missmuffet Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.81 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2015 Thank you. Sorry for the rant I just don't know what to do anymore but keep praying,, Bo peep I honestly don't know where he is 90% of the time, sometimes I get lucky and over hear a conversation then I kinda know what's going on, and I believe he is just wasting time here and there that sorta stuff, guy stuff I suppose. I've tried talking to him on several occasions about how that feels but it goes thru one ear and out the other, then hurt is piled on top on hurt and the cycle never ends. I've cried, got mad, pleaded, even tried the 40 day love dare, I'm a a complete loss and I'm a woman and it's hard to pretend you have no emotions when you feel so alone and frustrated. Problem is my heart is hardening towards him and I know it's a survival instinct in order to deal with it everyday, but then he says I'm cold, I can't win. Always feel like I'm doing something wrong or if I was prettier or skinnier or I tried harder. I did get to the point I realize it's his character and not mine and when satan reminds me of he don't love you that I rebuke it and try to think happier things only for him to come home and pretend I don't exist and confirm what Satan says, then I try to overlook it and pray and try to get through the night. To many years this has gone on and it takes a toll on you on anyone I would believe. I try not to take it personally now but it has messed with my head mentally and emotionally. My end game is I hope I get to see Jesus when I die and it will all be worth it, but afraid I'll lose my faith in this war because sometimes I just want to give up. God wants you to have peace.He does not want you to be a human doormat.If you do not know where he is and you say he is not with another woman?You can try your darnest to get skinnier or try to change your appearance but it will not matter.It is his hardened heart.You have a choice you can either stay in this relationship or you can get out.It would probably shock him if you told him you are leaving and getting a legal separation.Is this man your husband?Does he proclaim to be a Christian? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezra Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 16 Topic Count: 134 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 8,142 Content Per Day: 2.35 Reputation: 6,612 Days Won: 20 Joined: 11/02/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2015 I got a question and I'm really struggling with this lately. " he don't care about me or my feelings, so why should I keep pretending he does" this keeps running thru my head, several years of marriage, turning the other cheek, I keep forgiving and overlooking this and that, but it's a daily battle,... I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. It would appear that there is a spiritual battle in your home, but you need to bring others into this and see how it can be resolved. Do you have a church you attend? If so you should go to the pastor and elders and tell them that you need a resolution to this situation. It would help if at least a couple of mature Christian men in your church could sit down with both of you and ask your husband what the problem is. More importantly does he know the Lord and does he see how God can change his heart and attitude? Either your husband will get saved and become a true Christian husband, or you might have to depart and take care of your own emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.81 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2015 Or seek a Christian counselor and seek advice and help from that individual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pro1728 Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 49 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/14/2015 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/01/1974 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Hi, You know, I made a friend through another Christian website. As she said, "There are no coincidences with God." Who would think that some hick in AZ would have more in common with a lady in Trinidad than any friends here? We talked a long time Friday (Skype.) She is a solid Christian and she was going through just about what you are going through. The stress and depression was wrecking her mental and physical health completely. Her migraines from the stress made it impossible for her to keep her high level job. She couldn't sleep without a drawer full of medication. Now, here's the thing...I would be really cautious about...hmm...affirming, I guess, something that the Bible doesn't directly support. (I talked in length with my mom about this--very wise woman of God.) But this lady really felt that God showed in small and big ways over and over again, that she was free to leave. She said this verse kept coming to mind, and to her it had a personal message: 1 Corinthians 10:13New American Standard Bible (NASB) 13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. One does need to be very cautious taking anything as a "sign" or taking verses out of context, but she felt it was very clear. I can't speak for that, only to reflect her personal experience. Two weeks later she could sleep through the night without any medication and her migraines have lessened. She only regrets not doing that sooner. She told me again and again she wasn't telling me to do the same...but for her it seemed the right choice. Wing-nut had said to me something about the Bible not saying it's a sin to divorce for anything other than infidelity, but that remarrying would be. I've thought a lot about that. Better to be alone with some peace of mind that living in torment with somebody else. From the lips of the wisest person I know, (mom), pray a LOT and don't do anything drastic until you really feel God leading you. (((Hugs))) Sis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pro1728 Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 49 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/14/2015 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/01/1974 Share Posted June 8, 2015 P.S. I'm proud of you for having the courage to share this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D-Dawn Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 10 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 277 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 270 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/13/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/23/1967 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I'm in a troubled marriage too GLM (GodLovesMe)...and I know the stress...the indecision...the wishing/hoping it will get better etc. My husband, whom I'm not convinced is truly saved, is a hard drinker. When he's sober he goes on about wanting to give us a good life yada yada...when he is drinking...nobody