Jesus, and this is why I want to find a way to forgive, but unless my father miraculously turns his own life around to God, want nothing to do with him.  There are few people I know that can manage to turn a moment of celebration in a long-standing sour-filled moment of disappointment and sadness and leave many feeling like garbage at the end.  I refuse to believe God wants us to suffer with those people who have shown over and over again their refusal to acknolwege their own failings and change it for the better.  That is my father's burden to bear and take ownership of in having a victory over.  He either wants that or not.  And he is in love with his self-hate that he projects.  I might forgive him for that--and hope and pray sincerely to God for that.  But I will not let my guard down with him and let him into my heart with all his hate and vileness, especially with my own family.  That is where I draw a firm line.  A man knows when he's done wrong and needs to change for the better.  You can own up to that or decide to remain weak and give in to hate and the glorifcation of evil.  For me, the more I've been hurt, even after a bad moment, where I will retreat into a dark place temporarily to take stock, I then want to give out more love!  It made me angry to have given in to a violent act that my father has done often throughout my upbringing.  it disgusted me.  I wish I was the stronger man at that moment and just walked away instead of letting my ego get provoked and let instead God take over.  I failed at so doing.  For that I ask God his forgiveness and to find it for my father.  But this is a deep wound and will take time to heal.  I realize me being around my father is just constantly opening up anew old wounds and adding to them new ones.  It's not healthy being around him or having him around those I love.  My biggest fear is he would say something to the little ones as he said to me.  God help that ever from happening.  I find it the most dispicable lowly of spiritually-bankrupt minds and hearts to ever hurt a child--be it physically or mentally.

 

So yes, bother, please keep praying for me!  I need that and welcome it.  May the peace of God be with you.  Thank you.

[Cog]

Isaiah 43:18 Does your flesh still ache? Well then why does your mind? You shouldn't dwell on the bad things -- you know why bad things happen: because no one is perfect. Dwelling on negativity can ruin your pyche, and your spirit, and thus your body, so don't do it. If you are wondering why bad things happen to good people, it is because we are all in this place together. There is only one reality and if you allow yourself to dwell on the pain of reality then you will suffer the pain of reality. And it really is that simple: think happy thoughts - not bad thoughts. Also, try to forgive him so you can be forgiven, and if he is ever mean again, try to help him, instead of yourself.

[ncn]

Kevin , as you now have seven posts, I have moved your thread to a more appropriate forum. 

 

God Bless. 

Nigel. 

[other one]

Keven,  I don't know of any words that will make the hurt just go away, but keep in mind that the anger you retain truly hurts no one but yourself.

 

For your own sake you need to ask the Lord to help you just let it go.    There really isn't anything you can do to change the past, and there are not words to make it really go away......    but if you harbor that anger it is you and only you that will be hurt.

 

Just get in your closet and close the door and put it into Gods hands.....   if there is retribution that needs to be handed out let Him do the handing....     just don't let your father mess up your adult life as he did your childhood.

 

Simply lay it into Gods hands.

[Guest]

Praying~!

[kwikphilly]

Blessings Kevin....

     Welcome to Worthy.......I am glad you were able to vent & let off some team  here but there is far more steam inside that really needs cooling down,you are right to say you are a grown man & should be able to let it go........this is true.My heart aches for you that you had to go through that kind of abuse as a child but it is over......though your dad still is the same,you are an adult that can make the right choices now & you can re-act to his ignorant words or not.......You are never going to be able to do these things by your own efforts ,my Brother...only by surrendering self to Christ without reservations & putting God first in your life will you find your freedom.

     I am sorry I will not pat you on the head & say"It is okay because you have been hurt".....I can put my arms around you & tell you " I love you,Jesus loves you but it is you that needs to renew your mind" I will always tell you the truth or I would not be loving you or doing you any good.My Brother,it is not okay to call your father names & it is not okay to slap him.....you said you would rather die than to say a 10th of what he has to your loved ones.........we are to love even our enemies,so would that not make your father your loved one?

