Why do some professing Christians seem cold?

[Willa]

The problem is not how much they love me, but how much do I love them?  God is teaching us to love and forgive, and to love as He does when we determine to love the unlovable and forgive the unforgivable.  

God started me in my Christian walk by showing me that I lacked God's love, 1 Cor. 13 type love, in my life.  I also had pushed people away to avoid being hurt.  And He was asking me to keep on loving even knowing that people would continue to hurt me and reject me.  We are told that people will treat us like they treated Christ, so we should expect that--even in the church.  We are all at different stages of Christian maturity, and we should be an example to the Christians who are less mature in this area.  

When we are hurt, it is the old man in us that is hurting.  It is our pride, our selfishness and even some self righteousness if we think we are better than they are..  These things have to die so that the Spirit of Christ can be seen in me.  No one said that the Christian life would be easy.  

 

Isa 53:3 WEB He was despised, and rejected by men; a man of suffering, and acquainted with disease. He was despised as one from whom men hide their face; and we didn’t respect him. Isa 53:4  Surely he has borne our sickness, and carried our suffering; yet we considered him plagued, struck by God, and afflicted. Isa 53:5  But he was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought our peace was on him; and by his wounds we are healed.

Isa 53:6  All we like sheep have gone astray. Everyone has turned to his own way; and Yahweh has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isa 53:7  He was oppressed, yet when he was afflicted he didn’t open his mouth. As a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and as a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he didn’t open his mouth. Isa 53:8  He was taken away by oppression and judgment; and as for his generation, who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living and stricken for the disobedience of my people?

Having said that, I have to agree that my father in law was much easier to love and forgive after he died.  While alive, he would just do some hateful thing again that I would struggle to forgive so I could try to love him.  But God was showing me my own arrogance and lack of love.  He sent the most unloving person into my life to show me my own sin.  I cannot love him.  Only Jesus could love him while being rejected and hated by him.  Thank You Jesus.  What I can't do, Jesus can do through me when I allow Him to live in me.

[BK1110]

Miss Muffet has the right of it, in my eyes. And I was one of them, for many years, raised in a Christian home, well-trained and read, too, and church every week...but it was not my faith, and so there was not love in my heart. There was pride, placing myself above others, not caring about their own spiritual state, unwilling to reach out. Praise God that He did not treat me the same and He continued to reach out to me until I learned my lesson. Many professing Christians are just that; they profess it, but do not live it. It has not changed them.

[Sister]

10 hours ago, Willa said:

The problem is not how much they love me, but how much do I love them?  God is teaching us to love and forgive, and to love as He does when we determine to love the unlovable and forgive the unforgivable.  

God started me in my Christian walk by showing me that I lacked God's love, 1 Cor. 13 type love, in my life.  I also had pushed people away to avoid being hurt.  And He was asking me to keep on loving even knowing that people would continue to hurt me and reject me.  We are told that people will treat us like they treated Christ, so we should expect that--even in the church.  We are all at different stages of Christian maturity, and we should be an example to the Christians who are less mature in this area.  

When we are hurt, it is the old man in us that is hurting.  It is our pride, our selfishness and even some self righteousness if we think we are better than they are..  These things have to die so that the Spirit of Christ can be seen in me.  No one said that the Christian life would be easy.  

 

Isa 53:3 WEB He was despised, and rejected by men; a man of suffering, and acquainted with disease. He was despised as one from whom men hide their face; and we didn’t respect him. Isa 53:4  Surely he has borne our sickness, and carried our suffering; yet we considered him plagued, struck by God, and afflicted. Isa 53:5  But he was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought our peace was on him; and by his wounds we are healed.

Isa 53:6  All we like sheep have gone astray. Everyone has turned to his own way; and Yahweh has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isa 53:7  He was oppressed, yet when he was afflicted he didn’t open his mouth. As a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and as a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he didn’t open his mouth. Isa 53:8  He was taken away by oppression and judgment; and as for his generation, who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living and stricken for the disobedience of my people?

Having said that, I have to agree that my father in law was much easier to love and forgive after he died.  While alive, he would just do some hateful thing again that I would struggle to forgive so I could try to love him.  But God was showing me my own arrogance and lack of love.  He sent the most unloving person into my life to show me my own sin.  I cannot love him.  Only Jesus could love him while being rejected and hated by him.  Thank You Jesus.  What I can't do, Jesus can do through me when I allow Him to live in me.

Wise words Willa

I can relate to all of that.

[Gemstone777]

19 hours ago, 4LdKHVCzRDj2 said:

I agree with all of what you said.  These are similar things that I am reminded of when I get to feeling that way.  I know we can't base our decisions on our feelings, or we wouldn't fulfill God's purpose for us in furthering the Gospel.  Thank you for the reminders!

 

[Gemstone777]

On 7/19/2017 at 5:29 AM, JesusGivesLifeMeaning said:

Because many have not "died to self" yet in their Christian walk.

That is very true.  Selfishness is the enemy of loving.  Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.  

[Gemstone777]

22 hours ago, AFlameOfFire said:

love of many shall wax cold.

Yes, I think that is exactly what we are seeing.  I definitely think it applies.  Thanks for the reminder!

[Gemstone777]

23 hours ago, 4LdKHVCzRDj2 said:

I experienced similar feelings. The answer I found is that I should love them and treat them the way I would like to be treated, expecting nothing good in return.

"For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?" - Matthew 5:46  

 

There will be people who will love me, there will be people who only show to love me, and there will be people who will hate me explicitly.

