what is the hardest thing you had to forgive?

another_poster · May 19, 2015

A woman, whose name escapes me now, suffered through a Nazi concentration camp as a child, lost most of her family including her brother who she was closest to... spoke of later life when her husband announced he was leaving her for another woman. She said her husband hurt her more than the other losses she survived.

I find this interesting but strange. Obviously she has a right to her reactions that way, but I am absolutely certain the loss of a child (for instance, God forbid) would be orders of magnitude more painful than the infidelity of a spouse for me.

Obviously losing a brother as this woman did is awful but I think the hurt from the spouse comes from the fact that they are supposed to love you and care for you. It is that betrayal that causes the pain. People don't expect much of the Nazis. It is the emotional pain that tends to hurt most I find.

Littlelambseativy · May 19, 2015

Once we learn to forgive ourselves I think it is easier to forgive others...we can see them through our own failings and then forgive as God forgives us.

creativemechanic · May 26, 2015

A woman, whose name escapes me now, suffered through a Nazi concentration camp as a child, lost most of her family including her brother who she was closest to... spoke of later life when her husband announced he was leaving her for another woman. She said her husband hurt her more than the other losses she survived.

Priorities. Priorities priorities

Joshua-777 · May 28, 2015

For me, I had nightmares for years that were demonic. I was praying to get rid of them and couldn't get free. One night I was praying and heard, forgive your step-dad in my heart. Now, that rose up some anger because of the abuse I grew up under. He I grew up under verbal and sometimes physical abuse while my sister was sexually abused. I told God there is no way I'm going to forgive him, then He spoke really clear, "you were just as guilty". At that moment I surrendered it to the Lord and forgave him. The next day I started to have another one of those dreams but in the dream I rebuked it in Jesus name and it left for good. That was the hardest thing I've had to forgive, but there is so much freedom when we do.

Openly Curious · May 28, 2015

Well for me forgiveness has been an ongoing thing. I find that I have to keep doing it over and over again when memories resurface and serious psycholocial issues arise it seem out of no where and you have to deal with them. Those things can only be fixed and healed as God allows it to in His time. When things resurface I'm faced with rememembering and "beautiful still hurts me". I find myself having to forgive again and again. It's not because I didn't forgive those the first time from my heart in the face of Jesus's forgiveness he extended to me for my own sins which I use to think for the longest time I didn't forgive them cause I still suffered but I knew I really did forgive those who wronged me.

But I've found that I had to learn to walk in forgivenesss when things resurfaces. I have to release it all a new all over again, all the pain and everything else that comes along with it all over again. I don't feel comfortable with revealing the details of things but damage done is sometimes permanent for life it doesn't go away. Some days of coping is good other times it's the pits with the capitol "P". Memories resurface and I remember all over again Ptsd is triggered and it profoundly affects me until it passes sometimes hospital stays. I have forgiven those who done the wrong but I have to keep forgiving as Satan sees to it those things done are to destroy my life by way of rememberance. I can't forget or change the damage but I can continue to forgive as Jesus taught me too 70 times 70 if need be. But I can say I have grown in this fight with some help from you guys here.

Matthew T. · May 28, 2015

For what this may be worth:

I just came through an ordeal close to a decade in length. During that time I was unknowingly taken to a very dARk place and educated in humANity. And by the way, I was educated by the bESt. before this I was a very simple fellow, ignorant of most things with a very pure, simple faith. My eduCAtors changed all of that. God allowed it. And for close to ten years I have been asking Him why He would allow such things to happen to anyone on this earth, let alone me and many of those whom I love. As of today, May 27th, 2015, I know why... Finally, I know why.