     Please,understand that I am not judging you ,,,understand I do not say anything here without the hope in Christ that you be encouraged that you can be the man you want to be,you can be filled with love,self control,forgiveness,peace & joy.........in Jesus,get back into Gods Word,seek an intimacy with our Lord & cast your cares on Him........read in Ephesians where you must put on Gods Full Armor & pick up His Sword of the Spirit that you can withstand the fiery darts of the enemy ,the enemy is having a field day with you & you can stand on the position of Victory in Christ ,You can walk softly in spirit & in truth & by the Power of the Holy Spirit you can be a new creature in Christ Jesus

     I am praying for you & will continue to do so........don't block Gods Blessings,ask Him to soften your heart that you may receive ........

                                                                                                                            With love-in Christ-Kwik

[alien224]

Hi kevin welcome! I could say the same of my father. He now has alzhiemers. He still tries to rule the roost by verbal and physical abuse. I PRAY for him and especially for my mom whom he constantly berates and treats very abusively

I have no answers. It seems the older he gets the worse he is. I have tried to forgive him but always feel I really haven't forgiven him. I just pray for them and try to keep my distance. I help when I can and when I can't I don't. God is in control of all things. We learn alot through our struggles.

[Kevin1971]

Blessings Kevin....

     Welcome to Worthy.......I am glad you were able to vent & let off some team  here but there is far more steam inside that really needs cooling down,you are right to say you are a grown man & should be able to let it go........this is true.My heart aches for you that you had to go through that kind of abuse as a child but it is over......though your dad still is the same,you are an adult that can make the right choices now & you can re-act to his ignorant words or not.......You are never going to be able to do these things by your own efforts ,my Brother...only by surrendering self to Christ without reservations & putting God first in your life will you find your freedom.

     I am sorry I will not pat you on the head & say"It is okay because you have been hurt".....I can put my arms around you & tell you " I love you,Jesus loves you but it is you that needs to renew your mind" I will always tell you the truth or I would not be loving you or doing you any good.My Brother,it is not okay to call your father names & it is not okay to slap him.....you said you would rather die than to say a 10th of what he has to your loved ones.........we are to love even our enemies,so would that not make your father your loved one?

     Please,understand that I am not judging you ,,,understand I do not say anything here without the hope in Christ that you be encouraged that you can be the man you want to be,you can be filled with love,self control,forgiveness,peace & joy.........in Jesus,get back into Gods Word,seek an intimacy with our Lord & cast your cares on Him........read in Ephesians where you must put on Gods Full Armor & pick up His Sword of the Spirit that you can withstand the fiery darts of the enemy ,the enemy is having a field day with you & you can stand on the position of Victory in Christ ,You can walk softly in spirit & in truth & by the Power of the Holy Spirit you can be a new creature in Christ Jesus

     I am praying for you & will continue to do so........don't block Gods Blessings,ask Him to soften your heart that you may receive ........

                                                                                                                            With love-in Christ-Kwik

Thank you, and yes please keep me in your prayers!  Have a blessed day!

[Kevin1971]

Hi kevin welcome! I could say the same of my father. He now has alzhiemers. He still tries to rule the roost by verbal and physical abuse. I PRAY for him and especially for my mom whom he constantly berates and treats very abusively

I have no answers. It seems the older he gets the worse he is. I have tried to forgive him but always feel I really haven't forgiven him. I just pray for them and try to keep my distance. I help when I can and when I can't I don't. God is in control of all things. We learn alot through our struggles.

I agree, and I wanted to add, I had a grandmother who suffere Alzhiemers.  She was the sweetest woman you would have ever meant.  At the end she became a very angry person, easily annoyed.  They called it "Alzhiemer's rage."  The doctor said the part of the prefrontal cortex that normally controls impusle and regulates appropriate emotional responses often decays, sadly, and this is why these sufferes have the inappropriate and negative emotional outbursts.  with her, she once cursed me, but I knew that was not her at all and had only the deepest compassion for her.  I knew that was not her spirit, which was being taken away by that horrible disease.  But with a person already angry and mean-spirited, I think that personality only gets worse with the disease.  I will pray for you Ailen.  Try to connect with good family members and friends and get support.  I realized too that I had not done that in a while and was also trying to control circumstances that are beyond my control and I have to lean more on God and my faith.  And just walk away when these things happen.  I wish I had a couple days ago.  I think that is best and try to commune with God to be calm and centered.