loves him...I don't love him...he's going to (insert cursing here) leave me...blah blah blah. We've only been married 4 years. And thankfully for me, I was single until I was 44. Which means I'm not afraid to be alone again. I did fine before...I'd be fine again. Based on my experience, I would advise you to take care of YOURSELF...and work on YOURSELF. Instead of your walk with God being so much about your marriage...focus on your 1-on-1 relationship with Him. You are HIS child no matter what. Foster that relationship above all others. That is the relationship that matters most...or should...to all of us. Don't let your husband's lack of growth keep you from growing. Also, be your own woman. If you want to join a bowling league (or whatever)...just do it. If you want to see a movie..go without him if he snubs you. Grow closer to your woman friends...friends who will drag you closer to Jesus...not farther away. Are there any hobbies you'd like to try? Do it! If you normally cook dinner for him...tell him when it will be served. If he's not home, he can feed himself. That's not being mean to him...it's just showing him you are not his slave or doormat. If you wanna have a couple friends over...have them come over. If you wanna go spend the night with one of the girls...do it. Do things that make you stronger and less dependent upon your husband. If you are needy...stop it. Don't give him the satisfaction or the pressure to be your whole world. In my marriage, it is my husband who tends to be the needy one of us two...and it drives me nuts. If a few hours have gone by in a day and I haven't hugged him yet...he points it out and stands there in front of me waiting for a hug. ACK! I always tell him, if you want to hug me...just come do it. He's a long haul trucker...and he is the most hard working man I know...but when he's home he rarely does anything on his own. He has no hobbies, no buddies away from work, he doesn't fish or hunt...he needs to do something so I am not the only source of his happiness. He has no outside interests...but work and home. It's hard to take interest in his activities if he doesn't have any. lol I only share all of this to show you how you need to be your own person...have your own friends, activities, and events. If he wants to come too...ok, whatever. If he doesn't want to come..ok,.. have a great time without him. Not only will you become stronger and more independent, but you will likely cause him to respect you just a bit more. That may not change his heart, but he will at least see you as a strong woman. My husband is still fun to be with and is actually with me...not somewhere in his own world...but it sounds like your husband doesn't want to connect in any way at this point. Well, you can't force him too. In fact, the more you explain your wants/needs to a resistant person, the less likely they will want to do what you ask. Try not to nag him or make him feel trapped because you need him so much. This will do two things...it will make him less defensive...and it will prepare you to be ok if he does decide to leave. I hope I didn't rattle on too much...I just know where you are in your marriage...I understand it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petula Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,499 Content Per Day: 0.43 Reputation: 1,665 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/17/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/31/1955 Share Posted June 8, 2015 The Worthy family has given you great advice,the only thing I want to add is are you being abused ,physicalyy ,from what you've said I believe you are being abused mentally and emotionally,probably financially. There are domestic violence councillors or phone numbers in most countries ,I believe ,please pray about whether you should ring one they will be happy to talk to you . I didn't even know I was experiencing abuse ,I would have 'accidents' if I did something wrong,and he was an elder and devoted christian, and a 'good' husband . Praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godlovesme Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 26 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 20 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/09/2013 Status: Offline Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 Thanks everyone, He is not physically abusive and yes he is my husband and he is a Christian. he won't do counseling and just says to be happy. Easy enough said then done but for the most part I keep myself so busy with work and hobbies that I can bare through the loneliness. I'm far from needy , been doing pretty much everything on my own if I have the physical and mental ability to do so and if I need or want something financially I figure out how to make it happen. Im actually fine most days until we cross paths and then reminded how alone I am in this marriage. i sing a lot of worship songs to drown out the negative thinking and keep trying to be positive even when it seems futile. I know it's emotional abuse/neglect and depression sneaks up on me from it, it's a vicious cycle. I know God is with me most days but some days I forget to look up and then the thoughts over take me. I think I'll seek out counseling for myself because I'm tired of feeling crazy. Thanks for the input and just being able to vent it helped greatly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.81 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2015 Thanks everyone, He is not physically abusive and yes he is my husband and he is a Christian. he won't do counseling and just says to be happy. Easy enough said then done but for the most part I keep myself so busy with work and hobbies that I can bare through the loneliness. I'm far from needy , been doing pretty much everything on my own if I have the physical and mental ability to do so and if I need or want something financially I figure out how to make it happen. Im actually fine most days until we cross paths and then reminded how alone I am in this marriage. i sing a lot of worship songs to drown out the negative thinking and keep trying to be positive even when it seems futile. I know it's emotional abuse/neglect and depression sneaks up on me from it, it's a vicious cycle. I know God is with me most days but some days I forget to look up and then the thoughts over take me. I think I'll seek out counseling for myself because I'm tired of feeling crazy. Thanks for the input and just being able to vent it helped greatly! He claims he is a Christian.A born again Christian man would not treat his wife the way this man is treating you.God be with you on this Godlovesme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,242 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 16,653 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2015 Praying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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