spouse vs friends

[LadyKay]

6 hours ago, Shilver1725 said:

so when i get married i cant be around any females without my wife around?

I guess that would depend on who you marry. My marriage is not like that at all. 

[LadyKay]

Nevermind 

[enoob57]

58 minutes ago, LadyKay said:

Looks like he should introduce his friend to his wife. As it seems she is just standing in the background while they are chatting away about the good old days. I would find it rude if my husband did that, and I would be asking him why he didn't introduce me. I could laugh along with them to the old stories too.  It is hard to tell by the story if this is just an issue with one person or is his wife like this with everyone. If she is like that with everyone I feel their marriage already has issues. We don't live in a bubble. And if you think your spouse is going to run off with everyone they talk too there is no way you are ever going to have a happy marriage. There is a lot that can be said about this. 

Your many words and now God's few

1 Corinthians 10:12 (KJV)

[12] Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.

I don't believe there's a human being alive that does not know the power of the draw in sexuality ... knowing this should we not build hedges that do not allow for it to find us unguarded?

[GandalfTheWise]

2 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

I've also heard of people who are so insanely  jealous the eventually  ccause their spouses to breakcaway fron all of their friends and the relationship becomes abusive 

That's a giant red flag to notice before getting married to someone like that.    If married to someone very jealous, it's going to take some marriage counseling to get things on track.  Neither of the two options will help in that situation.  Flaunting a friendship generates hard feelings;  following jealous wishes enables the jealousy even more and may just result in sneaking around.  The second frame of the cartoon is a clear warning sign that there is a fundamental weakness in the marriage (and it's not clear which side, or both, are the source).

 

9 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

Something that interested me in a sermon i heard. Tell me what you think. Whose advice would you think is more appropriate

 

Often the phrase "we're just friends" is the honest reaction of someone being drawn into in the first stages of what is called an emotional affair.  This is when (in this case) a husband starts slowly becoming more and more attracted to another woman.  This could be a colleague at work, someone on the same ministry team, a neighbor, an old friend, whoever.  It's a woman (who is genuinely a nice person) that he gets along well with and enjoys spending time with.  At some point, those feelings of attraction can grow into something much more than "friendship" and become infatuation, romantic love, and eventually, a strong intimate relationship that starts to compete with his marriage.   My impression is that the majority of affairs committed by Christians naively start out this way and slowly progress over time if not stopped.

It's best to nip these types of relationships in the bud before they become a menace to the marriage.  I don't think that this is a reason to never be around the opposite sex.  I think however that it is a reason to put limitations on those relationships that have the potential to grow.  

I make it a point to avoid being alone with other women in a physically isolated setting and I steer clear of intimate topics of conversation.

 

[LadyKay]

52 minutes ago, GandalfTheWise said:

That's a giant red flag to notice before getting married to someone like that.

Broke up with a boyfriend over this very thing. I was best friends with his sister. Which is how I met him. We started dating and strange as it is he became jealous of me spending time with his sister. We had to take him with us to go shopping or he would get mad. I had friends both male and female and he saw everyone as a threat. I put up with it for a bit thinking it would get better. It never did. It finely came to an end when he told me that I was to ask him for permission if I wanted to go somewhere with someone other then him, and to report to him where I am going, and what time I am going to be back. Well I was having none of that. I told him he was not my father, and maybe a few other things I don't remember and ended the relationship. 

The only good thing that came out of it was when we met, I got him to go to church with me. He did and got Saved. Then we broke up soon after, which makes me wonder if  God put us together knowing he would go to church with me and get Saved. As we had not much in common. He went on to meet someone else whom he married and I went on to meet the man that I married.  He still goes to the same church and we always stop and say "hey, hows it going" to one another when we run into each other.  If I would have married him I do not think it would have worked out for us. But in the end it seem to have worked out the way it was suppose to be. 

[ravindran]

10 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

Something that interested me in a sermon i heard. Tell me what you think. Whose advice would you think is more appropriate

After marriage, there should be nothing that can come between husband and wife. They have become one flesh. Even friendship. Today many couple create separation in their marriages in the name of "needing own space". Without realizing, the space keeps increasing and separates them forever. Loving couples should always strive to close the space as much as possible and not try to create space between them.

[LadyKay]

1 hour ago, GandalfTheWise said:

Often the phrase "we're just friends" is the honest reaction of someone being drawn into in the first stages of what is called an emotional affair.

Come to think of it. I really don't have any guy friends. And I would feel strange going out with a guy friend while living my husband at home. I think he would be okay with it but I would feel strange.  But I do have old friends from school who are guys that I may run into from time to time. If I am with my husband I would say "hey" then I introduce them to my husband.  If I was alone and they invited me out for something I would tell them "sure, and I will bring my husband along and you can meet him." But this is what I would do. I am not telling anyone else what they should do. Much depends on the kind of relationship you had with this person from your past.  Is this an old boyfriend/girlfriend? Or just an old classmate from school? I do not think there is a one right answer fits all for this sort of thing. 

If my husband told me he was going to go met an old girlfriend for coffee without me? Well I may not be very happy about that. 

[LadyKay]

10 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

Something that interested me in a sermon i heard. Tell me what you think. Whose advice would you think is more appropriate

Also going by the last picture where the husband is hanging out with his "friends". Where is his wife? Why is she at home alone and not hanging out with her husband and his friends? If this poor women gets left at home while he husband goes out with his friends every night, no wonder she feels the way she does. My husband has friends and we all hang out together. There is a lot to talk about here and a lot of questions. 

[Sinbad]

Well I think it's more than being just jealous it's more about controlling either spouse can be that however when two people decide to get married they most know each other very well if not it's a fairytale romance in which case it's open for disaster 

My own experience is enter into a relationship not to be told who you're friends will be etc. If there is no trust and suppiction then it will never work we both have friends off opposite sex colleagues people we grew up with however when I played in the band Jane would pick me up from the gig after it finished come inside this night a Lassie came up to me and said do you do lessons I said sorry I'm to busy with my business and Jane came over and said I don't think she was wanting banjo lessons ? all I'm saying is know your intended spouse before your married not after 

[Running Gator]

4 hours ago, Neighbor said:

No, what you can't do is ever put yourself into a situation that makes fodder for gossip by anyone nor hurts your spouse. 

The problem here is that everything can be fodder for gossip.  I have seen people gossiped about because they were seen walking down the "beer" aisle at the grocery store.  Recently at a church I used to attend one of the deacons had rumors of a gay tryst due to the amount of time he spends with a male friend.    

Quote

One way is to make sure you are never in a  "private" situation with  a person that could lead to the appearance of impropriety in the eyes of anyone period.

This is an impossible situation unless you never leave your house and never have anyone come to your house.