 

God bless.

[B3L13v3R]

Hi Kevin, welcome to Worthy!
                                                   Praying for you, your family, your parents.

Early on in my walk with Jesus Christ, I had a number that I was bitter against as well. The reasons varied, all would be considered legitimate reasons by this worlds standard, but not God's standard.
As a new Born Again Christian, Jesus Christ worked on revealing the Truth found in these Scripture verses:

Matt 6:14 For if ye *forgive men their **trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
Matt 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

I KNEW I had to forgive, and yet in my own strength I knew I could not.
At that point, I asked God to give me the strength I needed to forgive them. At that very moment, He did!
And I forgave them. Truly a burden was lifted from me that I could not carry, nor was I meant to do so.
It did not change them, but truly I was free. As the years have been along, I have prayed for the same if they were still alive, and have been able to witness to them of Christ and His forgiveness should they repent and believe on Jesus Christ, God the Son.

God can fill the gap, and teach us things as adults that our natural father and mother should have done when we were younger.
I am a testimony to the above and God is no respecter of persons. What He has done for me He can do for anyone, and desires to do so, if we will but submit to Him and learn His ways.

Psalm 27:10-14
10) When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.
11) Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.
12) Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.
13) I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
14) Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Kevin, you are right about your children, they can be hurt emotionally. If his outburst and cursing were to continue, it would be best to keep them away from your father.
Perhaps there is a way to have your mom see your children alone without him.
Do  what you can to do to aid and honor them in their age. You need not be a doormat, and may be what stands between heaven and hell for him at this point.

Pray before you go, and while you are there, ask the Lord to bring His peace and to stay the enemy.

Others have given good advice, some of it brought again here.
You need not fall into elder abuse with your father, cursing him back, looking to set your dad straight in his older age.
I sincerely hope you have repented of this, and ask God for strength to never continue on that endeavor.
While his mouth calls for blows, they are not yours to give. An eternity of torment awaits him presently. Keep him in prayer for salvation, hoping that he may repent before he dies.
Continue to keep your downtrodden mother in prayer as well.
I'm glad you recognized the cultist mindset you were raised in. Prayerfully get to reading the Bible again, asking God to show His Truths rightly divided.

Please consider this as well :

Matt 22:37-40
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Noah Webster's 1828 Dictionary:

*FORGIVE, v.t. forgiv'. pret. forgave; pp. forgiven. [L. remitto. See Give.]
 1. To pardon; to remit, as an offense or debt; to overlook an offense, and treat the offender as not guilty. The original and proper phrase is to forgive the offense, to send it away, to reject it, that is, not to impute it, [put it to] the offender. But by an easy transition, we also use the phrase, to forgive the person offending.
 Forgive us our debts.
 If we forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. Mat 6.
 As savages never forget a favor, so they never forgive an injury.
 It is to be noted that pardon, like forgive, may be followed by the name or person, and by the offense; but remit can be followed by the offense only. We forgive or pardon the man, but we do not remit him.
 2. To remit as a debt, fine or penalty.

**TRES'PASS, (in part)
4. To intrude; to go too far; to put to inconvenience by demand or importunity; as, to trespass upon the time or patience of another.
 TRES'PASS, n. In law, violation of another's rights, not amounting to treason, felony, or misprision of either. Thus to enter another's close, is a trespass; to attack his person is a trespass. When violence accompanies the act, it is called a trespass vi et armis.
 1. Any injury or offense done to another.
 If ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Mat 6.
 2. Any voluntary transgression of the moral law; any violation of a known rule of duty; sin. Col 2.
 You hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins. Eph 2.

FORGIV'ENESS, n. forgiv'ness.
 1. The act of forgiving; the pardon of an offender, by which he is considered and treated as not guilty. The forgiveness of enemies is a christian duty.
 2. The pardon or remission of an offense or crime; as the forgiveness of sin or of injuries.
 3. Disposition to pardon; willingness to forgive.
 And mild forgiveness intercede to stop the coming blow.
 4. Remission of a debt, fine or penalty.