"But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you,
do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you" - Matthew 5:44

 

On 7/19/2017 at 1:51 AM, gemstone777 said:

This is making me want to pull away from others and become a hermit.

"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden." - Matthew 5:14

 

But God loves me, and He loves you too. Thank God!

I agree about loving the unlovable, and I do try to treat the people that are unloving with love.  I definitely don't want to repay evil with evil. (Romans 12:17; 1 Peter 3:9)  Just because others actions make me "feel" like being a hermit doesn't mean I will or keep my love from others.

Thanks for the Matthew 5:14 reference! But Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.  But woe to the one who falls where there is not another to lift him up.  We were created for relationships, and we need authentic friendships.  In the church it is sometimes much harder than it should be to establish these kind of relationships and that is the issue I am bringing to light.   

If someone is your enemy/unlovable yes we are still supposed to love them, but that doesn't mean include them as a close friend.  Our brothers/sisters in Christ are supposed to be our "family."  If they are unloving, unkind, and not supportive it's hard to establish genuine, close relationship with them.  This is a real problem in our churches, and I'm looking for real solutions.  

I believe this is serious because it hinders non-believers from wanting to accept Christ, and it causes a lot of hurt and sometimes even disunity in the body of believers.  Thank you for reminding me that God loves me!  Yes He does!  All of this has made me much closer to Him, so that's a positive.  Thanks for sharing your heart!

Edited July 20, 2017 by gemstone777

[Gemstone777]

21 hours ago, Yowm said:

Sounds like a fulfillment of prophecy...

Very true!  I am an optimist, and I guess it's just hard to see the lack of love, especially in our churches.  Thanks for sharing!

[Neighbor]

Great thread! Many a honest plead of the situation many feel they are in today.

 I too have those "feelings", and it is hard to find fellowship as I age evermore.  Yet fellowship is there, and caring saints in Christ do pray for me by name near daily! I know of the prayers for my well being, even in the lonelier of times.

Seems to me the Psalmists have that common trait too. It shows in their plea to God  out of a sense of being alone and separated- a loneliness of even soul at times.

The fellowship  with saints, it seems superficial and perhaps it is , except when saints do gather specifically for the protection of accountability, one with another in prayer groups. That is perhaps where real friendship is to be found, at least the most intense of fellowship and lifting may be therein.

Much of our local body of Christ's men get up at five on Friday's to then be ready to read pray, and meet at six AM. Our women gather  just a little later in the morning on Thursdays for similar  gathering and bonding. Tuesdays there is evening prayer gathering for  missionaries. And Sundays prior to services there is gathering for prayer for the presenters of information at services. There are  a few additional  gatherings but  the idea has been presented- I suggest these are the places of making strong friendships, not at the meet and greet handshaking sessions before a worship service, nor after services as people leave to go fill their bellies.

The volunteer projects those sign up sheets tell of, they too are the opportunities to  meet fellow saints and become close friends. None the less, loneliness will creep in come the day I slack off being part of active faith's errands. So, I suggest that when  the feeling of what the... happens it is time for me  personally to take it up a notch  get very active in service  as a soldier of Christ Jesus by doing some separate project some special interest thing that does fit into service to our creator. For it is His company  that I need most. Perhaps it is the same for others too.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Neighbor

[Gemstone777]

21 hours ago, enoob57 said:

Matthew 7:14 (KJV)

[14] Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

In this Christianity has also succumbed and the only correction is to walk outside of the worlds influence where The Holy Spirit can realign motives... The most important and continuous relationship we are to have is with The Father through The Son by the aid of The Holy Spirit. When this relationship is what it should be we are complete in Him and are not dependent upon others in anyway in said completion... thus I am now ready to be a friend to those who are messed up in their lives because they are not where I am!

Galatians 2:20 (KJV)

[20] I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

It cost our Lord ... it will also cost us. But The Lord warns us

Hebrews 10:38 (KJV)

[38] Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him.

To look upon the man who has the pleasure of The Lord in them is to see Jesus living His Life in them...
Love, Steven

Steven,  

Thank you for your heart felt insight.  I appreciate you taking the time to respond.  Yes, few find the gate.  I think that brings up another challenge that the lack of love sometimes exhibited in our churches create.  We are to test the spirits (1 John 4:1) to know if they are of God or not.  When people are not loving to others within the church is it a spiritual maturity issue, are they non believers "wolves in sheep's clothing," (Matthew 7:15,) etc.  Then it becomes hard to distinguish who your true brothers and sisters in Christ are.  I don't expect people to be perfect, we all make mistakes...even the most mature believers do.  Desiring people to be authentic and loving (the greatest 2 commandments...God and others) is obviously of the utmost importance and I think that's a good expectation/standard to have.  John 13:35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.  

You said in your above post, "When this relationship is what it should be we are complete in Him and are not dependent upon others in anyway in said completion."  I don't think wanting others to be loving makes us dependent upon them.  Desiring people to be loving is what God desires of them and us.  Not liking what sin has done to the world (lack of peace, love, unity, etc.) should make all believers sad, as I am sure it does our Father.  

Hebrews 10:38 is a good reference to not give up.  I don't plan on it! Galatians 6:9 is another good one... Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.   Just because I "feel" like being a hermit doesn't mean I will, but honestly sometimes I want to.  I was made for another world, this is not my home, and just thinking out loud I guess.  

Some things you said that I really liked is that the Holy spirit realigns motives is our hope, that our relationship with the Father/Jesus/Holy Spirit is priority, it will cost us a lot just like it did our Lord, and not to give up!   

Love in Christ, Gem