You want to know what was hardest for me to forgive? humANity. All of it. Everyone, including myself, all of you, everyone. humANity courses through the veins of every man and woman, born again or not. And it's ugly... gruesome and ugly. nasty beyond anything you've ever imagined. Have you ever been allowed a glimpse behind the veil of pure eVil? What? You didn't know there's a veil? Of course there is! How do you think such putrid eVil disguises itSelf among us...within us, the way iT does? iT's deceptive. iT lies. iT hides. iT pretends to be other things. iT uses. iT steals. iT mocks you in your efforts. iT stares back at you when you look in the mirror. iT strokes itSElf as it smiles and makes jokes with you in conversation that you pretend is innocent. iT takes and uses, abuses your spouse. iT takes the fountains of your youth and grossly indulges in iT's satisfactions. iT uses everyone until there's nothing left, then leaves you for dead. iT gets very up close and personal and there's not one square inch of you that goes untouched by iT's morbid hands while sickness and disease spew from iT's mouth. I could tell you so much more about this...so called humANity... the people we really are when no one else is looking... how everyone would be willing to take your most valuable treasures and use them for their own pleasure before tHEy cast them to the swine if tHEy knew tHEy would not be caught. I could tell you so much more about this darKNess that seeks out every one of us looking for places to manifest iT's ancient perversions... but what I could tell you would leave any boundary of decency far behind.

Before this ordeal, in my simplicity and ignorance, forgiveness was easy. I never took it personally. I could always see the need of the lost to be loved and I had ample supply straight from God. But then I was educated and have for years now, been unable to reconcile myself with what I have come to know of people... of myself... until today.

Today? It's not about forgiveness for me. To balance the books I have come to know, I had to find something past forgiveness... and that is love. Pay attention or you'll miss that very short word that's bigger than any other thing you'll ever see here on this earth or the Hubble Telescope: Love. I'm not talking about what man has made of love...the normal understanding man has of love. I'm talking about real love where-with the ONLY place ANY human being can find this love is from God, Almighty. Only HE has REAL LOVE. And fortunate for me, He's willing to give It away... He has an eternal supply of it that man will never fully comprehend.

The reason I could not reconcile what I was educated to know is that I thought I had to abandon my intelligence to do so... to somehow just set aside everything I've come to know and focus only on God. Pardon me? But that's not worth a squat. It's all poppy-cock in that it is faaar too shallow a thing to ever work within the mind and heart of the knowing.

But come to find out? I don't have to abandon my intelligence at all. I can even actually operate within it, stealthily even, to accomplish what God wants done, which has also just today, become what I want done also, because now I have a God-given purpose for all the eVil I have been made aware. I can see the need... know their schemes, see what they really want, and work to turn them to Jesus within it all, and remain completely unknown to them. Maybe they'll look back at some point and realize what happened? Maybe not. The main thing is, I was allowed to go all this way, very deep into enEmy territory, to learn thEir ways and how to discern thEir innermost motives. In this way I don't have to feel the fool because tHEy desire to use me. I see it. THEy won't know I see it. tHAt's what will enable me to give them some light in their very dark places. God's love is the only Light worth having... the only thing that will shine in their darKNess... and now, I have the knowledge, the mind and the heart to give It where before all I could do is strike back in anger.

Sooo... That's all a bit intense and a bit much to be just landing in a thread on a message forum. I know this is over most everyone's head to understand. There's no way to understand this unless you've been taken by the enEmy as I have. I kind of hope that all of you never do come to understand these things that I've just barely touched on. That means you'll be ignorant of this and I mean it when I say, ignorance truly is bliss.

But may God's will be done in a hurting and dark, dARk world. For the one in ten million this information will benefit, here it is. May God continue te lead, guide and protect us all mentally, physically and spiritually all the remaining days of our lives. To God only be any honor, praise and glory in all things, at all times. Amen...

Edited to add: Please don't think me saying this to stand out as anyone of note. I am not. Far from it. My name matters not. My face matters not. You can take the most ignorant of people with normal intelligence and educate them. That's all I am...someone that's been educated in humANity. Please, never think anything more or less of me. May God determine your own journeys, tests and trials. And I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy... unless it was to their own profit. May God only be the judge of such things.